trauma Archives | Heavenly Homemakers

In the midst of our daily struggles, I realized that sometimes I forget my “WHY.”

Why are we doing this? How did we get here? What is even happening right now?

God was so present in the WHY. He made it so obvious that He was in this, that He was leading us to this, that He had brought us to this. And He’s still in it all now, without a doubt. It’s just different – and harder – now. Therefore, I often question what we’ve gotten ourselves into.

When the Egg Casserole gets smeared across the table and floor in defiance, followed by an angry cup of milk that gets thrown across the room
When someone strips back down to a fully naked state – right after I’ve bent over backwards to make all the accommodations to help them choose their clothes and dress for the day – because the sleeve didn’t feel right
When there are so many appointments to schedule and juggle that I haven’t had time to shower all week
When I dare to say “no” to a child’s unreasonable request and it takes 45-minutes to settle them down from their meltdown
When I open the yogurt “wrong” and get told “I HATE YOU!” as a result
When all of this happens before 8am.

That’s when I forget my “why.”

What is the WHY?

Why do we have a houseful of kids? Why is there not much quiet to be found? Why aren’t we empty-nesting? Why are we faced with so many big needs all day, every day? Why are we doing this?

I’ll tell you (and remind myself) why.

Because 10ish years ago, we asked God to show us what it means to live more fully through the power of the Holy Spirit. And we asked Him to help us understand what it really means to love our neighbor. So He did.

He showed us our neighbors that were struggling with addictions and He walked us through loving them. Then, in a special and unexpected turn of events – He asked us to raise some of their children.

We didn’t know that this is what “loving our neighbor” would look like in our context. But now our house is full, and we have to seek the Spirit’s guidance constantly.

Sweet Memories of Preparation

Back in those days so many years ago as we were digging in with God to understand how He guides His people through the power of the Holy Spirit to more fully love our neighbors, we were in our final years of homeschooling our older four boys. Elias and Malachi and I spend hours and hours reading Janet and Geoff Benge’s Christian Heroes books. In this incredible series, we read many that told about Christians who started orphanages all over the world. People who took in children to raise as their own, to protect and provide for, to care for and to love.

We loved these books – and we were so challenged and inspired by them. But we had no idea that God was using them to prepare us to essentially have an orphanage of sorts in our home some day.

Wow. George Muller. Lillian Thrasher. Amy Carmichael. So many others. These heroes launched us into our WHY and helped us learn what an open home for hurting children could look like.

And then there was Teresa of Calcutta. Mother Teresa, as most of us know her. Reading about her taught us so much more about what it can look like to love the least of these. She shared that when she looked into the eyes of the hurting, suffering, and dying – she saw the eyes of Jesus. She made us ask: How could we do this? What would that look like for us? Who were the least of these around us that could show us who Jesus is?

As it turns out, our home is now filled with three brown-eyed and four blue-eyed sweet souls who hold a lot of hurt. These are the eyes we look into to meet Jesus every day.

It’s powerful. It’s holy. It’s humbling.

This is our WHY.

I can forget all of this in the midst of a meltdown and the weariness that follows. And selfishly, I want to do life the easier way – without having to struggle so much, work so hard, and feel inadequate so often.

As if any of us are adequate. As if we can do anything in life without the help of Jesus. As if anything worth doing for the Kingdom and because of the call of Jesus is a simple matter that doesn’t truly make us die to ourselves.

As if.

So I remember my WHY. I lean into my WHY. I go all in to keep in step with the Spirit who has led us here, walks with us here, and carries us through each day.

Remembering my WHY reminds me of my WHAT: Loving these children enough to lay my life down to serve and care for them every day. And in the name of Jesus, healing will come.

A lot of words came to mind as I considered a focus for the new year. In fact, there are many 2026 Word of the Year: RUNNERS-UP. Read if you dare.

A few days ago, I shared that I finally have a 2025 Word of the Year. Woot! It only came 11 months and two weeks late. But it was the exact word we needed.

Indeed, 2025 has been filled with referrals, appointments, phone calls, assessments, getting diagnoses, starting therapies, and blessedly, finding answers to the intense needs in our home.

2025 word of the year? Answers. Praise God!

And guess what?! I already know my word for 2026! But I can’t share it yet. Instead, I must provide you with all the other words that came to mind as we live in a home filled with special needs, screaming, trauma, autism, and therapy. Are you ready?!? You aren’t ready.

2026 Word of the Year: RUNNERS-UP

12. Poopy Butt

Our younger set of kids are 12, 10, 7, 5, 5, 4, and 3. There are seven of them and five are on the autism spectrum. Many also have ADHD and/or are developmentally delayed, and so on and so forth.

But across the board, they can all say Poopy Butt and they are very gifted at saying it at the wrong time. They think they are either very funny and very rebellious, OR they like to become very self-righteous if they are not the one saying it but someone else is. “Mommmm! She said Poopy Butt!” Yeah, I heard.

I considered that Poopy Butt should be my word of the year because I hear it a lot and in truth, I deal with a lot of poopy butts. But then I considered that perhaps 2026 could actually be the year that everyone is…

11. Potty Trained

Is it possible? Might we have our final babe potty trained during 2026? He’s three now, after all. But he has special needs, so we won’t rush him.

Oh well though. If we don’t have a kid in diapers, I may not know what to do and I might still buy diapers in bulk out of habit. At one point we had five kids in diapers full time. So come at me with anything – you can’t scare me.

We are now down to only two kiddos sleeping in diapers and our youngest wearing them full time. What is this life of ease we now live??

As of right now, Auggie is only a little bit interested using the potty, so Potty Trained shouldn’t be my word of the year – just in case. The babe is less interested in the potty and a little more interested in saying “Poopy Butt.” Oh hey, but remember when we thought he might be non-verbal? So how thankful are we that he can form those beautiful words? So thankful. Actually though.

10. Food Smash

We crush more crackers and smear more noodles onto the table and floor than I wish to acknowledge. Many of our kids have food-related trauma and in addition, did you know that autism and trauma often create food aversions for kids? Multiply that times seven and you can’t imagine how difficult meal time is at our house.

Also, did you know that even if you put ranch dip on the plate the exact way that a traumatized autistic child asks you to do it, YOU WILL STILL DO IT WRONG? You will.

And when you do it wrong, a likely response a kid in our home has is to flip the plate onto the counter or the floor and smash it. Yes, we’ve parented this: attempted to discipline it, tried to prevent it, worked to retrain it, and have provided a million accommodations and options (do you want the pink plate or the green one? do you want to add the ranch or do you want me to? do you want the ranch on the chicken or beside the chicken?). Nothing works because autistic brains know exactly what they want but can’t always express it. So food flies, kids flop, and I don’t want to talk about it any more.

9. Accommodations

Speaking of providing options like pink and blue plates, this seems like a good time to talk about all the accommodations we’re learning to make for our kids. And about how we tell our kids to go put on their shoes and they actually cannot do it. Even though they can. They really can’t. (<–what?!)

We thought we were parenting wrong and that our kids were lazy, self-absorbed, needy people. As it turns out, they are autistic, delayed, and/or traumatized – so giving them a simple “demand” can make their nervous system go into fight-flight mode. So, for the love of sanity, we can’t simply tell our kids to go get their shoes. This creates meltdowns, and if you dare tell me that I’m spoiling them by bringing them their shoes and helping them get dressed, don’t. I’ve already scolded myself for what feels like bad parenting, but it isn’t. It’s providing accommodations. These kids’ nervous systems need to be cared for, and “demands” make their bodies feel actual pain. Crazy but true.

I hate it for them, and truthfully, I hate it for me. I want to be able to say, “Everyone go to the bathroom, get your shoes on, then go buckle into the van!” But I can’t. It doesn’t work. This is why I’m often crying by the time we finally get them all loaded into the van and we actually all make it to school or church. Just the act of getting out the door is ridiculous. Which leads me to another runner-up…

8. Dopamine

Goodness. One of the only thing that motivates many of our kids is “something exciting!” “something new!” “a treat!” This gives them a dopamine hit and they cooperate for a moment. It’s a weird new reality for us and I’d never heard of it. I just knew that transitions were awful and the only thing that got us from Point A to Point B was some sort of motivation. It felt ridiculous to accommodate this until I learned that this was normal for kids like mine.

We can’t go anywhere without “transition snacks” to help us get where we need to be. Go-Go Squeeze is the best invention ever invented to help us meet this need. See also: Capri Sun 100% Juice, Z-Bars, and sometimes, a simple Bag of Apples handed out as everyone gets buckled up in the van (while screaming).

7. Hyper-Fixation

Our world is filled with kids who discover THE BEST ROCK or THE MOST AMAZING BOX and for a time, that is all we hear about, all we can focus on, and no one better touch it or else. Also: REALLY COOL BUGS, TRETUROUS WEATHER (otherwise known as it’s flurrying just a little bit), SUPER LONG STICKS, ELSA, YARN, and LOUD AIRPLANES.

When one of our kids starts to hyper fixate on something, there’s no breaking away. This is the thing, and there is no other thing. Until there is. Then we move on to that thing. Jesus, be near.

Keith’s current box collection

6. Elope

I didn’t know this was a thing. Did you? Some autistic kids do this thing where they are here one minute, and then very suddenly, they are actually not here. Are they still in the house? Did they duck out to the yard? Are they in the street? Yikes. It’s worse, of course, when we are at the park or at the zoo.

Several have done it, and now our youngest, Auggie has to be watched every minute. At one point his hyper-fixation was climbing out of windows – on the second floor.

Have I shared that my nervous system is also often not okay?

Anyway, do you see why it’s called eloping? It’s quietly sneaking away and not telling anyone where you are going. If one of our kids suddenly finds themselves married in Vegas, well, will we be shocked?

5. Dysregulated

Think of the worst meltdown or tantrum you’ve seen, then multiply it times a lot, and then watch it last for two hours. Our precious children can get upset very easily, and there’s no reasoning, no explaining, no ignoring, no discipline, and no cuddling that can pull them down off that ledge. It’s sad and hard, and very disheartening to not be able to help our kids find calm and a state of peace once they have become dysregulated.

As a result of having so much screaming in our house, all while trying to keep everyone fed and in clean socks, I have found that I am often also dysregulated. Or at the very least, I’m quite overstimulated. The noise, the action, the needs – well. It gives me lots of opportunity to show my kids examples of taking a step back and taking some deep breaths. Also: So.Much.Prayer.

4. Wait

My kids don’t know what this means. But I do try and say it anyway, because I have to. I’m always in the middle of trying to help one kid (probably with shoes) when another one has a very sudden and intense need (like “watch me draw this cat mom mom mom MOM MOMMMMMMMM”). Each of them is very self-focused, a symptom of autism and trauma, so they don’t see much of the world around them. I could be literally putting out a fire and a kid would be mad at me for not stopping to get her some tape so they could affix a balloon (with a rock in it) onto a box.

3. Bathroom Buddies

This. This. THIS. I can’t go to the bathroom by myself. I so badly want “In-the-Bathroom-Alone” to be my Word of the Year. Oh how I do. But alas, I can’t sneak off to the bathroom without one to four children following me there. Not only must they join me, but one will then insist on being the one to open the door, another will insist on being the one to turn on the light, and I can’t just move them forward into or scoot them backward out of the bathroom because…hyper fixation. Meanwhile, I JUST REALLY NEED TO PEE.

2. Perimenopause

Ok, hello. No way is this going to be my word of the year. But it is something I get to learn about and enjoy, heh. Who has a houseful of little kids and gets to experience all the crazy symptoms of perimenopause? THIS GIRL. Am I late to the game? Yes. I think this is the result of welcoming so many babies into our home during the past several years and my body getting tricked into thinking I was still in my 30s. Haha, jokes on me. What a funny joke.

Anyway, perimenopause is no joke. I NEED SLEEP, MAN. Not getting enough sleep mixed with all the other wacky symptoms of perimenopause – while trying to meet the needs of my household? Well. Ask Matt how that’s going. Also, pray for Matt. He now has a wife that hysterically laughs while simultaneously sobbing. What is this madness?

1. Muffins

Through it all, the one thing that keeps us all going is muffins. I mean coffee. Uh, Jesus. Obviously. But beyond that? Our world is fueled by muffins.

I bake them in major bulk so frequently that without a doubt, Muffins could most certainly qualify as my Word of the Year. If I don’t have muffins on hand, the world might end. And of course, if I put a child’s muffin on the wrong color plate at the wrong time and while standing in the wrong place at our kitchen counter, the world also might end. So yeah, muffins. They both prevent meltdowns and cause them. It’s cool.

What is my actual 2026 Word of the Year?

Oh, please stay tuned to find out.