Why? Why do we do it to ourselves?
We’re all just moms.
Why do we think (even though we know better) that all the other moms have everything under control, all of the time? Why do we see messes in our own homes and feel badly because the other moms surely never have messes like the ones we have? Or at least not as often as we do? Why do we sometimes feel like a failure when our kids don’t obey…again?
Why do we sometimes feel like we aren’t doing a good enough job? Why do we think that our kids are the only ones who throw fits?
Why does it seem like my children are the only ones who haven’t learned to put their games away before they get out another toy to play with?
Haven’t I trained them well enough? Haven’t I told them the same things over and over again?
Do any of these thoughts go through your head when you and your kids are having a bad day? Do you tend to assume that your kids are the only ones that (fill in the blank)?
As a real mom, I’m here to tell you that there are many times that:
- My kids don’t obey me the first time.
- My floor has toys all over the place (mixed in with dirt and dust bunnies).
- My kids have boogers on the end their fingers and they just don’t seem to know what to do with them.
- Nobody can find matching and/or clean socks.
- My kids would rather not change their clothes.
- My kids want to argue with me.
- My kids fight with each other.
- No one (but me) can see the junk under the dresser that needs to be picked up.
- My bathrooms smell like pee. (C’mon boys…learn to aim already.)
When those things happen, I can second guess myself and the fact that I really am doing a good job with this mothering/homemaking thing God has called me to do.
I can feel like I’m failing at the most important job I’ve been given, second to being my husband’s help meet, but of course sometimes I’m really struggling with that one too.
And I feel like everyone else must be doing a much better job than I am.
And that surely none of the other Christian wives and mothers out there feel this way. Because the other Christian wives and mothers surely never get frustrated or behind on their work or overwhelmed. Because the other Christian wives and mothers are all more organized than I am and probably pray more than I do and train their kids better than I do and have a meek and quiet spirit and always have a gentle answer for their precious little ones.
Yeah…it’s all a lie.
A big fat juicy lie (with a booger on top).
We are not alone.
Our job is a work in progress. Continually. All the time. Forever and ever amen.
The training and the loving and the nurturing and the cleaning and the crying and the praying…it’s continual.
We train and we work and we pray and we just keep doing it. Day after day.
Guess what Moms? That’s what ALL of us are doing. Day after day.
Training children to be like Jesus is the hardest job on this earth. Training them to be like Jesus in the middle of trying to grow to be like Jesus ourselves….
Yeah, Satan doesn’t like that very much.
That’s why he makes it so hard. He doesn’t want to us to succeed.
And he really wants you to think that you are the only one who is struggling.
So, if you are a real mom – the kind that has imperfect children and an imperfect home? The kind that is working really, really hard to train your children to be like Jesus. The kind that has a hard time keeping up with every single thing that needs to be done every single day. The kind that is plugging away and striving to be Godly, but not quite reaching perfection.
The kind of mom that relies continually on the grace of God and on His loving mercy.
Won’t you please join me in acknowledging this battle we’re in together?
I’d love it if all us real moms would please leave a comment here on this post. Even if all you do is sign your name. Or simply say, “Yes, I’m a real mom.”
Or, if you’re really feeling brave – go ahead and tell us about your latest parenting/homemaking struggle. Because we’ve all been there done that (or if we haven’t yet…we probably will tomorrow).
And then the next time any real mom out there is having a bad day or needs a little reassurance –
She can come here to this post and be reminded by the list of all of us other real moms that she is a part of a community of other women doing many of the same things she is doing everyday. And struggling with many of the same things she is struggling with day after day….
And we’ll all know that we are not alone.
From one real mom to another…Thank You.
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Want more peace in your parenting? After 20 years of parenting and learning the hard way about truly trusting God with my four children, I wrote the Prayer Mugs. Please join me in enjoying the true peace that God offers as we raise our children!
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I am a real mom-I have a play room you can’t walk in, 20 loads of laundry to do (seriously, I counted), and a to do list a mile long. Most days my girls fight more than they play and seem to never hear my voice when I say no. I, too, struggle with feeling like the only SAHM that doesn’t have it together. I just try to do my best and pray a lot!
hrm. I don’t stand by my convictions and most times have found that I do what is easier and argue with a child. I can get played like a fiddle because I don’t do what I know I am supposed to do. Don’t open my mouth to engage a defiant child in an argument. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me because I feel the guilt as the words come out of my mouth – yet, I still do it.
I am on a quest to learn to just SHUT MY MOUTH and leave well enough alone and live my convictions. After all, how can I insist anyone else do it if I don’t?
I’m going to pretend you wrote this entire post JUST for me. You KNOW I need it – every day. :-)
We actually had a pretty good day today… but…
I did have ONE moment this afternoon when I was trying to get them to help me clean up our back patio… and no one was listening the way I wanted them to, and I started to YELL really LOUDLY (almost scream). And then I realized… um, I’m OUTSIDE. Which means my neighbors might be able to actually HEAR me yelling at my kids. I stopped mid-scream and the kids looked at me… and then everyone scrambled to help FAST because they could tell I was trying not to explode. I stopped and took a few deep breaths, and managed to NOT YELL at them for the rest of the task.
Of course I made up for the NOT YELLING a little later when I discovered scissors and glue stick and cut up paper all over my office desk. I’m afraid yelling happened THEN.
But other than THAT, it was a really good day!! :-)
And I’m going to try to NOT YELL as much… that’s my main 2010 parenting goal.
I am a real mom. Yesterday…my house was already a mess. But I got sick…very sick and very dehydrated. I passed out in front of my kids. My first thought as I came to was “Don’t call 911…the house is a mess and they can’t see it like this!” Luckily, they called my husband…who called a doctor friend. I got a LOT of liquids, and am feeling much better tonight. But two days off for mom and my house looks like a bomb exploded. Sure, the kids have chores, but if I don’t force them to do them…they have schoolwork, but they only do half if I am not watching…they ate cereal for three meals in the last two days, even though they can cook. And I can tell exactly what they ate and did by the messes that are around. They can’t seem to get along, and have argued loudly, but I was too week to deal with it. I struggled to be heard, but it did no good. So I pray. And will clean another day. And will continue to struggle to teach them to cherish each other as precious gifts from God who will do more to teach them to be like Christ than anything else could. And will trust that God made no mistake in giving these kids to me to raise. He thought I could do it. So I will. With Him and because of Him.
I am a real mom…I have a boys’ bathroom to prove it! Bless your heart for the reminder!
I am a real mom. My home looks like a bomb went off more often that not, like Morgan, you can’t get into our playroon, my 7 yo has worn my socks to school because his were scattered around the house instead of being washed, my 4 yo rarely wears underwear because he doesn’t like it and most days I don’t force him into it…. shall I go on?! My girls are growing into wonderful young women though, and it gives me hope for them and their brothers, in spite of their mother!
I am a real mom – I struggle every day – Just read my latest blog post to see some of my more recent issues…. I thank you for posting this as I really needed a reminder.
Thank you, because I NEEDED this today. Yesterday was great! I didn’t yell as much as I usually do. Today was a different story, partly my fault just to tired! Our four fight, whine and tattle tell on each other so much some days I just can’t take it. Our carpet looks so gross I don’t like a lot of people coming in.It is a losing battle w/ 6 people(4 make the biggest mess) and a dog. I hear you about the bathroom I have 3 boys I feel sorry that my daughter has to share a bathroom w/ them. I would like to know how you could possibly pee on the BACK part of the toilet down by the floor. I could clean it everyday and it would still be like that. SO YES I’M A REAL MOM!!!! I will save this post to remind myself of this and forward it to all my REAL MOM friends!
Yes, I’m a real mom too. I have a boys’ bathroom that smells like pee, 3 baskets of laundry in my living room (it’s clean thankfully, but my husband washed it because I didn’t get to it), and I feel overwhelmed a good bit trying to adjust to 3 kiddos while managing 3 home businesses. You know what? I needed this post today though, so thank you very much. I really appreciate it.
Oh my, this is a very timely post for me. I put myself under so much pressure because I think I’m the only one that can’t get it right all the time. But that is SUCH a big fat juicy lie with a booger on top!!! LOL! THANK YOU for the encouragement… I’m bookmarking this post.
I am a real mom. I yell- a lot. I am working on it, but I usually forget. I am so grateful that this week when my husband is gone on business travel for SIX days in a row (I am not used to that) the Lord has strengthened me to bear the burden of single parenting! But I am still a real mom. I am in awe at moms who do this sort of thing regularly!
Real mom – present and accounted for! And, thankful for your post that reminds me that I’m not the Lone Ranger.
I am DEFINITELY a real mom! Thanks for the encouraging post, Laura. I am pretty sure I did notice my 3.5 yo with her finger up her nose today. I certainly did see her running around naked for a bit after she had a surprise potty accident on my oriental rug. ;) And then witnessed an ugly 6 yo tantrum (because I threw a change of plans at her, though it was a good change, at the end of a long day… she got over it after she got “the look” though. :)
Thank you for posting this. I find comfort in knowing that I’m not the only mom who is often disappointed by my children’s behavior or my own attitudes. My middle daughter (just turned 3) is in the process of being diagnosed, most likely with autism. I find myself wishing the Lord would take this trial away-that I am not strong enough for this. But I do believe HE is strong enough and His grace is sufficient.
As a side note, I am from Nebraska (my family still lives there) so I am often blessed by your blog posts and the way they remind me of home. :)
You have no idea how good it was to read this and then to read all the other comments!! Oh boy, am I a real mom! Thank you so much for this post. I have been particularly overwhelmed this week and I think the kids can sense it because they’ve been particularly awful.
Great timing for this! I’m a real mom with sewing project “stuff” on the dining room table, a kitchen floor desperately in need of mopping, clothes that are clean but still need to be put in those drawers, no idea what we’re having for dinner tomorrow night, ….
I am a REAL mom for 27 years now.Daughters 27, 19, and 16 remind me daily that I am for sure still am amd always will be a REAL MOM!
I am a real mom too! It sounds like a lot of moms needed to read this post today – It was the perfect time for me! =) I have a 7 month old and we are struggling with bed time. Tonight, after my failed attempt to put my son to bed, my husband rocked him while he screamed and I… took a bath! That’s right, a nice long soak. I shaved my legs. And then after my bath, I put lotion on. It was wonderful and just what I needed! Thank you to my husband, who is my perfect teammate! I couldn’t do it with out him!!
Real mom here. My biggest issues right now are a) feeling like I’m running a marathon at sprint pace–I work outside the home and it is just non.stop. from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed (I should be grading right now). So time management is a huge issue (what am I doing on the internet with work to do??) and b) my oldest has hit “annoying boy” stage (picking on his sister, goofy voices, all the things the boys did to get eye rolls in late elementary school), and I don’t know how to coach him through it…or lose my sanity!
I’m not even a mom yet, but I struggle with being a homemaker and good wife. Thank you for this post and being real with us. It makes me feel better to know that I’m not all alone when I struggle with home and family.
I too needed this post. I am a real mom. It is so encouraging to hear that others struggle with the same issues. I am a mother to an almost 2 yo girl and a just turned 3 yo boy. I was alone with them this summer while my husband commercial fished for 4 months and was gone for a month at a time. I felt like I was just getting by. With piles and lists of things to be done and feeling like I was getting nothing accomplished. I am so thankful to have found this website. It is so uplifting for me. Thank you.
I wish I could hug you right now. Thank you for this post. It gave me permission to let go of my expectations, and be a ‘real mom’ today.
I am a real Mom! I have 4 children ages 24, 21, 17 and 15. And even though mine are older, they still test my patience daily. I also provide daycare to a 4 year old and a 1 year old who remind me of just how far my children have come over the years and sometime I wish it doesn’t.
On any given day, you can find toys, bottles, clothing, i-pods, ringing cell phones, tons of laundry and a sink full of dishes to wash. And I love every minute of it! Even when I am at my wits end with my teenagers, I couldn’t imagine any greater gift than my children.
One of the best blog posts I’ve ever read, and I have read a lot of posts!!
c’mon real moms, lets get real! Thank you, Laura, for taking the lead.
What an encouragement you are.
Thank goodness for all of you out in blog land who aren’t pretending!
Struggle: being on the same page as my husband when it comes to parenting… and knowing that it’s my calling to submit to his leadership with the kids.
Thank you. Today was a day I really needed to hear this.
yep, I found myself apologizing for my mess of house today to a neighbor’s 3 yr old who had come over to play. I just want to get the house cleaned up for Christmas, but I’m not sure if we’ll accomplish it. I am forever behind on everything I need to do, overwhelmed, impatient with my 4 kids and on the computer way too much.
I am always relieved to discover I’m not alone.
I am a real mom who is crying to hard towrite any more.
thank you for this post. we are not alone, and i’m a real mom
Another Real Mom here with six Real Kids …instead of the Perfect Sanctified Christian Family I had imagined would follow when I married Mr. Right Christian. hahaha
…at the moment I’m smiling instead of crying about it – and everyone else is in bed, so there’s no one to yell at… =)
It’s 2 hours past my thyroid’s bedtime, so I’ll not attempt any more explanation than that!
Thanks, Laura!
Another Real Mom to add to this long list. My kids are 23 and 20. And I hate to tell you moms of young kids, the Real Mom syndrome doesn’t feel much better even with older children. It sure is interesting the misconceptions that we all have–that everyone else is doing it better and having a serene old time while they do it. My husband and I went through a lot to have our childre–lots of miscarriages–and once we had the first child I felt so guilty because my frequent mantra was “but I don’t like this, it’s not fun like I thought it would be”. And oh my, the guilt I’ve had about so many feelings. How great it would have been to hear from some Real Moms. There’s POWER in the truth–you know, how it sets us free :}
I am so a real mom. I have one almost 2 yo son. He’s my only child, but his defiance leaves me stunned at times. Oh yeah… I want to bang my head against the wall. :)
I was finally able to clean my house a week or so ago. Before that, I honestly can’t remember how long it had been. We have 4 cats, and there were some dust bunnies for sure. Like you say though, it’s continual, and I need to clean again already.
My table is covered with recipe binders, as I TRY to get some sort of shopping list and menu plan in place. I don’t know when I’ll get back to that. Maybe next year? :)
Thanks so much for this post, and for all the comments that make me feel so much better.
I am a real mom.
I loved this, it is just what I needed today after a good cry earlier from feeling overwhelmed by it all. It was a good reminder too that Satan doesn’t like what I am doing…now it is clearer why I have been having such a hard time, when right now I have been growing closer to the Lord!
Boo on Satan! Good thing God wins…and were on His team!
Thanks Laura!
Blessings and hope you have a relaxing Christmas! =)
tarena
Me too! Thanks for being real about this topic. It’s a hard job. Praise God I’ve got it. It helps me know how much I need His grace because I’m a sinner in need of my savior..every day.
YAY for Real MOMS!!! This post really helped in sooo many ways. This is my first year homeschooling and sometimes I wonder if I am actually “teaching” my kids. Which is pressure all on its own, that doesn’t include the cleaning of the house, preparing meals, my kids’ sport activities, and still trying to be a great military wife. However, I wouldn’t trade it for ANYTHING!!! I am truly blessed to be a real mom, and I thank God everyday for the blessing (even on those “I don’t wannna do this” day) =)
YEP!
I am a real mom too ! I decided years ago (my babies are 17 and 19 and still at home and I LOVE it !)to accept being UNPERFECT : waouh! what a change in my every day life ! My children often think they are in an hotel/restaurant at home, I make their laundry and ironing most of the time, I cook for them, BUT they say very often too they love being there in our home, coming back from an exhausting school or internship day and that is all that counts for me, providing a warm and confortable place for the ones I love !
Blessings
I had to leave a reply because when I go to the part in your post that said yours were the children with a booger on the end of their fingers wondering what to do with it- I thought wow! mine would have put it straight in their mouth without a second thought eeeewwwwww I am such a bad mum!
What a wonderful, uplifting post/ reminder. Thank you so much!!!
I am a real mom-yes my son still picks his nose and eats it, my daughter doesn’t like to bathe, my other daughter (20) takes naps and the third will eventually get it done. Whew thank you that was a load off. I am definitely not perfect either. Thank you.
Darla
Here in Australia I am a real MUM. Oh I could so relate to all of your post. Thanks for the encouragement- it is always so refreshing. I have so much ironing to do its amazing but you know what – the important stuff is done like hubbies work shirts and the kids uniforms. The rest can wait until it gets to the top of the priority list.
Julie
I guess I’m really a real mom!!! I heard a comment on the radio a few years ago by Dr. James Dobson. He said that some things take over 20 years for our children to learn. I’m still waiting, as my children are 18 and 14!
Sometimes it can be really frustrating when your teenagers fall short with habits that you’ve been trying to instill for so many years. Those years go so quickly and there’s so much to do in that time.
I try to think on those things that they have learned well(with God’s wonderful grace), like gratitude, for example.
This is such a great post. I always try and tell other moms about the areas I struggle in as a wife and mom from time to time. I believe that making you feel ALONE is one of Satan’s greatest tools!
I am a real mom who has had a basket of laundry to put away in my son’s room for 2 days AND I have 3 loads ready to be folded in the basement AS WE “SPEAK”!
I have a post on my blog from a few months back that tackled this same issue. http://angncrew.blogspot.com/2009/10/supermom-too-much-to-handle.html
I like many of you make it look on the outside that I can do it all but walk in the house and stay a while and you know it is all hangin on by threads.
We are in this together unless you have already given up
LOVE THIS!!! Thank you so much for this post, it is awesome and so very true.
Oh I am so a real mom. So many people think I have it together, but oh my, they need a hidden camera. Especially when all my children decided it’s best to scream and fight with eachother. Can’t we just all get along? *sigh*
Yahoo Laura,
I try to talk about this to friends who say they “never” yell at their kids and make dinner every night and clean all week long. That’s not me! I’m taking classes to get a nursing degree and meanwhile my husband is cooking and cleaning! The kids miss me and want to play games and hang out and I feel guilty for going back to school! Thank God my classes are over tomorrow and I have a long break untit the next batch.
This is a much needed topic. I’ve finally found other friends who do say they yell and don’t always clean and I feel a bit better about it. I mean, do we need to eat off of the floor boards? Who knew they even needed cleaned? :)
Well then… AMEN!!!
Yep, I’m a real mom of two sons. Lately my kindergartener has been going through a “needy” phase and I’m ashamed that my first instinct has been to basically tell him to get over it! Starting today I will hold him, hug him, and love on him to help him get through it. I love the encouragement you offer REAL moms and wives on your blog. Thanks for blessing my day!!
thank you so much for this refreshing and encouraging reminder. I am definitely a real mom…the to do list seems never ending and the kids are every bit as much of a work in progress as I am…thank God He’s not overwhelmed by all of that!!!
Real mom here who has to go put a band-aid on after tripping over 3 pairs of shoes and 4 hunting boots while running to the garage to start the car to drive her late kids to the bus. Thanks so much Laura!
Yes, I’m a real mom.
I am a real mom!
I’m a real mom. Last Sunday I told my husband I wasn’t his mother and I refused from now on to wake him up for church. After the baby’s early morning feeding, both the baby and I fell back asleep and didn’t wake up until 5 minutes after we were supposed to leave. We arrived at church late. My four year old had his coat half on, shoes untied and a poptart for breakfast. The baby was still in his pajamas with half a bottle in his seat. I didn’t wash my face and had an oreo truffle for breakfast in the car. Looks like I needed someone to wake ME up!
Real mom in the real world with a REAL big mess. :)
I am a real MOM! This post really was an encouragement to me. I am currently reading Creative Counterpart and I was convicted that I had my priorities a little messed up- Activities outside the home were sometimes going before my husband and 2 littles. I laid it before God and strived to do better. It is funny how satan works, b/c not 3 hours later I was given a very hard test! I am learning to say no to the outside and yes to my family. A very hard thing to do sometimes, especially as a military Mom with a often deployed husband and these “outside” things become much more important when he is gone. Thank you again for the reminder and only through HIM can we ever survive this journey :)
I am a real mom too! I always need to read posts like this one. It is easy to believe the lie and feel that so many others are doing it so much better than I am. Your blog is such an encouragement. And today’s a new day! The road is long and hard but great is His faithfulness, His mercies are new every day.
could not have come at a better time. I always feel behind, and now with the holidays wow.
Real mom here…thank you for that wonderful post, I really needed it!
I usually dont comment on blogs very much but this one was so great I just had too! THis is such a struggle for me and I am so glad you thought to write about it. I know it uplifted all who read it! Thanks Laura for sharing your heart about mothering!
Me too. His timing for your post was perfect for me as well. My husband just returned from deployment and instead of rejoicing, I’ve felt bogged down w/the house, a much opininated 10yr old son and my lack of ability to balance them all. My memory verse this week was from Hebrews, reminding me that we do have a high priest that can be touched w/our cares. Who commands us, even, to come boldly before God’s throne and receive His mercy and grace. I just try to work harder it seems, instead of accepting my imperfections and His grace.
OK, so since we’re confessing we have hardly done a scrap of school work since the start of November. Why so long? Well, first we were all will with the flu off and on for two weeks. Then we were out of town for a full week for Thanksgiving. The Thanksgiving trip ended with an emergency trip back home because my Gram was in ICU. She passed 2 days later, so then there was a week of funeral stuff…. and now it’s Christmas. Yeah, I don’t foresee school fitting back into the schedule until January! LOL
Yes, I am one of those real moms. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this, God’s timing is always perfect! We’ve really been struggling with disciplining our 3 year old, why didn’t anyone tell me the 3’s are SO MUCH HARDER than the 2’s? How does someone so little cause so much frustration? I’m on my knees more than ever right now, praying for grace and mercy and wisdom.
I’m with Jodi- the timing of this post was so good for me. Yesterday was a growing day for me, as I was having a hard time being patient with my two (5 years, 2 1/2 years). It’s amazing how reassuring it is to know that I’m not the only one who isn’t always completely thrilled with her children. Nor am I the only one who feels daunted by the tremendous task of raising these children to be God-loving, responsible, compassionate adults.
So encouraging to be reminded that there are other mom’s out their feeling overwhelmed with our calling sometimes too! Thanks for writing this, as the mom of 4 under 7, it is chaotic and tricky to teach and train and clean, and discipline, and wipe, and feed, and dress and play, and love and smile and clean and wipe some more and remain sane! I love my children and desire God’s best in their lives, and continue to pray for grace to respond in love rather than FREAK OUT! Thanks for your encouragement! Blessings
This was such a good way to begin my day (as my three boys were sleeping!) I needed to hear it. I struggle so much with trying to make the house (the boys, our meals, ME) look perfect. I really appreciated you writing that your bathrooms smelled like pee. Silly as it may sound, I am really having a hard time with that lately. I appreciate your candidness and honesty.
Blessings!
I love an honest blogger! It’s simple to edit out all the chaos to try and appear perfect. Laura, thanks for inspiring me to homeschool our children. If you can teach four boys I can teach one! (and one girl, but she’s a piece of cake) I love using the motivated mom’s planner you linked to also! My house has been clean since I bought it. I am a real Mom who just lost two family members and my husband’s workplace was burned down (thankfully he has another job). God won’t hand me more than I can take!!
ps….It’s high time for baby #3!
What an awesome post!
My name is Misty and I am a real mom…this is a wonderful reminder that so many other moms struggle as I do. Even if I don’t see it. Thank you, thank you, thank you! :)
Real mom here!!! Glad I’m not alone. I always feel like I just can’t get it all together.
Thank you so much for this post! I’m a real mom!
I am a real mom. Our home has gone from OCD clean to having toys scattered hither and yon in the last nine months. Every “rule” I’ve set up (one toy out at a time, never let an opportunity to train slip through the cracks, get dressed and fix my hair every morning…) has been smashed to smithereens. I now let my 8 month old eat puffs off of the floor, and for the first time in my adult life our toilets have rings around the bowls. And most of the time, I’m so discouraged I don’t even want to crack open my Bible. But everything in me wants to be the perfectly poised, gentle, submissive, coordinatingly dressed, hair fixed mother like all of the other mothers at church.
My name is Jayme. And I’m a real mom. With lots of mess…tears…and struggles too. But lots of joy too. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out…and something I am just so happy. Its a good thing the good outweighs the bad…but its sooo there. :)
I love you Laura. :)
i’m a real mom…learning how to manage 4 kids under the age of 5.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I needed this today. My latest struggles with being a SAHM include, but are not limited to, a just-turned-5 year old who thinks he’s 14, a 2 1/2 year old princess who cries and whines and throws a fit everytime she doesn’t get something or anytime I follow through, a 2 month old who is moody on cloudy days, a dog who is refusing to eat his food and is shedding all over my freshly vacuumed floor like it’s summertime, and a husband who comes home late 2-3 nights a weeks from a job in the mortgage industry (where pay is on commission and not steady AT ALL) and wants a warm dinner that meets his expectations in a clean house with all his clothes washed and ironed for the next day. I get the kids in bed and start washing dinner dishes, then he wants me to sit down and scratch his back and take care of him because “he hasn’t seen me all day.” MY NAME IS KIRSTEN AND I’M A REAL MOM!!! the ironic thing is a lot of my friends look at me and say “how do you do it?” “your children are so well behaved!” “you have it all together…I want that”
HA!
OK. So now I’m crying. I’m just recovering from a long illness where a good day was getting through our schoolwork. My children have been awesome cooking and cleaning, but let’s face it there’s only so much and 11 and 9 year old can do and even less for the four who are younger. Now that I’m back to caring what the house looks like and what we’re eating I have been feeling very overwhelmed and reading blogs where everyone always seems to have it together doesn’t help. Thank you so much for this blog. It’s nice to read it and the comments and realize that it’s not that I’m not perfect I’m just real.
THANK YOU!
What an encouagement. Thanks!
Thank you for this. I was beginning to think you were a saint and the ultimate wife and mother. :)I’ve been feeling like I can’t do anything right. I feel like I’m not feeding them the right food, or not teaching them the way I should. Satan sure does know what he’s doing. Thanks for reminding us that we’re all doing great. And that we are the best moms to raise our children.
I’m real. There are about 7 loads of laundry left to do and my husband is completely out of clean socks and clean underwear. I’m stopping by the store on my way home to pick up some new ones and will probably throw away his holey ones in the dirty stuff and call it even. =)
I’m a real mom too. There are days I have to ask my oldest daughter if she’s brushed her hair or her teeth. Brushing her teeth is not an issue with the youngest if the bathroom sink is an indicator. Yeah, I’m a real mom.
Hugs,
Melinda
Thank you for this encouraging post–from yet another real mom!!
Blessings!
This post is exactly what I needed. My name is Stacey and I am a real mom. I have 4 kids. 7 (w/ type 1 diabetes), 4, 2 and a 5 months old. I’m homeschooling. I have been feeling like a failure and like everyone else must have it more together than me. I really think you hit the nail on the head when you said “I can feel like I’m failing at the most important job I’ve been given.” I think THAT is why we are all so hard on ourselves…b/c it’s not about US! It affects 4 other people…it’s such a HUGE responsibility! How can we possibly do it adequately?! Satan is crafty. He knows how we all feel and that we are so tempted to be prideful and keep up the face of having it all together. How wonderful, powerful and encouraging when we are able to be transparent w/ one another. What a gift! Thank you for reminding us that we are all in the same boat and it’s OK. Thank you for reminding us that our strength is in JESUS! We can count on him to fill in the gaps and give us what we need to do the job that he has given us. Thank you again. What a blessing this post was to me today!!!!!!!!!
I’m a real mom too; thanks so much for this post. My house is a complete disaster, I’m still in my pajamas, I accomplished NOTHING yesterday because every time I left the room (even for two seconds) my children started fighting. I finally gave up on getting anything done, and sat and read stories for an hour. The clutter is driving me up the wall, and so are the children. (Did I just say that out loud?) And I feel like a failure as a wife, mother, and homemaker. And since I’m a SAHM, that pretty much makes me a failure in general, because that’s all I do. It’s been a very difficult season for me, and I’m sorry to dump all this here. But this post really helped me, to remember (or believe) that it isn’t just me, and I’m going to be ok. Thank-you.
AMEN! I’m so glad I checked your blog this a.m. What an encouragement to be a “real mom” today! Certainly a timely and likely Spirit-inspired post for of all us moms who feel the pressure to be “Supermom” this time of year! (Yes, dear, I know we STILL haven’t made our gingerbread house, and it’s entirely possible we won’t get to it … but life goes on!) Excuse me while I put another load in the washer, explain a math problem for the THIRD TIME this morning, and clean up the dog pee…
I am another real mom. I feel lucky to have a husband who looks at his wife (still in PJS) and the four children, the chaos, the waffles for dinner, the piles of laundry, and the dirty minivan and still encourages me that I am doing well.
I also had to give up the illusion that homeschooling would be the best choice for my school-LOVING daughters. :)
Right now I am still in PJs, the sick baby is napping, the laundry is 7 feet tall, there is Christmas wrap everywhere, and I just stopped my 3 year old from throwing chocolate chips to the birds. In his pjs. With bare feet. And breakfast on his face. And perhaps some snot. :)
And I am at the computer, so perhaps I see the solution.
Blessings!
Real mom here. Things I’m struggling with – my 2 1/2 yr old pulled the dresser and rocker in the middle of the floor so he could play with the CEILING FAN.
I’m most definitely a real mom. Thanks for the encouragement, and the reminders.
Thank you! I have been so discourage lately. I LOVE reading blogs… but the guilt that I feel after I read them has gotten to the point that my husband wants me to totally lay off the blogs. I never feel like I can do it all like most mothers who blog seem to accomplish. I read the blogs and then feel overwhelmed with the inadequacy.
It’s nice to know that you are normal and don’t spend all your time walking through your spotlessly clean house figuring out new ways to inspire your already saintly children to be even better, all the while effortlessly conquering laundry and dishes like they don’t exist. And then are ready to welcome home the perfect husband (who always is ready and willing to pitch in and “be there for you”) with a totally home cooked and very healthy meal. Afterward there is much love and hugging and never, never any fighting… lol!
Thanks again for letting me know that I am not abnormal in my messy house with a husband who loves to play video games and 4 year old daughters who believe my sole purpose is to be at their beck and call. :)
After reading your post I will say-Yes, I am a real mom! Thank you. I so needed to read this and know I am not the only one feeling and thinking these thoughts and feelings.
Sonia(who let the children eat chocalate with breakfast and really needs to start school now LOL)
Its great to know that these issues are true for so many of us. I am a working mother, who would love to be at home with my little boy. I often find myself feeling like, if only I were home full time, this, that, and the other wouldn’t be a problem and my house would be cleaner, more organized, and my 2 year old would be less obstinant and wouldn’t talk back. But its comforting to know that stay at home moms have these issues too. And I remind myself that me not working would be very stressful financially and negatively affect my marriage. No amount of organization or toys being put away is worth that! This year for Hanukkah, I have let the tumblefur pile up a bit more, left a few more dishes is the sink, and done a little less laundry. But I’ve also had a beautifully decorated home, with all the light and joy of the season, and that miracles of Hanukkah seem so real to us!
Merry Christmas to you all! And thanks for sharing your humble moments with another REAL mom!
Yeah…real mom here, too. Always struggling with feeling behind, not good enough, failing my kids, failing my hubby … This was a timely post for me, thank you so much!
Just another real Mom here – thanks for the encouragement, all!
Amen!
Real mom, right here! I have 6 yr old twins, a 2yr old, and a 1 yr old. All girls! I am a SAHM, which I love! I just never feel like there is enough time in my day, glad to know I am not the only one!
Yes I am a real mom and I needed this today!
Thank You!
I’m a real Mom who really needed this post. Thanks Laura!!!!
How did you know just what I was feeling this morning when I fell into a pile of laundry after the umpteenth power struggle with my 3yr old powerhouse? Yep, keeping it real around here (with boogers on top).
Yep….a real mom here, too. Thanks for this post!
i always feel this way when i am in walmart and my 18 month old is throwing a fit and everyone around me looks at me like im a terrible mother. thank you for posting this.
My name is Erica and I’m a real mom too. I just love this blog Laura and have learned so much from you, and am still learning. I have three girls, 10, 8, and just turned 7. They are wonderful but can be a handful. I’m a stay at home mom who also has pretty bad arthritis. I try very hard to make all of our meals from scratch and keep a clean house and take care of all my girls needs but it is very hard at times, so hearing this really is what I needed to hear. That I’m not alone. We made christmas cookies on a snow day last week togeather and my youngest told me when I tucked her in bed at night ” I loved making cookies with you today mom.” At the end of the day after all of the stress and chaos, hearing little words like that just makes it all melt away and lets me know I’m still doing a good job.Thanks for such a wonderful blog Laura. I wish I could meet you in person one day. You are such an inspiration.
Thanks for this post! And I am a REAL mother (too)!!
Loved your comments! Mine are similar!
I too am a real (newish) mom. My son is only 6 months old, but I can’t for the life of me get his napping schedule quite right, so lately our days have been filled with fussy baby and tired/frustrated mommy. Thank you so much for this post!!! LOVE your blog!
I’m amazed that I found your site today. I have had the worst week with my everything. I have felt exactly like what you descried on your post. I have felt like I can do nothing well enough. I haven’t been able to figure out why I can’t keep up with everything that comes with a husband and 4 young kids. Thanks you for the post it made me feel a lot better.
I AM A REAL MOM!!! Thank you for such a wonderfully timed post. I’ll spare you the details, because I know you understand.
LADIES
I AM A REAL MOM!!! Thank you for such a wonderfully timed post. I’ll spare you the details, because I know you understand.
LADIES
Real mom here too! Our home is still being remodeled (it’s a 3 year project so far), we have no storage in this house and clutter up to our ears. Sometimes I just look around and think it would be much easier to just get the 5 kids, animals, and family pictures out of the house and then burn it to the ground. Then we could start over, with LESS stuff. My husband doesn’t like to be at home because it’s always chaotic and messy. I don’t feel like the kids are learning everything I wanted to accomplish this year. But I just don’t know how to juggle the school work, housework, office work for my husbands business, and all the other details of life. Add in my 92 yr old grandmother who has been sick and needing extra attention and help. And well, I really just want to throw my hands up and cry. And I do not have one of those supportive husbands who notices that I’m trying and tell me what a good job I’m doing. No, I have the kind that wants a detailed account of what I accomplished today, because he doesn’t see any progress and wants to know why it’s so hard to get everything done. HE could do it if he where the SAHM. Hmmm…don’t tempt me.
Thanks for reminding me that I’m not the only one who struggles with perfection.
Thank you! Amen! Preach on, sister! I am totally a real mom. My current struggle: preparing a mountain of food for my husband’s high school band, making gift baskets for his co-workers, and trying to pack for our family weekend. My house is a disaster. My children have watched WAY too much television, and I’m exhausted because I’m in my first trimester for baby #3. Ugh.
And yet, I know I am not alone. I know my family loves me, and I know I will survive. Thanks again.
I couldn’t have asked for a more timely entry on exactly how I’ve been feeling all morning! Raising boys is tough….thanks for a bit of encouragement this morning that I am NOT the only one out there who just doesn’t get it right all (or even most) of the time!
Thank you for that uplifting post Laura! What a great idea. Its like our own little “Support Group Session for Moms.”
I can certainly add my name to the “real mom list.” I work full time – 30 minutes from my home. I have a 21 year old college daughter who,… after 3 1/2 years of working towards her early childhood degree, has now decided she doesn’t really want to work with kids… and isn’t sure if she should finish or not… aghhhhh! She adds just lots of “mental stress” to my day. Luckily our 17 year old s easy mentally, but what a messy girl! A real pig pen! Also, there’s something about leaving the house just after daylight comes and getting home at dusk that makes me REALLY TIRED! I just commented to my husband’s sister the other day that I just can’t keep my head above the water. I can’t even get one of my household tasks done well enough that I feel I can breathe. There is always another load of laundry (of course, in that pile is the item we “have to have” the next morning and when its 9:30 p.m!), there are dishes to put away, litter boxes to empty, pets to feed, a wood stove to keep going, and that allows NO TIME for things like decorating, cooking special things, or Christmas shopping. There just aren’t enough hours in the day! Maybe what we’re all feeling is a litte bit of cabin fever! Too much inside time for all of us and not enough time away from household chores! I also always feel like I REALLY want to be a SAHM! That’s all I wanted to be when I grew up and I’ve yet to get to experience that! Maybe I’ll get to be a Stay At Home Grandma one of these days! LOL. Nice to see I’m not alone!
Wheww! I feel better..;)
I think I may just be too real! Thank you for this post; it was nice to be reminded I’m not alone in my struggles!
Love it! I am most definitely Real Mom! (and, now, am very proud to be one…Thanks Laura!) So glad to know my little guy isn’t the only one with booger-y fingers. ;) Really, how many boogers can one little nose produce?! And why ARE they so fascinating? Must be a boy thing!
God bless you, friend! How encouraging to know I am in the company of so many other Real Moms!
Yes, I have felt like this a lot before. I tend to compare myself to the other moms who I think are more spiritual, have it all together, have children that are more obedient, etc. I am getting better though. I know Satan loves to get us to feel lousy about ourselves or our kids. I have to remember that God made us all different with different gifts, abilities, temperaments, etc. Thanks for the reminder Laura!
I AM A REAL MOM!!! Thank you sooo much for this post, I really needed to hear those words from another Mother with 4 homeschooling children!
Your post came on a PERFECT day. I have been wallowing in the same feelings of guilt and being overwhelmed by life and kids as you described. This was a wonderful reminder and oh so comforting to know there are really good and well meaning women struggling with the same things I do! I’m not alone? Whew.
THANK YOU!!!
Real mom here that gets frustrated by all the things you said. Well, except that mine is that my 2yo refuses any potty training attempts! So instead of smelly bathroom, we have smells everywhere we go! :) Thanks Laura!!
Thank you for your post! I had a meltdown just last week where being the best mom was the beginning of the spiral that grew bigger and bigger until it was a tornado that gathered speed with the I’m fat thought, to I can’t provide enough at Christmas, to I’m sorry all I do is cry. I’m a real mom and it’s nice to know I’m not alone. Thank you for the reminder!
Thank you for this post.
I know this in my heart but like many of us, I get discouraged too and it is encouraging to hear again.
All for His glory!
I too am a REAL mom. I work outside of the home full-time and commute 45 mis. one way! I always feel like a failure even though my children are with my Mother. No help for you, but it is so comforting to know that you too struggle because as long as I’ve been reading your blog, I’ve wanted to be like you when I grow up (even though I’m older than you!)and still do.
Isn’t it disgusting that no matter how many times we clean the bathroom, toilet, around the toilet, etc. we leave it smelling fresh, nice…then THREE hours or sooner it smells like a public urinal again?? YUCK. Thank you for this post for those like me who feel like a failure, but Kuddos to you–you are awesome.
I am a REAL mom too – thanks for the post! Each night I pray that I go to bed the next night happy with how I handled my day. Usually I go to bed eager for morning so I can have another chance to make ammends or get something right. For example, if I’m short with my toddler, I feel horrible and just hope that the next day I’ll handle a similar situation with more grace.
Thank you so much for this post Laura! My husband and I were just having a very similar conversation last night. My 2 boys keep my house in a relative state of chaos and I’m just having trouble keeping up. I can totally relate to the bathroom smelling like pee too! I’ve added a step to my daily swish of the toilet bowl and swipe of the sink….a spray down of the floor around the toilet (or the wall as the case was this morning). Thank you for reassuring us that we’re not alone and that it’s ok.
Yes!!! (My hand is flying up and waving) I am a real mom. I have 5 kids, 4 boys, 1 girl all under the age of 12.
* My kids don’t obey me the first time. (check)
* My floor has toys all over the place (mixed in with dirt and dust bunnies). (check)
* My kids have boogers on the end their fingers and they just don’t seem to know what to do with them. (check)
* Nobody can find matching and/or clean socks. (all the time, check)
* My kids would rather not change their clothes.(check)
* My kids want to argue with me. (check)
* My kids fight with each other. (check)
* No one (but me) can see the junk under the dresser that needs to be picked up. (check)
* My bathrooms smell like pee. (C’mon boys…learn to aim already.) (oh yes, check)
Yep, must be a real mom.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I was always embarrassed by my “pee-smelling” bathroom! Now I know I’m not alone! Thank you, Laura! Real moms unite!
Thank you for this post. I am a real mum and a real wife. I love realising that I’m not alone. It gives me strength to continue and hope that I can live up to my own expectations.
Today’s doubts are over ironing as I wonder if anyone else has a husband who redoes the ironing because there always seems to be the tiniest crease somewhere.
I also had to share a painful confession this week. I still feel embarrassed and ashamed because it so shameful and I just feel that I’ve let my kids down. I’m not sure that other mums have this problem and I have no idea how my younger son can even ask what Christmas is about. Still I may be a real mum but I think I’m probably still a failure at it.
I’m definitely a real mom! My house is a mess more often than not :)
Thank you Laura for keeping it real. I am struggling right now with a teenager and chasing after a baby. I am worn out and most days want to cry because I feel like a failure. Thank you for reminding me that this is a work in progress and that I am still a work in progress.
This is one of the best blog reads I’ve had in some time. Thanks so much for posting this…
I am real mom – I know, because I passed your test, with one exception:
* My kids have boogers on the end their fingers and they just don’t seem to know what to do with them. *
Only my kiddos know what to do with them: wave them in your sister’s face, wipe them on the furniture, flick them at the driver while in the back seat, and the 3 year old often hides them in his mouth!!
Thanks for the wonderful post! You really made me smile about things I often feel stressed about!
I sweep it every day, but I haven’t wet-mopped my kitchen floor in 4 months. My children, however, know and love God, and know that their mom and dad love them forever no matter what. Way more important than a spotless floor! I’m a real mom!
Thank you!! I am a real mom with three little ones all age two and under, and yet I think that I need to have everything put together – I actually get disappointed in myself that I can’t seem to find time to clean my window blinds. How good is it to remember to “rely on the grace of God and his loving mercy”, and to put my dependence on him instead of my own shoulders! Thank you for the encouragement!
Oh, i am SO a REAL MOM!!!!! especially now with new little twins, i’m feeling it BAD! thanks for writing this!!!
Wow, that is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. Thank you for sharing this. I am a part-time stay at home mom of 3 (7, 2 and 6 months), and work 2 evenings a week. I don’t get much sleep, and when that catches up with me, watch out – here comes the mommy monster!! I had a day like that yesterday, and was feeling like a total failure as a mom. Thanks for the encouragement and the reminder of who it is that we’re really battling. But, our God is greater and He will provide just what we need to do His job, if we allow Him. Merry Christmas!
Boy did that feel good to read. God knew I needed to be reminded of that today. Sooooo nice to know that REAL moms go through that. I guess only the fake ones have it easy ;o)
Amen!! I can agree with your list entirely – especially the bathroom pee smell (ugh!) and the boogers – although several of my children think that the place to put that bugger is in their mouths, ACK! Thank you for the wonderful encouragement. I think when we only look at what people have blogged, facebooked, tweeted or bragged at church about, its really easy to get a lopsided view of everyone’s “perfect” lives. but you know what? I love my noisy, smelly, buggery, cluttery, IMperfect life with my boys and husband! I’m thankful to the Lord for them every single day. And that, I think, is what really matters most.
I am a real mom. And it’s nice to know I’m not alone. :)
My kitchen cabinets are smeared with jelly and I have no plan for getting to it.
My kitchen table is rarely clear.
When my kids have a booger on their fingers in the car I tell them to eat it.
(Here is a big one) I raise my voice at my children.
I am a real mom.
I’m a real mom! Just returned to work (almost) full-time after 11 years of being a SAHM (I’m enjoying my lunch break right now!). Not feeling very successful in keeping my head above water, but thanking God for his provisions. Here’s a bit of silly advice that always helps me: when you are feeling like a failure as a mom, just volunteer to help with other kids – Sunday school, school holiday party, etc. When you see almost every other child doing the same things yours do (or worse!) you can smile and keep it all in perspective!
I am a real mom who has crayon on her walls because the 3 big ones haven’t quite learned to pick up their crayons (even after being told a lot!) so the little one doesn’t get them. We are a homeschooling family of 4 kids aged 7 and under and my house is definitely messy more than it’s clean. My kids still argue with each other and me even though we are trying to train them not to. I get too grouchy when I don’t get enough sleep (which is too often). And I have the best job in the world!! I would much rather be doing this for my kids than someone else doing it while I go to work at a job I may or may not like. And we are in our pajamas A LOT! :-)
I’m a real mom, too! Thanks, Laura!
Real mom here. And I just linked back to you.
For starters, my house only looks completely clean if I drop EVERYTHING else and work on it for hours.
I often go to bed with dirty dishes in my sink, simply because I’m too tired and in desperate need of “me” time after all of the little people go to bed.
I put art above housekeeping, for sanity’s sake.
I’ve also been known to put art above history and/ or science on occasion, also in the name of sanity.
I teach, cook and bake in heels and dresses just for the heck of it. Because I’m me, regardless of whether that is “normal.”
My kids also like to dress up; my son has been wearing the same Halloween costume for three days. He takes a bath, and puts it right back on. And, yes, I know it’s December.
Wow! I am a real mom and it is overwhelmingly wonderful to know I’m not the only one! We should have a big playdate!!! My recent struggle is that I really would like to adopt and add to our brood, but I struggle with losing my temper sometimes. (That and the whole booger thing! haha!)
this could not have come at a better time!! thanks for the post! i am a real mom.
Sooooo true!
Ok Lord are you sure that 24 hours in one day is enough for what I need to get done……
We need to remember that the Lord gives us just enough time in one day for the tasks that HE wants us to achieve in that one day. The rest will be there!
For this REAL MOM, I am learning to believe this truth! I am striving to stay close to the Lord so that I know what I should be doing each day.
Now you are preaching, girlfriend!! Yes, I’m a real mom too. I can totally relate. Lately, it’s been a little harder since I’m working part-time temporary evening job to knock out some bills. Real moms rock!! Praise God for his mercies every day.
Love your post!
I’m a REAL mom with a precious five year old girl that has this week alone, fingerpainted all over her room with mustard, spread Vick’s vapor rub all over my new comforter and put toothpaste in her doll shoes. I am so encouraged by your post knowing I’m not alone and that this job is worth every minute I spend cleaning up after her.
I am a real mom! Thank you for posting this. I do often feel this way. I often feel as if other moms have it more together than me. Thanks!
This is very much needed. Thank you
Since I could have made that list myself I guess I am a real mom too. Thanks for making me feel not alone.
I’ll tell you what, my little girl (4 years old) has NO PROBLEM finding a place for her buggars. No she just does the deed, smiles, and says, “Yummy!” Gross.
I am a real mom. I am working so hard, but I get so discouraged. A few weeks ago I was listening to Family Life Today. Barbara Rainey was on talking about how hard it was when her kids were little, and how it felt like she had to keep fighting the same battles over and over. Whenever I hear her speak, her “real mom” identity comes through, and I think that if someone like that has struggles, then it’s okay that I’m having struggles, too.
Can you give me a real mom tip? What are some ideas for getting out the little boy wiggles during homeschool time? Phonics is pretty hard to teach to such a wiggle worm!
Thanks for this post!
I am totally a real mom and cannot for the life of me figure out how to teach my 3 young children good table manners. There’s always food all over their clothes when they’re done as well as on the floor. Other children just don’t seem to be as messy. BUT I do know that I’m trying……….and they are trying too.
Very Well Said, Laura!
I am a REAL Mom, too. But I can say that my kids are now grown and gone, but my job still goes on!
Now, I’m not only a MOM, but I am a Mother-in-Law and a Grandmother!
All I can say to you who still have children at home is this: PLEASE stop being so hard on yourself! The harder you are on yourself, the LESS JOY you have in your life!
Just relax and breathe, and try to enjoy what time you have with your kids! Truly, before you know it, they will be gone, and then your house will be full of In-Law’s and Grandchildren!! And when the day is done, and they all go home, and it’s just you and your husband….you will be able to look at each other with a smile on your face, and KNOW that you did a GREAT JOB as a Mom!!!
Thanks, Christi–I couldn’t have said it any better myself–my own
REAL mom used to tell me the same thing, but it was still hard.
Thank goodness for grown children,grandchildren and in-laws.They
make the circle complete and let me know that I WAS a REAL mom for
them too.
Sign me up! Three kids under six, two still in diapers, homeschooling my oldest, and I still somehow expect everything to work like clockwork. And yes, everyone else seems to have it down pat. I talked to a homeschooling mom with a daughter the same age as mine; I mentioned that we’re going to start studying French in January, and she told me quite casually that hers is already learning French, German and Chinese! There will always be someone who’s doing more, so I need to stop comparing. :)
I love your site and I look at it often. (usually while my babies are napping.) This blog was just the encouragement that I needed…I was just telling my husband yesterday that I feel sometimes like I am not being the perfect, wonderful mom that I always wanted to be. I have two children that are both under the age of two and I stay at home with them (except for one day a week when I take them to my dad’s office with me while I work). My husband is so sweet and assured me that I am a wonderful mommy but it is nice to see that other moms get to doubting too. I am a real mom, one that loves her children and I am just the mom that God wanted them to have. :)
Judging by your comments I’d say you struck a cord with many women today, and I am one of them. My hand is waving around with everyone else’s, I’m a Real Mom! SOmedays I’m short-tempered with my little one, and most days my house isn’t clean enough for company, but I know that it’s worth it when she asks for another Bible Story.
My three year old slammed the door (on purpose) on his older sisters fingers today…blood, tears, and panic call to my husband. Yeah I’m a real mom! Love your blog!
I’m a Real Mom!!!
Thank, thank, thank you Laura! From dust bunnies to boogers- I am there with you!
I so needed to hear this as I fall into the “everyone else has it so together” camp way too often! Reality check!!!
Now, this Real Mom is off to play a game with her children even though the house is a mess and company is coming Sat. and school isn’t done for the day.
i am so there with you, i feel like every other homeschool mom has brilliant children who love to learn and read and do there chores without argument. they always eat healthy and NEVER would they drink mountain dew to get through the day.
but you know what, i love my kids and i do the best i can and love that i can stay home with them
Thanks for the encouragement, Laura. My 5yo brilliant son has caused many new gray hairs with his unique personality…and sometimes, MANY times, I don’t understand why he does what he does. Does he even understand? Anyway, I’m not alone and you’re not alone. And it is a work in progress! Thank you.
I thought it was just me. No one told me how challenging (and rewarding) being a parent would be. I’m glad to know I’m not alone. Now, I’m looking for a place to connect with real moms in my area.
Yep, I’m a real mom. Thanks for the encouragement because I have felt that way MANY MANY MANY times.
Yes! I know EXACTLY what you’re saying! It always seems like everyone else is doing everything right and I’m falling WAY behind! Thanks for sharing!
Yes- I am a real mom!! I totally feel like I could have written this post. It is good to know that other women out there struggle with the same thoughts and feelings.
Yes! I am a real mom!! Thank you so much for the encouragement.
Definitely a real mom here! I have 2 VERY active boys, ages 3 and 5, just started homeschooling, just moved to a new town, and my husband just got out of the military. Always feeling like I can never catch up with things!! But that everyone else has it in order. Thanks for the encouragement!
Real mom hear too! It’s good to read a post like this to know that I’m not alone and to remind each other to stop being so hard on ourselves. We all do the very best we can and then call it a day, until tomorrow — lol!
My current parenting/homemaking struggle…hmmmm…so many to choose from. I’ll go with my 3 kids messy rooms. I am just so tired of picking up the mess, turning out the lights, folding the clothes, trying to get them to purge the clutter. I simply shut their doors and let them be messy. I figure when they have homes of their own, they will see the importance of cleaning up after themselves.
I’m a real mom. Boy am I ever! I also believe that God does give us more then we can handle. If He didn’t we wouldn’t depend on Him to get us through! If He didn’t I would rely on my capacity to see everything through by myself and then consult Him on it.
Amen! I’ve never been to this site before today, but I’ll be back!
~Real Mom
Thank you for your blog and this post!! My current mothering STRUGGLE is answering whether I should resign from my job (first grade teacher) and stay home with my 3 preschoolers or stay at my job so I will be there when they come to school (starting next year.)
Thanks again Laura
THANK YOU! I’m having one of those REAL MOM weeks… Come to think of it, with our strong & courageous boys, many of my days cause me to wonder if I’m not “doing enough” to train them up (that’s where Jesus comes in, right?). I forget that I’m not alone. What a battle! I needed to hear this from other moms today. Thanks again!!!!
Leaning on God’s grace…
Preach it sister. You are a breath of fresh air.
I am jumping up and down with my arm in the air. I am a real Mom!
I vacuumed today (shocking I know) and my youngest(2 yrs old) was hiding under his bed. Well I tried vacuuming under there without knowing he was there. Pretty sure he’s never going to get over that. Oh well, live to fight another day. Glad that I have a God who is bigger than any of my struggles and even gladder that the battle of this world is already won!
Thank you. My kids are not the geniuses or prodiges the homeschool mags showcase. And forget the guarding and protecting–mine even spit at each other! Yuk! But they are gifts from God to me both to care for and to refine me. We are growing slowly, one repenting day at a time.
I’m a real mom also and a grandma and mother-in-law.
The best thing I’ve come across that may help all you real young mothers out there is a wonderful website, http://www.loveandlogic.com. Sure wish I had had this when my children were young. Wonderful books and dvds. I found some of the books at the local library. Maybe you can too. They are really, really, really a great help.
I will come out of the “lurking” mode and report that I am a reader! Somehow I found your blog some months ago and have been reading for awhile. I love your insights and your heartfelt and “real” way of sharing all the great things you do as a mom and wife to encourage and support your family. While I am not probably ever going to cook as healthfully as you, I love reading your recipes and they give me ideas for our family too! I am a mom of 3 girls (15, 11 and 8) and a full-time 1st grade teacher at the Christian school they all attend. I also am married to my wonderful and supportive husband of 18 years. I am one of those “real” moms you wrote about today–nothing is perfect in my house! I strive (too much) and desire peace, joy and “cleanliness”, but am striving harder to let things go that aren’t really important in the long haul and focus on the spiritual development of my family. In this endeavor, I hear His voice calling me–calling me to a deeper relationship with Him and calling me to once again be a stay-home mom next year. I worked part-time as a teacher when they were little, and have only worked full-time for the last 3 years, but it takes a toll. I only have my oldest one home for 2 1/2 more years before college!! I know that working outside the home is an individual decision for each mom, but I think that this mommy is going to stop for now and see where God leads me…I am praying for God’s direction in the hearts of ALL moms–that they will 1st of all, KNOW GOD, and then follow Him–NO matter where that may lead. Thank you for your ministry of encouragement to so many through your blog. God bless you!
WOO HOO for the REAL moms!! Thanks for your ever-present voice of encouragement and wisdom and for always keeping it real!
I am a real mom!!! I am a SAH, homeschool Christian mom currently pregnant with baby #5 and will have a C-section in 5 days. I look around my house with the Christmas boxes still scattered around the house, pine needles from the Christmas tree tracked all over the floor, the kitchen floor sticky and dirty, the kitchen counter full of crumbs, old receipts and tissues from my purse, junk mail and dirty dishes from Thanksgiving(!), all the schoolwork we are behind on and curriculum scattered around the floor and table, unmade beds upstairs, toys scattered all over the playroom, laundry still in wrinkly piles (I don’t know which is clean or dirty!)….on and on and on….and wonder WHY I don’t have it all together for when my mom comes to stay with the kids while I’m in the hospital?? WHY am I so lazy every day and don’t get things done and shiny and sparkly??? WHY do I get grumpy with my kids and wonder why they can’t just do what I tell them????
If I were to hear these words from any one else in this situation, my jaw would drop in disbelief that someone could put so much stress and unrealistic expectations upon themselves and worry about these things at such a time!!!
Thanks for letting me be real in such a fake world! Satan is SUCH a liar and my Father, the KING is gonna get him for putting His precious daughter through all of this! Hallelujah! :-D
Love this! I’m a real mom! Needed this today. My 2yo pitched a fit during his brothers Christmas recital, wouldn’t nap, knocked the Christmas tree over and oh yeah, the house is a wreck. maybe tomorrow I’ll be perfect, but today I’m real!
I am a real mom!
Thank you for writing this! I will be sharing it with some of my fellow real moms.
I’m a real mom…with 4 boys under age five…the bathroom usually smells like pee (thank you for the reassurance that I’m not alone!)…and yet three of the boys are still in diapers! Thanks for the post; I love your site!
Oh, sister. Amen
Hello, I dont usually answer posts on any site, although I do enjoy them. But when I read this one, I wanted to cry, in relief!! I know other moms have bad days, Ive been a mom long enough to know that. I know those “perfect” moms just dont really exist. But you have those days, just like you described, that just are beyond describing really, all of the day, it just leaves you numb and aching, outside and in.
So I just wanted to tell you how very much this posting meant to me. I saw alot of responses so I hope you get to read mine, Im sure you try to read them all. But I really just, I dont know, and I know this sounds weird probably, but I love you, like a sister, right now, for being so transparent it helped me pick up my head, take a deep breath, and say “okay I got this”.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Donna Loyacano
Oh yes, I am a real mom! And I can prove it ;-) I let our dog clean up under the kitchen table after dinner is over and my two and one year old have successfully littered the floor with leftover bites of food. I don’t ALWAYS rush in to get my baby once I hear him on the monitor, just so I can close my eyes a few more minutes…and I even “lost” my child in our house over thanksgiving. I totally forgot about him and didn’t realize he wasn’t around. It took me about ten minutes to realize I didn’t know where he was! He was in the master bath shower… Geez!
I’m a real mom, and I’m real new at this. Today I lost my temper and yelled at my toddler for, well, being a toddler. :(
Real mom here… and needing a nap!
Wow! I needed this! Lately I’ve felt like a hamster on a wheel…I must be a real mom!
I am a real mom and my bathroom smells like a men’s restroom too!! 3 boys and 1 girl, 9,5,3,and 1! Seriously thankyou and God bless you for this post, I needed it today! Sometimes being a mother comes with so many challenges that you can’t even come close to anticipating.
I am a real mom!
I have really struggled with the transition from one to two kids. I get frustrated having to admit that, so you can imagine how frustrated I’ve been getting that nothing seems to be getting done around the house. I have a 2 year old and a 2 month old and I just want to feel like it’s ok to spend time with them rather than feeling like a failure that it’s 10:30 pm and the dishwasher still hasn’t been unloaded, the clothes are still in the washing machine, three days worth of laundry is still in the baskets, and the floors need to be vacuumed.
Thank you for your encouragement!
Count me in!!! Some words I needed to hear today. I have 8 children ages 10 and under which makes for a tough job yet rewarding. I don’t want to look back and see a failure. Oh help me Lord Jesus and let not this be in vain.
I am a real mom! Thanks for your encouraging words. . . I needed them today!!
I am definitely a REAL mom! My current struggle is blending our new 8 year old son into the fray! And teaching him English along the way. Great encouragement, it is so important to know we are not alone.
Blessings~
I am a real mom and thank you Laura!
I am a real mom and posted my real rant http://publixpennypincher.blogspot.com/2009/12/are-you-real-mom.html after I read this last night. Thank’s for letting me creatively get out the frustration I’d felt all day!
Laura,
With a 3.5 year old my bathroom smells like pee too! I was so tickled when you said this because I thought my house was the only one and well, its just such a relief to know I am not alone. I’ve been a long time lurker and have been encouraged when I read your blog entries. Thank you so much and may our Lord bless you and yours richly.
I’m a real mom! My house is only company ready if I’m expecting company. I’m finally finished potty training…so now there’s almost always clothes which NEED washing. Some days I wish my preschoolers would stop talking and singing like preschoolers like to do. Some (okay, all) nights I don’t bring that 6th drink of water to my 2 year old oh-so-lovingly after bedtime.
But when I love my children and remember that I’m here to nurture them, I love to serve and teach them. It’s when I forget…
I’m a real mom…a real, homeschooling mom of 4 boys ages 3-7 who definitely miss the toilet OFTEN and who are BOYS through and through. I have to confess…this mommy stuff is so hard. Thanks for this post.
I am a real mom too!!! Thank you, Thank you for your post!! What a blessing!!
LOL, I am such a real mom that I am sitting here enjoying a nice (& hot) cup of coffee while my little girl is still in bed asleep. All the while ignoring the unmade beds, toys that are in every crook and cranny, and clothes scattered in the floor like confetti from one end of the house to the other! Did I mention that I had company coming in less than an hour? With two small children? ~smiles~
Thanks for a ‘REAL’ post!
Jennifer
I am a real mom. My bathroom also smells like pee, my floors are sticky, there is lots of dust. All 4 of my boys have been to the ER at least once (for head wounds), I loose my temper, I don’t always read my Bible, and I don’t think to talk with God about things until it gets ugly. Oh, how I get frustrated with myself for not doing as good of a job as I think I should be doing. How thankful I am for God’s grace and that He loves me anyway!
Thank you so much for this post! I needed this today (and all of the time)! I am A REAL MOM of 3 girls (10, 7, and 3), and it is a continuous struggle for me not to doubt myself at how well I am doing. Thanks again!
Real mom from Florida signing in!!!! Great post Laura! We have 3 boys (two of them are 12!!) and one girl. So life is changing for us as we move into the teenage boy stage while still dealing with the younger ones and their craziness! God does give us the strength we need each day but some days…well, a long hot bath and a good cry are all that help! So thankful we can be real with each other!
God bless you in this crazy journey called “raising Godly kids!!”
Blessings!!
Real Mom Standing!! It’s been along hard road for me this past 3 years! I have 2 girls ages 20 & 8 and a 16 year old son. I have dealt with drug addictions to not knowing where my oldest is a night. Have not slept put all my faith in God. And he has strenghten my family and has brought my daughter back home, she is clean from that terrible life is married and having a family of her own. She now prays daily with me and goes to mass. My whole family has been blessed because we put all our trust in God!
Bless you for having this powerful Blog!
Love this post!! I am a real mom of 10 kids–three of whom are three years old. Some days are just so frustrating. :) I am struggling with thinking that everyone is training their kids for Jesus better than I am and that they are all going to walk away from God because I am not doing a good enough job.
I hear you, I struggle with that daily. I feel like I should be training to be more Christlike,and I need to be more Christlike so that I can do it
Great post! I laughed out loud about the bathroom smelling like pee. (Been there, smelled that.) And I only have one son! (Seriously kid, did you get ANY of it into the bowl?) However, when my son was old enough to clean the outside of the toilet on his own, his aim improved dramatically. Hmmmmmm.
Thank you for sharing! I’m a REAL MOM, too. Sometimes I get discouraged, but that is Satan trying to get my eyes off of Jesus! I saw this post last night and it was a wonderful reminder of what is REALLY important. Also, it reminded me of the importance of good Godly fellowship with other mothers. I also was able to share this with a friend who needed it. What great timing! Praise the LORD!
A REAL MOM here! I loved this post and it was very encouraging. I really bought into the BIG LIE when I started homeschooling my 4 kids. Every other mom seemed to have it all together and everyday was just wonderful with no set backs or disappointments SOOOOOOO I just fed into that and pretended to “Have it all together” while I was feeling inadequate and ashamed on the inside because after all I was only pretending ;)Anyways after becoming burt out from trying to keep up with the BIG LIE I finally realized that my kids did not want a ROBOT for a mother they wanted a REAL MOM. I have realized that when my house is a mess and my kids eat cookies for dinner (okay maybe not just cookies sometimes its cookies and crackers;)) That I have signs of LIFE in my home and I know that God wouldnt want it any other way because after all he did bless me with MY LIFE and THEIRS.
Laura. This was a great day for you to post this. I really needed to hear this. I am a real mom. You are great. You seem to be able to read minds and know when to post just at the right time. Thank you. I have a 13 year old, a 7 year old and a 48 year old (husband)lol. After having a bad week, you have made me realize I am not alone in this and that I am a real mom.
Thank you, Laura! Most of the time I feel like a fake mom but by your definition (and God’s) I am real! I have an almost 3 year-old daughter who thinks she’s about 8 and is as strong-willed as they come. I’m struggling with having an authentic Christmas this year. My husband is still recovering from surgery a couple weeks ago, I have a sinus infection, I just returned from a joyous but exhausting trip across the country with my daughter in tow, I work part-time outside the home and there is no sign of Christmas anywhere in my home right now! I am just trying to stay on top of the laundry and the dishes! God is quietly whispering that Christmas has nothing to do with a tree or lights or snowmen but His precious Gift to me but it’s so hard to hear His voice over the commercials and the complaining around me! Thank you for being authentic! You really ministered to this mom!
THANK YOU!! I am a real mom who falls waaayy too easily into the trap of thinking everyone else can do it better than I can. And then I do this stupid thing of thinking I am too pathetic to be bothering God for help and ought to do it all myself, which just makes everything worse. Thanks for the reminder that I’m not alone and need to keep my priorities straight.
I am a real mom. I wish I wasn’t. I want to be that perfect mom I think you all are. I know you aren’t but I still think you are.
God Bless all of you other real moms. It is good to know I am not the only one struggling.
Shay B
Mommy to 3
5, 3 and 0 (2 months)
I’m with you. I want to be that perfect mom too!
Mommy to two (1 & 2)
Me, I’m a real mom. I don’t want to depress you all with the messy details, but it’s nice to be reminded I’m not alone in the struggle. :)
Amen Amen AMEN!! Thank you so much. I needed this today. – Real Mama in California
Thank you for this post! I am a mom of a 2 year old and I needed to hear this today. I appreciate your encouragement.
I have 5 littles, ranging from 6.5 to 4 months, all are boys except the baby. I clean pee off of the toilet and the floor in the bathroom MANY times a day. And every time I do it, I yell at them. It’s not accidental. It’s a conspiracy. Just like the way they hide the laundry they are supposed to put away under the couch. Do they not think I’ll find it? Or miss it? I am certain I must be the only one who gets angry about this. I call the dog over to clean up the baby’s spit up and actually say “thank you”.
This is my life. I’m glad I’m not the only one.
Thank you.
thank you:-) You made the tears stop and the laughter start with your description of the way to clean up baby puke. Maybe I need to get a dog:-)
I am definitely a real mom. Isn’t it crazy what we put ourselves through on top of everything else that we do.
Thank you a million times over for this post. Very timely. My best friend and I were talking about this just yesterday. I am so hard on myself, and sometimes feel that no one has the lack of control over her house, kids, life that I do. Ugh. Thank you again for showing me what I already know-that we’re all going through this.
Yup. If this is a description of a “real mom”, then, yeah, I fit the bill! :)
And, I happen to be having one of those, “I cannot tolerate children today” kind of days, but I’m not giving up or giving in. I’m trying to tell myself to not grow weary in doing good. I’ve failed so many times today (and everyday), but I am grateful I can turn to my God who is a Redeemer and the One who forgives and know that His grace is sufficient for me in my very present and obvious weakness. Thanks for posting. You are surely not alone.
Real Mom in Texas with 4 boys. The bathroom drives me crazy!!! Yuck! But I’m so thankful for this post. It rang true. Are you in my head? :) That sounded an awful lot like my world. So often I fell like everyone is doing it better than me, and I beat myself up for not being a good enough Christian wife/mom. The devil knows my weakness, but it is so strengthening to know I’m not alone. Thank you!
I am a real mom too. Most all of the attributes fit, but today especially “No one but me can see the junk under the bed.” Thanks for the reminder that I am not alone. Merry Christmas!
Real Mom reporting for duty! Thank you so much for sharing! This post came on a day that I REALLY needed to hear it! I’m so thankful to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with these thoughts! I’m also thankful that my husband is just a phone call away, and he listens while I vent about all the frustrating circumstances at home. Then, he encourages me or even laughs a little at my colorful discriptions of events. But when it all comes down to it, I’m so thankful that my three 4-yr-old daughters are sweet, intelligent and healthy! I’m most thankful for God’s grace and His promise to never leave us or forsake us!
Girl, this is a GREAT post! God’s grace is often one of the hardest things for us, as mothers, to accept. We want to spread it to everyone around us, teach it to our children, show it towards our husbands…and then we don’t really fully interalize it for ourselves. Every day is a new chance to grow in His love, so without everything that you pointed out – all that us real mamas go through – we couldn’t experience all the fullness of Christ’s joy and blessing upon us!
P.S. My upstairs bathroom hasn’t been cleaned in two weeks, my 3-year-old is hiding playing cards all over the living room (they’re currency, didja know?) and my almost-1-year-old puked on me after lunch today. Real mamas, unite!
Great post! I can so relate!
Real Mom in California to 5 (11, 7, 5, 2 and 4 months). This morning when I couldn’t get the kids to get started with school and I was tripping over everything while trying to get the 2 year old out of last nights dirty dishes while needing to change the baby I was thinking that it is just impossible for me to do ALL this. I was sure that I’m failing at everything I do. I so badly needed to read this today and feel so much better. God is so good all the time and hears us when we call out to him!
I laughed out loud when I read about your bathroom smelling like pee! My 8 year old still has no concept of peeing in the toilet. Lol!
Hi Laura! Great post; thanks! Yes, the other day Xavier dumped an entire brand new bottle of Soft Soap all over the bathroom floor, poured glasses of water all over it (several), and then Gannet came running up to tell me, “Mom, Xave’s WATER-SKATING in the bathroom!” I wish things like this only happened once in a while, but they seem to happen every single day. I can easily wonder “Why does this only seem to happen to me? What am I doing wrong?”
I would love for you to read this post http://momsinneedofmercy.blogspot.com/2009/11/fiery-trial-of-checkout-counters-kids.html if you get time. It would be like having an cyber-conversation with you about the joys (and unique frustrations!) of raising all boys! Hope you’re doing well! Blessings, Cheryl :)
Thank you so much for this article! I am certainly a real mom. I fail on an hourly basis. I struggle not to yell at my little ones. I have an almost 4 year old (in January), a 2 year old and am expecting baby #3 in early February. I’m tired, bone tired, all day long. I just have to keep going and sitting on the couch. Everything takes me 3 and 4 times as long to complete, so lots of things just don’t get done. I feel like I’m failing because this pregnancy has been so hard- I think to myself, “How will I have more children if I’m such a failure at it already?” Thank you for the reminder. I really did need it today.
Thank you so very much for this. I am always thankful for Christians who willingly put aside their pride and allow others to see that they are “real”. I am a “real” Mom and am so encouraged today. Many days are overwhelming for me and I do become discouraged when it seems like everyone else has it together. Sometimes I wonder “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I keep it together?” When my focus is on the Lord God and what it is that He has for me to do in this walk of homemaking and Motherhood, then I am content and have the strength to move forward by His grace. And I long to be in heaven when it is time, where I can worship my Lord without distraction. Many blessings to you and all of the others who are on this same journey!
I couldn’t help but think about how blessed I am to have a MOPS group that is supportive and encouraging. So much pressure is put on us, as moms, sometimes more from us than anyone else. We need to learn to do the best we can and then try more and then just keep praying! God will be there when you need him most, just pray!
Thank you for this post!
Real mom with four boys and one girl. So glad to hear the bathroom thing is universal, yet gagging silently too;)
I’m a real mom :)
Thanks for this post!
Real mom of 2 boys right here! There are some days I can’t get enough of them and some days I could send them down the road a while. But I always love them! Thanks for sharing Laura!
and oh by the way, my bathroom always smells like pee too.
I’m a real mom! I am so thankful to be a mom, really. I love being mother of my 10 month old daughter and do not take it for granted. But I still struggle with comparing myself to all the “perfect,” pulled-together moms out there. I fall for the lie ALL THE TIME that “if I just tried harder, maybe I could be perfect too.” Thank you for giving me permission to admit to being real!
Real mom of five (9 down to 11 months). I need Gods’ strength every moment of every day. It’s when I’m trying to be self-sufficient that I get the most overwhelmed!
Thanks!
Real mom here with 10 kids ages 22 down to almost 3. The oldest lives out on his own, but that doesn’t ease the Mom thing.
Totally agree with everything you said. And boy was I mad when I found the first dried boogers on my NEW furniture. I mean, come ON. Little boys fighting, people disobeying, people not wanting to brush their teeth, dirty clothes on the floor, etc. ad nauseum. I will say though that one sweet kiss from my 2 yr old baby boy goes a long way to making me happy, even if just for a minute!
Real mom here. In my mind I will never be pretty enough, smart enough, patient enough, kind enough, giving enough, etc, etc, etc. In those moments when those lies seem so true, I struggle to remember that I am enough just as God made me. Comparing ourselves to others is such a cruddy thing.
“Real Mom” to 1 boy and 2 girls, here in Alaska!! I love this post! Rock on and keep singing it sista!!
Real mom in Singapore signing in! :) I’m with you on the stinking toilet altho I have only 2 boys. I am just thankful God sent us 5 girls and 2 boys and not the other way around. Sorry moms with all boys! *Grin*
God directed me to your blog tonight, and I must have really needed to read that post. I didn’t even realize that I have been carrying such a heavy burden of guilt and shame in this area- because as soon as I started reading, the tears began to flow- and they won’t stop. I gave up a career as a doctor to be a helpmeet, a home-maker, and a mother, and I have never for a second regretted my decision. What I never expected, though, was how overwhelmingly continuous my work would be. I feel as though I am NEVER done- the house is never clean, I am never sweet enough, or helpful enough to my husband, I am never patient or cheerful enough with my two boys (22 months an 6 weeks), I don’t train the boys properly, I am not organized enough…… as I write this I realize that Satan has simply made me feel inadequate in all the areas that I so badly want to succeed. I look at my messy house, unplanned dinner, and son throwing a fit- and I just feel like a complete and total failure. And I TRY…. i try so hard every day. I AM A REAL MOM!!!! thank you, thank you, thank you for reminding me that my work is a daily work, continual in nature, and that success doesn’t mean a perfect home and children, but that what counts is the books I read to my son, the mess he makes as he helps me cook dinner, the smile of a happy husband when he comes home to a joyful family, and the sweet sleep of a newborn nursed and nurtured in my arms. God bless you!
Thanxs Jen for the realness..
mOther of 3 w/1 on the way.. never ends around here..
thanxs for the encouragment…
Lets see my real story:
Oldest threw a fit or three before going to sleep last night. Boys fought at my n’bors house. Had to discipline
one in the bathroom for defiance…before we even left for n’bors house i yelled at the children today because in the 12 minutes it had taken me to put together a gift for the n’bor they completely trashed the house i had just tidied so we could leave.
the van wouldn’t bac out of the new gravel driveway because of the rain so instead we had to wallow over 40 degrees out ..
did i mention it was raining? of course the first thing they all do is jump in a puddle so his pants are wet..
ummm. everyone yells or fights every 10 minutes.. umm…
but i am a real mom and will try (just for this for afternoon) that God is on my side… :)
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I’m a real mom without the flat belly; beautiful, organized house; 6 figure blog; and perfectly obedient kids. Whew! That was tough. Glad I’m not the only one.
I’m so glad to know there are LOTS of REAL moms out there. I have 2 boys, 11 and 16, with many (probably all) of the same issues. I know it’s not just me, but sometimes I need reminded, and your post came at the PERFECT time for me! Thank you!
I can’t seem to find my original comment on here – maybe it was deleted… anyway, I am a real mom too! I subscribed to the comments from this post and they have been great to read! Thanks for the encouragement!
Never mind ;) I found it!!
Real Mom Here!! I have three boys, 10,5, 2, one on the way at times a 35 year old too… I too have found myself at the end of my rope, in tears, bellering (sp) at my boys at how ungrateful they are and how selfish they are because they dont think of me or how they could’ve helped me, and blah blah blah! I have even gotten to the point to where I just about laid my hands on my oldest, whom by the way has ADHD. All I could do was fall to the floor and cry like a baby in front of him… I apologized up and down, but still today feel guilty for the load of “crap” that I put on him… Now, I tell myself, which is working, whisper when I feel like yelling, and it flips my boys out!! They are still trying to figure out what meds I am on… LOL! Thank you all for confessions, encouragement, and just a bright outlook! PS.. my 5yr old made my potty smell like pee, until I made a game out of it… placed a small bowl of stale cheerios and fruitloops on back of toilet, and when he’s gotta go, TARGET PRACTICE!! He tosses one of those little “o”s and tries to see how long he can sink it… LOL…
See. Not the brightest in the bunch! lol When you are from a small town and also come from a small church, you dont have a ton of options for “tight friendships” or “acountability partners”, so once again I want to thank you all for your honesty and openess. I knew the Lord had me look at my e-mail today! ~For everything there is a reason and a season…
I’m most definitely a REAL MOM!! This is hard work and it is equally as hard for me to try to not compare myself with all those other Moms out there who seem to have it all together. THanks again for a timely and wonderful post that spoke to me and reminded me what my goal truly is with my children.
I am the Queen of REAL MOMS. I wrote the book. I star in the play.
I am so very thankful for the grace shown to me by my Savior that enables me to wake up each day and start fresh!
Thank you for speaking truth! Mothering is a difficult job! It’s the most precious and rewarding as well! God bless you in your real mothering.
“Training children to be like Jesus is the hardest job on this earth. Training them to be like Jesus in the middle of trying to grow to be like Jesus ourselves…”
AMEN AMEN AND AMEN! And for me, even that seems like an understatement. LOL.
I love your blog. Your blog is very encouraging to me and has really helped me to see the importance of eating better and choosing better ingredients. I’ve never considered our diets unhealthy (and compared to most I Don’t think that they are) BUT I see to much room for improvement. Your blog has give me some wonderful ideas. Thank you for sharing your family and experiences and encouragement with us.
Real mom of three little men (ages 6,5, and 3 1/2). Some days, it’s easier to forget that some day they will grow up to be men and the things I do now make them who they will be, or that what I do now influences their eternal destiny. Some days, it’s just easier to focus on the bathroom stinking, the dishes on the counter, and the laundry that never goes away. So, yeah, I’m a real mom. Thanks for your honesty, all of you. It’s good to know I’m not the only human here.
Oh yes, real mom here! It’s almost 10:30 and I’m still in my bathrobe, the counters in the kitchen are dirty because ALL (yes ALL) of my wash rags are in the laundry, my toddler’s room looks like a dinosaur was playing in it instead of a 2.5 ft little guy, and my to-do list is a mile long today (how much have I done? Hardly anything!). Unfortunately, this scenario is all too common around here…
what a great message! My life is total chaos, every day, every minute sometimes. I have two kids with special medical needs at the moment, and I KNOW that God has placed this on me instead of the usual work of keeoing the house orderly. Still, I sigh when I see that my friends have clean, orderly, decorated, nice homes that I won’t have now, or maybe even ever. Some days it gets me down, other days I realize that ALL mom’s have burdens we carry around – some are just not apparent like a play room gone crazy or a million scraps of paper on the ground from a budding fashion designer at 11. I realize that God called me for this job, not the woman of long ago that had a sparkling clean house that was company ready at any time. By the way – woke up to a puddle of an accident in the bathroom. Obviously my son had gotten up in the middle of the night and wayyyyy missed. Lovely way to start the day. Thank goodness I had already started my prayers for the day for strength!
real mom here. A book that has helped me is called, “Your vocation of love” by Agnes Penny.
I just feel like the little engine that could, “I think I can, I think I can.”
Amen! I’m right there with you!
This post was so encouraging! Sometimes I find that moms in the blogosphere world(and just moms in general) try to give the impression that they have it all together. Then, people(like me) who read those blogs think that they are failing in every area because our life doesn’t line up in the same way. I believe it is so important for us to be authentic so we can be an encouragement to each other. Thanks so much Laura (and all the other women commenting) for being authentic and real! Of course, I think it is important for us to strive for excellence and learn how to be good mommies. I think we just need to do it in a way that pleases God.
Btw, I’m a real mom. I woke up to a kitchen full of dirty dishes, laundry in my hallway and a kitchen table full of yesterday crafts (I even let my toddlers watch tv while I cleaned it up). So, there is my confession ;)
I am a mother of 2 daugthers and a wife to a wonderful man for 20 years. My daughters are 18 and 16, I had my first when I was 17 (husband 22) and my second when I was 19 (husband 24). When my oldest was only 5 mo. old we found out that she was totally blind and when my youngest was 3 weeks old we found out that she had hydrocephalus(water on the brain)which caused cerebal palsy, my daughters are the first on both sides of the family to have any handicaps, at 17 then at 19 not sure if you can or that you are ready to be a mom much less a wife, I and my husband was faced with two daughters that will always depend on us. Yes we are both REAL PARENTS, teaching the youngest to walk was a real task but when she took her first steps at 4 yrs old both of us were just thrilled, again we weren’t sure that it would ever happen. Then trying to potty train a child that the doctors told us probably could not feel the left side of her body and that she probably could not feel when she needed to pee; when she came out of diapers totally at 5 yrs old we were thrilled again. I tell you all of this to say that who says what is right and wrong with parenting, I have asked God (along with screaming at him)why me. When I was 17 I thought God was punishing me, but then I realized that he would not punish her. My daughters needed two parents who loved God and each other and would love them and take care of them. God knew what he was doing whe he gave us this two children. It has been a long and uphill climb and still is that, but my girls are well on their way to be as independant as they will ever be and they both love God. I am a REAL MOM and he is a REAL DAD. Our house is full of love and is a mess everyday, when you come over and you see the mess just step over it if is bothers you then oh well. I am not perfect can’t see me being that way ever, and my husband and girls and especially God loves me that way. Just enjoy your ride. Sorry for the long one
Hi Laura! I want to thank you for this post and send my love to all of the mothers who have commented so far. My husband and I are expecting our first child any day now (second, really- the due date was six days ago!)I have already struggled with doubt in my abilities as a wife, and I am already daunted by the awesome responsibilities of being a mother. How can I train a child to be Christlike when I myself am nowhere close. The only way I know how to get by is to take a deep breath, trust fully in the power and providence of God, and to share my struggle with my husband and other mothers. I think too many mothers are afraid to share their struggles, out of fear of seeming less than perfect. This is a shame, and something I need to work on myself. We need to lean on each other as fellow daughters in Christ!
Thank you!
I have sometimes thought that perhaps Martha Stewart is an instrument of Satan. Just kidding, really. But I have bought the line of “perfect” home, marriage, children, body, hair for far too long. It is a big fat lie, just to make us spend more and waste time on things that truly pass away (like my highlights)
I have spent the last 8 years trying to figure out why I can’t do it ‘right’, I love reading posts like this that let me know, my best is right enough. (BTW I can barely find my keyboard on my messy desk, and even though my Mother in Law will be here in 4 hours, my stove is still covered with last nights taco mess, oh and my oldest is walking across my couch. which I have no intention of yelling at him for, I have bigger fish to fry!)
“Yes!!!! I’m a real mom!” Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your heart in this post.
How’s this for a ‘real mom’ moment–last week my 3 boys were painting (insert grimace of pain here). They were supposed to be painting a night sky so we could glue on the silhouettes of baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph. In the middle of the project my very free-spirited/messy painter splattered paint on everything around him but his paper and I snapped at him. WHAT? Getting upset at my child while painting a nativity scene. Really????!!! Just a reminder of my own sinful, impatient heart and how much I desperately need the savior we were ‘crafting’ about!!
While the post was certainly a blessing, the comments were even more so!
Today started out with little man being diaperless for just a moment while I got a fresh one. He had a very loose bowel movement then walked through it then sat and left a poopy little bum print on my carpet.
Praise the Lord that my husband had bought me a rug cleaner a few months back and this was easily fixed. DH bought me a cleaner after discovering what I spend renting one on a regualar basis.
I read a saying the other day about having the courage to be who you really are! I want to be a Real Mom!
I’m so late in standing up here. I was so busy being a real mom that I haven’t checked your blog! I am a real mom of only 2, a 14yo daughter and 12yo son. I think I’m so underblessed because my house is always a mess, there’s always dishes, why don’t my kids SEE what needs to be done without me telling them, how do some moms do it with 6 or 8 kids. I was 35 and my husband 40 when our first was born, so we were pretty together as adults already (right!) But one thing I never did when they were younger, was try to find “Me time”. I just thought it was so selfish. (My husband, tho, was good about taking over when he got home. We were a team.) Now that I can leave kids home alone I realize how quickly they grow. They used to fight and argue, and now I hear them talking and laughing together. To you moms with youngers, cherish these moments. The seasons of life come and go quickly. In my Christmas letter I sent, I described myself as Wonder Woman (wondering what to have for dinner, wondering what happened to childhood, wondering how my husband and kids put up with my shortcomings, etc.) I love being Wonder Woman. Christ died for such as I!
I feel the same way Brie does. You read all these blogs of ‘supermoms’ and start comparing yourself to them. In reality we are all ‘real moms’ whether we want to admit it or not.
I fail miserably everyday in my quest to be a godly mom. I’m a sinner. I have a choice and sometimes my flesh wins over my spirit. I hate when that happens! Especially when my youngest who I am homeschooling in the second grade looks at me with tears in his eyes. He doesn’t learn like my other two (who are in college now)and I am impatient with him. It tears my heart out yet I repeat it too often. But God knows what I’m trying to accomplish and He’s honoring it.
So thanks for this. It really is encouraging to have someone be ‘real’ for us.
This is beautiful…and oh so true! A great reminder as we start the New Year that while this work may be full of all those second guesses and dirty realities, its the blessing that we have been given that’s worth the effort, that our Lord has chosen us to care for these children of His and that for such a time as this, we are the women He has deemed more than worthy, no matter how hard the climb. AWESOME!
LOVE this post and I am most certainly a REAL MOM!
I am new to your blog and am subscribing now! I came from a retweet of this post by Sarah Mae ;-)
Carisa
Yes, I am absolutely a real mom! This is my 1st visit to your blog (I think) and this is certainly a great post to pop in on! Even though I “know” that I’m not the only mom that struggles, it is really easy to believe I’m the only one when I’m right in the middle of those moments when my newly adopted teen daughter is griping about homeschooling, or my younger daughter is backtalking, or when I realized how much we should’ve done differently with our college age son. Thank God for His grace to cover all of that! And thank you for sharing your heart in this post. :)
Awesome post! I’m definitely a real mom. Dc are 12,8,6,3 and we homeschool too. Just found your site and will return! God bless!
I’m here. Standing up. Crying. I have 5 kids – 8 yo boy, 6 yo boy, 4 yo girl, 2 yo boy, and 2 month old boy. I feel like a failure constantly. And wonder if other mothers do too. I thought just the other day, that maybe, just maybe instead of constantly striving to be better, that maybe I would strive to get rid of the guilt for not being better.
Thank you SO much for this post – I’ll be spreading the word.
Real mom here. I even showed my husband your “list” and said “See? We’re not the only ones!”
I have five children, ages 16 to 17 months. I also work two nights a week outside the home as a nurse to help make ends meet. I homeschool, because I strongly believe it’s best for *our* family. There’s no way that I can do everything that I do every single thing that I *want* to do. Something has be let go. I’d rather spend more time with the children reading, teaching, and having fun things than trying to control the dust bunnies or keep the toys organized. So I have a bare-bones list of household chores that have to be completed to keep peace and order, and everything else can wait. I’ve seen how the 16 years with my oldest child have flown by, and I want to enjoy these years with my children still in the house as much as possible.
Thanks for all the sharing. I struggle with feeling like every moment of my day has to be “productive” although I forget that down time is productive, too. When my husband asks me what I did during the day, he’s just trying to take an interest in my life and I feel like I have to give a whole list of things to show how much I accomplished!
Just found your blog via a retweet on Twitter..
I am a REAL mom as well!! My struggle is that Im young (mid 20’s), have a 1.5yo girl, and building an at home business! DH is gracious and very supportive but the nagging about laundry and toys everywhere are a bit much! I often feel guilty about not getting everything set before he gets home, I mean come on Im still very young and should have enough energy for all this, right?! Let’s not forget that baby weight that just doesnt seem to disappear on its own!!
Real mom, real sturggles, but trusting a real GOD!! thanks for your blog.. I’ll be subscribing!
amen! I’m typing with one hand while the other is holding possibly the whiniest child…and he’s mine and i love him and his brother but sometimes…they annoy me and frustrate me and i yell. my house hasn’t seen a vacuum cleaner in…awhile (or a duster). And sometimes our dishes are piled like our laundry. :) but I try and God loves me for it. :)
“Yes, I’m a real mom.”
“Yes, I’m a real Mom,” too.
I’m a real mom too! I loved the story of yelling at her child while “painting”. It made me laugh and think of all the times that I too, did the same thing. And the yelling while thinking “STOP YELLING AT HER!!!” and you just can’t. And I wonder if sometimes it is important to lose control and not be perfect. What horrible little girls (and boys) we would raise if they expected themselves to run a perfect house and be a perfect mom. They would go crazy. Honestly, all a child needs is to feel that they are adored. The rest is up to their own personality, cuz you know you can’t change that anyway!!
Real mom here. But, I just don’t like taking pictures of the real mess for my blog. I prefer nice and tidy ones. Maybe some day I will crack and post them anyways.
Dirty dishes were stinking in the sink this morning. The couch cushions were forts and the toddler was eating bread slices and icy pops while watching cartoons before I even got up out of bed.
Yay! I’m not the only one whose bathroom smells like pee! And i’m sure there are several other ‘dirty little secrets’ other mom’s have too. Great post. One of the reasons I love the blog world… to see real moms being real, and realize I’m not alone! :)
I’m a real mom as well! I have a little funny story about my lack of ability to get my children to help me in the house. (Might as well smile about it!) My first child was (is) disabled, so as my other two children grew older, I was so used to doing everything for my first child (who wasn’t physically capable of doing much) that I did everything for the other two as well. My twin sister has children a few years younger than mine, and her children are really great helpers at her house because she started teaching them to help at a young age–something I didn’t do. My youngest daughter (age 7), was at my sister’s house the other day and was required to help her cousin (also age 7) do some of her jobs around the house. My daughter cheerfully helped, and must have done a pretty good job because her cousin looked at her happily and said, “Wow, Mary Grace! You’re not as spoiled as I thought you were!” :)
Wendy
I’m a real mom too! This was a breath of fresh air. I have 3 kids: 4.5 yo girl, 3 yo boy, and 22 mth old girl. Plus, I babysit my neighbor’s 14 mth old girl. Life is always crazy around here. I feel like I am always cleaning and never spending enough time with my kids or husband. I try to do fun activities with them, but they never seem to work out the way I invisioned them. I recently read an article about making wonderful Christmas memories with/for your children…
So, I am trying to make some Christmas memories for my kids. Last year we made gingerbread houses out of graham crackers and then decorated them. This year I decided to skip buying the premade kits at the store and make homemade gingerbread and cut out the house pieces myself.
So, our memory goes something like this (me talking):
“This is going to be so much fun making the gingerbread. You kids ready? Come on and help me do this. First, we mix the ingredients together. Evan pour this into the bowl. Sara now it’s your turn. Okay, stir. Good. Put that down. Don’t move that. Wait, where’s my spoon. Give that back. Your dripping all over the counter. If you don’t stop touching things you’re going to have to get down. Put that back. No, you can’t see- I moved the bowl over here because you keep touching things. I know, but you already promised that you wouldn’t touch, but you keep touching. You have to keep your promises or no one will believe you when you grow up. Yes, I heard you say you promise you won’t touch, but why should I believe you now??? (I knew as it came out of my mouth that it was the wrong thing to say, but couldn’t stop it in time). Just get down and go outside. Stop that. Evan, don’t throw the dough on the floor; I need that to finish making the house pieces. If you keep throwing it on the floor then I won’t have enough and Jenna and Sara will get a gingerbread house, but you won’t. Do you think the way you are acting is making me WANT to make you a house?? Get down NOW and go play somewhere else! Stop touching that! Yes, I am yelling now because you aren’t listening to me. GO!!! Get off the chair and GO…. Finally, Evan you can come back and cut out some gingerbread men. Sara, now you can come and use the cookie cutters. Just cut out 3 and then we are done.”
Yeah, what a wonderful memory for them and me – so full of warm fuzzies, NOT. Graham crackers would have been so much better. Heck the $30 for the premade kits would be awesome (Kits are $10 – we need 3). But, the next day when they were decorating them it was totally worth the hassle. I am so hoping that they will remember the decorating part and not the crazy mama baking the houses.
I will keep working on making wonderful memories with my kids and keep working on being more Christlike. It helps to know that I am not the only one out there struggling. Thanks for sharing your post.
After a day of entertaining 3 kids while my husband tried to fix our dead van (our only vehicle) for 10 hours… the house is trashed, there are dishes everywhere, dirty clothes on the floor, dust and dirt on the floors…. and did I mention we’re hosting about 20 people in two days for an open house/brunch?? With no vehicle to finish the shopping! Sigh.
Today, I needed to read that I am a real mom, too! Thanks!
I am a real mom!!!! This post was refreshing. So many times a day I struggle with the day to day, wondering how other mom’s do it all. I have three blessings, a 9 yo girl, a 4 yo boy and a 2 yo girl and it never seems like there are never enough hours in the day! Thank you all for letting me know that I am not the only one!!!!!
I’m a real mom! My freeing moment was when my homeschooling/daycare provider mom told me she couldn’t watch my children anymore because she couldn’t get anything done! Confirmation from God that (a) she didn’t have it as together as I thought (b) YES He did entrust me with a couple of very busy time consuming boys whom I love dearly!
I could really relate to:
“My kids would rather not change their clothes.”
and
“My bathrooms smell like pee. (C’mon boys…learn to aim already.)”
God bless all the moms!
I am a real mom!!! Why is parenting so difficult. And there are definitely days when I dont want my name to be MOMMY! But God is always bigger than my little world and gives me grace and mercy.
God is faithful.
I am most definetly a real mom! I stuggle with coming home from work and feeling like I have spent all of my energy at work and don’t have enough left over for my boys. My husband is a stay-at-home-dad, so I know my boys aren’s getting jipped. I just wish I could give them more of me.
This is a great post. I am also a real mom. I came across your blog on technorati.com’s top 100. Excellent blog. I will definitely return.
Just came across this post on Jan. 2nd. So glad to read this as I plan my new year.
I’ll be postin a link on my site to this post. And I’ll be printing it up for my family to read—daily.
Take care,
Amy
I’m a real mom! I needed this encouragement so much lately. I’ve even posted it on my Mom Monday post for 1/4. Thank you so much for being real!
I’m a real mom too. I have 8 kiddos and have plenty of melt-down days. I’ve found that praying and crying-it-out and then standing in a dark room eating chocolate helps tremendously to drive Satan away on those insecure days.
Needed this today. We homeschool, it snowed, neighbor kids are ALL home and playing, we are still schooling. They played in the snow, while I fixed all 3 meals, picked up, helped them play in the snow, get them things they need, pack a kid to spend the night, and I could go on and on. I just wish I had just a smidge more “me” time. The house is trashed, the girls (4) all argued with each of their sisters, and I’m behind with dinner and laundry. Yes, I rest on God’s wonderful mercy and grace every single day!! God bless you!!
Every day I try to be a Real Mom, and I focus on one big accomplishment when it happens. This week I have mastered cloth diapering and taught myself how to embroider!! Praise God for the patience I am developing with both.
I prayed to God for a husband and children. He blessed me with both. I love my husband and kids so much, but I’m always tired and stressed. I am by choice a stay-home mom. My boys are 10, 3 and 1. My youngest is whiny and clingy and will get into everything but toys. That makes my days really hard, especially in the winter being in the house all day. I can be short with everyone. I feel like I fail God in this role he put me in. I find myself frustrated and having a pity party all the time. Then I feel guilty for complaining and start imagining something bad might happen to my kids because I’m complaining…like I would deserve it. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere but home with my boys and there are women who want to have what I have and can’t. How dare I whine and complain? By the time all the kids are in bed and I can be off duty, there’s my husband. I feel like I need space, just want to be quiet and still for 5 mn…. and don’t have much left for him. I have the best intentions of being a Godly woman, wife and mother, but you know what they say about good intentions. My husband and kids know how much I love them, but do they see joy from me in my roles as wife and mother?…not often enough…though its in my heart. I know God loves me and forgives me and I keep reminding myself that I am a work in progress.
I so appreciate this post!! My dh and I are trying to encourage the kids to get along and discourage the fighting. I see that we’re just gonna have to tell them the same things over and over. Not that I like it. DH gets so annoyed with repeating himself. I keep reminding myself (and him) that if kids didn’t need parenting, they’d move out after they weaned. ;)
Thank you!! Laughing and crying as I read your entry and the comments left. What an encouragement to my soul. I am in the midst of making a decision about homeschooling mine (oldest is six…started K this year at public school). I would love to homeschool my children, but frankly I am afraid of being a bad influence on my own children with all of my inconsistencies and weaknesses. It helps to see that homeschooling moms do not have it all together, are not perfect in their character and consistency. I just want to do what is best for my family! Please continue to share these helpful posts!!
YOU are the perfect teacher for your child because you’re the one who loves him the most. I have a post coming up today or tomorrow about this…be watching for it!
I am a real mom of 6 ages 11, 14, 16, 18, 19, 22.
I’ve been the stay at home parent for 18 yrs until this past Nov when my husband was laid off. I now work part time out of the house and I really want to come home! I love taking care of the house, yard, family, paperwork, everthing that makes a home run smoothly. I really do feel like homemaker/parent is my vocation…
Thank you for this wonderfully encouraging post, and all your comments back, Moms!!! I am a REAL mom, and so many of these posts I can totally relate to. I have three wonderful boys(5 yo, 4 yo, and our baby turns 1 tomorrow!!!!!). I love them all and my husband so very much!! But just like some of these moms who don’t feel like they have it together, I feel this way more times than not. I cry almost every day from feeling like such a loser and a failure to my God who gave me the blessings of my heart!! Everywhere I turn, I see pictures of perfection. I hear the expectancy in my husband’s voice when he asked me what I did that day. I visit my friends houses, and see wonderfully decorated, “with it” houses, and fall into the comparison trap. I am finally starting to get things in some semblance of order, but still feel like I am not giving my boys the attention they want or need. I will be starting to homeschool in the fall, maybe sooner, if I can get our house settled( we are moving cross country the end of this month!!). Thank you dear ladies for being open, honest, and REAL to those of us who have not had anything together ever, and are learning everything the hard way, but also learning that God is very gracious!! And, yes, I can relate to the bathrooms smelling of pee(heck, their room smells of pee, because they still wet the beds…), I can relate to poopy messes, I can relate to the making memories/yelling frustration memories. But I also serve a REAL God who loves me just as I am, not wholly together, usually sad, and or yelling, but me. Broken, and healing. Being remolded into HIS child. Being redirected in my thinking that everything DOES NOT have to be perfect. Sometimes even a snuggle on the couch with my boys while they are watching a movie, when I could be picking up or cleaning something, makes all the difference in my day (and theirs). Again, thank you, for this post, and all your comments ladies! I feel as though I have found some wonderful friends!! And, yes, God will see me through another day… even if it looks like a tornado ripped through my house… or if the floor hasn’t been vacuumed in…??… For us real moms, my grandma once told me, she would rather see happy kids then a perfect house =) Amen to that!! God bless every one of you!!
I so relate to you, Sunshine Mommy. I fearfully clinked on the Real Mommy Link and though Wow!Real People. I am a real Mom of 6 , with one on the way. We are going to try the direct entry midwife/homebirth thing for the first time. I am so full of uncertainty after being brainwashed that a Dr., hospitals and sonagrams are the ONLY way to do it. so, with that on my shoulders, I have 5 fighting children to raise up with manners and good morals, with a love for GOD in their hearts, but, the teacher, me, is sorry lacking. I am frustrated with life which took a change of direction, with bills that incur 30 dollars a month interest, whether they get paid or not. I fussed at my husband about it this morning, only to find out he has a kidney infection and is overwhelmed himself. Our elctric bill is way too high all the time and they keep going up thanks to the electric companies, so, I guess I take all that
frustration and take it out on in life at home. I am not organized, but, I like a clean home. I love my dear family. I love being outsideIF I ever get the chance. I am thankful for daughters that can help me and sons who work hard, as well,even though, my 8 year old is rambunctious and seems to get in more trouble than I can keep up with. I am thankful my children can come say they are sorry for being mad and stomping at me, when I frustrate them. sometimes, they frustrated me so bad, all I can do is say a curse word. I so do not want that and read a verse about purposing my tongue to do no evil, which is my prayer. Pray FOR ME, if you read this,as I learn to serve my family and not myself. It is a very inadequate feeling.Now, that I made everyone feel better about themselves. I better go. shame , on this thing too long already!! On to a better day, with God’s Grace, AMommy Real”est”
Bless your heart…thanks for being honest and “real”….I only have
one child and yet your day describes how I feel often. Hang in there
Jesus is on our side…we are more than conquerors.
I wrote this blog post today and was feeling this way when I happened on this post of yours. Thought I would share it. I like your blog (albeit you do overwhelm me with the grinding of your own wheat and such…but I’m taking it one step at at time. :0)
http://www.heart-toward-home.com/2010/04/grocery-stores-whole-grains-and.html
I am a real mom who really needed to read this today. Thanks. :)
I am a real Mom. Thank you, Lord. :)
Yes I am a real Mom. There are days when my children have said Mommy so many times that I don’t hear them anymore or I say she doesn’t live here anymore or I have changed my name (then they bug me and want to know what it is) My house can be really messy some days and I would die of embaressment if any one showed up. I cook a lot and try to play with my children and keep the outside and inside nice. I really don’t see how a women can work outside of the home and still get everything done and still spend time with there family’s. I go crazy some time’s and have to give myself a time out before I can go on with what I was doing. God really looks the other way some days. I am glad he is really forgiving because I have a hard time forgiving myself on days. Love this post and yes my bathroom can also smell like pee when the little guy does not pay attention to what he is doing.
I am a SAHM of 2 boys (23,20), and 1 girl (14). Yes, I’m home while having college age children. I always have, and still do continue to beat myself up for not being that “perfect” mother. At this point, we are now seeing what our adult children have become. When my 20 year old came home for spring break, he announced that he would not be calling himself a Christian anymore. My heart fell to the floor. This was my son whom I spent everynight praying with, and memorizing verses, and he grew up going to bible camp. He even attended a Christian college. Do I feel like I failed? YEP. My daughter enjoys burping loudly, and saying things to shock me. Was she never taught right? Oh yes. My oldest, so far is a well grounded, Christian man. Was I successful? No, I think of many, many things I coulda,shoulda done different. Am I listening to the enemy? YEP.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you. God is more powerful than the enemy and he loves you and your son so much! Keep on being a godly mama…you’re doing great.
Thank you. Blessings to you.
I’m a SAHM of 1 teen boy and 2 young girls. I often think I’m not good enough and the house is a mess. (I do work 4 hours/week cleaning other people’s homes and am amazed how quickly I can clean when there’s not stuff laying around).
I’m new to blogland, and just found yours. Thank you for being honest about the realities of homemaking. Thanks for sharing all your tips and stories. Thanks for reminding me that we’re all just regular moms (not perfect ones) trying to do our best to please Jesus. Thanks for reminding me that He’s the one to please and to ignore those nasty whispers from the enemy. I know he’s trying to discourage me and keep me from the task set before me. Thanks again!
Oh how I loved this post!!! I came across your blog about a week ago, and it’s become my favorite. I have great visions of being that “perfect” homeschool mom, the health conscious “nourishing traditions” kind of cook, with an orderly home thrown in for good measure, and time for my dh that doesn’t happen when the day is well over and we’re both exhausted. As I type this (with one hand while holding my sleeping/nursing, has pinkeye, baby) I could nearly despair… but for God’s grace, and the wonderful honesty/transparency of you and the other women who’ve taken time to comment. My two kidlets aren’t homeschool age yet, and I’m not sure how on earth I’ll keep up when that time comes, considering the struggle now. And having come from a large family, I’d always had the grand idea I’d be happy with however many children God chose to give me. Seriously?! I struggle every. single. day. to be patient with my 2 yr old, not yelling at him, attempting to be consistant in discipline, which can be soooo tough and annoying when you have a sleeping/nursing baby in your arms! Any how, I realize I’m at the beginning of the road in the mothering journey, and deep in my heart I wouldn’t want it any other way, but ohhh there are days, when I’m brought to my knees and reminded I’m a real mom, who can only do it with the help of a real God. Thanks for your blog. As a born and raised in NE girl, I got a huge laugh out of the Fuddruckers story, having eaten there several times. Blessings to you and yours.
P.S. When I was growing up, my parents must’ve gotten tired of the
lack of “aim” on my 6 brothers part when it came to bathroom habits…
somewhere they rounded up a set of stickers, which looked like a target,
which when strategically placed in the toilet, helped out GREATLY. One
time a young girl from a visiting family (of girls only) said to me “you
got your toilet at Target, didn’t you!” I just smiled, and thought to
myself, honey, if you had a brother or two you’d understand!!!
What a great idea!I have 3 little boys and now I’m on the hunt for target stickers!:)
http://pottytarget.com/faqs.aspx
Here you go!
Thank you for your inspiring words.
This is great. You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. I struggle with this. Facebook and all the Mom blogs that portray perfection do not help. It is refreshing to know I’m not the only one struggling.
Oh my! My bathrooms smell like pee too. I needed this post today!
Thank you! I followed a link from Publix Penny Pincher- the timing couldn’t have been better for my soul. Thanks for the validation- my bathroom smells like pee, we left story time at the library early because my son couldn’t manage himself….so glad I’m not alone!
I want to thank you for this post. I feel like we constantly put on our nice clothes and pretty our lives up for those who are looking in and that can be so discouraging to all of us who struggle. I hate feeling like I am the only one who has yelled a little to much or loud at my children, that I just can’t seem to get things together enough to even get the dishes done and who hides the laundry in the closets. We all fall short of the Glory of God, but He is all we need to be glorified! I am a REAL Mom. Thank You.
PS. with three little boys My bathroom smells like pee also!
I AM A REAL MOM! Your webste has been such a blessing to me!! My husband is a Marine and we have a 2 year old little boy and a newborn daughter and I had been looking for ways to cut out the junk in our dieT. But showering is an accomplishment some days so I didnt think it was possible to have the time to do it and you have made that possible for me!!! THANK YOU!!!
Thank you for this post!!!! I belly-laughed for the first time this week when you said, “Our job is a work in progress. Continually. All the time. Forever and ever amen.” AMEN!!!
I have girls, so I feel a bit left out regarding the pee in the bathroom, but I do have problems with the booger on the end of the finger not having a place to go. I must say, “Do you need a TISSUE???” a million times a day. Oh well, I suppose they will stop before they get to marriage age (hee,hee). Love your blog, you are a beautiful sister in the Lord- Thank you!
I have to say I have been reading your blog for over a year now, and I always come back to the post when I am having a bad day. =] My husband laughs because I actually have it printed and taped in my journal to remember I do not need to be that “white picket fence mom” with an always happy 2 year old.. Thats not us, plus what fun would it be not running around chasing her with tissues??!! =] Thank you for this =]
I am a real mom. Who has 4 boys and a bathroom that smells like pee. Because boys don’t aim. And I am behind on laundry. And you can barely walk through my living room right now. But I know that my kids just ate a healthy meal I fixed, are clean (kind of, it is summer after all!) and are loved. I sometimes have to remind myself, and sometimes my husband reminds me too. I work hard to be a good mom. And when my boys are older, they won’t remember the mess, but that I quit loading the dishwasher because they needed one more person for the backyard baseball game.
Aw, I loved this post. As a new Mom of a 6.5 month old I am also trying to keep up with life, cook from scratch, garden, raise chickens, cloth diaper, get by on one income, AND have fun. I hope to be the type of Mom that can deal with a not-so-clean house and get out in the yard with my kid(s) and PLAY! Because you are right, they will not remember the dirty dishes but WILL remember those times you spent playing, teaching them the fun things and being the extra person needed for a baseball game :) My Mom never did that with us, she always seemed stressed and I dont want to be like that with my kids. I want to have fun with them!
hello im so glad i viited ur blog laura,cheers to u n all the real moms out there!its true that parenting is continual n forever n ever,n the best part is,none of us would have it any other way!some days r exhausting n some never seem to end, but my kids r just the first thing i think of ,the moment i wake!n there r days when i feel guilty for not remembering to go down on my knees n thank god for my wonderful children first thing in the morning……(by the way,ill likely feel less ashamed of *that* smell from the bathroom after reading ur blog!)
Thank you for this post! I question myself every day and I’m so glad I’m not the only one! Thank you for sharing.
I am a real Mom!
That’s my life with 4 daughters and a hubby. We’re always cleaning something, and it’s never done. and at the moment, it’s particularly bad. :) oh well, school starts next week and I’ll have two of them at school. so maybe i can find the house again under all the mess.
in the meantime, the gals are driving me crazy playing all over the house, just being kids. :)
I’m constantly reminding myself that that’s what they’re supposed to be doing and to let them have at it. :)
anyway, thanks for the post. i needed the reminder again.
I am a real mom and seriously struggling to adjust to my new job as mom of two! Thank you for this post!
Just this morning as I am trying to make healthy homemade granola and fresh baked cookies, feeling good about my Susie Homemaker awesomeness and my kids who are working on a project in the yard…the 4 year old steals a brush from the 5 year old who then smacks the 4 year old claiming she had a bug on her! Then she steals something from the 11 year old who drags her by the arm and pops her which she returns by busting his lip with a piece of brick! We went from Mommy Bliss to screaming chaos in 6.2 seconds! Have I not taught them better than this?!?! Oh, and my kitchen floor looks like it hasn’t been mopped in a month, the cobwebs in my corners are giving birth to dust bunnies and I’m not sure when I last showered (does a swim count?). Yes, I AM A MOM! And perfection IS a big fat lie with a booger on top! : )
That literally made me laugh out loud!!! It brings me great comfort,however.
Thanks for the laugh…and encouragement.
I always feel like I am behind so I guess I must be a real mom.
God led me to this post today. He does answer prayers. I have been feeling very, very overwhelmed lately especially this evening as I was making my fresh butter and soaking grains for tortillas and pancakes, and washing dishes, and picking up after a 2 yr old tornado etc etc etc. I just constantly feel this stress weighing down on me and I prayed for some relief b/c I feel like the stress is making me a not very good mom. And reading this post is just what I needed right now. I’m bookmarking it, and will read it everytime I need a little reality check. Thank you.
As a mom of five little ones, I would encourage you to just “let it go” sometimes. I too try to make all the meals from scratch, homeschool, help at church, etc. However, the truth is that sometimes we have to pick up McDonald’s because we didn’t get home from church until 9:30, or the children where sick, and I was cleaning up the mess all day. My point is, as important as eating healthy is, being stressed too much about it (or exhausting yourself regularly with it) is just as bad for your body as poor eating habits. Talk to God and your husband about what is really important, and then let the rest go. Do the best that you can with the healthy eating habits, and then as your little one(s) grow, and you find you have a few extra minutes, add another healthy habit. And, maybe most importantly, remember that God gives us everything we need to get through each day.
Hi. My name is Niki and I am a real mom.
Thank you for being so transparent! I laughed so hard when I read the part about the bathroom smelling like pee..(I have boys too) I have always had this idea in my brain that I needed to strive to be June Cleaver,or the Proverbs 31 wife… its refreshing to hear another mom be REAL! Thanks
I am definitely a REAL mom! I struggle every day with feeling of failure because I want to be so good for my family!! I want to have all the healthy yummy organic food even though money is tight! I want to train my children to obey and to learn scripture or even learn colors for Pete’s sake! I want to get my one year old to SLEEP! But every day I struggle, and have to remind myself that God is not done with me… and that I just have to keep fighting and keep learning and struggling and trusting Him to transform my life! Lord help me! God is so graceful!! Its a good thing these kids belong to HIM, because sometimes thats the only thing that comforts me!
I am a real mom!!! Thank you for posting this! I needed this very badly today!
I am a real mom on the other side of mothering little ones, and I can assure you from experience that none of you is alone, and you are doing the most important work on this earth. There will come a very quiet day when you can catch up on your dusting, mopping, and laundry! Be patient with yourselves and enjoy your sweet babies…this time is all too short. I now have a 17 month old grandson, and I am blessed to be able to share this precious time with my daughter, watching her do her mothering.
My husband is constantly reminding me that the ideas I have about others are not true and that everyone has a messy house and struggles with there children. I just had a friend over today and she said, “What do I smell when I walked in?” I said “Good or Bad”, she said “Not good”, I listed off the possibilities, dog pees on the floor, trash can lid won’t stay on, poopy diapers in the bathroom. So I guess were all part of the club, we just don’t know it! :D I am a real mom! & Just recently I overflowed our bathtub! So it happens! Great Job everyone, keep up the good work! Even when it doesn’t feel like it!
Thank you so much for making me laugh so hard I cried, as I sit here scolding the dog for stealing a peice of pizza off my plate. My daughter just turned 19 and recently moved out so now it’s just me and the hubby along with the 2 dogs and cat (I think. She stays hidden most of the time.) Yes, I am a real mom who has often felt like a failure as I remember having to pick my daughter up at the police station for underage drinking, and then having to rememeber that, again, she has recently moved out. Then I am also like Kathy, who posted above that she is on the other side of mothering, as I help my step son to raise his own son from time to time. My bathroom often smells like pee (the men in our lives just can’t aim), my floors need mopping, training the new puppy is a chore I would love to give over to her owner and I love every minute of it. To all you mommas out there: keep up the good work!!
Amen to this post! You are a neat lady and are doing the best you can-which is what the Lord asks of us. I look around at all the kids around me who are raised by video games and the internet. It sometimes frightens me for the future but all I can do is keep plugging along and trying to teach my kids how to choose the right and follow our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
And sometimes all you can do is thank God that you have healthy children and turn them over to Him for the day. We are real moms, who sometimes need a break – mentally, physically and spiritually. I used to wish I could put them all in a closet for a few hours, or be able to close the drawer on them and just get SOME peace and quiet. Eventually they DO grow up and surprise you with the wonderful things they do and when you ask where did you learn that, the most surprising thing they say is “from you”. Then you know you’ve done your job well, but in the meantime, sometimes it is hard to see the forest for the trees. You all hang in there, moms, it does get better.
I AM a real Mom! :-)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! I really needed this this week (first week back to homeschool). When women are real with each other, Satan is thwarted.
I have 11 children. Six are adults and are no longer at home. I have a 16 yo son and then I have a band of “little ones”. Torin (8yo son), Emily (7 yo daughter), Kalen(4 yo son) and Sarah (22 month old daughter). I am 44 yo. You can say I have started over. My little boys squeal with delight when they miss the toilet and splash 50 gallons of water out of the tub! I am usually either on the verge of tears, ready to scream my head off or I just walk away and tell my husband “You deal with your boys.”! BUT….it seems that boys are just different and what they do is apparently “normal”? So as my husband takes command and I walk away to cool off, I try to see the special-ness in the differences in boys and girls. And try to Thank God for giving me these rambunctuous little boys and these sweet dear little girls to train up and to ENJOY! Be advised ladies that have yet to begin homeschooling, boys have very little ability to sit still and do school. Read Dr. Dobson’s “Bringing up Boys”, this helped me tremendously! Blessings to all who have little ones, and yes my house is a mess 16 hours out of the day, too!
I just found this blog today (through a friend) — and I’m so blessed by it! I have two little boys (6 and almost 4) and my life is… well… busy. Anyone who has “typical” boys knows what I mean! :) I struggle at times with anger, tiredness, selfishness, etc. I see clearly that, not only is God using me to train my boys to be like Jesus, He is using my boys to make ME more like Jesus!!
Angel, I appreciated your comment about “seeing the special-ness in the differences in boys and girls” — even though I don’t have girls, sometimes I catch myself comparing my rambunctuous boys to other moms’ tame, sweet little girls. Well, God did make them to be BOYS, didn’t He! (And I’m finally accepting that truth!) Oh, and regarding homeschooling rambunctuous boys, I find that’s just another great reason to homeschool. :)
Thank you for the encouragement. I’ve been struggling with all those thoughts lately as I’m trying to cook and bake in a more healthy way and the youngest just started walking and my 3yr has been especially defiant in addition to many potty misses… the thought of homesschool starting soon with my 5 and soon to be 7yr olds pretty much leaves me in tears. Knowing I’m not alone is such an encouragement!
wow…i too have a bathroom that smells like pee (yes, two boys) and a daughter, who really is a good kid, but the continual fighting ahhh; seems they know what buttons to push everytime even when i pray to have more strength! lol but after reading this….i love my kids just the way they are…i love the toys lying all over the house and under rugs..and i even love my dust bunnies!
AMEN. I am a real Mom. Thanks for keeping it REAL.
I just found this. I have a couple of very good friends that I work together with to live in reality, But I really needed this this morning! God Bless!
I am a sinner saved by grace, and a real mom. There are soon be nine of us in this house: husband, 9 yr. old son, 7 yr. old triplet sons (whom we home-school. Once paperwork is complete we will foster-to-adopt a 15 yr. old daughter, 13 yr. old son, 11 yr. old daughter. My husband is gone for the weekend and a dear sister in Christ offered to have the kids today so I have a day to myself. I turn 39 years old tomorrow which should be cause to celebrate, and yet I have battled with fretting over the messy house rather than sitting at the Lord’s feet. Thank you for encouraging me today. May God’s blessings rain down on you, may your children rise up and call you blessed, may your husband say you excel above all other women and may one day when you meet our Lord and Savior He will say to you,”Well done my good and faithful servant.”
YES! thank you! This is my life :-) I’m not a “lousy” mom, I’m a REAL mom :-)
Thank you so much for your blog site. This post couldn’t be any closer to the truth for me. I so needed to read this today. I have been really struggling with myself and my ability to be a good wife and mother. And yes, I am a REAL MOM!
Thank you for the great post i need to hear that !!! I am a real mom too!!
I am a real mom, now add a working mom onto that. Oh yeah and a home school mom who works outside the home full time. Often I feel like the lady who arranges things more than a mom. You are so blessed to be a stay at home mom! My goal is that!
I came over here from Body and Soul and saw this post. I laughed so hard. I’m a real mom. I have four kiddos one 15(almost 16) yr old daughter who came to me at 9:30tonight to give me clothes to wash for tomorrow. I told her no. She sat on the couch all afternoon and didn’t think of her laundry but I could do it for her tonight. I don’t think so…learn to be responsible.
Earlier, I told the other boys computer time was over. The youngest(6) complained of the unfairness, he didn’t have as long a turn as his brother… I told him I loved the other brother more and that’s why I made him get off… He looked at me and said ” But, I’m adorable.” Maybe I’ll be a better mom tomorrow.
Oh girl this is my heartbeat! I created my whole blog around this subject! Imperfect People in love with a perfect God. You did a great job with this! I would love to have you guest post!
Another REAL MOM checking in!
At the moment my struggle is keeping my little ADHD guy focused on finishing his homework. LOL
So thankful God’s mercies are new every day, and His grace is enough!
Thanks for your encouragement to be REAL.
This is so perfect. YES, I am a real mom through and through, struggling with a one-month old and a toddler (who is in a yelling phase, where his favorite thing to do is SHOUT) and a house that never stays clean. My life and my kids can be a total mess sometimes, it’s what makes me human! Big hugs to all the real mommies out there, we can do this!
I see this post is a couple of years old… not the message will ever wear out! Thanks for sharing. It always means a lot to me when other moms are real. I have 5 kids under the age of 4 (two sets of twins and one in between), and honestly, there are days when I wonder if it really is even possible to manage everything! I always say to my husband: “It wouldn’t matter if there were 27 hours in the day, it still wouldn’t be enough.” I’m getting over the “dying of embarassment if my floor isn’t washed when the neighbour drops by” phase. Mostly because it’s just not possible to have everything done all the time. I’m learning to let go, although I DO believe it’s important to be a good example to our children by maintaining housework and other daily chores well. The key is finding the balance. God is teaching me patience, love, kindness, self-control… and above all, to TRUST Him in every situation. Thanks again for sharing.
Thank you for posting about REAL moms…it is impossible to get everything done. There will always be a mess. I’m trying to teach my husband this right now – it can never be perfect. It’s great to know there are so many others fighting the same battles of dishes and laundry while trying to keep their monkeys from climbing the furniture. How can anyone cook a proper meal with the crazy going on?! I thank God for my husband and the fact that he plays with my son while I make dinner each night…I can’t imagine how I’d do it without him. I thank God for my son, who teaches me so much about what is important instead of urgent. I couldn’t do this without either of them.
Thank you for sharing everyone!
I, too, am a real mom. I have a 3-month-old who screams if set down for 5 seconds when I need to pee, and who has only gotten three baths in his whole life because we’re that behind on the dishes, and we’re still unpacking boxes from the move that his birth interrupted…Though it’s only our bedroom trash that smells of pee so far.
I was never any good at keeping house before he was born, so why do I worry so much about it now?
Last year i found this blog. I am glad to say that things are changing a little since the last post here. Unsubscribing from FaceBook is a big help. Meeting Laura the Heavenly Homemaker aka real mom has been a tremendous encouragement in my life. She doesn’t make you feel tense like you have to have it all together and makes you smile at your mistakes. GOD bless you, Laura! Even though i still haven’t made those simple easy burritos!!!
Hi, I’m a home schooling mum of 4 boys in the UK and I love your site! This post so so what I needed to read today and I do wish my boys could aim better too!
Last week, my friend confided in me that, even though it was late at night, and her kids were in bed, she was going to go vacuum her house, “because sometimes, it just can’t wait any longer.” She told me that she could count the number of times she had dusted her house on one hand. She is a mom I have always looked up to. And I find it so comforting that I’m not the only one who struggles to keep things tidy. I’m always a day behind on dishes. Every day I look at the rug and say how much it needs vacuuming. And my nemesis–that perpetual question “What’s for dinner?”
My name is Carma, and I am a real mom.
This is exactly what I needed right now! Thank you!
My struggle is finding a loving and godly way of explaining puberty and sex to my oldest son (eleven & a 1/2 and interested CLEARLY in girls) without dying of embarassment…. And as I look at the above comment I’m realizing that being distracted w/ cleaning the house today, I forgot to take out something for dinner… so now I have to figure out.. WHAT IS FOR DINNER LOL
I hope you don’t mind a non-Christian posting…but I was happy to see this post. I constantly feel like I’m struggling with my job out of the home, raising my daughter, taking care of our pets, and trying to keep everything in order at home with a husband who is less than supportive in anything other than his own job. I do find myself wondering constantly if other moms are struggling as I am, and I feel better knowing that they are, that it is normal, and that we are all in this together. Thanks for all of your great posts thus far.
You are absolutely welcome to post a comment – I’m glad my post encouraged you. We definitely are all in this together!
Good for you for not letting a “difference” stop you from receiving a commonality. There are some women who work well in their way. It doesn’t take from the fact that many, many of us struggle because of a false lie. There are no perfect mothers or perfect children. The words that encouraged me from a 20 year homeschooling father of many is: God didn’t call us to be successful; he called us to be faithful.
Amen, amen! There are many days I say to Him “You have more faith in me then I do. Thank you”. Just knowing that He trusts me, believes in me, sometimes that is enough to see me through for just a little longer. Thank you for the reminder!
Man, I didn’t think that I was judging myself so much (not today, at least) until the tears came suddenly in the middle of this post. Thanks for reminding us that we don’t have to be perfect or even pretend that we are. I am so grateful that I have this whole huge community of mothers that are willing to be REAL and HONEST about life and our struggles. I can’t seem to find that in the real world. How did mothers survive before the internet?! :)
Thank you!
Sisters together in Christ and in our motherhood.
This has been such a difficult topic for me over the last several months. I have 5 adopted children and with this are children that need a great amount of healing. Unfortunately, healing doesn’t come when we want it to, but it’s the work between the child and God our Father.
My issue is, not being accepted by people because of my adopted children. Three of them were our foster children and boy, can that come with a stigma. If one of my niece, nephew or grandchild comes down with some illness, they always assume it’s the cause of the foster children. Do they not realize how hurtful this is?
Some of my extended family thinks these children have been with me long enough and should be better behaved. Our children have been excluded from events because my children don’t act like “young adults”. I have chosen to not have a relationship with my family because of the stress of needing to have my children act like young adults. My family is “very” religious and tends to be judgmental.
Because I have been told that I’m not a good mother by one relative and she said she was speaking for the family,(She has never been married nor had children) I want to isolate myself from events that include children and people I know.
I hope this is an okay blog to let it all out. I am so stressed and feel like I don’t have anyone to talk with that would really understand. Thanks for listening.
I’m very thankful you shared your concerns and pain here – this is the perfect place! It sound like, no matter what others are saying or thinking, that you are doing a wonderful job of loving on this children who need you so much. Way to go! May God continue to give you the strength to serve Him in this way.
Please email me…our stories are very similar & I’d love to get to know you better!
I have 5 adopted children also:-)
I’m Annie….you can contact me at [email protected]
Here it is again just I’m case it blocks my email from showing!!
Ppbcportland at gmail dot com!!
Really hope to hear from you:-)
Warmly,
Annie
sometimes when we do what God has called us to do we are misunderstood the mots by family. jAbaraham left his family and land to do…round back to what the Word of God say’s and you cannot go wrong. How courageous to offer up your love to His children. You can do it ! Recieve His grace if only by your faith filled words and know that your works are not what it’s about. Look up a pastor I have loved learning from-Joseph Prince and wallow in God’s Grace and see what happens. love to you and your precious gifts from God.
Me too!!
Couldn’t have said it better today. I can’t believe I stumbled upon this post today of all days! Was just assembling my end of the day status update for Facebook to read something like this, “Well, on some days of parenting, if nothing else worked, at least I can put them to bed.” Thanks for the encouragement.
I am a real Mom!
I am a real mom with real grey hair to prove it! Thank you for the reminder that we all face the same questions; am I doing this right and what else can I do?
I am as equally thankful for this post!
Yesterday my 3 year old had a crying fit on the way into the YMCA and all the way upstairs to kids care because I had no snacks in the car!!!! Then she had another crying fit because I picked out the treats for her sister and brother for after school treats…. Oh and not just crying, no of. Ourselves not, it was screaming and kicking my car seat,,,Everyday I think that I am a flawed mother.
Today while making cookies I ran out of peanut butter, it’s an easy fix, but I had just returned from the store.
Mothers, I get it….
Oh, and Laura, my bathroom smells like pee too!
haha! This made me laugh. My bathroom used to smell like pee.
All the boys (yes, Dad too) in my house sit down now.
They have great aim … it just splashes out because they’re tall!
Problem solved.
It splashes out CUZ THEY’RE TALL!!
DUH!!! That is so helpful to me! I couldn’t figure out why our bathrooms get so messy when I make it a point to clean them (well, I clean the main one – my boys are responsible for cleaning theirs)so often, esp now that my boys are 16 & 18. This explains it!
Now if I can just convince my 6’4″ almost 17 yr old to sit down to pee!!!!
I am such a real mom! It’s so comforting to know I’m not alone. I keep having those moments where Satan tries to filter in lies… “you’re not good enough for these kids” or “you’re messed up”, etc…
Striving to grow in Christ and teach my kids the God way at the same time = VERY REAL MOM here!
I am a real mom! I struggle with the daily guilt trip of not spending enough time with my kids and husband. I am going back to school for nursing and that doesn’t leave time for much of anything else. I feel horrible when I am having to study instead of spending time with my kids. Everyone says, “It will be worth it”. I am not sure about that. But I don’t want to be a quitter. I don’t want my kids to start something and think it’s ok to quit. I have a lot riding on my decision. So I definitely know how you feel and this guilt trip we put ourselves on. We will never measure up to the expectations we have put on ourselves. I am glad to know I am not the only one who struggles.
I think we all need to remind ourselves that life is a SPIRITUAL battle ground and none of us can survive the struggle on our own. Satan definitely does have it in for us all and I can just picture him when he encourages us to try to do everything and then sits back and laughs at us when we fail. At times like this I have to remember that God says he will give me everything I need to accomplish HIS will, this includes sending me the power of his Holy Spirit which I choose to believe is a real being that I just can’t see now with my less than perfect human eyes.
We also need to remember to develop deep meaningful relationships with other mothers who can be warriors for us (in prayer and other ways) when the going gets tough and we are unable to advocate for ourselves. Thanks to my friend Andrea for lifting me up to the Father today and for reminding me to tell Satan (again) that he has no place in my house.
I’m so glad to know that I’m not the only one with bathrooms that smell like pee. It creaps up on me and I can’t seem to figure out where it is coming from–the smell; I know where the pee comes from.
I struggle with a multitude of day-to-day problems too:
Hubby puts salt on everything he eats and teaches my babies to do it too.
Little boy who won’t wear a coat, or long sleeves, or long pants. Winter is coming on … I want walk (with him in the stroller) what to do?
Bigger boy who won’t comb his hair before school. I *try* to tell myself “It’s his hair.” As he walks out of the house with bedhead hair sticking in all directions.
Plus, a small helping of the poignant struggles like chronic health problems and other soul tempering, humility producing, patience demanding pains that hone off the indurite parts of my personality.
I know I commented when this came out two years ago but I can’t tell you how many times I have thought of this post. Thank you for being brave enough to write this. It encouraged me again today :)
i am a real mom…. :-)
Just stumbled on the this site. I am a real mom too, reading these post were very comforting. I know mothering matters just some time feel so down in the dumps. Thanks for the encouragement. If it make anyone feel better it’s past 8 pm and none kids are ready for bed yet :)
Thanks Kathy! I had to smile at yours because there are many nights that its the same here at my house!
Yup, I am a real mom too! I was a very real mom today! Holly above said, “I think we all need to remind ourselves that life is a SPIRITUAL battle ground and none of us can survive the struggle on our own.” is such a true statement! I appreciate the post, but even more appreciate the REAL MOMS who have left a reply. Thank you!
I’m a real mom! And as my 6 kids wildly abandon their school lessons for a lunch break, I want to say thank you to all of you real moms out there for your encouragment. Now, I think I will go join my kids.
Thanks!
Me too! I have 2 girls through college, one on her own and 8 to go! Thank goodness I’m raising His kids. I can’t imagine what life would be like without Him. I only have 2 boys…it’s the 7 girls in the bathroom! Ladies, keep on schooling, cleaning, and loving. My grandson is proof it was all worth it! (Even if we didn’t get to science today, had a breakdown during math, there’s not a clean towel in the house and it’s grilled cheese for dinner…)
To Lanette – from one adoptive mom to another… I’m sure you’re a wonderful mom and have wonderful children. I think it’s good to distance yourself from family members who are questioning your parenting and causing you stress – you and your children don’t need negative energy. Hopefully they will come around and will respect you and adore your children. Peace to you and your family.
Thanks, Kris
I have distance myself and praying they will change. It has been hard especially during the holidays.
You know, my husband tells me all the time that I’m believing a lie from the enemy when I go on and on about how I just don’t measure up in comparison to “other moms”… but I never fully believed him until I read this post. I suppose I’m just surrounded by an unusual crop of particularly capable wives and moms who seem to have it all together. So it really is easy to believe that I’m second rate. But you and my husband are right. That is precisely how the enemy gets under my skin and I have been allowing him to deceive me. Guess I just needed to hear it from another mom. So, thank you for that!
Also, regarding the bathroom that smells like pee – my four year old son has come up with a clever solution. This afternoon, I walked to the kitchen window to check on him as he was playing in the back yard. I arrived just in time to watch him pee from the top step of the ladder leading to his almost-finished tree house that his daddy is building for him. Problem solved! He also has a solution for pooping in the potty, because we all know how inconvenient that is for a little boy who just wants to be outside all day! But … that story involves my flower beds, and might not be appreciated by all who read this. :)
Thanks for the encouragement! So grateful to know I’m not alone. I’m SO a real mom! :)
I, too, am a real mom. Thank you for this encouraging post. I know in my heart I’m a good mom, but doubt that in my head. Sometimes my heart and my head fight and I just need to remember to trust my heart because that is where Jesus lives and not listen to my head when the enemy is telling lies to the insecurity in my head.
This is a wonderful post, I think we all need this reminder from time to time! Also, if fits, a messy house, and unwanted boogers make you a real mom, then I am DEFINITELY a real mom!
I am a real mom! I too have struggled with these thoughts. That maybe I didn’t go over the alphabet with my 2 yr old (almost 3) enough, or do enough crafts, or teach him about God enough. Or maybe I didn’t help build my 1 yr olds creative imagination today, or hold her enough when she wanted my attention becuase I was too busy with some other motherly/wife/work task. I work 1-2 days a week as an RN and it kills me when I’m there becuase all I want to do is be at home. My 1 yr old has been walking, but not more than 5 steps. Today, I missed her first long walk, from kitchen to living room..as well as her first independent turn going down our small slide. It’s hard to give yourself fully to everything…it’s an every day growth and struggle to be 100% where you are. Sometimes you just have to work for obvious reasons, but it’s difficult when your heart is home. And goodness knows there are other reasons for feeling like I’m a real mom. It’s so encouraging to hear from other mom’s, whether there able to be home all the time, in school, or have a amazing adopted family of 5. Thanks for sharing this post!
What a blessing of a post. I am up to my ears in making Christmas gifts and trying to have my family cook and eat better. This post is so encouraging. Now off to wipe the boogers off my wall…
Oh what a wonderful post!!! And was needed in such a huge way right now for me. Thank you Laura and to all the other ladies who responded. I am a real mom and I am not alone!
It was so nice to hear that other moms are not all perfect. When my kids don’t listen to me and refuse to eat the perfectly good food I make for them, I start to feel like “Why am I doing this?” But it’s good to know that others are struggling sometimes and I just have to remember that God gave me these children and to remember that he doesn’t give us more than he knows we can handle.- so they say… and I think “Why me?” But I know God had his reasons even though they are hard to see.
I’m a real mom, and I so desperately needed this tonight. It’s been an awful day, and we’ve had some rough weeks these past few weeks. I have believed the lie that I’m not good enough, that I don’t do enough of this or that, that my house is a constant mess because I’m not prioritizing my time (I homeschool our two oldest kids, ages 7 and 4, keep the 1 year old entertained, and am expecting #4 in a couple of months)…the list goes on and on. Thanks for an honest and refreshing post, one that reminds us that none of us is perfect, yet God still loves us.
I am a real mom…and I feel it…every single day…
Thank you for this post! I was hoping to be able to like it on Facebook to share with my friends. I think that they would benifit to it also! I know that I struggle with these things also! Thank goodness for the body of Christ and the unmessurable grace that our Lord and Savior gives us!
When I copied the url into my fb post a link popped up!
Thank you! I’m not very good with the computer stuff.
I have been struggling with this since my second child was born….that I can’t do everything perfectly all the time. I have to remind myself that the only person who cares (or notices) is me. My Mother asked me one evening what I remembered of my childhood. I responded with being happy, feeling loved, and having fun with my family. She asked me if I remembered our house being clean, laundry done, beds made, etc. My answer was no. Her response was because it doesn’t matter. You love your children and God. That, and only that, makes you a good mother….and the rest will come. That has helped me more than anything. So I am trying to play and laugh and love more, the dishes can wait! I am a real Mom!!!
I love your blog. It is the best blog I have discovered in such a long time. It is informative and inspiring. I keep interrupting my husband’s playoff game to tell him about everything I am learning. Go 49ers! :)
AMEN!! it’s a daily thing for me to doubt myself, for me to wonder if i should hand my kiddos over to another, because i obviously am messing it all up. Feeling incompetent as a mama is horrible, but real. and why do “surprise” guests only surprise you when your house is upside down??? they never surprise you when everything is neat and tidy. i am glad i am not alone and i promise you are not alone either. From missing socks; to burnt dinner; to sticky floors; to defiant sneaky lil demons oh, i mean defiant, sneaky lil boys; to pee covered bathrooms (didnt i just clean the bathrooms an hr ago???)……….i’ve been there, i’m there, Lord help me. I constantly pray, Lord i know you will not give me more than i can handle, but must you trust me sooo much??? sending kudos and mama power to all the real mamas.
I’m a real mom, with real boogies on the wall, a bathroom that smells used, kids who show me that just when I think we’ve got things down, there’s always room to grow, laundry & dishes & meals that need doing when I’ve no time or energy to do them all the way I’d like. I’m a real mom who, when I just open my eyes to what really matters, can see that children really are a blessing from the Lord, & that toys are meant to be played with, food is meant to be eaten, dishes & clothes are meant to be dirtied & cleaned & dirtied again, toilets are meant to be peed in, furniture & books & all this other stuff is meant to be used…& when a family with 6 children uses things, we really use them! I’m a real mom, with real children, & all of us are learning to be Christ-like together…so yeah, they mess up, but, man, so do I! God gives us grace, & we all need to give it to each other, as a family, & as Christians. Thanks for the post, Laura, & for all the comments, Real Moms!
Thank you so much for this! It’s like you’ve been inside my head (and my house). My husband’s been deployed for almost 11 months, and I constantly struggle with not keeping up with everything, and feeling like I’m failing my girls. So encouraging to read these words, and know I’m not alone.
I am a real mom of 2 beautiful children. I have tried to be perfect for so many years. As a diagnosed OCD. My house used to be spotless,and sanitized on a nightly basis. Having children is the best cure for that. I am great at picking up toys, and cooking healthy meals, but the floors, bathrooms, and dogs get the least of my attention. I have looked away as my child dropped her cracker on the floor and picked it up to eat it. Let my kids take a nap with left over food on the tips of their noses. I found a wet diaper in the back of my car from days ago. I love being a mom, more than anything else, but I do spend a lot of time trying to break the chains of my family past, and I feel way too guilty every time I make one mistake. When people warned you of the sacrifices you must make to have children, no one mentioned the constant second guessing I always do on myself in my parental decision making. And I loose many hours of sleep trying to problem solve things i wish I could have handled better, for the next time.
I am a real mom. I have a 22 month old son who has a tantrum at least once an hour each and every day! I pray A LOT…mostly for patience! :)
Really needed this true reminder today b/c I have been pretty hard on myself for not being the perfect mom. This morning I realized that what I want to be is Martha Stewart, and not even Martha Stewart is the “Martha Stewart” that we know.
I remember one time I was beating myself up because I was trying so hard to be that “perfect mom”. But then I heard God say that, if I was a “perfect mom” there would be no need for a God. That put me in my place.
sooooo true!
You just made my night! I laughed out loud when I read this post. I am a real mom in a world of “non real” moms. At least that is MY perception.I have four children 4,6,7,9 and they love to play. I laugh and sing and dance and play too. My home is not perfect, I know it should be better. My kids are happy, my husband is happy, I need to just get happy too. Perfection…nope! Love….yes!
Thank You! I’m a real mom too! So many times when I look around my house I think that other moms’ houses probably don’t look as messy as mine. So I was so glad to read this post! I actually found this blog through links from other blogs when I was searching out tips for keeping an orderly house! My confession is that I sometimes leave the kitchen a mess at night. I know that is the cardinal sin, but keeping the kitchen clean is so hard for me. And getting laundry put away. One day at a time, the Lord is giving me ideas to help manage my time and change my habits, making ALL things new. But this post was a nice breeze of fresh air, just to remember that because I struggle doesn’t mean I am a failure. Thank you!
I’m a real mom! Homeschooling kids, keeping a home, appointments and schedules and trying to keep them all fed and healthy. And also minister to others when I get the chance. Somedays it is very overwhelming. Some days I find myself ready to cry before the day even starts. But then I kneel next to my bed and I thank God that for some reason unknown to me, He has faith in ME! And I am humbled beyond words! Awed and humbled! And I think He must be crazy. LOL! But if He has faith in me, and He knows all things, then I can relax and know that imperfect me is doing something right. And that’s enough. :)
I’m definitely a real mum. I have two boys aged 11 and 9 – they both have Autism, and the youngest also has ADHD just for fits and giggles. I don’t homeschool, as I know my own limitations in the patience department. I’m slowing working my way through some of the recipes on this site, which is not easy because for people with Autism, change from routine is just not the done thing.
As a solo mum on a benefit/welfare, I have to work at least part-time (a stipulation of being on a benefit – there is a lot less stigma attached to getting a benefit here in NZ, like I have seen portrayed in some US telly programmes), which I do for a government-funded home-help organisation. So getting some time to myself does not include hanging out the washing on the line, nor doing the dishes. More often than not, my place can look like a bomb has gone off in the lounge/kitchen/bathroom. And sometimes I need to come before the house. Especially so I don’t run the risk of a burnout.
I’m not a religious person as such, but I am a believer in that we are dealt certain life cards for a reason. We are only given what we can actually handle, with a bit of help once in a while. Test and challenge us? For sure! Push us right to the edge? Yes. But ultimately unable to handle? No, I don’t think it works like that.
Sorry for the essay.
PS: a neat wee trick I used for the toilet when my boys were learning to aim – put a table tennis/ping pong ball in the toilet bowl. I had a ball in my toilet for a number of years, and never had an issue with it being flushed once (no matter how hard or what they tried). You do need to use a new ball every so often though, as they can get a bit mouldy. My boys liked it when they could get the ball to spin!
You have no idea how much this article and all the comments have encouraged me. I have a three and a half year old boy and a baby on the way and I thought hormones were making me emotional. Now I realize that I was just being too hard on myself. I want to be the perfect wife and the perfect mommy who is in Proverbs 31. I felt like a failure because my toddler prefers to be with Daddy than with teaching/disciplining/bathing/cooking/cleaning/Bible-studying/praying mommy. I keep chanting the scriptures to myself but my family’s actions are contradicting what I’m praying for. Anyway, I’m going to ease up on myself, and take it day by day, not worrying about tomorrow just like Jesus tells us to do. God bless you for this blog.
I am a REAL mom and I’m standing up!
I am a REAL mom! Chinese, Asian and working but not a tiger mum. Stumbled upon your site through Lifehacker. Will try your recipes. They look lovely~
I am a REAL mom! It is certainly a daily challenge to handle and cope with the stresses of being a mother and wife and all that entails. I am learning to go to my knees more and ask God for help and strength. As a friend reminded me recently God didnt call us to to take the easy way. and through these struggles we realize we can not do it on our own, he wants to help us and direct our paths!
Feel blessed to have found this site, we are not alone ladies!
Grateful,
Johni
I’m a real MOM and I now know that you will always be a MOM no matter how old your kids are. But, ya know what? When life gets tuff even tho the kids are not at home anymore, one will stop by and and I realise I did a darn good job! I LIKE my kids! I will always love them, and sometimes you don’t like what they do as they are learning their way in life, I can sit down and talk to all of them and I really like them as their own selves. It makes my day and my prayers a little easier.
But always remember to lie down and take a nap! Then say a thank you, more please, prayer when you get up.
As real a mom as it gets. making home, goine to school, having to work, 4 kids one on the way…
Love your blog! I was recently introduced to it by Amanda @ Better Is Little.
We are at the very beginning of our healthy eating journey. You’re such an encouragement!
We have 6 children: oldest daughter,6, twins, daughter,5 & son,5, daughter,4, son,2, & daughter, 11 1/2 mos.
Let’s just say that I’m glad our walls don’t talk! They’d say things like, “And she calls herself a Christian?” “Those poor children, listen to her pitching a fit!”
It’s a bit overwhelming, but I know the LORD’s way is the best! I could not ask for better children! They are a joy!
I’ve been reading your blog for several months, and came back to read this post, because it is such an encouragement. Thank you for being honest, thank you for your encouragement. I, too, am a real mom.
I’m a real mom. Definitely.
I needed to read this today, as I’m exhausted & feeling overwhelmed. Nice to read as it reminded me I’m not alone & no one is perfect.
Love, love, love this! I totally feel that way sometimes, and we have 4 kids (10, 6, 5, and 2), and my husband is in the military and travels a lot. SO glad you were brave enough to type it out, and it totally happens here too!!
Yep, I am a real mom as well. So humbled by you and all that I read on your blog. Thank you for being so real!
Here, here! I’m with you, sister! :)
Thank you for reminding me that doing God’s will isn’t always easy and it teaches me to be humble and patient. And boy oh boy does the devil NOT want me to homeschool and teach my girls to follow Jesus.
Our dog poops on the floor! :(
The sink is always full of dirty dishes & the counters are always dirty.
Just what I needed to hear. I hate the voice in my head that says “You can’t handle the kids you’ve got. What makes you think you should have more?” Every day is a challenge that I’m happy to face with my Lord. THank you God that I’m not alone!
Thank you for that! I feel like I’m the only mom who doesn’t have everything under control, but then again, just because people say their lives are perfect or act like it, doesn’t really mean that everything at home IS perfect…we need to cut ourselves a break. We should strive to do our best, but remember that this life will sometimes be a mess! We have something perfect to look forward to later on, and it lasts for eternity!! I love being home with my children, I wouldn’t miss it for anything :-)
I’m a real mom… I struggle with keeping toilets clean and getting myself off the computer to spend time with my kids… We all struggle.
My life has turned upside down. We found out the dear father of our 7 children has a prolactinoma, a tumor of the pituitary gland about 1 inch big around and encasing the pit and maybe even the optical nerve or nerves.. We were doctoring for hypothyroidism when a new doctor found this for us just last Friday March 31st. Yesterday we received news of the tumor. I am so scared, night time is the worst. I am Paula Lucas and Husband Nathan Lucas family of Kalona, Iowa. We so need your prayers. May GOd have mercy on us and stop the rapid growth, tha t we can learn and grow and come out on the other side better. That my husband would not lose His eyesight, that they can get all the tumor out… Thank you and please forgive me for any bother.. so desperate feelling right now..
Paula, I am so sorry to hear about your husband’s tumor. I am sending prayerrs that wll will be cured through God who gives us strength. Know that others do care and are prayeing with you!
Praying for you and your family, Paula.
So sorry to hear of your family’s struggle with cancer!
Saying a prayer for you right now!
Praying for you and your family. May God give you strength and bless your husband with healing.
kids and i praying for you now
Paula, I just read your post from this past April. Your family will be in my prayers.
How are all of you doing? I am also praying that you have a good support system of family and Christian brothers and sisters that are walking with you in this difficult time.
As a mom who has 4 biologically and 4 adopted, people almost elevate me to sainthood when they hear we have adopted 4. I sometimes feel pressure to be perfect when they say “I don’t know how you do it.”. Well the truth is sometimes I don’t do it!! Sometimes especially Sunday mornings my house looks like a tornado hit it! Many days there is a basket of clean laundry in my room helplessly waiting to be folded only to be joined by a new load… I am a real mom too and no, I don’t alway have the perfectly clean house. Yes I do raise my voice at my children over trivial things. But with the Lord’s tender mercy I try my best and although I fail more often than I care to admit, I keep going with His grace. Thank you for your honesty.
Oh my, it is so easy to believe we are alone when we KNOW we are not! THANK-YOU for the reminder!! I am a real mom, trying each day, to do a little better than the day before – sometimes it works, sometimes I back track. But, God so wonderfully helps me keep pressing on toward the goal. Blessings to all mothers out there!
I am sooo a real mum (we say that with a u here in Australia) to 6 children. Today I lost it a bit when my 3 1/2 year old pulled the knitting off my needles while I was grinding wheat to make bread and now the kids are outside throwing things at each other while I am trying to find a pasta recipe on the internet. Oh and did I mention that none of them talk, they only yell, in spite of my continuous “soft voices guys”. Real mum for sure!
I loved reading this. And helllloooooo real mom here! Thank you for posting.
Real mom.
As I am reading this, I’m trying not to feel guilty about the mountain if dishes I need to do. (That’s just the first task I need to tackle.) Thank you Laura for the reminder that Satan is a work here, too. Thanks for all real Moms for sharing, too.
To add to the above: Not to sound like a pessimist, I am also
trusting in the power and grace of the Lord!
Thank you. It’s nice to be reminded that I’m not alone in this tornado-path of imperfection. When the kids refuse to cooperate, dinner’s not done when I want it to be, and the house looks like the wrath of God even though I KNOW I spent all day working on it, it’s hard to feel like you’re doing it right.
Update on Paula’s hubby and family and being a REAL MOM in a crisis. GOD is answering many prayers and taking my mothering skills to a new level through all this. Thank you for all the prayers. We are finding peace in the storm. The diagnosis is not as desperate or scary as it was at first.. We are adjusting to a new normal.. DH is on a med to shrink tumor and lower prolactin levels, NO surgery YET!! ?.. I am working on being more nurturing to my family, though, would like to run and hide at times.. Thank you DEAR PEOPLE for praying for a stranger!! I feel those prayers and that is what will get us through..
Praying for you, your husband, and your family.
I’m a real mom. There never seems to be enough time in the day to get this house to look the way I want it to. Thanks to all you other real moms out there! It’s nice to know I’m not the only imperfect one on the quest to bring up a holy family and keep a nice home. <3
I’m a real mom. My house is not sparkling clean and probably never will be. :)
I’m a real mom to 5 girls ages 7 months to 18 years. It feels like the baby is never happy unless I hold her, which I do while I work, all the while my arm cramps and some days I think… really? I used carriers but now she tries to escape them. O.O My now 3 yr old thinks she is WAY smarter than me, and some days I agree. My 5 year old talks all the time wanting my full attention and I find myself saying, “Not right now honey,” more than I would like. My 10 yr old is entering an early puberty and is uber sensitive, crying at the drop of a hat. My 18 yr. old is super creative and off mentally half the time when I need her help. Today I lost my temper and yelled in front of the kids at my husband, which I never do. My days are filled with cleaning, noise, boogers, gassy children, (did I mention that I have all girls? lol) 2 puppies, one that eats its own poop, a new batch of fleas, cooking, baking, writing, (I’m an author), homeschooling, and Jesus. Yep, I’m a real mom!
I am indeed a real mom:) this article and several others touched my heart this morning!! I really didn’t realize how much I needed the encouragement and words of truth!!! At least once a day I think to myself….wow, I am such a failure at…..you fill in the blank!! or, these moms on the internet with all the blogs and tips are just so perfect! that can’t be real…but, what if it is….and I am just a failure!! I know in my heart that no one is perfect…but, man, it seems that way quite often:S Thank you so much for your candid words! so true! God’s approval and guidance is all that we need ever think about! everything else will follow behind:) Blessed with messes and struggles:) they make you appreciate the calm waters:) to all you other mommies out there…..keep your eyes looking up and God will guide your feet:)
Hi, my name is Laura and I am a real mom. Thank you for this reminder. My bathrooms stink, too.
i am so much a real mom!!! thanks i needed it
I So needed this today, this might be months or even years down the road from the first post,but is Definantly a Great Post! Thank You so much….
Its so nice to hear that there are other Moms out there that are ‘REAL’!!
((hugs)) to all of you…… And God Bless You Laura for posting this Blog and giving us all Hope and Great Food!
THANK YOU so much for BEING REAL!!! I went down your list and I said “same here” to all of them. Had a chuckle too because it’s so nice to see I’m not alone! God Bless!
Real mom of seven here. Although the house is cleaner than it used to be when they were all very little, there’s all sorts of new attitudes and struggles now that four are teenagers. I’m facing sending the first to college and wondering if he will choose to follow the Lord… after 18 years of hearing the Truth. It’s scary. We all have to make our own choices.
Great post. Thanks for keepin’ it real!
The UPS man said it best! One day I went to the door with at least 3 substances on my clothes; spit up, paint, the other unknown! He smiled and said, “Wow, you’re a real mom!”
HA!!!
Mountain of laundry – check
Sink full of dishes – check
I only REALLY clean the bathroom when we’re expecting company.
HOWEVER….I have cookies baking in the oven and have been lying on the floor coloring on HUGE paper with my 2 kids (5 and 2) all morning! This is the life:) The beautiful, messy, sometimes chaotic, wonderful life!
Well, it seems like being a heavenly homemaker has just gotten harder. My daughter left home and called DHS on us. This is not want I thought my family would be like. This year has got to be the worst year of my life between this and my husband’s tumor. He is stable by the way and GOD is giving grace, but, we have a long way to go. The stress we are under with our daughter leaving unexpectedly is not helping any with his situation. Please pray for my daughter who is 18. Pray that she will turn her heart toward home. Thank you, my friends.
Continuing to pray for you and your family…
I am a very real mom, married to a very real husband, and we have two very real children! So glad you wrote this post! I tend to be one who thinks others have it all together… and that can make me discontent with my life. It’s good to be reminded we all have failures, and we all have strengths. Thanks!
All of this is so very true! What is perfection? Am I striving to reach the world’s view of perfection? Or perfection in love? Questions I ask often. I think the days when my house is a mess and my kids feel loved and nurtured, God approves. He approves the dust bunnies, 3 meals worth of “left overs” on the table, dishes piled high, dinner an hour late, and the wet diaper still in the corner. But sometimes I get so homemakery that I forget. Then I write “play with children” or “look at children” on my list of things to get done. Otherwise it’s just too easy to go from one task to another saying, “Just a minute, sweetheart,” or “After I get this done, okay.” Thank you to everyone who admits to not being perfect by the world’s standard! I am a real mom.
I have felt this way so many times! Thank you for sharing these thoughts and letting us know we are all in the same boat; trying to perfect “momhood/wifehood”. It does get over whelming at times when it all seems to be going wrong, and you are studying and praying to do things God’s way and the devil keeps throwing rocks (boulders!!) at you. We just can’t give up!
That’s right- I AM A REAL MAMA! My children don’t always listen. They argue. Are typical messy, wild and crazy children. And they fight with one another. Sometimes I honestly believe they could drive the Pope to pray. But they are mine, and a reflection of my never-ending love for them. There is nothing in this worlthat is more important. Yes, I struggle. Struggle with the messes, neverending laundry, patience (or sometimes lack thereof), paying the bills on time, and schedules (Shew, schedules).. I work full time, as does my sweet husband, and sometimes I wish there were more hours in the day to do it all, and enjoy it more. But at the end of the day I try to always remind myself that I am not perfect, I cannot always do it all, I have faults, my children won’t remember the messes but a mother and father who have alway been crazy in love with them and each ther. That we are so very blessed, safe, healthy, and loved. And most importantly, are not alone in this journey called life, as the dear Lord is walking with us every step of the way. So all you Mama’s give yourself a hug, cut yourself a break, and breathe…because as my Mama always said during tough and trying times, this too shall pass.
As a mother I always strive to be perfect but in all reality I have already failed in my thinking. There r times that I go to bed at night upset with myself an the way I handled a particular situation with my two year old and promise myself that I will handle it differently tomorrow. And then tomorrow comes and I fail myself again. I am lucky to have a well behaved toddler and tons of help from my husband, mother, and in-laws but I can’t help but feel defeated on a day to day basis. It is nice to know that I am not alone in this struggle. I say a prayer ever night for all the mothers Out there and I hope that everyone is continuing to pray for me. God bless us all!
I am a real mommy!! I love 2 Corinthians 12:9- “My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” We are free to fail & be imperfect because Christ is strong & perfect FOR us!
I am thankful for your post. I am a real momma. I have written several blogs about hos inadequate I feel, and am I suppose, at doing it all.
So real…
Yes, yes, that sounds like it. My parenting struggle, the biggest one? Aren’t tantrums supposed to be limited to the terrible twos? I mean that a tad flippantly, as I am referring to myself, not my daughter who IS in her terrible twos. I don’t follow the Christian faith though I do believe that Jesus was a great soul.
Question. If I choose to be notified of follow-up comments for one post and not on another, does you blog recognize it as 2 different requests or will the latest choice override the previous one(s)?
It recognizes it as two different requests. You will continue to receive follow up emails from each post you’ve requested them from. :)
real momma here with the daily grind of a house full of living bulldozers to prove it! Found this website while trying to find recipes that line up with the maker’s diet. We started it 6 weeks ago and my littlest one with health issues is off medication and doing much better. It’s so nice to hear from other moms that care about their family and sacrifice pieces of themself (like perfection, relaxation and independence.. lol)to raise up a healthy family. Good Job ladies! I can tell I am going to love this webpage!
Just found your site today, and I feel so inspired by it. Thank you for your honesty, insights, and your great tips! I’m a real mom with 4 kids 8yrs and under. It is my favorite job ever– even on the bad days.
I just found this website, and I’m making it my homepage!
I have five sons, and find that the latest issue is convincing my 3 year old that he cannot wear the same underwear two days in a row. He really likes the camouflage print. And of course no, turning them backwards or inside out doesn’t mean they were clean on the other side.
I’m still reminding my 5 year old that you can’t say, “I’ve washed my hands,” if you haven’t used soap! Come on. And here’s my slogan:
“A simple thing, is simple to do.”
All the best to you real Mom’s out there. :)
Thanks, Laura for a very great post that hit home! We not only often have a mountain of laundry in our room that I try to get folded only to have more coming (I have frequently asked my family to just quit wearing clothes but my husband doesn’t feel that would be appropriate :) LOL! I was kidding of course) and my sink has a continual supply of dishes, etc, but we have animals that help make bigger messes. Though I have so many stories of home catastrophes I was thinking of writing a joke book :), one of my favorites was one of those rare days when my house was looking acceptable, I decided to tie our milk cow in various placesaround the outside of the house to eat down the grass as our mower was down. Our master bedroom has an exterior door with one of those pretty lever handles that you push down on, but it’s normally locked…well, after coming home from a trip to town, mt older son came running in from our room shouting to me that the cow was in our room!!! She not only got mud all over the floor, she ate a PILLOW CASE off a pillow and pooped in my husband’s slipper. I NEVER would have thought she would open the dor and come on in. Needless to say, I felt like an idiot and it was yet another mess I got to clean up. :) Good times! I am DEFINITELY a real mom!
Thank you for the encouragement and the reminder others struggle and are not perfect, either.
The thought continuously cross my mind, “am I only one not able to keep everything clean and organized.”
Miranda
Thank you for this blog!! I struggle with these feelings daily, it feels like this blog was written just for me! I am a real mom for sure!!
This real mom needed this tonight. Thank you. :)
Thank you for your post. I’m one of those women who everyone thinks has it all together. Husband with successful job, 5 kids 10 and under, active in church, a farm, constantly making butter or cheese with our raw milk, or baking whole wheat bread, crocheting slippers for hubby, out delivering lambs, etc. Yep, it’s all a sham. Well, not completely since I really do enjoy those things, but I don’t have it all together. Our house only gets cleaned when we have company over. Luckily, we live in the boondocks so not many people come. I think the kitchen gets swept maybe once a month (thank goodness for our dog). I bought my kids extra clothes at Goodwil just so I would only have to do laundry once every 2 weeks. My kid’s teachers all think they’re the sweetest kids ever, but the minute they walk in the door, its constant fighting no matter how much I try to get them to treat each other as nice as they treat their friends at school. I have a hard time getting myself off the computer or out of a book to spend quality time with my kids. I’m sure I don’t appreciate them enough. So those who think everyone else has it together; we don’t. At all. You just can’t see our failures as clearly as you see your own problems.
And Kelly – I’m so sorry about the cow getting into your bedroom. I get so frustrated when someone doesn’t latch the barn door fully and the cows/sheep make a mess in the barn. I can only imagine the amount of damage/smell she produced in your bedroom.
Thanks, Kristy! As you know, with many animals, there always seems to be someone out, or making a mess or something fun! The good thing about all of that was that my parents got a great laugh….so much so that I thought my dad was going to fall out of his chair. So, I figure it’s all o.k if we can keep smiling. I smiled to myself when you said you only clean for company because that is what we have to do. I am always cleaning something, but when company comes (which is also not too terribly often, the whole house looks nice at once! What a treat! It never lasts long, but it is nice for that short time, and when that company comes they think I have it all together, too! HA!
Love this! It’s so true.
I am literally crying as I read this! I love the Lord with all my heart and strive to be the woman/mother/daughter/wife/friend,etc… He wants me to be, but always left feeling NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Yuck!! Always, Always feeling like everybody has it together better than me and if I could only do better. Well, I know these are lies from the enemy, but he sure makes them convincing sometimes. Thank you for being real and available for other women to receive from and glean from your hard work and labors. From my heart, Thank You. Thank you for loving the Lord and your family, more than this temporary world we call home for right now. We serve an AMAZING GOD! ALL Glory, Honor and Praise to Jesus my Savior. Thank you Lord for real sisters in Christ. Nicole
What a nice blog! Yes Im a real mom and I was a real mom before being a real mom was cool:) We have 11 children, 8 still at home (4 with the Lord) and Im pretty sure I have done everything wrong at least once:) One thing I have learned is that we are all in the same boat! Though not all of us can readily admit it:) I also know that in and of myself I can do no good thing! It is Christ in me! Being a mother is having the wonderful opportunity to be a living example of Amazing Grace! Doesnt that sound sweet? May the Lord strengthen all of us who purpose to train up our children for His glory! God bless!
With tears in my eyes I say “I’m a real mom”. Thank you for a beautiful, God-inspired post that encouraged me 3 years after you wrote it.
I too am a “real mom”. I am nearly finished raising 5 children with 2 teenage daughters left. One of them has a disability that will keep her in my care for years to come. Even though I have 30 years of experience I still struggle and wonder at the challenges, even with my adult children. I am still “striving” everyday to understand this journey. We live in a world that expects us to be perfect. I’ve learned to laugh, cry, pray, have patience, and love myself anyway because I’m so imperfect. I’ve learned to never give up no matter where you are in this process of raising the next generation. This article is an inspiration. Thanks for sharing!
Oh, I’m definitely a real mom!! I have two kids: a 6 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. Right now, I’m the breadwinner in the family (my husband lost his job as a worship leader a few years ago and hasn’t found another yet so he’s our official “child care provider”) but I work from home, which muddies the lines even more. I feel so guilty when I’m in the middle of a work project and hubby is stressed out and my little girl comes and wants me to play with her and I tell her no. Or she asks me why I work all the time? Plus, we’re trying to make the switch to a healthier lifestyle so I’m milling flour and baking bread and making granola… which means even less focused time with the kids. AND I’m trying to tackle other areas that I’m bad at, like keeping the laundry caught up (and actually put away – novel concept!) and keeping the house cleaner (though hubby helps a lot with that). There are just too many things to feel guilty about in any given day! I’m not doing my quiet time, or i had to cut it short, i spent too much time on the computer when I wasn’t actually working, and the list goes on and on! So glad that He’s perfected me forever by His sacrifice (according to Hebrews, right?) but I certainly look like an imperfect mess most of the time!
Great post! Thanks for sharing your feelings. It’s good to know we are all in the struggle together.
I needed this today! I am the mother of 5 and an in home daycare provider. After fighting with my 12 year old and 3 year old this morning and trying to keep my rambunctious one year old off the kitchen table, I asked my husband, “Why do they hate me??” I’m a real mom. :)
I absolutely needed this, in the worst way… thank you so much for your blunt, sincere honesty.
I am reading this from my computer that is on my dining room table that, I think (if I could see the table under all of the mess) still has a Christmas table cloth on it. Thank you God for real moms who aren’t afraid to be honest. I pray that tomorrow I give myself more grace than today.
I am glad, I am not alone. Many days I feel I am the worst wife and mother of all, it is great to know I am not crazy or abnormal and encouraging to be reminded we are all a work in progress
I’ve been having a rough week, and feeling very, very sorry for myself the last couple of days. This helped a lot, as did your post on no complaining. So, I am a real mom, one who also needed that swift kick in the pants. Thank you for both posts. ;)
Wow! You nailed it, I’m a real mom. Guess the Lord knew I needed to read this today, since you obviously wrote it a long while ago. Thank you.
I’ve long since stopped caring about this.
My mother told me I need to cook soup for my kids every day. My take: they’ll be lucky if I make soup once a week. I’ve had a mom who tried to take over that ‘perfect’ role and I’m seeing that I care so little about it. She’s overbearing and difficult to deal with, she’s controlling . So do I want to be that ‘perfect’ mom? NO. Because like me, my kids will be spoon fed and won’t know how to grill a sandwich until they’re 25.
Anna,it’s wonderful that you are being the mom you want to be as they are your kids. I know many times our moms miss that mom role and think that we should do things their way, but you know what I say to that? My kids are different than I was (obviously because I am a girl and they are boys, but in their personalities as well) and their needs are different. We live in a different house, food is more expensive, kids face different things than our parents and even different things than we did as kids. Some kids don’t even like soup anymore! :) We all have to live our lives according to how we feel is best for our own families. Sometimes our parents find that disrespectful, but in time they’ll get over it. ;) And if they don’t, oh, well. We just have to love them and love our families and be the best moms we can be! Sounds like you have the perfect opportunity to teach those kids how to grill sandwiches early on.:) Thanks for sharing your heart and hang in there. I truly understand! God bless!
I feel like I’m the only one in house who sees the socks on the floor, or the dishes in the sink, or the trash spilling over. My husband and boys probably think I must be miserable all the time since I’m constantly hollering for someone to come and go do this or that. I refuse to be the only one in my household who picks up, cleans up or puts away. So I’m always barking orders a them and I feel like a drill sergeant every day. My hope is that by the time they go out into this world they will then know to put their shoes in the same spot and that clothes only get washed when they actually make it to the laundry room, and the importance of wearing deodorant. Being a real mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever been called to do but I absolutely love it!
Yup, real mom right here! :) Thanks for reminding me of that!
YES, I AM A REAL MOM!!!!!!!!!! And it is SO uplifting to be reminded that I AM ONE OF MANY!!!
This was pretty much what my birthday blog post was about! http://growingingraceandknowledge.blogspot.com/2013/04/thoughts-on-being-43.html
Thanks for reminding me I’m not alone!
*raises hand*
I am a real mom and my house is dirty, my kids are muddy and yes, my bathroom smells like pee too…sigh. Thank you for this post! Just what I needed today :-)
I’m with everyone else. Great post!!
I was trying so hard to be that “perfect” mom (yet still managing to fail) that I let my marriage fail as well. Insult to injury.
what a refreshing message. today is “one of those days” where every little correction leads to a full meltdown. girls are fighting, i’ve lost my patience, but i have hope in a new day tomorrow or maybe even a better half after nap time!
I’m a real mom. And THANK YOU for the reminder that I am not the only one :)
I totally thought I was the only one whose bathroom smelled like pee. =P Last night I caught myself wondering “How do all the other moms do it??”. And I realized the answer… One mess, one task, one hug at a time. Just like I do. With God’s grace to cover all the rest!
forever and ever. amen.
I am a real mom. I may bake my own my bread and make my children’s clothes, things that my friends cannot. But the good Lord blessed us all in different ways. I am hopelessly disorganised and rely on my friend N to remind me about all the school dates, I am terribly lazy and if it weren’t for my friend G I would never drag the kids out into the fresh air. My three kids bicker, my husband is forever elsewhere with work or clubs and I nag but we are all a blessing to each other, and that’s the important thing.
Being an “older” mom, with the last of 3 almost to leave the nest,I just want to encourage you mommies. This too shall pass (and way too soon). Just the fact that your heart is crying because you feel/think you’re not doing it right, means that you have your family as a priority, and God sees that. He will honor that. Do not get caught up in blogs where the children, and parents all “look” and “act” like angels. Even at this point, I have to stay away from those because Satan uses them to remind me that my kids and skills were far from the perfection of those blogs and pictures. They may be a blessing for some to read and look at, but this old mom is sticking with the “real life” blogs.
Great message! I am a real mom, too!
I am a real mom and I needed to hear this today. Thank you for the reminder.
Oh boy, this was a message I needed to hear TODAY! The Lord is so good and has used your blog to lift me up. I too am the mom of 4 boys and we homeschool and they’re all under the age of 7. What a week we’ve had, 3 of the 4 have been sick and so have I with a nasty spring cold and just as I was getting better, my back went out 2 days ago, and to top it all off, this morning my 2 year old got into fire ants while digging in the yard with his brothers. Did I mention we’re getting ready to head off for a homeschool convention at the end of this week. Such a struggle it has been to maintain a good attitude and to not raise my voice when things weren’t going well. I have been in Psalms this week trying to get encouragement from the Lord. (By the way, if you’re ever feeling down, I would not suggest Ecclesiastes where everything is meaningless under the sun.) Back to the story here, I must be a REAL MOM because I can identify with EVERYTHING in your article down to the very last booger and drop of pee on the toilet seat. Oh the joys of little boys. They are gifts, really, they are!
I wrote about this just yesterday…
http://heartlifewomensministry.blogspot.com/2013/04/when-im-not-enough-drowning-failing.html
Thankfully…..there is a LOT of Grace in raising kiddos and keeping a household going.
Can’t read all the comments right now (sshh, I’m at work)I will have to look this evening. But yes, I’m definitely a real Mom and this brought tears to my eyes. I see it’s an old post but still very relevant. Thx! Love to all the other “real moms” out there!
Me Me Me!!! I’m a real mom! I’m too critical, quick to yell, easily frustrated, and thankful for grace. AND glad I’m not alone.
Psalms 27:13-14 NKJV
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living. Wait on the Lord ; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord ! I’m a real mom….It’s so hard some days…but I’m believing that I will see the goodness of God!! Press on weary mommas!!! Be of good courage, tomorrows another day!! And His mercies are new all over again!
Yay!!!! This real mom is cheering (quietly so as not to wake up the sleeping kiddos) while listening to the dishwasher run at 11pm because she just didn’t get to it earlier, with unfolded laundry in the baskets in the bedroom, with more dust bunnies than she cares to think about, and sort of dirty fingernails from planting flowers. Real? Absolutely. Thank you for this wonderful reminder.
I’m a real mom! Thanks for this encouragement. :)
I’m a real mom, too. Loved this.
I’m a real mom too! Thank you for this article.
This really ministered to me this morning. I am a real mom! Thank you!
I’m a real mom! I know this is an old post but it is still encouraging. I love your blog by the way. My family is on a journey to a whole foods diet and this blog is such a great resource. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself on here, Laura. It really means so much to me to read about your life and know that I can make those changes in my own to be healthier.
I’m A real mom! Though I fail miserably, am completely tired (and stressed out about things I can’t control), and cant believe I have to get up tomorrow and start again. I believe I needed this today more than you will ever know. Thank you for writing this so long ago for me to find today.
Real mom here…thank you for your honesty. What a blessing this morning as I look at dirty laundry mountains and stinky bathrooms and all the other things that never seem done….Praise God for mothers and for the strength He does give!
I am a real mom too! It’s nice to be reminded that so many of this are in this together!
Amen! I’m a real mom too. :) Thank you!
Thank you for this encouragement. I was just crying at the fact that I am just tired of parenting today. Tired of the bickering among my children today. Yes, it’s been raining for a week, and we are all a bit stir crazy. But I just feel like I’ve said every encouraging, uplifting, ‘let’s treat each other with kindness’ kind of mom message I can ever say, and I’m out of patience. I just want to send them all to camp for a week – separate camps at that! :-) I love them dearly, but today I needed the encouragement to know that real moms out there get tired and frustrated sometimes.
I cried as I read this blog. God’s timing is so perfect. Thank you for writing this.
I am a real mom! My family’s clothes are clean but piled in baskets all over. I have sons so my bathrooms also smell like pee. My youngest son’s room currently looks like an episode of Hoarders. My nieces think I make everything “from scratch” because I actually cook meals for my family. My sister-in-law was stunned to learn that we actually eat our dinner as a family around the table and say Grace before eating! Now that my kids are in school, I have a part time job on a farm, that I love but can be exhausting back breaking work….and then I come home and try to keep up the house, get the kids through their homework, put a nutritious meal on the table. My role as mom seems to be constantly evolving, and my mother was right when she said that motherhood is the toughest job I will ever do in life…..she followed that up by saying that it will also be the most important job I ever do.
I’m a mom of 4 and rarely feel like I “get it right”! Thanks for reminding me I’m not alone!
Boy did this come at the right time. After telling my kids for the 18th time to clean up their toys, and feeling like I can’t even get the dishes put away and laundry folded, I took a breath read this, and then went and gave my kiddos a big hug and kiss. Thank you for reminding me.
I’m a real mom! Here’s to getting up and trying again!
real mom here… checking in. I sure needed to read this today. bless you!
Amen, sisters! Me, too! :-) WHEW—-I’m n-o-r-m-a-l after all!
Thank you so much for this post, Laura. I’m mama to two boys, a two year old and a two month old, and right now I’m getting more wrong than right, but it’s so encouraging to know I’m not alone.
I literally sobbed while reading this…it’s like you have been visiting my house! I have felt so discouraged lately as a mommy to two young children. I put them down for the naps and was crying out to God asking for peace and guidance right before reading this. I have been feeling like such a failure, but feel a bit more encouraged now. I am definitely one of the moms God had you write this post for. Thank you!!
I feel like I’m not enough for my daughter who is an only child and that she would flourish more if she were in school because she would have friends and better opportunity for extra curricular activities that I cannot afford to give her. And lately I feel like I’d do my family better by getting a full-time job outside of the home. The only way I could really do this is to work where my husband works, as we only have one vehicle. I feel depressed and unhappy, and like my prayers (especially for provision) are being ignored. My husband lost his job in the spring and started a new on in July, and we are still playing “catch up”. We run an online business, but it’s not enough. I have no money for new curriculum for her (she’s going into 8th grade) and I really wanted to get her Teaching Textbooks math this year, and she was very excited for it. I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed, and this morning, at wit’s end, I told God that I will not make excuses for Him to my daughter. I feel guilty, and I feel like I’m failing as a mom. And I feel like I have nowhere to turn. I know, probably too much information. I just feel desperate.
Don’t give up! God is faithful, and answers prayers with exactly what we need, at just the right time. He is good, all the time, and He knows the hurt you feel right now. Continue to lean on him. You are a great mom – keep letting God be in control, loving you the way He longs to do.
I agree! Do not give up! God is faithful to continue the good work that He has begun in you. I understand where you are right now, as I’ve been there too. But just keep leaning on God and let Him guide you. He will provide for you. He will help you and give you strength.
Another real mom here…
Laura, I know the email addresses here are private, but is there a way you could contact Lisa and ask her to email me? I am feeling God’s nudging here and I know I need to help her.
Will do. :)
Lisa,
Look online…google…”Khan Academy”…they’ve been getting really good results with their programs…which are FREE and I believe, for the most part, online. I was attracted to it most recently (like a week) for math help for a young person who’s struggling with math, but haven’t had time to really look into it. It might be beneficial for your daughter.
Hi Lisa :) Please look up the Home School Foundation. They may be able to help you with your curriculumn needs.
Have a beautiful day. I prayed for you today :)
Curriculum :)
I am praying for you! DO NOT GIVE UP! God is faithful to all of us whom are faithful to him. Hang in there. You are doing a great job! Don’t ever feel like you are failing.
Well, I’m not going to stand up because I’m too tired from being a real mom but thanks for the great reminder!
Yup, that’s right :)
mom of 11 here, agreeing with you…every mom needs encouragement, usually quite regularly. No matter where we are in the journey.
Thank you, thank you….yup, I am a real mom!
I SO needed this today and the Lord knew it! Thank you!
I’m a real mom who is struggling to allow an 18 y/o recent high school graduate make his own choices without my meddling. Thanks for this post. I really needed it!
I’m a grandma of twins and tell my daughter I don’t know how she does it! I have back problems and can’t clean like I use to ! I get frustrated at times But I have to stop and think it could be worse! I could be bedridden and unable to do anything I! So I praise god for helping me get done what I can, it’s only dirt and it will still be there tomorrow maybe I’ll get the dust pan no I would rather read or crochet!
Real mom here!!! Thank you for your words of encouragement!
Real mom here! Thank you for posting this! Things constantly seem to be out of control at my home and I am also a stay at home, homeschooling mom (2 lovely kids!). The thing that gets me often is when there’s 3 loads of laundry to be put away, sink full of dishes and toys from one end of the house to the other (which is the ONLY time people drop in to say hi) I feel this is my job, I’m the “stay at home” mom, shouldn’t my house be totally perfect all the time…..and that’s just not the case! This article is perfect because in these moments I do feel inadequate and sad that things aren’t put in order and how other moms do it better or seem to be perfect! Thank you!!!
Wow, I needed that reminder this morning! Thank you!
Amen! I pray for God’s grace daily. The most important thing is that we recognize the goal and strive everyday to reach it, no matter how many times we stumble.
Yup :-)
I am a real mom of one, a single mom. I feel as if I’m getting it wrong every time my daughter doesn’t want to talk to me on the phone, or how on the first day of school she didn’t want to hug me. Or how when I have to work because I need the money. It’s hard but I’m trying, I’m still marching on everyday. I never forget to tell her how much I love her and miss her. It hurts when she draws a family picture of her dad and her stepmom and leaves me out but I never stop loving her or trying to be a great mom! Thanks for this post because I sure needed it.
Real mom here need this post today. I have a very strong willed 4 year and we are still trying to teach her that hitting / hurting anyone is not ok. There are days were getting her do 1 little act of obencence is a struggle. I feel like she will always think she is in charge. Whih she is not. About the house being clean maybe when my 2 and 4 year are graduated from school. Thank you please keep posting. Stay home moms need this the days are long but seeing my babies grow up to being God super heros makes it all the crazzy stuff go away.
Found this at just the right time. I spent 80 percent of yesterday in a pity party and took my eyes off Jesus and placed them on me. After the convicting of the Holy Spirit and once again asking for forgiveness for my failings, I stumbled onto your website and received the encouragement I needed. God is so good!
I’m a mom of 4, separated from my husband. I don’t feel like I have it together at all, but I’m trying everyday to lead my children closer to The Lord. My heart is broken every day. I cry, my laundry is never folded, but I keep pushing. It’s hard so I’m glad to hear in not alone.
Jessica,
You’re not supposed to ‘have it all together’. First priority is to take care of YOUR CHILDREN’S MOTHER (yourself). THEN your kids. Then your home. If you’ve ever flown in a plane, the flight attendant will give instructions. You’re instructed, if and when the oxygen mask comes down, to first use it on yourself. THEN on your child….or elderly parent with you….because you’re of no use to your child or elderly parent if you’re dead from not breathing.
You are dealing with a huge challenge with your separation and all that emotional and financial stuff involved. Add to that, the responsibility of 4 children (each with their own issues of your separation), trying to be both Mom & Dad while handling everything else that needs your attention. Your laundry doesn’t need to be folded. If you think it does, get your kids to help. As an aside, my kids used to try and get me to do stuff for them….like tie their shoes or fold ‘fitted’ bedsheets. I would show them how to tie or fold by actually doing it for them. THEN I WOULD UNDO the laces or sheets, hand them back to the child and say, “Here, now YOU do it.” I always lived by my motto of NEVER DO FOR A CHILD WHAT A CHILD CAN DO FOR THEMSELVES…unless you want to. Even a 2-year-old is capable of helping. Teach them. Then LET THEM. They won’t do it perfectly. Neither will you. That’s not important. They don’t expect you to be perfect. They don’t expect you to be their ‘friend’. They expect you to be their parent and to love them and accept them. The five of you have a lot to deal with, but you WILL make it.
Couple last thoughts: Re-read and ponder the poem FOOTPRINTS and know that Jesus doesn’t desert you during the hard times. That’s when He carries you.
When God gives you more than you can stand. Kneel.
Yes, I’m a real mom!!!
Real mom here too. I’ve got the enflamed sciatica and Lego foot scars to prove it ;)
I Am A Real Mom Of 4 With A Babysitting Job Of 2 Monday THrough Friday. I Also Homeschool My Kids But I Am Struggling To Be Consistant.
Real Mom here too!
Lately I keep motivated by reminding myself of the Robert Louis Stevenson quote:
“Judge each day not by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant.”
Hang in there. Keep breathing. Pray. Every day is a new day!
I am a real mom of a three year old (who is almost four) and going through his terrible twos still. He goes from unbelievably sweet to…not. And he is the ultimate test of my faith and patience.
Mom of 5 from 15 to 5months and went from no kids to all 5 in two years. Still adjusting to this mothering thing and also homeschooling stuff. Need encouragement daily and struggle with messes and controlling.
Yes, I’m a real mom! Thanks for the post, Laura. Just today, I struggled with how the house keeps getting messier and how I seem to be the only one who cares or who is willing to do anything about it, trying to school the kids, wanting to get out in the beautiful weather but school not being done, noticing the horribly weedy yard and wanting to pull weeds while the kids want me to play Frisbee, trying to get the kids to shower so we can read together before bed while they would rather drive remote-control trucks and try to catch butterflies, and so tired of their impatience and speaking unkindly to each other. Yes, I often think I am totally missing some major tips and tricks in many areas of life that would help me be better and more together like every other mom seems to be.
As a SAHM of four kids, I can tell you my house is always a mess, there is always laundry to be done, and I always feel like I’m failing. I absolutely HATE housework. I have a plaque on my wall that says:
Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow.
It helps me to remember that I’m only human and can’t POSSIBLY do it all.
Yes! Thank you for posting this! It is so nice to know we are not alone.
Real mom here! I have beautiful seven month old baby who has recently learned to crawl, and these days I spend so much time just playing with her because she asks me to. My husband doesn’t want either of us, and so I’m pretty much a single mom, minus that I don’t have to provide (yet.). So as the marriage is crashing down over my head, I just love on my baby so that she will never learn from me what it means to feel unwanted. The house is a mess, but I don’t want to miss this time while she’s changing so fast! I don’t have it all together, and I am terrified of what the future holds. I only hope she isn’t picking up worry and stress from me.
So sorry to hear you’re going through such a hard time. God is big, and is loving you through this. Draw strength from Him. I will pray for you.
I am a real mom. Struggling to keep up with the housework. I lack motivation to stay on top of it all. I’m trying to do better. It is nice to know I am not alone.
Wow, it was soo relieving to know that I’m not alone and that somewhere there is someone whose kids do not want to obey from the first time)) Thanks for this inspirational confession. I’m certain that it opened eyes and shifted theloaf from the minds of many struggling Moms.
Thank you so much for your blog. When I need encouragement – like tonight – this is where I come. ( Plus, there’s nowhere else I can find recipes that are always healthy, easy and family pleasing!)
God bless you.
I am a mama to 4 children of my own and 3 step children. We have 7 kids in my home. I NEVER get everything done. My children (especially the boys) fight and argue. they all have attitudes at times, they argue with me. I wash dishes 4-5 times a day and then turn around and…..wash them again. I work full time, out of the home. My brain is constantly going, I’m constantly thinking about what I have to do next, where I have to go. My life is CHAOS! but, my kids are amazing, and I treasure the times (no matter how few) when they steal my heart by helping out, by working hard, by being kind to others, by using manners, by being respectful and obedient. I treasure those times!! Surely I cant be doing it all wrong, or there would be no times such as these to treasure. Forget the days when you go to bed with dishes in the sink, when the kids have been in time out for half the day, when you forget to sign school planners, when your pulling clean clothes out of the dryer because you were to exhausted to fold them, when the kids are wearing socks that “almost” match. They’re clean (mostly) and feed and clothed and safe and LOVED!!!!!! Rock on real moms, and make sure you take a shower this week ;)
First of all Laura thanx a lot for writing passiontlly about what mothers go through with their kids, I defenatelly fell like I am the only one going through what I go through and at times I feel like I am the only mother who has to go all around with my kids because I don’t have close family to help me out; this is what my kids AJ 12 years old addicted to playing games “we are still working on him” JJ is 8 sweetest boy in the house calls me his queen, but he can’t fold his own cloth so he decides that he
must through in what he just took out from the closet nicely folded and leave it just like that both are sharing the room so the older blames the younger for their dirty room; unless I bribe them with offering to give the iPad for them to play; than there is my lovely daughter Aiyra she unpacks the toys or anything else out of its place , if asked to pack it back she replies that she is too tired to pack it back. The worst part is when their are out and cry or look at sweets or any other snack has if they never had it before… And there more when I call them they completely ignore me and come to respond with their time . I have to confess I am a short temper mother that feels guilty evertime I shout at my kids when they mess which happens all the time. My husband and I constantly talk with them to love and take care of one another… In the end their are great kids just doing unexpected behavior when they are not home leading one to wonder where did I go wrong…
Last but not least my husband always jocks that their are only he’s kids when they are well behaved and their are mine kids when they miss behave…
I don’t exactly know how I stumbled on this except to say it was the Holy Spirit guiding me. I laughed and cried my way through your article, Laura. I am a stay-at-home-mom to three teenagers who can be quite exasperating. The final straw this morning was when, after running necessary CHRISTmas errands, I came home to my messy / dirty kitchen then walked into the bathroom which smelled like pee (thanks boys!!). I had just been to the home of a friend of my middle son and immediately noticed the home was spotless and smelled of cleaning products. I walked in my home and felt (again) like a failure. I cried out to God wondering what purpose I am serving…are my children embarrassed to have friends over? Why does that mother have a perfect and great smelling home while mine looks like a hurricane ripped through it and needs a scented candle or baked goods in the oven to smell good?
God is so good. He heard my cry and sent me to your site where I was looking at the $5 and Less CHRISTmas ideas when I noticed the “Popular Posts” and the title “Will All of the Real Moms Please Stand Up?” and was intrigued enough to check it out.
Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone. In the grand scheme of my existence, it won’t matter that my house wasn’t spotless and that my children bicker. My children will remember that I was present for everything they did, cheered them on to every victory and wiped their tears. Or at least that’s what I hope.
I have been putting too much work into keeping house . I hate cooking but low and behold the people in my house seem to want to be fed somewhere between 4 and a 100 times a day! The house cleaning will always need to be done and we will live if the toilets aren’t sparkling clean but I am trying to make eating/cooking my priority. I have been a stay at home mom for nearly 31 years. It is hard. But, I would rather my kids remember a mom that enjoyed their company and played with them than one that kept the home emmaculate. Make your relationship with your children and husband priority over cleaning and such. I know when I need to pay more attention to cleaning if my husband comments on something like, are there any clean spoons? Then, yeah, maybe I need to do dishes!
I am a real mom!
I have been struggling with this burden for as long as I can remember. Married now almost 20 years in a not so good relationship, mom of 4. Nothing I planned for my life seemed to happen. God works in very mysterious ways. I came across your website yesterday and still had it pulled up when I sat down after a HUGE argument with my 16 yr old today. We both said awful things to each other. I pray God will forgive me and help her as I feel extremely inadequate in the struggles we are all facing as a family. If anyone can offer a silent prayer for strength on our behalf, I will continue to keep trying, as so many of you are trying as well. Thanks for this much needed encouragement/reminder today. :)
I am so happy to come across this website and across this post. I think I was meant to read this as it was posted on my birthday. When reading your post Leslie, I thought you had paid a visit to my house. I am also a mom of 4, also married 20 plus years and experiencing the same situation. Except I have a 13 year old that I do battle with on a regular basis. I feel like I am never doing a good enough job as a mom and feel as though I have failed my family as well as myself. I pray for guidance as the coming months are bringing hard and difficult choices for us. I have prayed and prayed for my strength to be renewed so that I can be the mom that I longed to be. I will pray for you that God turns your situation around and pray that you do the same for me.
I am a real mom of 4! I homeschool and go to school, And tutor and direct a Classical Conversations community. I needed this fellowship tonight! It was a tough day! God Bless mamas! You are not alone!
Yes, I am a real Mom. The 7 week old chickens are still living I the house at night and it smells like the barn is in our living room. The garden is over run with weeds and we are homeschooling year round and behind which means that there is no extra time to make the garden a garden again. There is no time to build the coop separator so the big girls don’t peck the newvies to death. There is no time for those things I’ve deemed extra. There is however time to pray, to show our children that Jesus will meet us in our imperfection. That even during this messy time we are loved, we are enough because Jesus deems it so.
REAL MOM of 2 teenage females.. & college age female living at home…. its still rough in the “trenches” and i am not sure WHY or how I even thought it would be easier as they got older…BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…yea…God hears my cries and prayers often…
I am a mother of two children with a form of Autoimmune Encephalitis, one with Autism. What shocks me is that other special needs parents will be okay with my child with Autism and his behaviors most days. It is my younger child who is a little hyperactive with some OCD type behaviors that they cannot stand to be around (he is not aggressive, he is fun and friendly but sometimes interrupts adults on occassion or wants to play with my other son and his friends once in a blue moon). I have lost quite a few friends now because of this. Every day I try to teach my children to behave, to have manners, to be responsible and work hard, to exercise and eat healthy and to have some self control. Most days I fail. If you don’t have multiple children with issues like this, consider yourself lucky. I will likely be friendless for the rest of my life because my kids come first for me.
I am a real Mum! It’s a battle! Great to hear I am not alone ?
How timely your post is today. Thank you for reminding me I am not alone and I am not a failure.
I think we have all been there! I loved that my husband finished the basement so the kids’ mess is mostly contained down there. Even now that they are in high school and college, all their projects go on downstairs in their own zone!
That is so wonderful that you have a specific area for your kids’ projects! What a great idea!
-Bethany (Laura’s assistant)
Nearly ten years after your original post: Yes, I’m a real mom! I’ve been a homeschooling stay at home mom the entire time. My first two kids never learned to write in cursive. We’ll see how it goes with the remaining two ?. One of my teen boys struggles with depression, anger, anxiety, and self-harm. Another is nearly 19 and still finishing high school. All four kids consume too much media and don’t get enough exercise. Same goes for me. I thank God for the wonderful community of moms with whom I can pray, cry, and have a cookie. He reminds me that He called me to this life, and that if I do not grow weary of doing good I will someday reap a harvest!
Nice read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing a little research on that. And he actually bought me lunch because I found it for him smile Thus let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch!
There are some interesting time limits on this article but I don’t know if I see all of them center to heart. There’s some validity but I will take maintain opinion till I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we want more! Added to FeedBurner as well
Helpful information. Fortunate me I discovered your website by accident, and I’m surprised why this coincidence did not happened in advance! I bookmarked it.
of course like your website but you need to check the spelling on several of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling issues and I find it very troublesome to tell the truth nevertheless I will surely come back again.