My mom died of ALS 4 1/2 years ago.
Last night I dreamed that I had my mom back. Not forever…just for a weekend. And in my dream I knew that.
I started out simply elated in my dream. She was completely healthy again and looked really, really pretty just sitting on my couch.
I was flitting and jumping around…only occasionally stopping for a second to let her talk. I was catching her up on all the things she’d missed out on over the past 4 1/2 years. There was SO MUCH to tell her! I got out pictures and showed her Malachi’s birth and all the boys and how much they’d grown.
Somehow in my dream, I had her all to myself for the whole weekend. There were no interruptions and I didn’t have to share her with anyone. It was incredible.
And then…suddenly the weekend was almost over. The reality of that hit me and all I could do was throw my head into her lap and sob. I couldn’t even talk anymore to tell her all the things I wanted to tell her about how much I’d missed her. I couldn’t even ask her all the questions I’ve been wanting to ask her about how much spice to put into a certain recipe or about how old I was when I first started doing certain things.
All I could do was sob.
My dream ended there. I woke up crying and couldn’t stop. So I got up and tried to put my thoughts into words.
I tend to think about her more this time of year. Her birthday is coming up in May…and well…so is Mother’s Day.
I miss her.
But now that I’m awake enough to think a little more clearly…I wouldn’t wish her back to this earth. Not even so that I could have her all to myself for a weekend. Not even so that she could see my precious boys and see how big and smart and handsome and amazing they are. Not even so that I could once more throw my head onto her lap and let her hold me while I cry.
She’s in the perfect place.
Knowing that is enough to stop my tears.
Or at least change them to tears of joy.
thank you for sharing such near to the heart thoughts. my mom died of breast cancer on dec. 22, 2000. i still miss her and like you would love for her to see my girls and even my grand daughter. but like you i know that she is out of pain and enjoying the Lord, what more could i want for her. thanks for your post. storing up good memories each day!!
I really related to your dream and to your feelings; my mom died 12 years ago, right before I got pregnant with my first child. I had MANY dreams where she was suddenly back, and I was elated until I realized that it couldn’t last. And then I felt like I had lost her all over again. But like you, I wouldn’t wish her back, as she had severe rheumatoid arthritis.
Thank you for posting this. (My mom’s birthday was in May, too!)
This made me cry. Aren’t you glad that one day God will wipe away all tears.
Blessings!
that was a beautful dream. thank you for sharing. How unselfish you are too. You touched my heart.
Wow! That got me! I still have both my parents and still have 2 grandparents. I lost my Granny in January. When I think of losing one of my parents I have to quickly go somewhere else. Your perspective is so right! I pray that knowing you will see her again will comfort you. Won’t the reunion be so sweet.
I miss your mom, too – she was such a special lady!
Laura,
I’m so sorry that you had to hurt like that! I cannot imagine that pain.
May the Lord continue to comfort your heart, until you see her again!
Oh, Laura. Even though I’m crying right now, I’m so excited that you had this dream. What a special time you had with your mom – even in a dream.
Thanks for sharing such a RIGHT ON perspective and reminding me…May is going to be hard all around.
Thanks for sharing, Laura.
My best friend’s mom is on a ventilator they are going to try to take her off today. I am heartbroken that she may never see my friend’s wedding, her babies, etc. I wish I knew what to tell her. I so fear losing my mom.
(Hugs) to you Laura! I know exactly how you feel. Our moms are such blessings to us. I miss my mom so much, and yours, too. I am looking forward to seeing both of them in heaven!
Laura- thanks for sharing a piece of you- I was a ball of gushie tears reading your post :) maybe its because I am 5 weeks from having a baby and my hormones are sensitive…. or maybe its because I can’t imagine not having my mom around ( something I may not have said/thought years ago…) :) much love and prayers on Mothers day!
HUGS! I fear the day I lose my Mom. She lives 5 hours away, but for the last 8 years, we talk on the phone almost daily. She is such a blessing to me; I try to make sure that I send her special notes now and then telling her how much I appreciate the little things she does for me (like filling a cookbook full of $20 bookmarks, buying clothes for my kids, sending me gift certifcates, etc). When I was growing up, I told her EVERYTHING (it kept me out of trouble!) and I still tell her everything – next to my husband, she is my best friend.
Thanks for sharing your heart. The words of the song, “What a Day That Will Be” not only echo the excitement when we see our Lord & Savior, but also our loved ones!
My father passed away from ALS nineteen years ago. Throughout most of my childhood and early teenage years I had dreams just like yours. I am so glad that, while your dream ended sadly, you were able to see the good in where your mom is now. ALS is a very painful condition for those who suffer from it. While I miss my father every day and it’s clear that you feel the same for your mom, it makes me feel good that both of our parents are in a better place, without their suffering, with their loving maker.
As a young child I lost my mother unexpectedly and several years later when my heart ached for her I prayed that I would be able to see her again. I believe God answered my prayer by allowing me to dream of her. I talked with my mom, her scent was still the same, and felt her arms give me a hug. When I woke up (which was immediately when she left) I thanked God for allowing me to have another moment with my mom. My heart goes out to you!
What a beautiful, beautiful post. Thank you so much for sharing it with us today!
Laura I’m new to your site…my daughter got me onto it just this past weekend. I think that when we get dreams like this, it’s God’s way of ministering to us in the deep places of our heart, and then to serve as a reminder that we must redeem the time so to speak. It was a lovely thing you did by sharing this with your readers as I am sure many hearts will be touched by it. May God bless you today, and continue to comfort your heart.
Laura,
I cried while reading about your dream. I can’t believe it’s been 4 1/2 years. Your Mom was a wonderful, christian lady. Thanks for sharing this about your Mom and being willing to share such personal stuff. I don’t know Matt and your kids very well. However, your Dad, your Mom, Kevin, and you have a special place in my heart.
Love,
Cheri “Buggeln” Lech
That was sad, but sweet. We lost my mother in law a mere 1 1/2 years into our marriage (we’ve been married nearly 14 years.) And haven’t spoken to my mom in 5 1/2 years. She’s mentally unstable. I know how you feel, it’s hard with no moms. :o( Thank goodness for extended families, huh? And knowing they’re in a better place. Thank goodness for that peaceful knowledge.
Wow, I thought I was just weird. I start having nightmares about my mom every year when it’s about time for my her birthday.
Thanks for sharing. I hadn’t told anyone about my dreams. I know how hard it is to have those dreams and to share them. Thank you so much!
My Mom’s Mom died of Lou Gherig’s in April of 1991. I was 12 years old. She had been bad off for several years and lost all control of her muscles and her ability to talk. It was so sad. It is so comforting to have the assurance that she is in heaven with no more suffering. What a sweet dream you were gifted.
-Kimberly in NC
Oh Laura! Thank you for sharing your heart! What a comfort we can take in knowing that our loved ones are in a much better place! {{{HUGS}}}
Thank you so much for posting this, it really stuck a nerve today and I ended this post in tears. Thank you so much for this post, it means to much to read it today!
Thank you for sharing. I lost my mom to breast cancer 5 yrs ago. I was crying by the end of your post. Thank you for sharing.
This is a timely post for me as well. I lost my mother to cancer 21 years ago this past January 15th. She didn’t get to see me graduate college, get married, nor any of my children. I miss her terribly and think of her often. Her birthday was April 16th and mother’s day is coming soon.
However, you are so right that both of our mothers are in the perfect place — life eternal, paradise with no pain. How glorious that must be for them. Thanks for sharing your feelings.
Thank you for sharing. You are so right. You’re mom is in the most wonderful place. And we are in the best place we can be in this world…the Lord’s hands. Maranatha, come, Lord Jesus, come.
I had a very similar dream about my grandma after she passed away. I think about her nearly every day.. and it’s been 6 years since she passed.
Oh Laura,
I was not expecting that post. I just got back with my mom from Women of Faith, a weekend women’s conference that travels the country. The older I get, the more I realize about my mom. The more she drives me crazy. The more I need to pray that God will give me grace to accept her as she is, just like He accepted me as I am. I know there will be day that I won’t have her and I know it’ll be the little things I will miss. Thank you for reminding me of that. So I won’t miss the forest (my mom) for the trees (her little quirks!)
I obviously haven’t stopped by in a while or I would have commented long ago. What a dream. What a mom you had. I’m sorry here life was cut short the way it was. I rejoice with you that she is in her heavenly home and cry with you too for the part inside you that hurts even with the rejoicing.
I just lost my Mom, and I would take her back in a moment! I miss her so, and am so jealous of God. He does not need her in Heaven, she was such a powerful witness here on the Earth. We still need her so much, her gentleness, her sweetness, her generous heart, her love of the Word….oh I would bring her back in a moment. She was a one in a million Mom, and I always knew I was given a treasure in her, my friends always wished their Mom was like her. I cannot hide it from God, he knows how much we need, and miss her. You all are too generous. I am praying for my beautiful Mom’s resurrection, God is the same today as yesterday, and I believe Him when He said we could have anything we asked when we ask it in Jesus’ precious name (John 14:13-15). Oh, come quickly Mom, I am drowning in these tears! I rejoice that God can have all the glory and He loves to resurrect the dead, Jesus did this often, and He never said “no” to anyone ….He healed them all. What a wonderful day it will be! Rejoice in the Lord!
I’m so very sorry to hear of your loss. Your mom sounds like a wonderful lady. May God shower comfort on you and wrap you up in peace. Praying for you.
I’m so sorry you lost your mom. My mom has FTD which is very similar to what your mom had. May I ask, what would you advise someone else who is near losing their mother? I don’t know what the end will look like and so I don’t want to lose time with her while she is still able to think and reason and listen or share with me and my kids. What should I work to do or ignore or try really hard to accomplish while we still have time? I also have 4 kids we home school so I’d love for it to be with my kids. But what suggestions do you have? I don’t want any regrets when she is gone. She has http://www.alz.org/dementia/fronto-temporal-dementia-ftd-symptoms.asp
It is scary to think she wont be around in the future since she only lives 2 blocks away right now. Thank you for any advice. Thank you for sharing your dream too. It is a precious thing to love someone so much.
My best advice is to follow God’s leading in how you can spend time with her, and yes, do involve your kids as much as you can. Since she is two blocks away, that is a huge blessing!
Don’t feel that you need to be with her constantly, knowing that you’ll soon lose her. Guilt mixed with grief is not good. Let God put on your heart when you should be home and when you should be with her. Take your kids along as much as you can at this point – it will be a blessing to all.
Blessings to you as you go through this.