Heavenly Homemakers

Encouraging women in homemaking, healthy eating and parenting

Read Together

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~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~
~Be Intentional~Jubilee~Kingdom Focused~Listen~~Mentor Relationships~
~Nourish~Own It~Pray With Each Other~Quick to Listen~

Read Together

Being on the Same Page – Matt’s Thoughts

Variety in marriage is fun. So, when it comes to reading together, mix it up, taking into consideration what would be good for the two of you. Laura and I have never gone wrong by reading books, articles, posts or other material that is written to help marriages. Even if it is not insightful for our context, at the very least we are side by side trying to align ourselves with each other. We have read from the Bible and discussed it and we have read material that is just plain fun…like a joke book. We don’t read together every night, but we talk about what each of us is reading separately. I urge you to read at least one book together every year that is specifically for marriage relationships written by an author(s) who has a Christian worldview. Whether you borrow it from your local library, church library, or a friend, or whether you purchase it so that you can own it and reference it, the key word here is TOGETHER. If only one of you reads the book, then you’re not on the same page…pun intended. Make it happen TOGETHER.

If you are like us, we have good ideas like reading a book together and then we blink and 2011 is almost history. This “good idea” of reading together probably won’t take place unless you agree on the book and schedule it TOGETHER. Of course life happens and schedules need to be rearranged on occasion, but our experience has been that the time together and discussion that follows connects the two of us.

Yes, it needs to be intentional, but beware of the checklist mentality and the critiquing spirit – as in critiquing the author. Speaking from experience, I have needed to choose to have the right attitude when it is reading time. I remember one particular couple’s devotional book that I was counting down the pages ’til it was complete. It just wasn’t doing anything for me. The reason it wasn’t doing anything for me was because of my attitude. Once I stopped the countdown and ceased being critical of the writer’s style, then the discussion about its relativity to my marriage improved.

A suggestion if you are having trouble deciding: Visit with other couples who have healthy marriages and see what they would recommend reading and ask them why they would recommend it.

Yeah, What Matt Said – Laura’s Thoughts

I think Matt said all of this wonderfully. The only thing I’d like to add is this:  For those of you who don’t enjoy reading, try books on CD. (I almost said “books on tape”, which like totally tells you that we grew up in the 80’s and that I used to have big hair.)  You may not love every book or concept you read together, but be sure to ask yourself if you don’t love it because it’s difficult to hear. Sometimes the truth hurts. Allow God to stretch you and challenge you with books that enrich your marriage.

Books That Have Benefitted Us or Other Couples (alphabetical order):

Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
His Needs Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr.
Intended for Pleasure by Ed Wheat MD and Gaye Wheat
Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It by Jerry B. Jenkins
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray
Night Light by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before (and After) You Marry by Les & Leslie Parrot  (This is what we are currently reading and it’s good for us even after 17 years of marriage)
The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

What have you and your spouse read together that you would recommend?

 

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Read Together

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Quick to Listen

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~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~
~Be Intentional~Jubilee~Kingdom Focused~Listen~
~Mentor Relationships~Nourish~Own It~Pray With Each Other~

Quick to Listen

A Family Motto – Matt’s Thoughts

Most interactions in any relationship can benefit from the maxims, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). Boy, do these ever benefit a marriage relationship. I’ve tried being slow to listen and experienced the results there. I either needed to sheepishly ask Laura what she said because I wasn’t listening or worse yet, I tried to guess what she said and go with that. Your guess to where that has ended up is much more accurate than my guess was at what I didn’t listen to.

I’ve also practiced being quick to speak and found my foot in my mouth. The taste of the sole of my shoe is all too familiar.

And yes, I’ve been quick to anger. That dirty Kleenex that missed the trash can means that I’ll have to pick it up when I take out the trash!!! I’m incensed!!! (That’s me throwing a terrible two’s tantrum.)

We posted about listening and looking into each other’s eyes for our “L” marriage tip, and we wanted to add more to it. James 1:19 is one of our family mottos. We try to repeat it often because we need to remind ourselves often and train ourselves. As a soccer coach I know there are fundamentals of the game that must be practiced very often in order to improve our game/skills. Likewise, in life, we feel that these are a few of the fundamentals in relationship development. Practicing these in our family will prepare our sons to be skilled when interacting with others and if they do marry someday, then these can improve the health of their marriage.

Hurry Up and Wait – Laura’s Thoughts

I’m trying to understand what it looks like to be “quick to listen”. Usually, I’m quick to jump to conclusions, quick to spat out something off the top of my head without giving it much thought, quick to make a judgment on someone before I know the whole story. None of these practices are healthy in any relationship, but they can be particularly harmful in a marriage relationship.

So what does it look like to instead be “quick to listen”? Could it be that I simply learn to simply be still? To be calm and wait? To listen with my heart to the needs of my beloved?

I try to be quick about every aspect of my life. I find I can get a lot done in a day by being quick about my work. But I think if I were to be quick to stop, be quick to be still, and be quick to listen to what God would have me to do, I may accomplish more for Him than my “quick” efforts ever could. I think I could go from a frantic mode to one of calm and peace.

And it’s likely that if I’m quick to walk to the trash can with my dirty Kleenexes instead of trying to throw them across the room in hopes that one out of ten might actually make it to the destination, I will save my dear husband and myself much time and frustration. I’m working on that one. ;)

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage A to Z – Quick to Listen

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Pray WITH Each Other

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This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see our disclosure policy.

~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~
~Be Intentional~Jubilee~Kingdom Focused~Listen~Mentor Relationships~Nourish~Own It~

Pray With Each Other

Innermost– Matt’s Thoughts

Praying together is ultimate intimacy. The origin of the word intimate comes from the Latin intimus meaning “innermost.” So this isn’t, “Thank you God for this wonderful day, and our many wonderful blessings. Help [insert name here] get better. In Jesus name, Amen.” I’m talking really pouring it all out to God allowing your dearest to hear your heart and hearing your dearest pour it all out to God. You are being intimate with both your creator and your lover. That’s what I mean by ultimate intimacy. Healthy marriages contain spouses laying bare together physically and spiritually. Yes, you make yourself extremely vulnerable in these intimate moments. Isn’t it great? Thank you God, that we don’t have to keep all of life’s struggles and joys packed inside. How great it is to share and bare your heart to the Lord with the one you’ve united yourself in marriage to.

While your innermost feelings flow out to the Lord, you are also hearing from the heart of your spouse and being heard. These connections to our Creator and our life-long marriage partner are vital. Sometimes, due to our busyness of life, different perspectives, or just plain oversight, we are unaware of a load that is weighing down our spouse. I have found that I am able to “check Laura’s pulse” by praying with her. How is she doing? How can I encourage her? What specifically is burdening her?

Why don’t I pray with her more? It is so beneficial for us. The excuses of time, exhaustion, fear of being heard, selfishly not really wanting to hear her, or whatever else I use in my head just disallow me from stronger unity with my Creator and my Companion. We all desire this ultimate intimacy.

Start Today – Laura’s Thoughts

If you’re not used to praying out loud with your spouse, this may possibly sound a little bit stressful to you. Oh, but can I urge you to work toward it anyway? It is beautiful to experience, these moments with you, your spouse and God.

If you, as a couple, are not already in the practice of praying together, one of you must take the lead to make this happen. Men – I strongly encourage you to be the one. Offer this gift to your wife.

And Gals – encourage this leadership in your husband. Open your heart up to God in front of your man. You can do this.

When you pray as a couple, your marriage bond can strengthen in ways it simply can not strengthen otherwise. Prayer is powerful and effective.

Do you and your spouse pray together? If not, what do you feel is holding you back?

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Pray

 

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Own It

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~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~
~Be Intentional~Jubilee~Kingdom Focused~Listen~Mentor Relationships~Nourish~

Own It

Man in the Mirror – Matt’s Thoughts

The invisible wall between the two of you looms larger than China’s Great Wall…and yet you are in the same room. Though audibly silent, the decibel level inside the two heads match a jackhammer. You blew it. Your spouse has been wronged by you and he/she is upset. Excuses and people or circumstances to blame fill your head. There are plenty of them. And wow, he/she needs to calm down. They have wronged you before. Remember the time when…HOLD UP!!!

How ’bout a little 80’s flashback to the only Michael Jackson song I reference in a serious way. Remember these lyrics? “I’m starting with the man in the mirror, I’m asking him to change his ways…”

No more justifying, rationalizing or faulting others. And don’t you dare dig up the past.

Take ownership of your action (or inaction) in your mind and heart. Take ownership verbally by speaking the truth without any caveats: “I was wrong.” “I acted selfishly.” “I blew it.”

Genuinely apologize and seek forgiveness from your spouse. If your spouse is still livid, forgiveness may not be extended to you right then. I’m going to advise you not to ask for confirmation on the spot. You may want to suggest a cool down period and then revisit this later.

Whether grace is offered immediately or not you must ask yourself, “What do I need to change so that I don’t do this again?” Don’t ignore this step or you’ll find yourself in the same room with your spouse with the Great Wall between you…again. Make a plan to fix it and share this plan with someone. It may be best to share the plan with your spouse. It may also be beneficial to call in help from a friend who will hold you accountable.

Oaf used to be how I felt after I blew it with Laura. In my head I was telling myself, “You big oaf!”

Now OAF is the acronym for the action steps after I’ve been a big oaf: Own it, Ask for forgiveness, Fix it.

Once more from Man in the Mirror: “If you want to make [your marriage] a better place take a look at yourself and then make a … change. Yeah! Make that change!”

But I Have Baggage – Laura’s Thoughts

Wow, I have to say that I never thought we’d reference any of Michael Jackson’s songs here at Heavenly Homemakers. I’m a little bit speechless. (Okay, not really.)

I think Matt makes a great point – why do we always tend to blame others when we have done something wrong? Sure, we all come into the marriage relationship with baggage. Some of us more than others. This can be incredibly challenging and makes life and decision making quite a bit more difficult. But it doesn’t excuse you from making bad choices and hurting others, particularly your beloved.

Did you do or say something you shouldn’t have? No blame-shifting. No excuses. Own it.

Easier said than done, but who said doing what’s right is always easy?

Hey, at least it’s easier than trying to do the Moonwalk. (That was totally irrelevant, but if Matt can reference Michael Jackson, so can I, right?) (Oh wait – did I just blame-shift?)

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Own It

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Nourish Your Marriage Relationship

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~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~
~Be Intentional~Jubilee~Kingdom Focused~Listen~Mentor Relationships~

Nourish Your Marriage Relationship

I Heart Gardening – Matt’s Thoughts

Okra, sweet corn, green beans, tomatoes, jalapenos and best of all sweet bell peppers. Our garden plots have been producing those for us this year. Last year our green beans didn’t yield very much, but our sweet bell peppers have consistently performed well. We rotate where we plant most of our veggies each year and I’m convinced that the soil where we planted the green beans last year lacked nourishment. The one exception to rotating our crops has been the sweet bells. They are my “babies” that are always planted in our raised garden bed. If they don’t thrive then the year has been a disaster in my opinion. I mix all kinds of nutrients in that soil and make sure they are given proper care so the fruit will be fantastic!

Yeah, this is a marriage post, so I’m guessing you can tell where this is going. Let’s make some connections in this metaphor. I have several relationships (garden plots). The more time and effort I put into nurturing a relationship, the better opportunity (soil) there is for that relationship to be healthy (produce a good harvest). Some of my relationships have grown strong and then faded through the years. I’m convinced it is because they haven’t been nourished as well. The one relationship I have committed to put above all others is with my wife…she is my “baby.” Since she is my highest priority (raised garden bed) I want to mix all kinds of nutrients into that relationship and give her proper care so our marriage will be healthy.

Check out this ginormous red bell pepper from our well nourished soil. Go Big Red!

Empty Calories – Laura’s Thoughts

I’ve shared in the past how sick I got physically when I wasn’t getting enough nourishment. A diet consisting of lots of Pepsi and other empty calories can and will slowly suck the life out of a person. I learned this the hard way. We must have healthy nutrients in our bodies in order to thrive physically.

Are you, as the wife or husband, sucking the life out of your spouse, feeding your relationship full of empty calories and causing your marriage to be unhealthy?

Are your actions and words encouraging your spouse to be more godly, more productive and more loving…or are the things you do and the words you say tearing down your spouse and wearing him/her out? The more you fill others with the garbage that flows out of you, the less nourished your relationship with that person will be. It is incredibly wearing on a person to constantly have to work at pleasing you, satisfying your whims, guessing what your mood will be like today and so on.

Don’t be a 2-liter bottle of wasted, life draining calories to your spouse. Instead, be intentional about offering nourishment in the form of words, actions and attitudes that build up, encourage and refresh the soul of the one you love.

In what ways are you nourishing your spouse?

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips from Z to Z – Nourish Your Relationship

 

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Mentor Relationships

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~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~
~Be Intentional~Jubilee~Kingdom Focused~Listen

Mentor Relationships

What School are You Paying for? – Matt’s Thoughts

“How much better to get wisdom than gold, to choose understanding rather than silver!” (Proverbs 16:16)  I’ll Amen that.

“Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.” (Proverbs 4:7)  Amen to that too.

Now, how do I get me some of that wisdom and understanding that I so desperately need?

Most of my life I’ve been enrolled at UHK (University of Hard Knocks). UHK has an amazing presence. There are satellite campuses everywhere I go. But in my shining moments I’ve sought out a mentor and avoided the expense of UHK.

As Laura and I have aimed for a healthy marriage, we also have looked to some couples modeling a healthy marriage who are farther down the road in their marital journey. We have watched them from a distance and visited with them couple to couple. We’ve been encouraged from afar and challenged by their words. We’ve heard their regrets, taking them to heart so as to avoid UHK for ourselves, and we’ve taken mental notes regarding their victories so that we can attempt to gain the same outcome.

Why don’t we do this more often, rather than paying room, board, tuition and fees to UHK? Many times it’s because I’m chasing gold and silver rather than wisdom and understanding.

How can I get me some wisdom?

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.” (Proverbs 19:20)

Red Flag Relationships – Laura’s Thoughts

Most of us tend to gravitate toward those who are in the same stage of life we are in. Singles like to hang out with other singles. Young marrieds like to spend time with other young marrieds. Parents with babies like to get together with other parents of babies. And on it goes. This is all great and truly – many of our best friendships are based on the fact that we have so much in common. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with spending time and enjoying others in your stage of life – unless those are the only people you spend time with.

We’ve seen marriages destroyed because couples were not willing to look beyond their 20 or 30-something age group for companionship, guidance and encouragement. We’ve been heart-broken to see relationships crushed because young couples were spending too much time with other young couples. It’s dangerous – watch and be aware of how close you are becoming with other couples, especially if these relationships are purely for fun and hold little spiritual depth. Let a red flag be raised and make changes in your couple-to-couple friendships if you begin to find yourself becoming too “comfortable” with your friend’s spouse.

Be intentional about spending time with couples who will sharpen you, encourage you and make your marriage stronger. Seek out couples who have been married longer than you and who know more than you about maintaining a healthy marriage. Don’t be afraid of people who are older and wiser than you. Sit at their feet, ask questions, soak in what they have to say.

Your healthy marriage depends on it.

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Mentors

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Listen

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This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see our disclosure policy.

~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~
~Be Intentional~Jubilee~Kingdom Focused~

Listen

Synchronized Staring – Matt’s Thoughts

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie…that’s absurdity. When you look into your spouse’s eyes and truly listen…that’s amore.

Here’s a question for self-evaluation: Is my beloved’s voice mixing with all the other noise in my life? If so, something needs to change.

Healthy marriages consist of two people listening to each other. My best listening is achieved when my eyes are on my prized one. So, I say, if at all possible, look at your spouse in the eyes when he/she is communicating to you. Okay, when you are changing a diaper, your focus needs to be there, but pause or turn off the media and give your full attention to the most important person in your life; the game or show – or gameshow – really isn’t important.

Remember when you first looked into each other’s eyes and your hearts raced with adrenaline? Maybe your story didn’t quite happen that way, but think about other instances when you would have competed for gold in the Olympic Event of Synchronized Staring. Practice that again right now. If your “Romantic” is not with you now, then at your next opportunity look lovingly into his/her eyes and listen. We can’t help but smile when we do this. We smile because we know we are being heard. We smile because we know we are loved.

I’m Sorry, Did You Say Something? – Laura’s Thoughts

It is a fact that if I’m working at the computer, Matt has learned that he has to say, “Are you in writing mode or are you able to listen for a minute?” Yes, when I write, I go into a zone. (See like right now – I’m typing and I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.)

Sometimes that’s okay – we all have to learn to be selective about when we share something important with our spouse. If he/she is in the middle of balancing the checkbook, that may not be the best time to share a deep, heart-felt need or request. Just as important as listening is being thoughtful about when we’d like to truly be heard.

Do you know what I love about the way Matt listens to me? He just listens. He doesn’t talk, he doesn’t interrupt, he doesn’t jump in with ideas of how to fix my situation. Usually, I just need to share and to be heard and cared for. When he’s sharing something with me, he also appreciates if I just let him talk. Sometimes I like to try to finish his sentences for him. That’s not nice and I’m working on not doing that. He can finish his own sentences quite well without my help.

If you’re a good listener, your ears and heart are open – your mouth is not. And yes, like Matt said, it’s best to look into your spouse’s eyes when he or she shares. You can really hear better that way.

And that’s why, at the end of the day after I’ve taken out my contacts, I have to say to Matt, “Will you hand me my glasses? I can’t hear you very well.” Either I’m a weirdo or eye contact is just that important in order to be a good listener.

Or maybe it’s a little bit of both. ;)

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Listen

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Kingdom Focused

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~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~Be Intentional~Jubilee~

Dethroning King Dumb – Matt’s Thoughts

I’ve found that praying the same brief Biblical phrase for several weeks at a time works for me. It is similar to steeping tea. The longer the phrase stays in my head to “brew” the stronger an impact it makes on me. For a couple months now, I’ve been regularly praying the following phrase Jesus used when he taught how to pray: “Your Kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” My understanding is that I am to be his instrument in making this happen. I want to be a part of bringing God’s Kingdom to us, accomplishing His will on earth as it is being accomplished in heaven. I should live to please my King. My problem is King Dumb – that’s me – wants to do his own thing. King Dumb has his agenda. King Dumb builds his castle waving his prideful banner. King Dumb feeds his desires. King Dumb cares for others when King Dumb benefits.

Living in our own little King Dumb, or Queen Dumb if that fits you better, is not beneficial to a marriage. The healthiest marriages I have witnessed contain two people with one focus, one purpose, one Lord, one Kingdom. Their lives reverberate another of Jesus’ prayers, “Not my will but yours be done.”

Don’t Mess With My To-Do List – Laura’s Thoughts

My world is full of “to-dos”. I have writing to do, laundry to do, dishes to do, cooking to do, cleaning to do…a never ending list of to-dos. I get a lot of work done each day. Why? Because I’m driven and am very task oriented. I can knock out a long to-do list and then come back for more. Yes, I’m very good at accomplishing many tasks each day.

What about the kids? What about my husband? What about my church family, my neighbors, the people I run into at the store? What about them? Get out of my way – I have a to-do list.

This is me when I am not being Kingdom Focused. Pretty, huh?

I’ve had to learn the hard way that life is not about me or my to-do lists. In fact, not only is life not about my to-do lists, it is instead very much about others. People. God’s people. When I pry my eyes and brain away from my tasks and look instead to the needs of the people God has put in my life, I find that suddenly that laundry pile has very little significance. The clothes still make their way into the washing machine, but my heart no longer dwells on the never ending list of to-dos. When I truly seek to live as Jesus wants me to live, when I stop and listen to what God wants me to do, when I begin to care more about loving others than loving my list…much can be accomplished for God’s Kingdom.

Today’s to-do list? Focus on God’s Kingdom.

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Kingdom Focused

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Jubilee

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~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~Be Intentional~

Jubilee

Restart Button – Matt’s Thoughts

In the Old Testament (Leviticus 25) we read about the year of Jubilee. Land that had been sold to pay debts was returned to its owner and people who sold themselves as servants were set free so that people in desperate situations would not be taken advantage of. Using a modern day analogy, the restart button was pushed. This was to be practiced every fifty years. In a healthy marriage Jubilee takes place more often than every fifty years. Usually we call it forgiveness and it must occur often. Forgiveness is a MASSIVE component in marriage. We need to push the restart button, offering Jubilee to our spouse, and we need it pushed for us, receiving Jubilee from our spouse.

Several years ago, I really needed Laura’s Jubilee. I was playing computer games late into the night for many nights. I wasn’t getting the sleep I needed which led to all kinds of consequences that Laura took the brunt of, and more importantly we were not spending the end of the day together connecting with each other. She expressed to me her desire for us to be together more and I agreed, but I was lacking in self-control and did not follow through with my agreement…for waaaaaaaaaaaaay too many nights. This hurt Laura as she felt like I was choosing games over her. She was right, I was choosing games over her, not willfully, but due to immaturity, selfishness and – I’ll be blunt – stupidity.

I hurt my wife and I needed the restart button. Thank you Laura for pushing the restart button. (As a side note, we jointly made a plan that has moved us past those issues.)

The Chosen One – Laura’s Thoughts

Issues with computer games in a marriage may seem petty to some of you who have experienced painful betrayal in areas such as pornography or infidelity. We realized that at the time of our struggle and we realize it now. But the issue remains the same:  I want to be Matt’s chosen one. He wants to be mine.

Anytime you choose something or someone instead of choosing your spouse – you’re making the wrong choice. That’s not what this post is ultimately about, but please hear it loud and clear. Beyond your relationship with the Father, your spouse needs to be your first priority, so let go of yourself and choose your beloved.

That’s exactly what Matt did. He made the decision to grow through his selfish desires – and he chose to put our relationship first. I became his number one again.

But even so, Jubilee didn’t occur until I had truly forgiven the hurt he had caused me by what I had felt as neglect. If Matt had made the changes I asked him to make, and then I had simply shrugged and said, “Well, it’s about time,” our marriage may not be in a much healthier state than it had been.

We had to push the restart button. I had to truly forgive, and together we came up with a plan that worked to grow our healthy marriage. There is no room for bitterness in a marriage that is moving forward toward greatness.

Don’t wait 50 years for Jubilee. Forgiveness starts today.

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Jubilee

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Be Intentional

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Be Intentional

A Conscious Choice – Matt’s Thoughts

Jim Collins wrote a business book called Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap … And Others Don’t (HarperBusiness, 2001). Good to Great shows that greatness is not primarily a function of circumstance; but largely a matter of conscious choice and discipline.

In a healthy marriage, both the husband and the wife are intentional about improving the health of their marriage.

If you wanted to get healthier physically by toning your muscles and improving your digestion, but continued to sit on the couch and eat junk, then your health will not improve. The same goes for your marriage relationship.

A plan must be made, action must be taken, accountability should be in place and a regular check-up/evaluation brings it full circle.

Following through with positive choices can help your marriage shift from good to great.

Meet George Jetson; Jane his wife. – Laura’s Thoughts

Our kids have a couple of Jetsons cartoon DVDs (remember this?!), which are always good for a chuckle. The head of the household, George Jetson, complains that while during a particularly “busy” day at work, he actually has to reach up to push his button an entire three times, if you can possibly imagine this exhausting type of assignment. His wife, Jane, is a homemaker. She punches the family’s dinner menu order into her dinner machine thingy, and tada – and out comes dinner. Clean up after dinner happens with the push of another button and when she needs to vacuum? Well there’s a button she can push for that too. Their lives are about as simple and easy as a life can be, with robots and machines doing all of their work. (And yet, good grief, they still complain about having to push so many buttons. Are people – or um, cartoon characters – never content? Yes, I suppose that’s another post for another day.)

I think most of us would prefer life to be as simple and easy as possible. We plan to grow up and meet the man/woman of our dreams. We get married with plans to live happily ever after – the end.

My question would be:  What part of your “plan to live happily ever after” actually contains a plan?

Like the Jetsons, we’d like to push the “happily ever after” button in life and sit back and let the happiness happen. But a healthy marriage – a marriage full of the joy God intended – doesn’t just happen. You must each be intentional about working to create and maintain a healthy marriage.

Stop sitting on the couch eating the junk food of an unhealthy marriage (selfishness, pride, bitterness, laziness). Stop trying to push the easy button in life, waiting for that happily ever after picture you have of a healthy marriage to just fall into your lap. Stop waiting for your spouse to step up to the plate while you continue to grow more and more discontent.

Your happily ever after begins when you become intentional about being what God calls you to be as a husband or a wife.

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips  from A to Z – Be Intentional

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!