Don’t Know Much
I don’t know much about American Girl Dolls.
I know way too much about wresting matches that start on the couch
and end up on the floor and all the way down the hall.
I don’t know much about little pink dresses.
I know way too much about all of the episodes of Star Wars.
I don’t know much about hair bows.
I know way too much about friendly
(and not so friendly) competition.
I don’t know much about fingernail polish.
I know way too much about nerf gun wars.
I don’t know much about little purses.
I know way too much about toots.
I don’t know much about having leftovers.
I know way too much about toots at the lunch table.
I don’t know much about princesses.
I know way too much about toots-on-demand at the lunch table.
I don’t know much about ballet slippers.
I know way, way, way too much about toots-on-demand
at the lunch table that cause extreme excess laughter
and disrupt the quiet calm of what could be
a peaceful family lunch.
I don’t know much about how to make that problem go away.
I know way too much to even try
because if I did that that would prove that
I don’t know much.
Written with love on this day, October 2009 by the Heavenly Homemaker after deciding, “If I have to sit here and experience ONE MORE TOOT followed by gales of laughter at the lunch table I am SO gonna lose it.”
(It’s likely that someday a few years down the road when they all have homes of their own…I’m going to sit at my lunch table where it’s way too peaceful and quiet. Then I’ll sigh and think wistfully, “Oh if only they could be little once again and come toot at my table just one more time….”)
You crack me up! We have issues with that and burping on demand. It starts oh so young.
yes….I have been there.
Put a “toot” jar on the lunch table and charge for each toot. ha!
lol
I hear ya!!!
Its the only thing that keeps me sane at the toot-filled lunch table- knowing how bad I will want them back! ;-)
Laughing out loud this late at night is not good! I could wake the little ones. But, oh, my what a great poem and yes, I agree, that perhaps SOMEday, you will look back on this time wistfully. Perhaps.
OH, this is SO funny. Laura you are always able to make me smile. With two boys, 4 and 1, and the 4 year old already getting fits of laughter from his 1 year old brother when he burps at the table, I guess I need to be prepared. It could be, and probably will get, worse.
~chuckling~
I read your blog all the time and love it. I usually don’t comment, but had to today. As a fellow mom of four boys, I am right there with ya! I think the first word my four year old learned how to spell was F-A-R-T!
I have two boys, a 3 year old and an 8 month old, and the toots already get a laugh around here. I might add that my hubby’s barely disguised chuckles don’t help much. What is it with males and bathroom humor?
Ahhh Laura, I gather you don’t paint your toenails, and fingernails?
Wait till the food fights start lol.
Just a thought… maybe your husband can sit the boys down and discuss what IS acceptable and not acceptable at the LUNCH or DINNER table.(and breakfast.. you know how kids are if you aren’t specific) And if they continue there are consequences.
There’s a time and place for *tooting* noises, etc and the table is not one.
this was funny Laura.
I concur!!! We have 3 tooters and one princess…so, poor girl, she knows WAY too much about it already! Love boys!! :-)
I have three little men. This hasn’t started yet, but they are only 6, 4 1/2, and 3. Maybe I haven’t gotten there yet. This did make me laugh, though.
We had a similar problem such as this several years ago with our four children (1 girl/3 boys). One time we were discussing “table manners” while their aunt and uncle were visiting. The aunt and uncle have 3 grown children and they shared their rule: If you make “noises” at the table, you do the dishes that evening. You’d be amazed at how quickly those noises subsided!! They also mentioned that their youngest son (who is now 23) did the dishes a LOT!
At our house, we know lots about hair bows and pink dresses, and we STILL get toots and burps on demand! She’s *ahem* such a girly-girl?
I know what you mean…I have 4 boys ages 12, 10, 7 and 3 and one girl that’s only 4. Our house is filled with boy sounds, smells, and physical contact, 24/7. :)
~ you gotta love boys ~
So funny, Laura. My son started getting a kick out of this before he even turned three. We were sitting at the dinner table at my parents’ house and he proudly announced, “I did a gas!” We’re still working on this.
Hahaha!!! Thank you for the chuckle this morning!
TREASURE these times hon, because before you know it, they will be gone and have babies of their own who toot at their tables!! :)
Before I knew it my babies are now 31, 28, 23, and 20!! TREASURE these times! :)
I absolutely ENJOY reading your blogs!!!
Have a BLESSED Day!!!
This was HYSTERICAL. For the record, I have two girls and two boys, and I know way too much about what we term “potty words.” Anything involving body noises or bathrooms is a total hoot around here.
Blessings.
Oh Laura, I wouldn’t even try to change what you have. This in its own right is precious especially (like the previous posters said) with time passing so quickly and your children only being young for just a short while.
How I laughed when I read this – it’s what happens here too.
Blessings to you,
Mary
Teehee… boys, boys, boys… no matter how old they get… so might as well enjoy them.
I had two girls so I was used to pink,lace,frills and all thing “girly”. Then my dh and I had two boys back to back. I have learned about mighty machines, superheroes and exatctly what the distance between the couch and the coffee table is.
I wouldn’thave it any other way though!
You crack me up! In our house I actually think my daughter likes the ‘toots’ more than her big brothers! She’s two and after she lets one rip, she looks over and says, “That was me!” Aren’t kids great?
This is GREAT! Thank you so much for helping me laugh. It is a great refocus. I will try really hard to remember this poem the next time something is going on where I am about to lose it! :)
What are you talking about!!!! My girls who have American Girl Dolls and painted fingers and toes LOVE the word and sound toot. Oh my. Its not just the boys…trust me. :)
Hilarious! But – I have 3 girls and 1 boy and the girls can hold their own in a tooting war anyday of the week! We called our son the “World’s Largest Source of Natural Gas” (and threatened to have a tee shirt made with that logo on it) for years and now little sister has been crowned the new “Largest Source” — just thought you’d like to know, it’s not just boys :)
Love this! I have 2 boys, 3 and 19 months, and they think they’re so funny now, I can only imagine as they get older. I told my husband about your poem and he was amazed someone else called it “toots” as he thought I was crazy and no one else would use that word. Glad to see I’m not the only one, it seems like the most polite word I could find.
Thank you so much for the joy and laughter you brought through this poem! Our three boys are still a bit young, but I can imagine they will be blessing me with the same sentiments very soon (I just hope they aren’t too smelly). Blessings.
I am sure that they would still be able to toot on demand, even at a grown age – especially if they are like my brothers. Fortunately my boys have yet to figure out how to make themselves toot. And my daughter toots way to much on accident.
Oh yes – I can *so* relate…. :)
My 3 year old and not even 2 year old boys think that “toot”, “buns”, and “naked” are about the most hilarious words on the planet. And the sound of a toot…oh my. When one goes, the other tries to toot back. Apparently it doesn’t get any better with age? :)
Okay, I just came across this post today while I was reading all about Laura. And yes, it made me laugh out loud also! I grew up with 3 younger brothers (and a Dad) and I can so relate to this scenario. Now I have many nephews (and nieces) and our large family gatherings can be just as riotous at times!
When I married, my husband introduced me to a new word: ‘phoot’ (rhymes with ‘toot’ – was going to spell it ‘foot’ but realized that was a different word, and smell ;). And of course my family thinks that’s a hilarious word too.
Love reading your blog!