Dear Much Younger Me,
How I wish we could sit for a while with a cup of coffee and chat about this homeschooling journey you are about to begin! That won’t work though because you are me – 14 years ago – and for some strange reason, you don’t like coffee yet. I do not understand this.
If it was possible, I would love to tell you a few things. First this:
You really, really need to chill out. I mean, your uber thorough lesson plans are adorable, but take a look at that baby’s face and realize that hello?! He’s five. I know he seems old to you because the others are so much smaller. But he’s not big – he’s little. He does not need to sit still for that long and workbooks for boys are almost always a disaster. I know you’ll figure this out by boy number 2, so God bless the oldest child. But really. Long school days with all the subjects and all the books and all the projects – they are too much. Your stress isn’t blessing your children. Keep plugging along for the next 13 years of his schooling, and I guarantee that while there will be holes in his education because there always are for every single kid in the entire whole wide everywhere, he is going to be prepared for adulthood. History is history, so if he doesn’t catch it now, he will catch it eventually because you teach it over and over, year after year. The same goes for science – and pretty much everything else you teach from K to 12. He’ll get it. In the meantime, if you could just reeeeeeeelaaaaaaaaaaax.
Now this one is important, so listen up real hard: The “ideal” almost never happens. In fact, what you can pretty much count on is that at the very moment you have gathered your chicks around you on the floor to learn something fabulous about the Bible or about the weather or about the water cycle…someone will have to poop. Please stop being angry about this and trying to figure out what you are doing wrong with your schedule. Poop happens and toddlers melt down and phones ring and UPS men knock on the door (usually all at the same time but it is okay because when you are weak, then you are strong).
It’s mostly best to stop listening to what everyone else is doing. Every once in a while, what you hear or see inspires you. But most of the time, it stabs you with guilt over everything you’re not doing. (Don’t even get me started about the Pinterest of the future.) The boys don’t need to do what everyone else is doing. They need to do what you – their mama – decides they need to do. Seek God’s direction and listen only to His voice.
You will love every single moment of homeschooling…except for all the moments that you don’t. You’ll feel bad for not loving all of it. I sure wish you wouldn’t. I wish you could see that all the stuff you consider to be a failure each day is really a big part of your kids’ success. This is what real life is made of. So when the day doesn’t go perfectly, recognize that you are teaching your kids to be normal adults who face and handle normal life situations. This…is success.
Most of what you think is important now really isn’t. Godly discipleship and training matters 10,000 times more than memorizing dates on a timeline. Of course you will often think you are failing at the boys’ spiritual training even more than their schooling, but remember God’s bigness. As long as you are in communion with your Savior and seeking his guidance, forgiveness, and recognizing His grace – oh dear one. That’s all you need to be doing. The kids will learn to seek Him too. Keep bringing Him into the conversation often – in the car, when talking about situations with friends, when shopping, when teaching, when cooking, when cleaning – all of it. Make God a part of every part.
You know how you’ve watched other families serve with their kids? Do that. The school work will get done because you are diligent and you understand the importance of self-discipline in learning and education. But truly, let service to others trump the rest of the to-do list. Keep teaching the boys to love God and love others.
They are going to grow up and become young men with weaknesses. Do not despair at this. Understand the power of God at work in their lives. Through their weaknesses, God will be at work in ways you can’t even imagine right now since they are so little. When they are teenagers you will watch in amazement at how God is growing them to become leaders for Him. You’ll see more than ever that God loves these boys and that your job is to trust Him. Like, really trust Him. Stop thinking that you must be perfect, or else. They are His – and His ways are perfect.
14 years from today, you will move your oldest into his dorm room with joy and tears. You will hug him and tell him you love him, and he has grown so tall that he has to practically stoop to his knees to hug you back. You will be amazed. You will watch in wonder at all God has done to grow your family. You will love this. Just you wait.
In the meantime, breathe in the faces of those babies, Mama. Take a lot of pictures. They are precious. While you can’t fathom it, your love for these boys will grow even more fierce. Yes, it is actually possible.
Enjoy your homeschooling journey, Mama.
These days are rich and exhausting, delightful and baffling, overwhelming and glorious. Breathe deeply and keep God first. You are going to survive this beautifully, because God equips and prepares His children. Trust Him.
Freely enjoy peace in Jesus.
Love,
Your 42 Year-Old Self
P.S. Maybe I shouldn’t spoil the surprise, but your future grocery bill is going to blow your mind. Enjoy the fact that they can all now share one apple for a snack and be full. This will make you laugh out loud in a few years (we call that lol, but I don’t have time to go into all of that).
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Perfect for every family who wants to eat well and enjoy more family time:
well said, beautiful, and true… whether homeschooling or not
I miss mine being babies except that I love who they are today. I’m thankful that I have some more years with them at home.
May God bless you this weekend as your full heart runs over while marveling at what He has done.
Well said, Laura. We moved our first home school grad into the dorm for the first time a year ago and his sister will follow three short years from now. Sometimes it hurts a mother’s heart to release her babies to do exactly what she’s raised them to do even though she is terribly proud of them. Enjoy the ride! Blessings and hugs!
I LOVE THIS! I have a 7, 5 and 3 year old this year and we’ve had a very challenging year with the loss of both my husband’s parents. I am not ready to start school and feel like we didn’t really do all we were going to last year. But I am choosing to rest easy knowing they spent lots of time with their grandmother in her last year of life on earth and that they know that being there for family is important. It is so hard to fight the doubts and I love hearing this perspective from you. We are basically the same age, but you have a whole different view having graduated one of your boys! Thank you for writing this!
Hi, I don’t know you, but your comment inspired me to respond –
During some highschool years we cared for my grandmother, who suffered from dementia, at our home. It was difficult and naturally a few sacrifices had to be made – but it was a life-changer for my brother and I. Learning to care for the elderly and enjoying people while they are still on earth is SO VALUABLE. I have no recollection at all of what I learned in school way back then, but I do remember all those “life lessons” instead. Good for you – no guilt!! You gave your kids a priceless gift. All the academics will sort themselves out after you heal. :)
Ahhhhh – learning all these things- so good to hear it from you. Huge congrats on Asa’s graduation! Thanks for this.
Your writing is so amazing!! You have a real gift. Not many people can write with sarcasm, passion and truth and get a wonderful point across! Thank you so much for your thoughts and wisdom not just today but every other post as well!
This is beautiful. May we all walk in grace and continue to look for how God is faithful.
~Luke
Laura, this is my 18th year of homeschooling, and I have thought these very same thoughts! The very cool thing, for me, is that I still have a 7yr old at home. One who can benefit from the lessons learned. I tell my oldest (21) that the Lord has blessed me with a child who has a forgiving heart~one that could see through all my *lesson plans* to the heart of God. Bless you on this journey of life! This season is so hard, but so very good =)
Chris
Oh so true. In 2 weeks, my last child will graduate from Homeschool…. 7 children and 25+ homeschooling years later. I concur with your post. The time is precious, the focus needs always to be on God, and yes, they will learn!
We are just in the beginning of our journey, thank you for this wonderful post:) blessings to you as you leave your babe at school. I can only imagine the emotions!
Thank you just is not enough. My babies are 9,5,4, and 10 months. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with school, family, church, the list goes on. I am so glad you shared this. I was literally in tears. Thanks for giving me hope and a glimpse of reality!
Thank you! Your words brought tears to my eyes and hope to my heart that I am doing the best for my kids and God is in control! You have been a blessing for me and my families health and faith journey. May God bless you and your family!
LOVE IT!! So so true. Thankful today for God’s tender mercy towards me … who thought she knew it ALL when we started this homeschool journey over 18 years ago with one child. Six children later it is very evident we’re still learning and growing!
Thank you, Laura, for putting this out there. I love to talk to new homeschool moms for this very reason ~ begging them to slow down, enjoy the days, don’t rush life, take time to play together!
Graduation day comes all too soon :(
You brought tears to my eyes! This applies even to non-homeschoolers. Sometimes we get so focused on today, that we don’t look at the big picture. I know I didn’t. I wish I could go back and do some things again. But God is amazing and he stepped in where I failed. My youngest is now in college and I am trying to look forward and be excited about what the future holds. Thanks for sharing this awesome post!
Laura, I write this with tears in my eyes. My morning does not start until I check your website. Your pure love for Jesus & your family is so amazing and inspiring. You are such a talented writer. Thank you for letting all of us into your world. I have the honor of raising two beautiful boys, 6 & 9. You have helped me~ everyday.
With love and thanks & respect!
Kim
Thank you SO much for this—-it thoroughly validates my approach to homeschooling as we enter our second year. Gratefully, the Lord surrounded me, ahead of starting, with experienced moms who urged me strongly about the very things in your letter! Praise His Name!!!
Prayers to all of you as you launch your oldest to college…..thankful WITH you that it’s right down the road as well as being your alma mater.
Thank you for this Laura! I needed this so very desperately today!
Thank you!
Although I have been homeschooling for 13 years, I needed this today! I currently have four boys 3-12 I am homeschooling and the paragraph about the “ideal” almost never happens, and someone needing to poop is our life! Glad to know others are having the same experiences.
Thanks again for the laugh and the encouragement.
Love this, Laura! We are starting kindergarten at home this year with my 5 year old and also have a 3 year old and newborn. It is going to be a challenging time. This post was so timely. Thank you for the reminder to relax and enjoy this time.
I absolutely love your blog! It’s like having coffee with a wonderful friend who understands and gets it. This post made me laugh so hard because that is what I tell people just beginning to homeschool or their children start school. I’ve been homeschooling for only 10 years and my kids are just as quirky as their Momma???? God bless you
Laura,
Thank you for taking the time to post this today. Our first week of school was less than picture-perfect, because life happened! Thank you for pointing me to my need for Spirit-filled brokenness in my parenting and homeschooling, because like you said, that’s when God gets to be strong! I already have an ache in my heart when I think about sending my sweet children off to college, but that is our goal, right?! Setting them free after these years of training. God bless you!
Thank you for this. Because I am 28 and about to start homeschooling my 5 year old! I have 2 boys and one baby girl – so I appreciate your wisdom about parenting boys more than you know.
Very well written and so very true. Thanks for the reminder Laura
As an avid reader of yours, I loved this. I would like to see more posts like this. We are entering our third year of homeschooling. Thank you for the encouragement!
Thank you so much for this, Laura! I’m a homeschooling mom of three boys, ages 8,6, and 3, and a 4 week old daughter. We hope to start school in a few weeks, and while I’m excited, I’m also overwhelmed. I keep telling myself over and over that I MUST keep things simple, but easier said then done! Thankfully I have a husband who keeps reminding me that I am doing a good job even when I’m feeling like I’m totally screwing it up! Indeed, the most important thing is to raise them to be Godly young men and women of good character. Totally impossible by ourselves, but so possible with the Lord’s help!
Thanks again, Laura!
Very well said and oh so true. I have been homeschooling 18 years now and the last two years seem to have been two of my worse. I have graduated two, but did not lose them to college ( have not had to endure this step) because they have both chose to work in our family furniture business and oh how they are excelling. I tell people all the time if you told me they would be selling and designing like they are now about 5 years ago I would have told you you were crazy, but The Lord is mysterious sometimes and just surprises us. There will be things they miss, but everyone misses things. One of the goals we need to teach our children is how to learn something and wow has google made that easier for them . Your posts are always a blessing and this was so timely As we get ready to embark at starting our new year of school in a couple weeks. Blessings to you and your family.
Laura, I {heart} you! I am 36 and only 4 years into our homeschooling journey — and I’ve learned a lot of this, but still need reminding!! It’s easy to worry and worry and compare and worry……but I’m learning it all works out!! Thanks for this beautiful post.
??? Miss you! You’re handling the adventure beautifully, even when you aren’t. ????
This post has me in tears. This 32 year old is starting her first year homeschooling, so this post really hit home with me. I am going to save this post and come back to it every time I need some encouragement and reminder of why I’m doing this in the first place. Thank you.
Thank you so much. You don’t realize how much I needed to read this right now. I’m always amazed how God can use someone I don’t even know to write the exact encouraging words I needed to read today. Moments like these is when the internet is used as an amazing tool to spread God’s grace.
Thank you for faithfully writing this blog with an authentic voice and using the gifts God has given you to minister to strangers like me.
British Columbia, Canada
Thank you!
Thank you for writing this…to yourself and to us beginners. :) My oldest is 5 right now and I have 4 younger ones in tow. So I’m at that point of “what/how do I teach these sweet girls?” “Is it enough at this age?” Thanks for the encouragement and perspective. :)
Oh my. Laughed until I cried. (And got a little choked up too…) As a homeschooling mom of 3 college sons who is still educating an elementary aged son and recently adopted a 3 year old son, I agree 100%. Thankfully, I’ve chilled a bit with the younger 2 and try daily to just enjoy them more. Thanks for these reminders, Laura!
Love this. Thank you! I started this year “homeschooling” my oldest of 3. Our kindergarten is super laid back and it’s refreshing to hear from someone who is seasoned that it’s okay. Books, Legos, and drawing/coloring pretty much makes up our curriculum these days and I sometimes get caught up comparing what other kids in public/private schools as well as other homeschoolers are doing. Thanks for reminding me to relax, put God first, and enjoy! Merry Christmas!
Wow great post. I’ve never visited your blog before and this really spoke to me. Even the first sentence, because I don’t like coffee yet either! I have a six year old, a five year old and an almost two year old and I’m homeschooling and I’m freaking out a little bit. I really needed a reminder to focus on my relationship with The Lord and teaching these three little girls about Jesus first. Your blog seems really cool too!
Oh, how I needed this today! Thank you so much!! Tears of heartfelt gratitude are being shed!
Such beautiful truth! I’m in tears. I am homeschooling my five year old daughter for the first time this month. This post was divinely inspired. It went down into my soul. Thank you. Thank you.