Ever have conversations with people in your head? You know…after you visit with them and you aren’t entirely happy with how you responded?
If you are anything like me you’re likely to spend several days after a conversation with someone re-hashing the conversation over and over in your head saying what you wish you would have said to them.
I can come up with some wonderful come-backs to say to people two days after I actually talk to them. My head can sometimes be filled with amazing and brilliant conversations in which I totally put the other person in his/her place and make tremendous points and prove how right I am.
Too bad it’s IMAGINARY.
It’s a complete and total waste of brain time. Satan loves to get in our head and help us waste our thought time on things that are completely pointless and meaningless. Just think of all the time we could be talking to God either in praise or petition…but instead we’re thinking about and worrying about a conversation we had with someone and wishing we would have said this or that instead. Oh yeah, Satan loves that.
While we’re on the subject of wasted brain time…how about all time spent inside our heads comparing ourselves to others? Or criticizing how others do things (because it makes us feel better about how we do things)?
It’s just another of Satan’s tools to pull us away from all the things that truly are important.
Here’s what I’ve been finding that is incredibly helpful:
- Recognize the sin for what it is. It’s sinful to spend our time worrying about what we said or didn’t say when we can do absolutely nothing to change the situation. It’s sinful to compare ourselves to others so that we can build ourselves up. Yuck…no wonder it feels so bad when we do it.
- Change the crummy thoughts to prayer thoughts. It sounds easier than it is…and sometimes…I just really don’t want to. But it’s one of the only sure ways to change your thought patterns. Train yourself to pray everytime your brain starts to re-think a difficult conversation or to criticize someone.
- Say it out loud. This may sound silly…but I can not believe how well it works. Whenever I have critical or frustrated thoughts going through my head…if I say it out loud I quickly realize how petty and ridiculous they sound. They sound so intelligent inside my head. Out loud? Ridiculous!
Bless my poor husband’s heart. He’s the one who usually gets to hear my ridiculous thoughts. I usually get them about half-way out of my mouth when I realize, “Good grief Laura. Are you really going to finish that sentence?” Because it just sounds that ridiculous.
Choose someone who will truly help you work through the situation and not someone who will feed into it and make the situation worse. And then say it out loud.
It works for me every time.
Ah, I love this post. Thanks for always being my “good grief, did I just say that” sounding board. :-)
Oh goos, I’m not the only one that that happens to. Thank you for your insight!!
This was beautiful and so needed. I loved this.
I’m so glad that God knows our hearts and can work on the sins that are going on!
Thank you for this wonderful reminder!
Trying to live for an Audience of One!
I do that all the time. Sometimes I think about it so much that I convince myself to call the person I was talking to to apologize, even if it isn’t necessary. I am so bad about this!!!! Thank you so much for tips in avoiding this and the reminder that it is in fact sin!!!
Hello, my name is Nell and this is my first time commenting. :) I enjoy your site very much. Thank you so much for this post. You know, I’ve come to the realization that I’ll always be just the tinsiest bit crazy and I’m okay with it :), but it sure feels nice when someone makes you feel like you’re not quite as far gone as you thought. :):):)This post was a blessing and oh so very true. Thank you for your words and ministry! :)
Your post really reminded me of the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis… Ever read that?
I should bookmark this and read it every other day!
Yes, and I also frequently rehash conversations in which I wonder if I may have inadvertantly hurt the other person… gotta let these things go. Slowly I’m learning that unless I know I said something wrong (and should call and apologize) then trust that the other person can either forgive me or choose to pick up the phone and call me to discuss, if ever I really did hurt them. AAAArgh! I wish this wasn’t taking me years to overcome.
I can SO relate Kika!! Prayer/giving it over to God really helps. It is hard to let go though.
Thank-you so much for this post! It is nice to know ones not alone and good to get ideas of how to overcome.
Oh goodness gracious!!!!!! You should have seen the “heated” conversation I got into w/a friend on facebook this morning.(I’m not sure I’ll call him a friend anymore lol) I’ve still stewing on what I can write when I get home! Ok, I guess I’ll let it go.
I guess i need to pray about this, “I have to be right, and have the last word spirit” lol.
In case your wondering, (I’m sure you aren’t) we were discussing this “great” and “wonderful” health care that Obama is wanting. With the quotes can you tell which side I’m on! He started it w/a crack on Sarah Palin. I’m not a fan of hers, but she is a repub lol.
So, this is a VERY timely post. thanks!!!!!! (I think)
you are so right! esp about how ridiculous and petty it sounds when you say it out loud! love your blog!
Wow, Laura! I’m so glad I’m not the only one who does this. You really ministered to me today. Thank you so much!
Thanks so much for this post!
Add me to the many people who also go over conversations in my head, wishing I’d have said something better, something different.
I knew it wasn’t good or necessary to do, and thank you for the tips!!
I agree with the “comparing yourself to others” part, but not your feeling that rehashing conversations in your mind is a complete waste of brain time. See, if you had a conversation where you left feeling hurt, that hurt can stay with you for days (even months or years). However, rehashing and revising the conversation in your head can erase all of that. The mind cannot differentiate between a memory and a vivid fantasy. Let me say that again: Your brain cannot tell the difference between something you elaborately made up and what actually happened. So if you change a bad memory in your head into something that makes you feel better, the memory will be changed and hurt feelings will be gone.
To me, saving myself the blow to my pride or my self esteem or even saving myself the stress is not a waste of brain time.
This was such a great post!
I definitely needed to read it–I’m really bad about having imaginary arguments with my husband. The poor guy is off at work and I’m still mad about something he did or didn’t do (which he probably had no idea I was ever mad b/c I expect him to just know!)and I start thinking of all these things I’m going to say to him when he gets home. It’s so silly!
Thanks for the reminder to instead pray and “say it out loud”!
Oh, my. I do this too.
Great reminder. I am guilty so often of rehashing a conversation (and wishing I had sounded more intellegent! lol).
I’ll be posting some of my favorite links of the month on Saturday and will be adding this one to the list!
I loved this post. Those conversations can occupy my thoughts for days! Thank you for the reminder that my energy can be better put into prayer.
Great post! This is an area I am definitely growing in. The other night I had thought of something and wanted to share it with my husband. I was cleaning up and started to think of what I would say and then stopped myself and thought, “How does that edify anyone?” “What good can come of it?”.
I have been more and more convicted of this b/c it forms a judgment in yours or someone else’s mind about another person (true or not). I am so glad that there is One who is greater than us who can truly give us help in time of need.
wow, what a great post, I really need that tonight. You are truly inspired. Thanks
I’ve SO been there. Great post! :)
oh my goodness. I do this all the time! I laughed at first because i never realized other people do this too! i have been trying to pray instead of forming judgments too. it really takes all the fun out of it for my flesh and is a victory for my spirit. thank you for reminding me of this, and that i’m not as crazy as i thought! =)
yep, i’m there too. have you ever wanted to call the person back just so they can hear all the brilliant things you’ve come up with? wanted to do that yesterday actually.
thanks laura
Keep up the good work! This is so true! I don’t usually go days, (can’t seem to remember the next morning?? lol!) but several hours at least. I really appreciate words of wisdom in the midst of my day. Thanks again from a first time commenter/several times a week reader!!
First, I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who has after-the-fact conversations in my head. I always sort of hoped it would make me a better conversationalist the next time I had the opportunity. But I am quite struck by your putting the blame on Satan. I’m afraid you’re absolutely correct. Drat. Fooled again by the master of deception! I’m praying that I can have some self-discipline with these “fake” conversations and use them as a reminder to turn my mind toward prayer (like, more self-discipline than I have on the computer, to be sure!) Thanks for being the mouth of Christ on this issue.