say yes to help Archives | Heavenly Homemakers

I wanted to share a beautiful update as to how God is providing help right now.

In case you weren’t aware, we all need help from time to time. Saying yes to help is a beautiful thing. Our family happens to be in a season in which we need a significant amount of help in many forms.

Our help and needs continue to shift

During the past five years, we’ve added children and/or cared for children then helped them make adjustments back to live with their biological family. Mostly though, we’ve added children. Seven small, traumatized, extra needy, precious ones.

Meanwhile, during these past five years we’ve also had four kids in college, high school, and/or middle school – all of whom were very involved in extracurriculars like athletics, music, and drama. They’ve had their own needs because growing into an adult, navigating relationships, and figuring out career paths? Well we all know how hard (and good) that can be. We’ve also had two weddings, and OH YEAH, we moved to Lincoln this summer.

Ugh, moving.

The needs in our home have been different during these years, depending on how many babies there were, what sport season it was, what court case was unfolding, and how Matt and I have been able to meet the many needs as they come up.

Ultimately, we can’t meet them all. We serve a God who meets our needs in full. We trust this. And part of how he does this is by sending help.

I will never stop preaching this:

Say.Yes.To.Help.

Saying yes to help from others is saying yes to God. It is so cool to experience His work through others!!

We have had help:

Texturing and painting our house as we got ready to move
Cleaning. Worth noting: Ten ladies showed up to our York house after we moved out so they could deep clean all of the precious fingerprints and mud smears and 21 years worth of full, busy life there. I still can’t talk about that gift without crying.
Washing our dishes
Doing our laundry
Making us snacks
Chasing kids with us at soccer games
Buying diapers
Rocking babies so I could shower
Babysitting so both Matt and I could go to our older boys’ events at the same time
Cooking meals
Picking up items at the store
Babysitting while I went to court for our kids’ cases
Slipping us cash for “whatever the kids need”
The list is so long it would become an entire blog post all by itself…

These have been from an ARMY of people. Not just a couple of friends. Dozens of people. So many people I would lose track of the number if I tried to count them all.

And not one of these is “small” to me. Everything people have done means an incredible deal to us, even when they think “oh yeah, no big deal.” Yes, big deal. All of it.

So now we’re in Lincoln

We’ve been here for four months now. Different place, different people, different needs. Same kids. Same trauma. Same needy-ness.

More bathrooms.

Ten of them to be exact.

Praise God for this! And, thank God for my friends who come and clean several of them for us once each week.

Our older four kids have graduated now.

Matt and I have come up for air after our huge move. While we’ve had lots of help from our older kids and some church friends since moving here, we realized a few weeks ago that we needed to ask for more consistent help. Help with what exactly??

It’s hard to describe the needs of our kids – especially because they are all very sweet and those outside our home mostly experience all the sweetness (x7). Matt and I get to enjoy their sweetness too, for sure. But mostly, we find that we are training, and un-training, and retraining, and shucks, throw potty training in there too.

These kids have all the normal needs of a normal kid. And then they have trauma that they are dealing with in various forms. Their behaviors can appear subtle or non-existent to outsiders. But here are some examples of what Matt and I deal with all day long:

One of our kids went from absolutely fine at bedtime last week to suddenly standing on her bed RAGING because her sister picked up a piece of paper from the floor that was apparently very important (though not important enough to have been put in a safe place prior to getting into bed). Once she got angry and ramped up, it became very difficult to help her regulate her emotions so that we could reason with her.
One of our kids constantly needs reassurance that he is loved and safe. He looks over his shoulder constantly for the next emergency, and since there usually isn’t one, he creates one. Often he will bring us a “situation” and we will 100% take care of with a calm and peaceful solution. But he can’t let it go, so he goes to the next adult and then the next to continue to reinforce the drama he is seeking. This goes on all day long.
One of our kids is in fight or flight a good amount of the time, so a toy that drops to the floor or a sister that walks by and looks like she might possibly touch the toy he’s using sends him into a complete melt-down that takes a very long time to settle.
One of our kids demands so much attention that she will scream and tantrum, no matter the attention, consequences, or ignoring she receives, because her need for control is so great.

This work is WORTH all the energy and time we put into it. But this is why we say yes to help and have learned to reach out for help. We are stretched pretty thin. Any and all help is wildly appreciated.

How God is Providing Help Right Now

1. School Lunches

Recently someone offered: “Would it be helpful if we make lunches for your kids to take to school?”

Every school day. For the long run. This was/is their offer. I had to think about it for a minute (why, I don’t know). And then we said yes. The past two Sundays they’ve dropped of 10 sack lunches for the upcoming week. The kids LOVE it. I love it. And guess what? Paula and Randy, our dear lunch makers, love it. God is so good.

2. Childcare

We had lots of help with this in York, but so far in Lincoln, we hadn’t figured out what to do for regular help with the kids here. We know that we can be better parents if we occasionally have a break from so much hard-core parenting. So we prayed and God provided not one, but two sweet people to watch Acacia and Josie three afternoons each week for us.

Ms. Kathi keeps the girls for two hours twice a week.

And Josalyn watches them for two hours once each week.

Praise the Lord. The girls love these special afternoons and Matt and I enjoy the break so that we can work while BabyBoy#11 naps.

3. Whatever we need on Mondays

Our daughter-in-law Eva just blocked out one morning per week to come spend time doing “whatever we need.” This is huge because she knows the kids (her siblings, ha) so well and they know her. Plus she knows where everything is in our kitchen and sees what needs to be done and just gets it done. I love this.

4. Extra hands on Tuesdays

Justus and Kelsey come over on Tuesday evenings so that Justus can give Brayden a piano lesson. That one-on-one time Justus gives Brayden is huge for his confidence. Meanwhile, Kelsey uses that time to pour into the kids and I often use that time to load a dishwasher. :)

6. Brotherly Help

Elias is currently living at our Castle with us, and Malachi is in an apartment across town. These guys help in huge ways we asked. When Matt goes to York to work on our houses, often Malachi stays back to be my sidekick all day long while Elias goes with Matt to work. When I take Brayden and Kiya to serve at the weekly Food Distribution, Elias helps Matt with the rest of the kids at home.

And one of my favorite brotherly helps: Bro Time.

We recognized Brayden’s need for some very specific one-on-on attention and devoted time, so we’ve hired Elias to spend two hours, twice each week with him. We call it Bro Time, with Elias taking Brayden on outings with the intention of really pouring love into him and helping him to learn more about being a healthy grown-up kid. They run errands for me if needed, they go to a coffee shop and play card games, they go take long walks around parks, they play frisbee golf, they do whatever Elias can find that will offer Brayden a good experience. About once each month, they buy groceries and cook a meal together for our family. Bro Time is good in every way.

7. Help with our houses in York

We still have properties in York that are being worked on so that we can sell them. Matt tries to go once each week, but it’s hard for him to get everything done that he needs to. We prayed for God to provide people who needed extra income to help with painting and odd jobs, and he has provided some young men willing to help out. I am so thankful for this!

8. Miscellaneous

I hesitate to share any of this because I don’t want to leave anything out. There are so many things people have done and continue to do to help. We say yes to all of it. All of our housemates pitch in and help with whatever need is right in front of them. People have given us loads of clothes for our kids (see Keith’s picture above in which he was so excited about his hand-me-downs box that he put on everything all at the same time).

Our neighbor brought us a meal when I was sick recently. Those neighbors also invite our kids into their house and give them extra attention and love.

Everything matters. Everything helps. Often people don’t realize that they’re helping – especially when they are engaging our kids in encouraging conversation – because they don’t know how much our kids need that encouragement. People are just being their normal, awesome selves, and it means the world to us.

Thank you for letting me share ways God is at work for us. When I look for it, I continue to see more ways He is providing. It’s amazing and we marvel while we give thanks for his goodness in all these ways.

What are Tuesday People? They are the people that everyone needs.

How we got our Tuesday People

It all started the week we took in a 17-month old girl and her newborn baby sister. They needed immediate placement and we already had their 2-year-old sibling in our home. So we were the first call. Could we take them? Yes. God said yes. So Matt and I said yes.

The two baby girls were welcomed into our home by our four older sons plus our young adopted and/or foster kids – at the time ages 7, 5, 2, 2, and 9-months. It wasn’t the first time we questioned our sanity, as we cared for so many high-need kids so close in age.

But were we even crazier for taking in two more? The kids would be ages 7, 5, 2, 2, 17-months, 9-months, and 2-days. Did I mention that our oldest, Asa, was getting married six weeks from that day?

Yes. We were crazy.

But have you ever read the Bible? Does God do anything significant for the Kingdom that isn’t weird, extreme, different, shocking, or challenging? Ask Sarah, Joseph, Paul, Esther, Noah, or Mary. It seems that God’s “yes” is always with great purpose, but it is also accompanied by that which seems impossible. We read the Word with confidence, noting that He always came through for the people that He called. He would come through for us.

Our community rallied

Surely our people were also questioning our sanity. But they walked with us anyway. It was only a few days before we had half a room stocked with cases of wipes and diaper boxes of all sizes, a Meal Train filled with meals ready to be delivered, and the best of the best: a Google spreadsheet brimming with people who had signed up to come in the evenings to help us with dinner, baths, and bedtime. Five kids in diapers? A baby with leg braces? Toddlers who struggled to stay out of the street? A freshly traumatized 1-year-old? Sleepless nights for Mom and Dad? The list goes on. We were in need.

God provided. He is good. His people are good.

Our Tuesday People

As we settled in with our new babies, the beloved spreadsheet told us that the Conyers would be coming that Tuesday evening to help. They arrived with a meal for all of us to enjoy. Then they chased kids in the yard, pushed kids on the swings, changed diapers, and read books. They scrubbed dirt off of kids, fed babies bottles, and washed our dishes. We got the kids to bed and thanked them as they headed out the door, surely exhausted from all they’d done for our family during those hours. That’s when they said:

“Can we come again next Tuesday?”

Oh, yes please. If you’re sure that works for you??

The next Tuesday turned into the Tuesday after that. Which turned into the one after that. And then the one after that. We settled into a routine with Aaron and Eryn. They became our Tuesday People. They came right after work on Tuesdays. I always had dinner waiting to feed them when they arrived – because it was the least I could do.

Sometimes they ate with a baby in their arms. Often they ate with a toddler in their lap. Then they didn’t stop moving until after the jammies were on, the nightly family “singing and prayer time” was complete, and the kids were in bed. Often Matt and I would come down the stairs after tucking kids in to see that Aaron and Eryn had the toys picked up and the dishwasher loaded.

During the spring, they’d meet us at the soccer field to help us chase kids while we cheered for Malachi. We sometimes joke that two years ago, we weren’t sure who was the most hesitant in this relationship: the baby girls who weren’t sure what to do with Aaron and his beard, or Aaron, who wasn’t sure what to do with seemingly fragile baby girls. Now, they are all the best of friends.

This Tuesday night thing all started back in June 2021. And here we are two years later, in June 2023.

The Conyers have become so dear to us. They are our Tuesday People. They’ve seen the worst of us, shared their best with us, and prayed us through incredible challenges. We’ve fed them, loved them, and made them a part of our family. They made us a part of theirs.

Saying goodbye to our Tuesday Nights now as we are moving on to Lincoln grieves me more than just about anything we are leaving behind. Oh how we’ve loved and needed our Tuesday People.

Everyone needs Tuesday People.

Church, worship, family, and community can take on many forms and for us, Tuesdays have become a beautiful blending of all of this. We need this. Everyone needs this.

So some questions for you:

Do you have Tuesday People?
Can you become someone’s Tuesday People?

We all need community. Sometimes we are called to serve and sometimes we are called to be served. As I have learned during our life journey – the need to serve and to be served almost always happens simultaneously. It is beautiful this way.

When we allow ourselves to be served, we are opening ourselves up to experiencing God in a way that we cannot if we choose to “go it alone.” We suffer when we say no to help, because God didn’t make us to do life without His people. We can do so much more for the Kingdom when we work together, serve together, and open our homes and hearts to be served and cared for.

Say yes to this

Prayerfully open your heart to how God can use you in this. Serve and be served. Love and be loved.

Our Tuesday People have changed our lives and we’ll never be the same. It is almost two years to the day from our first Tuesday together that we tearfully enjoy our last.

Thank you, Aaron and Eryn for loving us so well. Our Tuesdays will not be the same without you. We love you.