Before I had kids…
I knew how to keep a constantly clean and orderly house.
I knew how to discipline children lovingly, yet firmly. I knew how to answer questions patiently and with kindness. I knew how to give my full attention and listen to everything a child said without being distracted.
I knew how to keep up with laundry and to put it into drawers neatly. I knew how to travel with children in a way that did not make a mess of the car or the child’s hair or the child’s clothes or the driver’s sanity. I knew how to keep children from throwing fits in the store. I knew how to keep crust from forming under a child’s nose.
I knew how to keep a child from being a picky eater. I knew how to make sure a child’s clothes always matched, were on right-side-out and with the tag in the back. I knew how to keep a child from having stinky feet.
I knew how to make a child love bath time. I knew how to have a quiet toddler. I knew how to control a child during church. I knew how to keep my kitchen clean. I knew how to teach a child to sit down and be still. I knew how to keep a child’s toys picked up. I knew how to make sure a child’s shoes were on the right feet and the laces were always tied.
I knew how to make sure a child never dropped his coat on the floor when he walked in the door. I knew how to tell a child to do something and they would just do it right away the first time without arguing. I knew how to keep a child from back-talk. I knew how to keep a child from ever being mean to another child, ever.
I knew how and when to potty train. I knew how to keep my child from having any learning problems. I knew how to keep caught up on the dishes. I knew how to get my kids to sleep through the night.
I knew how to keep the windows and mirror clean. I knew how to inspire children to cheerfully help and work hard. I knew how to teach children fun songs and meaningful songs and historical songs and spiritual songs and to sing themselves to sleep.
I knew how to teach children eloquent language and foreign language and sign language and to never use bad language. I knew how to make sure children always neatly wrote a loving thank you note for every gift they received.
I knew how to make sure children always spoke nice and clear when talking to an adult and to never mumble. I knew how to make sure a child never loudly said embarrassing things about how that woman has a mustache and that man has a really big nose.
I knew how to win every battle.
I knew all the answers.
Before I had kids.
It’s humbling isn’t it? LOL. I knew much of the same :)
We were so brilliant before we were mothers…
Ah yes. It’s amazing what one can know before having kids. Well said! :)
My daughter had some insight in this. We showed the children were I went to college and my oldest daughter promptly….”When mama was smart?” So apparantly I am not smart anymore. LOL
So true–I had to post this to my facebook account so everyone could get the benefit and joy of reading!
HahahahahaHAAAAA!
“I knew how to keep crust from forming under a child’s nose.”
Awesome!
This reminds me of a quote I once heard.
“At one time I had 6 theories on child-rearing. Now I have 6 children and no theories.”
Hilarious! Love it. I am going to put this on my Friday Linky-Loos page tomorrow.
I can so identify with this post! I thought I knew it all before I had children and I thought everyone else was just doing it wrong….I was very humbled when I actually had 2 of my own and my grand schemes didn’t quite work as planned. = ) Love the post, a good laugh in the morning does wonders. Thanks!
This is perfect for sharing. Thanks Laura. The really funny thing for me, was that I didn’t know ANY of this, and was frightened at the very prospect of trying to figure it all out. I still don’t know any of it, and appreciate that I’m not the only one. :)
I needed this today because that was so true for me. And now, 4 kids later, I’m struggling with feeling like I should know all those things, and I don’t! This came at a great time.
This started my day off perfectly! This was me! I have babysat since I was twelve for other peoples’ children and could do exactly what you said, making them mind. Having my own was another story indeed. It amazes me the wisdom people without children have:) But all that to say motherhood has been the best job I’ve ever had ~ hardest but best:)
I rarely comment, but this is SO true! I only have a 7-month-old and I am already humbled by motherhood, which is not nearly as black-and-white as I had imagined! :)
BTW, your blog has been SUCH an encouragement and a great learning tool as I’ve been working toward making our diet healthier. I’m so blessed with an awesome husband who doesn’t mind taking carrot sticks and sandwiches made with homemade bread to work! Thank you for the challenges to love and honor our husbands, as well. It is so easy to get caught up in the small stuff and take for granted what an amazing guy God has blessed me with.
Thank you again–even if I never comment again, you have a faithful blog stalker here in Tennessee!
Love this! Shared it on my facebook as well! It’s a great reminder that we just can’t do it all, all the time! I can’t even do most of it, all the time.
thanks so much for posting this today! i have been home without my dear husband all week and my 2 year old and my 5 week old sons have definitely taught me that i know nothing!! what a test of patience. thanks again for your encouraging posts!
So, so true. [smile]
~Luke
AMEN!
It’s amazing how amazing our kids can become teachers from the minute they’re born. Or better yet, just really remind us Mums how much we still have to learn… HA!
Amen. And, I knew what a good nights sleep was like!
Wow, what a coincidence! ME TOO! HA HA HA…
Oh, yes. Right there with you. And saddly I now know why my kids are smarty-pants know-it-alls: they get it from their smug and opinionated mother! How the mighty have fallen…
Wow, I thought I knew so much too and I think it is so easy to feel like other moms do know all this stuff and I’m the only one who doesn’t. It is so good to be reminded that I am not alone even when my kitchen hasn’t been cleaned for days and my 9 month old son does go out with crusties under his nose. Thank you for always being genuine and down to earth in your posts. It makes me realize that don’t have to be perfect to be a great wife and mother!
Yep, my boys obviously come from the same mould as yours – if only all that wisdom worked!
yep, me too. The more kids I have the less I know!
Oh Lord, keep me in step with YOU along this wild journey of parenthood! Make me wise, compassionate, and full of joy, and in those incredibly humbling moments where I find myself falling short, thank you that You are more than enough!
so true.. so true.. glad I’m not the only one! Thanks for sharing!
all i can say is…me too!
Preach it sister! This made my day :)
So very true. And I am not that smart anymore either :p
So did I! And now that I have kids, I understand why the parents of the kids I worked with looked at me cross-eyed at times, as they asked, “Do you have kids?” and why my, “No, but I have over 10 years of education and experience…” caused them to shake their heads and smile. I think every teacher, guidance counselor, school psychologist (that was me), etc. should have to have kids as part of their training. OK, I understand the fallacies in that argument, but you have to admit you actually do KNOW a lot more now that you are a parent and realize that you KNOW NOTHING! ;)
So funny! So, do the kids suck the knowledge out with the milk or what? I still haven’t figured that one out.
I think I like the last one best because it has bitten us so many times. Like when my oldest was about 4 (and had a serious fascination with really overweight people) and said “Wook at that BIIIIG WADY!” Of course, when my mom had a nice little chat with him about saying things like that and pointed out that she herself was something of a big lady, he said, “Gwanny, you not a big wady!” with shock and utter contempt. That made Granny’s day :)
Then a few weeks ago we were at an outdoor festival and a man pulled his wife’s wheelchair up near where we were sitting. The wife had some sort of condition (elephantiasis is my guess) that caused her to have enormous feet and lower legs. My 2 year old said “BID FEET!” but thankfully she was pretty quiet about it. Much less obvious than the grown woman who walked by and turned back around to stare at least three times :|
This is great! It’s easy to be an “expert” when you have no real experience. :)
Oh YEAH. I remember sitting at Olive Garden with extended family – the nieces and nephews being loud, obnoxious, and constantly interrupting. . . and telling my husband that “our” children would never act that way. I also found a journal entry from a long time ago that talked about my husband and I and our future children sitting quietly at the edge of the ocean with the seafoam tickling the bottom of our feet. (I think a band was playing in the distance too haha!) Oh, it’s so funny to me now. :)
So true!
Well, you thought you were so smart – I was a TEACHER before I had kids, so I REALLY knew everything!!
Somehow all that brilliance went the way of my flat tummy and perky you-know-whats.
Fortunately, my husband has an aunt and uncle who never had any children, so they are always willing and ready to give us advice now.
;)
Me too, me too! I’ve been blaming things on my momnesia, but it’s so much more than that!