A few weeks ago, I got this email from Jessica:

My husband and I have been married for about 2 1/2 years. We had always planned to wait about 2 years to have babies, but as time has gone by I have felt less and less ready to be preggo. I feel like the world has SO many negative things to say about having kids… “Have all the fun now because once babies come life is over…” etc. I know that the Bible says that children are a blessing from God but honestly sometimes I look at my friends with babies and I think, “Honey, you don’t look blessed, you look haggard and tired”.

I know that since the Bible says that children are a blessing that it MUST be true… and I’m SO sick of hearing about all the negative things about babies that the world is constantly screaming about…. what can you tell me about the blessing of children? Do the blessings really outweigh the burdens, the sleepless nights, the vomit, the poopy diapers, the carrying of the diaper bag everywhere you go…???? Why are kids a blessing? HELP ME! I know that I want to be a mom, but I think that the only thing that freaks me out is the thought of taking care of a sick child. I know that stupid… but its a fear, for real.

Funny, isn’t it…how we moms can often talk out of both sides of our mouth? (I love picturing someone actually doing that. Talk about multi-tasking.)

We say, “Oh I LOVE my children and they are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and my life is so much richer because of them.” At the very same time, we complain about how many times they got us up at night and how much puke there is to clean up and how much money they cost us and how we never have any time to ourselves and how the laundry never ends and how they never eat the food we put in front of them because they’re so picky, or simply too busy putting the food up their noses instead.

So, which is it? Is having children a blessing, or is it a huge inconvenience? Is it delightful, or is it exhausting? Is it fantastic, or is it frustrating?

My answer to each of these questions is…yes, absolutely.

Having children? It’s hard. It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating. It’s a job that never, ever ends.

But while there are times you feel like throwing in the towel (or throwing the towel at one of them)…you love your children so much that deep down you really don’t even mind the puke and the poop and the fact that both have been finger painted onto the headboard of their bed.

In fact, you chuckle, take a picture of the art work to show at their wedding rehearsal someday…then start crying (and gagging) while you scrub it all up.

There are SO MANY THINGS about parenting that are difficult and I can easily describe every one of them to you.

But it is practically impossible to put into words what an incredible blessing they are. I don’t think there have been words invented to describe the emotions you feel when you’re rocking your snuggly little one and their hair smells so sweet you just can’t stop breathing it in and stroking it.

Or how amazing it feels to read a book together or laugh with each other over how he slipped and fell outside and got snow in his pants.

Or when he says “mama” for the first time. Or just got out of the tub and has on warm footy pajamas and crawls up into your lap for kisses. Or when your big kid comes up to you and gives you a back rub. Or when you hear your child pray.

There are no words to describe it.

Are children a blessing?

I’d be happy to tell you just how much of a blessing.

If only I had the words.

First of all…WOW.

Thank you all so much for your wonderful response to Will All of the Real Moms Please Stand Up? So many of you stood up. You shared your struggles. And your deep love for your children.

And your realness.

Thank you.

You are a blessing to me. You are a blessing to many, many women who will read your comments and know that we’re not alone in the journey we call motherhood. Thank you.

After reading all of your comments (because yes, I read all of them and yes, I will continue to read them as you write them) I wanted to take a moment to encourage everyone just a bit more. Here’s what I learned about you from all of your comments:

You, my friends, are doing a wonderful job. You love your husbands. You love your children. If you didn’t love them so much you wouldn’t care about raising them successfully for Jesus.

You work hard. You work very, very hard.

You want to better yourself. You want to be more like Jesus.

You keep looking to Him and striving to be better.

Good job, Moms.

As a bit of follow-up and so that we can continue to help each other, I have two  requests:

1. As you have “Real Mom” moments…will you please continue to visit this post and share them in the comments section? I put a quick link to the post at the bottom of my sidebar for easy access. We can all use a good dose of realness occasionally. PLUS, whenever “real life” happens…sometimes it can help put everything into perspective if we have a place to share it.

and…

2. As we all strive to improve our homemaking and parenting skills…will you please leave a comment on THIS post describing some of the tools and books you use or have used that have been helpful to you in your journey? I’d love for all of us to have a wonderful list of resources!

My contribution to the topic:

• Motivated Moms planners have been a wonderful resource to many. These downloadable ebooks not only help get you organized in your homemaking tasks…they can even help keep you on track with daily Bible reading. Scroll down to the bottom of this page to click on sample pages of Motivated Moms downloadable planners.
• Some ladies swear by the Fly Lady. She claims to be your personal online coach to help you gain control of your home and your life! Woohoo!
• My favorite parenting books are mentioned in my Amazon Store here.

Please…take a moment to share what tools and resources work for you!

Why? Why do we do it to ourselves?

We’re all just moms.

Why do we think (even though we know better) that all the other moms have everything under control, all of the time? Why do we see messes in our own homes and feel badly because the other moms surely never have messes like the ones we have? Or at least not as often as we do? Why do we sometimes feel like a failure when our kids don’t obey…again?

Why do we sometimes feel like we aren’t doing a good enough job? Why do we think that our kids are the only ones who throw fits?

Why does it seem like my children are the only ones who haven’t learned to put their games away before they get out another toy to play with?

Haven’t I trained them well enough? Haven’t I told them the same things over and over again?

Do any of these thoughts go through your head when you and your kids are having a bad day? Do you tend to assume that your kids are the only ones that (fill in the blank)?

As a real mom, I’m here to tell you that there are many times that:

• My kids don’t obey me the first time.
• My floor has toys all over the place (mixed in with dirt and dust bunnies).
• My kids have boogers on the end their fingers and they just don’t seem to know what to do with them.
• Nobody can find matching and/or clean socks.
• My kids would rather not change their clothes.
• My kids want to argue with me.
• My kids fight with each other.
• No one (but me) can see the junk under the dresser that needs to be picked up.
• My bathrooms smell like pee. (C’mon boys…learn to aim already.)

When those things happen, I can second guess myself and the fact that I really am doing a good job with this mothering/homemaking thing God has called me to do.

I can feel like I’m failing at the most important job I’ve been given, second to being my husband’s help meet, but of course sometimes I’m really struggling with that one too.

And I feel like everyone else must be doing a much better job than I am.

And that surely none of the other Christian wives and mothers out there feel this way. Because the other Christian wives and mothers surely never get frustrated or behind on their work or overwhelmed. Because the other Christian wives and mothers are all more organized than I am and probably pray more than I do and train their kids better than I do and have a meek and quiet spirit and always have a gentle answer for their precious little ones.

Yeah…it’s all a lie.

A big fat juicy lie (with a booger on top).

We are not alone.

Our job is a work in progress. Continually. All the time. Forever and ever amen.

The training and the loving and the nurturing and the cleaning and the crying and the praying…it’s continual.

We train and we work and we pray and we just keep doing it. Day after day.

Guess what Moms? That’s what ALL of us are doing. Day after day.

Training children to be like Jesus is the hardest job on this earth. Training them to be like Jesus in the middle of trying to grow to be like Jesus ourselves….

Yeah, Satan doesn’t like that very much.

That’s why he makes it so hard. He doesn’t want to us to succeed.

And he really wants you to think that you are the only one who is struggling.

So, if you are a real mom – the kind that has imperfect children and an imperfect home? The kind that is working really, really hard to train your children to be like Jesus. The kind that has a hard time keeping up with every single thing that needs to be done every single day. The kind that is  plugging away and striving to be Godly, but not quite reaching perfection.

The kind of mom that relies continually on the grace of God and on His loving mercy.

Won’t you please join me in acknowledging this battle we’re in together?

I’d love it if all us real moms would please leave a comment here on this post. Even if all you do is sign your name. Or simply say, “Yes, I’m a real mom.”

Or, if you’re really feeling brave – go ahead and tell us about your latest parenting/homemaking struggle. Because we’ve all been there done that (or if we haven’t yet…we probably will tomorrow).

And then the next time any real mom out there is having a bad day or needs a little reassurance –

She can come here to this post and be reminded by the list of all of us other real moms that she is a part of a community of other women doing many of the same things she is doing everyday. And struggling with many of the same things she is struggling with day after day….

And we’ll all know that we are not alone.

From one real mom to another…Thank You.

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Want more peace in your parenting? After 20 years of parenting and learning the hard way about truly trusting God with my four children, I wrote the Prayer Mugs. Please join me in enjoying the true peace that God offers as we raise our children!

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I don’t know how it happened, but somehow I’m in a new season of my life.

For over a decade (which sounds like a long time…but really it isn’t…even though it is) I was either pregnant or nursing and changing diapers and potty training and teaching children to dress themselves. And I always had someone hanging on me or pulling the clean kitchen towels out of the drawer onto the floor. I had a perpetual glob of sweet potatoes smeared across my shoulder.

And now. Now my littlest one is almost five. And my oldest one is twelve.

Part of my life is a little easier now. The part where I can just say, “Everyone go upstairs and play for a while.” And they do. And I don’t have to follow any of them around making sure they don’t put marbles in their mouths (or up their noses) or climb onto anything dangerous. (Well, sometimes they still like to climb onto dangerous things…but you get the point.)

I know some parts of parenting are just about to get harder. Like the “I think girls are cute” part and the “Can I have the keys and go somewhere by myself” part. And, oh my word, someday really really soon my boys are gonna have whiskers and be taller than me and their voices will crack and, and…(breathe, Laura!)

I’ll try to just take that stuff one day at a time.

In the meantime, I just wanted to encourage all of you mamas out there with little bitty ones. The days of chasing and wiping and wiping and chasing are long and hard and full of joy and lack of sleep.

I refuse to get all cheesy on you and say, “Enjoy those moments because they get big before you know it.” I was always irritated when someone with big kids would tell me that. I KNEW I needed to enjoy it and that they’d get big before I knew it and blah, blah, blah. I WAS enjoying it. I just needed a nap.

So, hang in there, Mama. Some day, you’ll be able to play an entire game of cards with friends without pulling your hand of slobbery cards out of the mouth of the baby in your lap. Some day, you can sit down and watch an entire movie without a toddler climbing all over you and the back of the couch you’re sitting on. And some day…you’ll be able to read an entire blog post like this one without getting up twelve times to get the baby out of the china cabinet.

Someday.

And…well…if you and I are ever in a hanging out together and you’ve got your little baby with you…HAND HIM (or HER) OVER. You need a break and I need a baby fix. Everyone wins.

If you missed Katie’s previous post about Baby Signs, make sure you go read it here!
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If your baby waves bye-bye, lifts their arms to be picked up or shakes their head, they’re doing baby signs. If you can sing Itsy Bitsy Spider with the hand motions, you are ready to teach your child baby signs. And you thought it might be difficult!

How to Teach Baby Signs

First, remember that you can just make them up if you’d like, using simple motions that baby can imitate. This is not rocket science. The end goal is simply to be able to understand each other. Just like “Bah-ka” might be one baby’s “blankie”, another’s “Binky” and the neighbor’s dog “Barkley” to a third, but each parent knows exactly what their child is saying, you too will learn the nuances of your baby’s sign language.

Baby Signs Resources

I learned most of our vocabulary from a few books I got from the library, this ASL website and a baby sign website, and many from the Signing Time Videos (they used to play on PBS).

But wait! Don’t get overwhelmed yet! I can hear some of you saying what I so often think about something new:  “I’d really like to do that in my household, but I just don’t have the time and energy for one more thing.” I understand, believe me. The commitment is so low on this one, you almost can’t lose. Even if you learn only 3-5 basic signs, your baby is still able to tell you 3-5 more things than he would otherwise. If you have the time to read to the end of this post, you can start baby signs today.

10 Easy Signs to Start With

Here are a few basic signs to get you started. Most babies want to talk about eating and animals (the high chair and a walk outside are perfect opportunities to practice signing!):

1. More: Touch your thumbs to your fingers on both hands and tap your fingertips together in front of you. 
   Some babies will clap their hands, tap just two fingers, or tap their fists. Whatever works to communicate is golden! 
2. Eat: Tap your fingertips on your mouth.
3. Drink: Tap one finger like a straw to your lips. 
   My daughter used to smack her face with her whole hand to say “drink”. We understood it, but I’m glad she’s refined it to the one-finger version. It seems less painful! 
4. Please: With a flat hand, rub a circle on your upper chest. 
   If she REALLY wants something, she uses both hands vigorously! 
5. All Done: Either wave both hands across your body, palms down, in front of you (like “washed the spider out” in “Itsy Bitsy Spider”), OR wave both hands back and forth, palms out, near your shoulders.
6. Banana: “Peel” one index finger with the other in a downward motion.
7. Milk:  Open and close one hand into a fist and out, like you’re milking a cow. We use this sign for nursing from day one, but you can use it for milk in a cup, too. 
   See how hard she’s trying to get me to put the camera down and nurse her? Focused face and TWO hands doing the “milk” sign… 
8. Dog: Stick your tongue out and pant like a dog. The baby can even tell you when they see a dog walking from the back seat of your vehicle with this one! 
   This was one of the first signs for both my kids, because it’s so easy, has a sound that they can imitate, and dogs are everywhere. 
9. Bird: Either flap your arms like a bird or make a little beak by your mouth with two fingers and your thumb.
10. Squirrel: Pat both palms on your cheeks, like a squirrel holding nuts in his cheeks.

You can start Baby Signs at any time. Most children are ready to repeat them back to you between 8-10 months, but just like talking, it doesn’t hurt to start early. It’s also fine to start later; a friend of mine had great success using baby signs for the first time at 14 months. I always start when the child goes into the high chair at 6 months, because that’s when I get face-to-face time, and it’s easy to remember to demonstrate the “more” sign for them.

I strongly encourage you to try baby signs with your child. It will reduce tantrums and increase the enjoyment of your children in so many ways. If you’re really lucky, you may find yourself rocking a child to sleep at one  in the morning who suddenly bolts upright at the sound of a loud hotel fan cutting out to ask you, “Why? (a sign) Fan (sign) off (spoken word)?”

Be sure to visit Katie at her blog, Kitchen Stewardship, where she offers weekly Monday Missions to help you take baby steps toward being a better steward of God’s gifts of the environment, your family’s health, your time and budget. Find healthy food information, recipes, tips and shortcuts, natural cleaning ideas and more.

I’m excited for you to read this guest post from Katie at Kitchen Stewardship. I never used sign language with my babies. (Why? I don’t know!)  Two of my sisters-in-law use it with their babies and it’s AMAZING to watch those smart babies communicating!

Now even though you can’t see me…I am doing sign language to tell you to read and learn more with Katie. You never knew I could blog in sign language did you?

Here’s Katie…
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Laura does such a good job with homeschooling tips for school-aged kiddos, and the Preschool eBook will be an amazing resource for that age group. Now for the littlest among us: if you have an infant or young toddler, I’m here to take away the apprehension many people seem to have about baby signs and share our family’s joy in using them. By the time you get to the trick at the end, you’ll be inspired to begin using baby signs today with your child.

I spend a lot of time in the kitchen and write about it on my blog, so I’m happy to come out of there for a spell and share about something non-food but close to my heart here at Heavenly Homemakers. Of course, I’m going to start by talking about food. Life is like that sometimes.

If you’ve ever parented a child through the high chair phase, you’ll recognize this scene (even if I don’t know how to spell it):

The child points to something on the table and says – here it comes – “Unh!” (Maybe it’s “Uhhhhn!” or “Uohhhh?”)

Thus begins the “What do you want?” game:

You say, “This?”
-”Uhn.”

“This?”
-”Uhn!”

“This?”
-”UHN!”

Often you figure it out eventually, but some situations melt into tantrums because the child can’t communicate. They know so clearly what they want, but just can’t say it yet.

Now imagine this scene:

You’re having a family dinner with your 11-month-old in the high chair. The child tells you she wants more banana. Later that same meal she asks politely for, “Cheese, please.” And when you realize you’ve forgotten a drink for the little one, it’s because she asked for water, not because she threw a fit and you fumbled around to figure out why she might be upset.

OK, that’s a bit of an ideal situation that doesn’t quite happen at my house with our ultra-stubborn one-year-old. But even though her words are very few at 15 months, she knows at least 60 baby signs and can often tell us what she wants (when she lets go of her stubbornness enough to actually use them!). She’ll tell us she wants a big slice of watermelon instead of cut-up pieces, a carrot from the table or nursing from Mom instead of dinner.

The Joys of Baby Signs in Our Family

I’m a huge believer in baby signs. They make our house a happier place to be.

I can’t describe to you how my heart fills with joy when I can “read” a book with my just-one-year-old, and she tells me what’s on the page. We love to read simple picture books with vivid animal photos, and she tells me when she sees a horse, a gorilla, a dog (her favorite) and when she’s scared of the picture of the bee. She can tell me when she wants to ride the horse downstairs or go outside to swing. She can point out squirrels running up a tree and convince me to get her peas out of the freezer.

Some of these “conversations” just wouldn’t be possible with pointing and grunting, and it might result in crying and frustration (for both of us). Other times it’s just an added delight to be able to converse with my baby and understand what she enjoys and to what her attention is drawn.

My favorite signing story comes from my son, who knew over 100 baby signs before he transitioned to words at about 16 months and we stopped learning new signs. He was around 14 or 15 months old, and he was eating a piece of frozen melon in the high chair. He often enjoyed having the whole piece of fruit when possible, so I served it to him without cutting it up. He tried to eat it, but quickly used a sign to tell me that it was “cold”. He then proceeded to point across the room and make a motion with his index finger.

“Banana?” I asked. No. “Bread?” No again. He added the sound “nigh” along with the finger motion. I couldn’t think what he possibly wanted that started with N! I finally went to where he was pointing and pulled out the drawer. He got very excited. It was then that I realized he had been pointing to the drawer where we keep the sharp knives, asking me with a slashing motion in the air to “cut” up his melon with a “knife” because it was “too cold” to pick up! Impressive.

What About You? Do You Use Baby Signs?

I often ask new moms if they’re using baby signs, and so many say something like this:  “I just don’t know how to start, so…”

If that sounds like your well-intentioned excuse, I’m here to tell you the 10 easy steps to get started with baby signs:

1. Learn a sign.
2. Do it in front of your baby while you’re talking.
3. Um. Oops. I guess there are only 2 steps.

Seriously, you don’t need to read a book, understand why baby signs are so good for your baby, or have a huge cache of signs in your repertoire in order to begin. If you have ever talked to your baby, you can do baby signs. The basic concept is the same.

We talk to our babies from birth even though we know they can’t talk back. This teaches them about how words sound, what they mean, and how conversation works. While you’re talking, just do some hand motions at the same time, and you’re teaching your little one an alternative way to communicate with you, one that they are developmentally and physically able to do before they’re ready to speak.

The trick? Just do it.

The next installment of “The Joys of Baby Signs” will further convince you that you can do this in your household, teach 10 basic signs that you can use TODAY, and share more resources for learning new signs.