Parenting Archives | Heavenly Homemakers

Top 5 Birthday Budget Tips

April 8, 2020 by Tasha Hackett 1 Comment

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

Ready to read Tasha’s Top 5 Birthday Budget Tips?

Can you have a great birthday on a budget?

Duh! Of course. Okay, but really, when your family is used to something and things and times are changing (like being stuck at home during a pandemic), how do you have a great birthday? Perhaps you’re starting a new budget that doesn’t include extravagant gifts, what do you do?

Peter is one

My youngest just turned one. (Yay!) We celebrated him ALL DAY. Peek-A-Boo was played as often as he wanted. We snuggled and snuggled and snuggled. We served pasta (his favorite) with Easy Chocolate Fudge Pie (his favorite). Lighting a birthday candle was a highlight. (He loved it, we blew it out and lit it multiple times). We gave high fives (his favorite) and Pound It! (his favorite), we sang Happy Birthday at least 20 times throughout the day. We danced with him (his favorite); the kids and I got down and crawled on the floor. We cheered and laughed and clapped when he took five steps! He is loved and he knows it.

This is how much he loves homemade chocolate pie!

Oh, and did I mention, we didn’t buy him a thing. Not a single thing. It was a great example to my other kids how we can have birthdays without presents.

“He was one, so it doesn’t count,” you say.

What about the big/little kids?

Another turns eight this month, his day will look entirely different. He can play a mean game of Peek-A-Boo, but it’s not his favorite. He might notice if he doesn’t get any presents. For him, I’m thinking Lego challenges as a family (he will win because he’s amazing), a one-on-one donut (take out) date with Dad (his favorite), a walk around town just the two of us (his favorite), charades, crazy-silly LOUD dance party (his favorite), hide-and-seek (his favorite), tag, all the popcorn he could possibly eat (his favorite), a show, and a family slumber party in the living room (his absolute favorite).

Notice a favorite trend here?

We’ll talk in advance about some of our plans so he’ll know what to look forward to. His siblings and I will pick out one gift together, (new drawing pens and notebook) but we don’t want that to be the focus of the day.

Here are the top five things I’ve learned about money and stuff and birthdays.

1. Budget, Budget, Budget.

Fancy word for: Set aside. Take some money each payday specifically for buying gifts and throwing a party and set it aside. Budgeting doesn’t mean not spending money, it just means you know where your money is going. Budget whatever makes sense for your family. If you love to buy expensive gifts, that’s your choice! (And can I be your friend? I’m super into kitchen appliences and tennis shoes with super cute summer dresses. In case anyone was wondering.) Just make sure the money is there for it.

2. Kids are stronger than you think.

They don’t need stuff to be happy. (And neither do we, except for blentecs and robotic vacuum cleaners. *Ahem*)

My oldest was crushed after a hard conversation about what he wasn’t getting for Christmas. I felt terrible. The thing he wanted just wasn’t in the budget, it wasn’t something we wanted in the house, and it didn’t fit with what we were trying to make Christmas about. He was sad for half a day and he got over it. Whoop-De-Do.

Therefore, I give you permission to not feel guilty about not buying more stuff. Permission granted to feel wonderful about making great memories. You know your child better than anyone, let the day be about him, not about what you bought. Decide ahead of time something to do instead.

3. Plan ahead.

Talk about expectations of the day as a family well before the event. “We are going to celebrate you by…doing all these fun and awesome things that are your favorite… so there won’t be many wrapped up presents this year.”

Focus on what you will be doing, not what you’re not doing. What does she like to do with you? Can you spend the whole day just enjoying her? Brainstorm with the whole family ways to celebrate and make memories. This can be extravagant budgeted excursions or completely free. (Mamas, unless your man is really into planning things, I give you permission to plan your day and let your family know what you expect of them. Be Specific. If you want breakfast in bed, it might be a good idea to make it ahead of time and show your people where to find it. I recommend something good eaten cold, like this Straweberry Bread.)

4. Life does not consist in an abundance of possessions. (Luke 12:15)

Can I get an Amen!? I need a large poster with this verse. After living a few (many) years on a spending lockdown, when we finally had a bit of cash, I fell into the habit of buying all the things I thought I needed. Remember my Amazon addiction? I did the same for the kids. Suddenly because I could buy stuff, I did. And you know what? They weren’t any happier with the stuff than they were without it. More stuff doesn’t change our hearts and our relationships with others and our relationship with God. We know this, and yet we all fall into a consumerism trap from time to time.

5. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. (Luke 12:23)

Not to take this passage out of context, Jesus wasn’t talking about birthdays OR WAS HE? It totally relates! A child is more than a party, and the birthday more than presents. A present does not a birthday make. (Does everyone hate me yet?) Planning fun activities is more work than buying stuff. (It can be so. much. work.) Trust me, I know what it’s like to have zero energy to organize and throw a party. Sleeping through the night is a luxury these days. Homeschooling little ones who can’t even read?! You’re 5 already, get with the program! (Kidding. I’m kidding.) Whew. I do have to keep this house from falling apart, too. Laundry and dishes and sweeping. Sometimes we even mop! (You know, when somebody brakes a glass full of milk.) How am I supposed to plan a party for a bunch of 3-year-olds?!?

And then I am reminded that life is more than food and the body more than clothes. Being happy is better than being perfect. Last December, my 7 year old was SO FOCUSED on what HE was going to GET, that he could hardly enjoy anything else about Christmas. We are making some changes in our house this year and not because we can’t financially afford to buy presents.

I still want birthdays to be something special.

Truthfully, I used to worry about birthdays because I wanted them to be special and wonderful, but I couldn’t afford to buy nice things. Now that we’ve paid off a bunch of debt, we can afford stuff and I realize we don’t need ‘em. Most of the time I don’t even want it! (Correction. I want new shoes. Shoes are great. I bought three pairs this month and I’m ecstatic. First new shoes I’ve had in 18 months. Somebody send help!) More stuff is often more mess and therefore more work. Then we have to spend even more time clearing out our junk and decluttering.

If you are a Heavenly Homemakers Club member, Laura has put together so many great ideas for celebrating your people. Look under FAMILY TIPS and browse her ideas that make sense for your family. Trip ideas, experience ideas, party ideas. You don’t have to come up with a plan for your family all on your own. Much of the work has been done for you!

I challenge you to find ways to really celebrate and love your people individually. You get to decide what that means. You can spend lots of money, or none of it, but in my experience, I have found the price tag doesn’t correlate with the success of the day.

Answer in the comments: What do you like about the way you celebrate? What would you like to do differently? Do you have a favorite childhood birthday memory?

tasha Tasha, friend of Laura, and fellow homeschooling mama, lives in the middle of America and does her best to keep the floors clean. Hahaha. Her kids are currently one, three, five, and seven. When she’s not writing for Laura she can be found on Instagram @heavenlyhomemaker, sneaking Jalapeno Cheetos, painting with her kids, pretending she likes to garden, and watching Star Wars with her husband.

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Our Kindergarten Through College Curriculum Plan for 2019

August 6, 2019 by Laura 5 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

Every year it’s fun to talk through upcoming school plans! We’ve got our hands full this year with a kindergartener, a 9th grader, a 12th grader, and one in college. (We’ve got a college graduate and a baby boy too, but woohoo, they aren’t studying for tests this year. Our graduate is beyond happy about this.) Here’s our kindergarten through college curriculum plan for 2019!

Our Kindergarten through College Curriculum Plan

Bonus Boy and I have already started several of his books, simply because he was excited and he likes to stay busy. Who am I to argue with someone who wants to have a reading lesson? Meanwhile, our high schoolers are trying not to think about school starting yet. I don’t blame them. Summer break is bliss.

Here’s the rundown of our curriculum plan!

Bonus Boy, grade K:

We will be using our Learn to Serve Complete Curriculum Package as a primary focus. Serve and learn, learn and serve!
We’ll work our way through at least the beginning of Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. (Once he gets the gist of reading, we’ll move on to Bob Books and other easy readers.) (Oh, I just ordered these – SO CUTE!!)
We’ll follow many of (but not all of) Sonlight’s kindergarten suggestions for Read-Alouds, History, and Science.
We’ll use the fantastic downloads we got last spring during the Build Your Bundle Sale. (*SEE NOTE BELOW!!)
We’ll use Explode the Code, Italic Handwriting, and Miquon Math workbooks.
We’ll use several of the curriculum packets I’ve created to meet his specific needs. I’ll share more about these soon!
He’ll receive speech and language services from our public school once each week. I am SO GRATEFUL that they are so supportive of our plan to homeschool while still working with him to improve his speech and language skills. I’ll be a part of these sessions so that we can be more aware of what we’ll need to continue working on at home with him.
We’ll read, read, read, read, and read! Library here we come!
We’ll play, play, play! This boy loves to be on the go, explore, and be with friends. Never a dull moment, we’ll be involved in many activities that keep him interacting and active!

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*The Build Your Bundle folks are offering a flash sale today through noon on Thursday, August 8! Look through all the digital curriculum offered at up to 92% off and take advantage of this surprise offer. Bonus Boy and I are LOVING all we bought from this sale a few weeks ago. These books are all wonderful supplements to our regular curriculum!

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Malachi, grade 9:

He will be taking Chamber Singers (choir) and Strength Training (weight lifting) at our public high school so that he will qualify to play tennis and soccer with the public school team.
He will finish Teaching Textbooks Algebra 1 and begin Algebra 2.
He will work on Wordly Wise and Grammar books, and read many of Sonlight’s suggested English and Literature options for 9th grade.
We will read and work through Apologia Physical Science together.
We will read through many of Sonlight’s Church History suggestions.
He and Bonus Boy will work through Travel the World, Experience the Creator together (with Malachi doing the entire book and Bonus Boy only doing the parts he is ready for).

I’ll share in more detail soon, but check out one of our newest curriculum creations!

Elias, grade 12:

Boy #3 has become a senior this year! I’d say I blinked and here we are. But yeah right. We worked hard and here we are. Heh. :)

Elias is mostly finished with his regular high school credits, so he’ll be doing mostly college-level work this year.

He will be taking Chamber Singers (choir) and Strength Training (weight lifting) at our public high school so that he will qualify to play soccer with the public school team.
He will be taking classes at York College: College Algebra, College Speech, College Intro to Business, College American History, and one other college class to be determined. These will be divided between two semesters and will give him both high school and college credits.
At the end of this year, Elias will graduate from high school with 30 college credits (he started taking college-level classes as a high school sophomore) so he will begin college next year as a college sophomore!

In case you’re wondering about our other boys…

Asa graduated from college in May and is working toward a full-time career in Videography. He is incredibly gifted in this field and has used his summer to work on several video projects for clients.

Justus is starting his second year at York College (though technically now he is a college junior). He is pursuing a degree in Vocal Performance and wants to have a career in Music Production. He is in choir, student government, and helps with the men’s soccer team.

And because he shouldn’t be left out, our foster Boy Babe is 8 months old and learning how to stay away from the stairs and electrical outlets. He gets an extraordinary amount kisses from the seven of us every day, so we’re pretty sure that’s why he’s so roly-poly.

I’d love to hear more about your upcoming school plans (public, private, or homeschool)! And stay tuned because we have some fun curriculum creations we’re about to reveal. Psst, some are FREE!

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Help Your Kids Learn to Obey and Be Kind (Awesome parenting freebie!!)

July 25, 2019 by Laura 1 Comment

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

While we wish it just came naturally, we realize that we have to help kids learn to obey and be kind. Then we have to remind them, and remind them some more.

It’s a battle we all face, right? The battle to overcome selfishness, bad attitudes, and complaining hearts. I find in my own life that I have to rely on the Holy Spirit constantly so that I don’t live in the flesh but by the Spirit. Gently leading our kids to do the same can be quite a challenge.

Long, long ago when our first set of kids looked something like this…

boys_costumes

…Matt and I found that we didn’t want to simply tell our kids to “be nice” or “do what I say.” We wanted our instruction to come from the heart of Jesus so that they learned that we didn’t just want them to “be good” and “do the right thing.” What was the reason? Where does our kindness come from? Why choose to talk nicely?

We found it amazing to discover how many scriptures spoke directly to all of us (parents and kids alike!) when it came to helping our kids learn how to obey and to be kind.

Our older four boys are either teens or adults and now God has blessed us with more boys to train and teach.

This guy is 5, so we’ve been pulling from our old bag of tricks. I’ve gotta say, having some experience under our belts sure has been nice this go ’round. We’re pulling out what we loved and what worked, and here’s our latest (which we are giving to you for free because sweet, obedient children make us happy!).

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These Character Charts WORK!

We used these for years when our kids were little, using scripture to help them remember to obey, to talk nicely, and to be selfless. It’s amazing how something as simple as “You sure are shining like a star right now. Go put a sticker on your chart!” means to a kid.

We started using this recently with our 5-year old and he actually beams like a star when we tell him to put a sticker on his chart to reward his good behavior. It is so great to not just affirm him but to use scripture while doing it.

There are five full sets of printable character charts and cut-out stickers in this collection, each with a Bible lesson you can use as you introduce it to and use with your kids.

Shine Like Stars – from Philippians 2:14-16
Fruit of the Spirit – from Galatians 5:22-25
Walk in the Light – from 1 John 1:7
Be Imitators of God – from Ephesians 5:1-2
Treasures in Your Heart – from Matthew 6:19-21

You can download and use this collection in any way that works best for your family’s character and Biblical training!

My big and tall kids all look back at their beloved Character Chart days with fond memories (which is always fun for me to hear!). The charts use Biblical truth in a very simple and practical way so that God’s truth becomes your child’s truth.

Get your Character Chart package for free below, and check out the bonus offer we’re excited to announce!

Special Offer for You!

While the cut-out “stickers” have worked fine, we really, really wanted to be able to use actual stickers! Cutting these little shapes and gluing them onto a chart is kind of a hassle. Soooo, I asked Char, a dear friend and designer to turn the stickers cut-outs into actual stickers. So she DID!

Using these stickers with Bonus Boy is SO MUCH BETTER than the old way! The pages in this sticker package are loaded with stickers – 540 to be exact. So these will go a long way and make the Character Chart training so much more fun and definitely easier!

You’ll find the entire set of Character Chart Stickers here, and guess what else? She gave us all an $8.00 coupon to click on! That’s a huge discount because she loves us. :) Plus she’s offering free shipping, so hey, now who’s shining like a star and displaying the fruit of the Spirit? I think Char deserves a sticker. ;)

But seriously though, you will want these stickers to go with your charts, and your charts are FREE so all children everywhere are going to be Imi-tators of God before we know it. (Bet you were wondering what those potato stickers were all about. Catch your kid imitating Christ? He or she is an imi-tator, get it? You’re a tator, I’m a tator, wouldn’t you like to be a tator. It brings all sorts of fun to Ephesians 5.)

Get your Character Charts!

[wp_eStore_fancy1 id=26]

Get the stickers to go with them with an $8.00 off coupon (incredible) and free shipping.

Enjoy teaching your kids through scripture and fun!

This freebie offer is good through Friday, August 9. Hurry and get started!

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

How Homeschooling is Exactly Like Summer Break (Hear Me Out!)

May 19, 2019 by Laura 9 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

I’m about to tell you how homeschooling is exactly like summer break. I promise I’m not crazy (well…) so hear me out! After you’ve read this, then I’d love for you to weigh in and tell me what you think!

Our family is about to launch into our 17th year of homeschooling. As you can imagine, we have heard many comments and questions about our choice to go against the norm of “regular schooling.” Most people are very supportive and kind! But in general, if a person is unfamiliar with homeschooling, they might say statements that make it very clear that there is a lot of confusion about what homeschooling actually is.

Here are some of our favorite comments:

“You homeschool?! I can’t even tell!” (Apparently, we still look like actual people.)
“What grade are you in?” (I’m an eighth grader.) “Ok, but what grade would you be in if you actually went to school?” (I’m an eighth grader.)
“But aren’t you worried about socialization?” (Don’t worry. We all call and talk to Grandma once a week.)

Ah, homeschoolers and socialization…

I used to become defensive and even angry about how often homeschoolers and socialization get brought up in worried conversation by well-meaning people. But now I realize that people can’t help knowing what they don’t know. After all, I don’t know what I don’t know, do you? (Huh?)

Homeschooling is unfamiliar territory to many. So it seems that often people assume that those who homeschool: always stay at home, do all things at home, never leave the home, and don’t really know how to function outside of the home. And also, we have no friends.

{Here is proof that one day when our kids were little,
we unlocked the door and let them outside.
Then we met some friends at the park for lunch.
The kids haven’t been outside since that day, of course,
because we homeschool and that means that we are always at home.}

Obviously, I can’t speak for everyone. Each homeschool family goes about life, education, and socialization just a bit differently. (Hold on. Each public/private school family goes about life, education, and socialization just a bit differently too. Can it be?!)

But allow me to share for a few moments about the social life of our family of homeschoolers. And as we all head into summer break, here are my thoughts on how homeschooling and summer break are much the same. Hear me out. I think my thoughts make sense!

Some call it “jumping on the trampoline.”
We call it “recess.” Or if we’re feeling extra homeschooly, “Physical Education.”
But usually, we just call it “jumping on the trampoline.”

How Homeschooling is Exactly Like Summer Break

Let’s go back to the fears people have about homeschooled kids not being at school all day, and therefore not being with people all day, or ever. Are you there in your mind? Are you picturing the pale, lonely children?

And now allow me to ask this: Why do people not have the same exact fears about kids being out of public/private school all summer long during break? “Oh no! The kids are not going to be in school for three entire months this summer! What will they do about socialization?!”

Said no one ever.

No one. Not one person is thinking or saying that. And do you know why? Because everyone knows that kids who are home from school during summer break are not just sitting at home day after day, night after night, all alone, doing nothing, and seeing no one.

Instead, what do kids and families do during summer break?

They go swimming with friends. They travel and see cool parts of the country and do things they may or may not have experienced before. They go to camps. They hang out at friend’s houses. They invite people over to hang out at their house. They go visit extended family. They celebrate special holidays. They work on exciting projects at home. They take part in the summer library programs. They take advantage of other special summer programs and activities their town offers. They have cook-outs with friends, and playdates with friends, and when all is said and done, they have been spending so much time with people that every once in a while, they need to take a day off to have a little break from being with so many people. It is, after all, summer break.

And this, my friends, is exactly what a homeschooler’s life is like during the school year. (Except for the swimming part. Because of the winter and the snow.)

What does my homeschooling family do all throughout the school year?

Well, indeed, we sit at home and do our school work. We do algebra and history and English and science and all the rest, just like a public school kid sits in a classroom quietly doing school work. But if we are disciplined and work hard, our school work only takes a few hours each day. So what else do we do?

We hang out with friends, at our house or at their house or at a park or at an event. We meet with other homeschoolers for special science presentation days, or for P.E. or for any number of educational activities. We go on field trips with other families.

We visit our elderly or disabled friends, helping them with jobs they are unable to do. We host or go to church activities and events, worship services, and youth group outings. We volunteer at the homeless shelter, visiting with them and feeding them meals.

We go to soccer or basketball practice, depending on the season, and sometimes spend entire weekends at tournaments with our kids’ teammates and their families. We discover the hobbies we love, and we spend hours creating and developing our talents. We invite friends to do this with us, because that makes it all more fun.

We learn necessary life skills like how to cook, how to budget, how to clean a toilet, how to shop wisely and save money, and how to make a deposit at the bank.

We have prom, jobs, ministries, and musicals. We have friends our own age, friends who are older, friends who are younger, friends who are a lot like us, and friends who are much different. We are friends with homeschoolers, public schoolers, and private schoolers. We have friends all over the state and in many other states (most of whom we’ve met at summer church camps).

We are often so busy being social, we have to intentionally set aside time to actually…

Stay home and do our school work.

True story.

So see? Homeschooling is exactly like summer break. (Except for the break part, ha!)

Just like most kids and families make all kinds of social plans and enjoy many outings during a summer break, so do most homeschooled kids and families during the school year.

No one worries about a kid “getting socialized” during their summer break away from school – because kids don’t just stay home and do nothing during summer break! In the same way, my homeschooled kids have more friends and activities and outings than I can even keep up with all year long!

What do you think? Obviously, summer break and homeschooling is not an apples-to-apples comparison!! I just wanted to have a little bit of fun explaining some similarities and logic behind why fearing for the social lives of a homeschooler is entirely unnecessary.

Now, if we could figure out how to make homeschooling actually as easy as lazing around in the sunshine on a hot summer day, that would be great. :)

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If you are a homeschool family:

Or even if you’re not. :)

Time is running out on this gigantic special offer. So hurry over to grab all the hugely discounted digital books for your family! Offer ends May 22.

I stock up every year on the latest and greatest for my family’s school needs. After all, since we’re home ALL DAY LONG, never being social, we need all the school work we can get. ;)

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Stop Telling Moms of Little Ones to “Enjoy Them While They’re Young!”

April 18, 2019 by Laura 21 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

“They grow up so fast! Enjoy them while they’re young!” Yeah, we know. We all know. It’s so true! And yet, I believe it’s time to stop saying this to moms of little ones…

I get it. Oh, how I get it. Once our kids grow up, have a mind of their own, start doing big things, can no longer crawl into our laps, and have problems much bigger than those which can be solved with a kiss on the forehead – we older moms find it easy to look back at the little years with longing. We look at pictures of our kids with their pudgy fingers, wearing the matching outfits we selected for them to wear – and we wonder where the years have gone.

We see that our grown-up kids are taking hard classes, going to prom, and graduating from college and we can’t believe how fast time went. So we look at the mom with babies in her arms and toddlers in her lap and we try to encourage her with, “Enjoy them while they’re young. They grow up so fast!”

Oh, it is true. They do grow up fast!

But today, as I find myself in a season that involves a double portion – that of marveling at my adult and teen children while taking on the task of raising a 5-year old Bonus Boy and fostering a precious 5-month old Boy Babe – I find myself realizing the full truth:

This is hard.

It’s good and it’s marvelous and it’s incredible, but it’s hard.

You can look at my precious new littles, then look up at me and say, “Oh Laura! They are so sweet! Enjoy them while they’re young!” and I will emphatically nod and tell you, “Oh yes! I am!!” I am enjoying our little ones an incredible deal – because of all of the sweetness and cuteness and fun! I am enjoying them so much!

But do you know what else I would enjoy right now?

Sleeping.

Taking a shower.

Eating when I’m hungry.

Drinking my coffee while it is still hot.

Having a full conversation with my husband (that isn’t about the last time the baby pooped).

Not having to stop what I’m doing every three minutes to discipline and train our 5-year old to learn obedience.

Moms of Bigs, do you remember all that was involved in taking care of your little ones? Do you really remember? Oh, there is so much joy in the little years!! But there’s also a lot of poop and puke, tantrums and tattling – along with a never-ending list of work to do that you know you’ll never get around to because little ones require so much attention and care.

These are hard (and good) years, just as raising big kids is hard (and good).

What if older moms stop telling young moms to “enjoy them while they’re young,” and start saying this instead:

“How can I help you enjoy your little ones?”

Think about this.

Moms of Bigs – you no longer have to wipe bottoms, buckle seatbelts, have irrational conversations about broken cookies, or help all the shoes get onto all the right feet. You are, no doubt, in a season of challenge that involves running around like crazy with busy activity schedules, guiding your kids while they make weighty decisions, and then helping them with Geometry after 10:00 pm (Jesus, be near). This is all full of hardship and exhaustion – no doubt about it! But the truth is that even through these challenging days: YOU CAN ACTUALLY GO PEE WHENEVER YOU WANT.

I know this because just a year ago, I was there. With kids who were then 20, 18, 16, and 13 – I thought I was busy, because I absolutely was. Then God put babies on my doorstep and in my arms. Now I’ve got all those big kids plus a pre-schooler and an infant. It’s both fabulous and difficult, beautiful and challenging. I love what God is teaching me through this new gift and calling!

But – some of the days are hard to enjoy. “Enjoy them while they’re young!” I’m trying! But I am also tired.

Here’s what helps me get through these challenging days:

When my friends bring over a batch of muffins or waffles for my family to grab and eat quickly for breakfast.
When they come to hold the baby while I take a nap.
When they grab the 5-year old for some special play time.
When they give my big kids rides so I don’t have to load up little ones into car seats.
When they grab the baby at my big kids’ soccer game so I can cheer with my arms free.
When they drop off a lasagna for me to slide into the oven on a busy day.
When they hug me and tell me that I’m doing a good job.

Stop simply telling moms of little ones to “enjoy them while they’re young.” That encouragement falls flat in the ears of a tired mama. AND, it makes them feel guilty for not enjoying the puke-filled, sleepless nights that are apparently – fleeting? Yeah, we’re sorry. Nothing feels fleeting at 3:00 am.

Instead, consider doing what you can do to help young moms enjoy these challenging years. Let your big kids help you with this. It’s a win-win!

What you should say to moms of little ones:

Don’t tell them to “enjoy them while they’re young!” Instead, do what you can to help them enjoy these years! Here are some better options every mom of littles actually wants to hear!

Can I come take your kids to the park for an hour?
I see what you’re doing, and you are rocking it! Good job, Mama!
What night can I bring your family dinner this week?
Your kids are so sweet – great work!
I’d like to come watch your kids so you can have a date night. What night works for you?
Can I stop by today and bring you a coffee?
What size diapers is your baby in? I’ll grab you a package!

This is just a small list, and no doubt, God will fill in the gaps and put on your heart what YOU can do for your friends with little ones. But do consider how you can be a blessing to the weary mamas who are in the snot-filled, wet wipe, dirty-dish-piled trenches. Those days are hard, and those mamas need our real encouragement.

Then, guess what? Those moms really can enjoy them while they’re young! Because it takes a village, and moms with their big kids can be a part of that village!

Moms of big kids? You hang in there too. I know these days are fabulous and exhausting too – because I’m right there with you.

Whether your kids are big or little – or a beautiful mixture of both – we can stand together in encouragement. We can tell each other the truth – that God is carrying us through each day – that He is our provider – that He is with us constantly as we raise our kids.

Be encouraged, Mama! God is with you, and He is good! Because of this, we CAN enjoy every day with our kids.

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The BEST Way I’ve Found to Help a Kid Sit Quietly Through a Sermon!

April 2, 2019 by Laura 11 Comments

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Where was this idea when we were training our “first set of kids?” Gather ’round. I have discovered the BEST way to help a kid sit quietly through a sermon.

But first let’s back up. “First set of kids?” I’ve mentioned our huge life changes here and there, but in case you missed it, allow me to explain again.

Our big kids are currently 21, 19, 17, and 14. Just as we began counting down the years toward empty nesting, God surprised us by moving a 4-year old into our home in April, 2018.

He’s 5 now, and is officially becoming a Coppinger this month. We continue to learn daily that our God is sovereign, that His ways are bigger than ours, and of course, His ways are better.

And with that, I shall show you a better way to quietly and peacefully get your child through a sermon.

The BEST Way to Help a Kid Sit Quietly Through a Sermon

Friends, I’m not trying to brag, but I have discovered the art of making a cheese stick last 25 entire minutes. Indeed. Bonus Boy loves to sing all the songs at church. But come sermon time, it’s harder to sit still, of course.

One particular Sunday early in our days with BB, I happened to have a cheese stick in my purse. I pulled it out, and ever so slowly began pulling off “strings” and handing them to him to eat. Did I mention that I began pulling off the strings slowwwwwlllllyyyyy? And thus, before I knew it, the cheese stick lasted through an entire sermon!

It’s magic. Unless you don’t want your kids to get into a habit of eating a snack during the sermon. Then this is a terrible idea for you. For us and for Bonus Boy, it’s magic.

There are cheese stick rules, of course. BB is allowed to open the package and pull out the cheese, but at that point, the cheese stick goes to either Matt or to me. The adults are completely in charge of the cheese and the strings. Bonus Boy must sit quietly and wait patiently for us to hand him each new string of cheese. There is no grabbing. There are no large strings. This is the only way it will last through an entire sermon.

Seriously. A cheese stick. Lasting for a beautiful 25 or 30 minutes. And a kid. Sitting quietly. For 25 or 30 minutes. It’s like a miracle happens every Sunday morning in the church pew.

Oh, and meanwhile, Bonus Boy is listening to the sermon, he just doesn’t know that he is. Long live the cheese stick.

As an even bigger bonus, I don’t have to lug a heavy bag of books or other quiet activities to use as sermon ammunition. I grab a cheese stick, throw it into my purse, we go to church. Amen and hallelujah.

What have you found to be helpful as you train your little ones to sit quietly and listen during church?

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Want to Stop Worrying About Your Kids?

June 15, 2018 by Laura Leave a Comment

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

Do you struggle with worry over your kids’ future? Their choices, their godliness, and all of the thousands of what-ifs?

There’s no worry like mom-worry. It can suck the life out of us, making us lose the joy we should have as we raise our kids with and through the Lord.

Today I wanted to remind you of the big coupon code we’re offering (through this weekend only!) for our Prayer Mugs Journal. I wrote this downloadable book as God was teaching me to let go of fear about my kids and to give them fully over to His care.

The enemy still tempts me to fall back on fear. (Hello, I’m raising teenagers in a dark world. Nothing about this is easy.)

But the truth I share in The Prayer Mugs is what has helped me to keep taking my heart, mind, and thoughts back to the Father. I continue to surrender my kids’ lives and hearts to Him. The peace that fills me as I remember that I can have confidence in God’s work in and for them is incredible!

Not only will you love the scripture truth shared in this book, you’ll love the concept of how grabbing my mug first thing in the morning and praying for my kids right away has completely changed my life. You’ll love sharing this concept with your kids, so that when they see you drinking from “their special mug” they’ll know you’re praying specifically for them!

Prayer for our kids is the best gift we can give them. Accepting peace from the Father, knowing that He is caring for our kids, is the best gift we can give ourselves.

I wrote The Prayer Mugs Prayer Journal last year in honor of my firstborn turning 20 last year. Believe it or not, an entire year has gone by and that boy turned 21 this week! This weekend only, use the code TWENTYONE to get an $8 discount in honor of his birthday!!

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The Importance of One-on-One Time With Your Kids

May 10, 2018 by Laura Leave a Comment

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One-on-one time with your kids? What’s that??

First let me say that I’ve learned that finding one-on-one time with my spouse during these intense parenting years is even more important than finding individual time with my kids. Both are needed, of course. But we are better parents when we’ve set our marriage on a firm foundation, together, on purpose.

So here we are, my husband and me, juggling lots of kids and lots of life and lots of God’s goodness. God has been teaching us how to truly “love our neighbor,” which has provided countless, beautiful opportunities to serve people while striving to keep in step with the Spirit and seek the will of God. Our kids join us in these endeavors and hmm, did I mention that we homeschool? We also work for a living. Details, details.

Instead of saying, “We are SO BUSY!” we like to say, “We live a full, blessed life!” God is perfectly good and faithful. I can’t stop being overjoyed about His provision in our lives.

In the midst of it all, we have two adult sons in college and two teens still living at home. There’s a lot of coming and going and going and coming. (I’m talking about both food and schedules, of course, as it all comes and goes at a rapid rate at our house.)

So one-on-one time with our kids?

How is it even possible? Why is it actually necessary?

I’ve been privileged to be with my kids for many hours of the day for their entire lives, thanks to the blessing of homeschooling and working from home. But even with that, it’s very easy to let busyness create a disconnect. Our schedules can be so hectic that sometimes we look back and realize we haven’t sat down as a family to eat a meal at the table together for over two weeks. Or maybe we have, but we’ve had guests and while that’s a beautiful thing, we still must take a few steps back in order to regroup and check in with one another.

One-on-one time with our kids? It’s a special zone. It’s extra comfortable. It’s relaxed. Fun.

It’s the place where no one has to wait their turn, share the attention, vie for position, or talk louder in an effort to be heard. Learning to share space is necessary for building character and preparing for a life of unselfish living. But sometimes, it’s truly good to be able to look one another in the eye and be heard without a, “Hold on, I’ll get to you as soon as I can.”

I’ve found that my relationship with each of my sons is better because of one-on-one time we’ve been able to eek out through the years. When they were little, it meant going out on special dates once every few months.

Sometimes it meant kicking everyone else out of the kitchen so we could bake something special together. After all, there’s no need to spend extra money – just extra time.

Sometimes it meant that only one boy got to go grocery shopping with me that day.

It always meant precious conversation. Undivided attention. A re-connection that couldn’t always happen in a house full of flying nerf bullets and full calendars.

As our lives evolve and our children launch, I’m more convinced than ever that being available for our kids and being open to one-on-one conversation produces rich and safe relationships.

So we’ll grab a cup of coffee together every chance we get, even if it’s in a chipped mug at our own crumb-covered table. This mom needs it and I’m pretty sure my long-legged sons do too.

Here’s to rich, precious, God-filled one-on-one moments with our kids, no matter their age, no matter our season.

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What is the Right Way to Handle Teenagers and Dating?

March 29, 2018 by Laura 15 Comments

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When our four boys were little, Matt and I had some real good ideas about how we would handle the upcoming years of teenagers and dating. As it turns out, real good ideas and real life can sometimes be real different.

What is the right way to handle teenagers and dating

Before our sons were old enough to realize that girls were worth thinking about, Matt and I started telling them, “Don’t focus on dating relationships until you’re in college and old enough to consider marriage. Treat girls like the Christian sisters that they are. Be friends with everyone.”

This is fantastic advice, is it not?

Our boys thought this sounded great because at the time they believed that 1) girls were weird and 2) marriage was for old people. So our advice held strong while our boys were still shorter than we were.

Our sons are now 20, 18, 16, and 13. They are nice, good looking, talented, and respectful. Girls seem to like these qualities. Therefore, Matt and I learned about two days into parenting teenagers that our perfect, lovely, and simple “don’t worry about dating or relationships until you’re old enough to think about getting married” plan might only be a good idea on paper. About the time our boys hit sixth grade, girls’ heads started turning their way. It didn’t take long, then, for our boys to realize that it was actually quite fun to have a girl’s attention.

I guess we could say that the rest is history. But the rest is not history, as it is right smack in the middle of our present. We’ve been doing this teenage parenting thing for eight years now with not one son but four. Where there are teenage sons, there are teenage girls. Times four.

I’ll skip sharing all the naive stuff I said and did as I first navigated girl attraction and young relationships with our offspring because it’s bad enough that our oldest son had to live through it. Instead, I’ll jump to the biggest lesson I have learned after eight years of being a mom to teenage boys:

There is no one right way to be in a dating relationship.

dating1

Can you believe that?

There’s no one specific formula. There’s no perfect scenario. There’s not one exact thing that will work exactly exact for every single person or couple. (If you don’t believe me, look at the variety of relationships in the Bible and consider the various dating stories told by Christians who have healthy marriages.)

I’m so grateful that I understand better now that every person is different, every situation is different, and let me also say this:

I am very thankful that we didn’t stick with our original plan and insist that our sons stay away from girls until we kicked them out the door and they were suddenly navigating all of life on their own. “Happy Graduation, Son. Have fun at college, where for the first time you will be responsible for keeping your own schedule, managing your money, taking hard classes, making thousands of fairly difficult decisions every day, and dating girls for the first time.”

Because relationships. Those are easy to figure out without guidance.

Instead of formulating a “one size fits all” plan for teenagers and dating, this is what we have learned to do instead:

1. Let the Holy Spirit lead us.

Trying to parent without guidance and the peace that comes through knowing we have the Ultimate Source of Wisdom living within us leads only to heartache and worry. I’ve tried that route. It’s miserable, because I don’t care how great our kids are, Satan wants to win them. And he wants to distract me and deceive me into thinking I am powerless as a parent. I’ll double over in fear and be sickened with panic over my sons’ relationships and thoughts of their future unless I fully embrace the truth that God is at work in them and for them and He has already won victory over the enemy. All I have to do, and what I must do, is surrender to God and ask for His help, strength, and guidance.

2. Be open.

Do not freak out when your child begins to show an interest in someone. It’s normal and good, even if they are your babies and you can’t believe this is happening. I’ve learned (the hard way) to be very open about this with our sons so they don’t feel that they need to hide their attractions and interests from us. “She’s cute, huh? And sweet. It’s okay to feel that way. That’s how God made you.”

3. Ask your kids good questions.

My favorite question to ask my boys when they tell me they like a girl is this one: “What do you like about her?”

If they don’t have much to say, it lets me know right away that the attraction is more about appearance than character. But when he shares, “Our conversations are always meaningful” or “She is really nice to everyone” or “She is godly and servant-hearted” I know he’s given thought to what really matters. I also know he thinks she’s pretty, even if he hasn’t mentioned it, because of course.

4. Be safe.

We’ve found that if we are critical or harsh about any of our sons’ decisions or feelings, they quickly shut down and mute all communication with us. When my words, face, and body language show my sons that I’m open and safe, they are much more likely to come to me with “What do you think I should do about…” and “Is it okay if…” and “She and I were talking about…” and “What do you think would be a good gift for…” Our kids need to know we are on their team, especially while they are navigating relationships.

4. Smile often.

Sometimes this can’t be helped, because oh my goodness, the sweetness. I’ve found it’s important to be intentional about sharing in my sons’ delight over his special girl. If she means something to him, she means something to me too.

5. Offer gentle advice as the Spirit leads.

My sons don’t have any sisters, so they haven’t grown up experiencing life with any females except for me. I’m thankful for my sons’ openness so that I can offer advice like:

“I know it doesn’t matter to you if she wears jeans or a dress to the award banquet you’ve invited her to. But she’s asked you three times what she’s supposed to wear to this because she needs some reassurance. Tell her that the other girls usually wear casual dresses to this.”
“I’d get back to her sooner rather than later with an answer about that because you don’t want her to worry about why you aren’t responding.”
“Does she know for sure that you are going to this event only as friends? It’s easy for a girl to get the wrong idea, so please be sweet but make sure she understands you are only interested in friendship with her.”
“You might ask her if her dad wants you to talk to him first before you make plans to go to the Formal.”

So teenagers and dating…

Matt and I still feel strongly that relationships at young ages should be handled with extra care. They should stay in the “sweet” category and far from the “serious” until they are ready to consider marriage. We are so grateful that our kids started navigating some of these very important needs and issues with us, at home, under our guidance.

Some kids do wait until college to begin pursuing relationships. But I’m grateful to have learned that there’s not only one way to go about healthy Christian dating relationships. There is, however, one God, and His ways are perfect. Praise Him, He knows what each of our kids need. We rest fully on His promises to guide us and protect our kids.

Now about all the teenage and young adult girls who find themselves in our home, I’ve gotta say, I’m lovin’ it. Female people who actually speak my language using phrases like, “Aww, that’s so cute!” or “I like how you decorated your living room!” I could get used to this. :)

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In Which Drivers Ed Reminds me of Jesus

January 14, 2018 by Laura 6 Comments

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I love absolutely everything about being a parent. Almost.

It is a fact that potty training used to be my least favorite part of parenting. Nice as it was to get those kids out of diapers, it seemed that during the long days of cleaning poop off the floor and asking, “Do you need to potty?” every three minutes, it would surely be much simpler to just change diapers for the rest of my life.

But then my boys all got potty trained and grew to be taller than me and I was introduced to a new least favorite part of parenting: Teaching teenagers how to drive.

car3

Now, I’m not a crazy freaked out mom when my kids are behind a wheel (yes I am). I certainly do not cringe and forcefully push my imaginary brake on the passenger side (yes I do). My angst over teaching teens to drive could be summed up by sharing the simple fact that we are in a moving vehicle made of metal that could smash at any time into a tree or a ditch or a Mack truck, and I am powerless to do anything about it.

Kind of makes poop on the floor seem like a welcome guest.

This summer we began the delightful journey of teaching Boy #3 to drive a car so that he can get his driver’s license when he turns 16. In Nebraska, there are two options for this. 1) Drive for 50 hours with a parent or 2) Pay $300 and spend a week at Driver’s Ed.

For Boys #1 and #2, we chose the frugal route, because we are the parents and we could teach our kids to drive for free. But of course.

However, when Boy #3 turned 15 and got his permit, I cried weary tears and asked Matt, “Can we please just pay the $300 this time and let someone else teach him how to drive?” It was the best check I’ve ever written.

So last summer, Elias spent 20 hours in a classroom learning how to drive from a book and a teacher. He didn’t love it, but someone had to make the sacrifice and I’d already done my part. After passing the 20 hours of classwork and the test of his book knowledge, he went out in a car with a great instructor who sat in the passenger seat and said nice things and didn’t slam on imaginary brakes. For six hours, Mr. Much Appreciated instructed Elias on all things driving.

In the meantime, Calgon took me away and I sipped Iced Coffee in my easy chair.

Elias returned from his 6 hours on the road with the good news that he had passed Driver’s Ed, and just like that, he would be able to walk in and get his official driver’s license on his 16th birthday.

I’m almost 101% sure that we will choose this very same option with Boy #4 when the time comes because of the iced coffee and the Calgon. But is it just me, or does anyone notice a bit of a discrepancy on the required number of hours behind a wheel which will qualify someone to be considered fit for driving independently? We’re talking 50 hours verses 6 hours. Those two numbers are not the same and also, one is much less than the other. Even if we counted the 20 hours of classroom time, which truly was beneficial, that’s still not the same as 50 hours of driving practice on the road behind a wheel.

I am forever grateful to the instructor for saving me from those hours of stress in the passenger seat. But as some other parents and I were discussing recently, “Even after taking Driver’s Ed, a kid still needs time and instruction from parents in learning how to drive so they’ll be ready to be an independent driver.”

And this, my friends, is the actual point about Jesus and Drivers Ed that I want to share with you today.

In Which Drivers Ed Reminds Me of Jesus

We can send our kids to Driver’s Ed and let someone else teach them many of the wonderful points they need to know about driving a car. But we parents still have a lot of work to do to prepare our kids for successful and safe driving.

This is very much like teaching our kids about Jesus.

We can take our kids to church and Bible class on Sundays and get them involved with youth group, and maybe even send them on a mission trip or two. But if we expect these very few hours each week to be all and do all in helping them learn about who Jesus is, to fill their hearts with Truth, and to learn the transforming power of prayer and surrender to God – we are sorely mistaken.

Never should we expect a classroom and a preacher to fill the role that God has placed on us as parents. Never should we consider the 3 hours per week in a church building to be “enough” when there are 106 additional awake hours each week that we should be seeking Jesus and His truth.

If we expect that going to church is enough for our lives and our kids’ lives, we should stop going to church because we’ve missed the point and forgotten who Jesus actually is and who He calls us to be.

It’s too easy to feel good about crossing to-do’s off our check list. Took the kids to church? Check. Made them go to Bible class? Check. Did a service project that one time? Check. Yep, we are a good Christian family.

Christianity isn’t a check-list. Christianity is life. Jesus is life.

Driver’s Ed? It saved my sanity. But I’ve been out in my car’s passenger seat anyway, giving my kid more driving practice so that when he turns 16 in a few days, he will actually be ready to drive on his own.

Bible class and worship services on Sundays? Can’t do with out it. But Matt and I are out in the trenches anyway, sharing Truth around our table, praying around our living room, talking constantly about who God is and what it means to live a Spirit filled life.

So this is how Drivers Ed is like Jesus. It all makes sense, and in three days, Elias turns 16, gets his license, and we will be adding a THIRD SON to our car insurance policy.

Kind of makes poop on the floor seem like a welcome guest.

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