You know how the husband of the Proverbs 31 Woman is “respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land”?
Why do you suppose he was so highly respected? Because he’s just that cool? Yeah maybe. I’m sure he was a pretty neat guy.
But here’s what I think:
I think he was respected by others because he was first respected by his wife.
If his wife didn’t respect him…didn’t talk respectfully to him…didn’t talk respectfully to others about him…why in the world would others respect him?
I am not an expert. Nor do I think that the following statement is absolute across the board without exception.
I believe we as women have the power to make or break our man.
Without a doubt, a big part of who a man becomes is completely up to him. You can not change your husband because ultimately he must make his own choices and decide who his God is.
I believe that the way I treat my husband; the way I respect him, talk to him, listen to him and talk to others about him can have a huge impact on the choices he makes and the man he becomes.
If I am constantly being sarcastic and negative to him…putting down the things he does…rolling my eyes at him…doing things opposite of what he asks of me…questioning everything he says and does…letting him know that he is annoying me…ignoring his needs…
If I am griping to others about him…laughing and joking to my friends about the ridiculous things he does…whining about all the ways he just doesn’t measure up…making fun of him in front of his friends…
I think I could slowly but surely break my man.
If I show respect in the way I talk to him and listen to him…in the way I talk to others about him…and in the way I talk to him when we’re with others…
I can build him up and make him into more of the man and husband God wants him to be.
These are the some of the things I try to consider about how I talk to my husband or talk to others about my husband:
- Would I want him to talk to me like this?
- Would I want him to look at me this way when he’s talking to me?
- Would I want him to talk to his friends about me like this?
- Would I want him to talk to me in front of other people this way?
Hey…I don’t want Matt to talk to the guys about what a dork I was when I forgot to pick up the stuff he asked me to pick up at the store yesterday. I don’t want him to gripe to his buddies about how annoying I am when I leave cabinet doors open time after time. Why in the world would I think it would be okay for me to whine and gripe about him to my friends?
Now…is it ever okay to vent to a friend and share concerns in your marriage? Absolutely. I think women sharing with women can be healthy and helpful. But I think it is VERY important to pray about it first and consider the outcome of the conversation. You want your friends (and family) to still have respect for your husband after your conversation. Speak wisely.
Share with us: Not only is it a good idea to NOT SAY negative things to others about your husband, it’s also a great idea to say lots of positive things about him to others! Please take some time to share with us some of the great things your husband does for you and your family. Go ahead…start bragging! If you aren’t in the habit of sharing great things about your husband…this is a great place to start!
Challenge Yourself: What are some ways you might need to improve when it comes to talking respectfully to or about your husband? Would your husband “be respected at the city gate” (Prov. 31:23)? (You’re welcome to share your thoughts on this too…but please don’t feel like you have to. This is more for your reflection and prayer.)
This post is linked to Works for me Wednesday.