I do not get up before dawn each morning. Instead, I sleep until my body is well rested, and then I get out of bed. (It’s a novel idea – you should try it. I call it my “we’re often up late and if I don’t get enough sleep I get sick so this is how I avoid coming down with pneumonia strategy”.) For a long time, I’ve struggled with the way my “sleeping in” looks to others. If I’m just getting out of bed at 7:45 am, might some think I am being lazy? Maybe, although, if you’re feeling brave, ask my husband if I’m lazy. He’s likely to ask you how long you’ve got so that he can give you a detailed run-down of what my days look like. ;)
The real question should be, do you or your uncle or your neighbor’s cousin’s dog really care what time I get up in the morning? Do I really think there are people sitting at their desk or at their kitchen table drinking coffee, pondering what time Laura gets up each morning? If I think that people are actually doing this, how self-focused am I anyway?
Do you ever worry about stuff like this? Are there decisions you’ve made in your life that you feel good about, or are even convicted about, yet you worry about what others might think of your decision?
For instance, I love schooling my kids at home and grinding flour to make our bread and baked goods from scratch. I feel called by God to do these things for my family. But I promise that I don’t sit at my kitchen table drinking coffee, pondering the fact that you might send your kids to school, buy white bread from the store or hand your kids a Twinkie for an afternoon snack. You know why I’m not pondering your choices over a cup of coffee? Because I trust that you are living your life the way you feel God is calling you to live. And also because I don’t like coffee.
The question is then, are we all walking around judging each other, or are we all just walking around thinking that everyone else is judging? Do we look at what others are doing and feel “less than” because we aren’t doing what they seem to be doing? If so, by whose standard are we living and by whose criteria are we making choices?
If we’re spending time worrying about what others think of us, it seems to me that we’re wasting a lot of God-given time that could be used in a much more productive way for the Kingdom.
I am working to believe that it really doesn’t matter what others think about the way I live my life. What matters in my life is that I am following God’s calling for me according to scripture. What matters is that I am listening to what He is asking me to do, serving the people He puts in my path to serve, and honoring Him in my choices and actions.
By whose standard are you living?
Such an excellent point (and I don’t like coffee, either! I’ve tried the hot chocolate mixed with coffee, and I still can’t do it!).
I used to try to get up early, but now I just get up when I wake up, and I find I still get everything done. And I don’t feel guilty about it anymore, either! I’m glad to know I’m not alone.
And we do spend far too much time second guessing others. That time would be better spent asking God what He would have us do today. And then grabbing some hot chocolate!
Sheila from To Love, Honor and Vacuum!
Thank you for this post! I recently had a friend who was doing some MAJOR judging and criticizing of me and the new choices I am making for my family. It was really hurtful, but then peace came with the realization that I am doing EXACTLY what I feel God has called me to do!
Love it! We also do not have a set wake up time because we have an 11 yr old with autism ( who thinks nighttime is party time) and an infant who still gets up brought the night. I love the fact that homeschooling allows us to let our children recover from a rough night. Thanks for the reminder to not worry about trying to meets other’s standards!
Is it bad that I’m jealous right now? NOT a good way to be spending my time, right? LOL, well, I’m just saying, I certainly DON’T judge you for “sleeping in” until 7:45 (which totally isn’t, btw. Just ask my little sister, shes 22 and STILL sleeps until noon.) but I AM jealous. I have a few children who think that 6:00 is early and 6:30 is late. :O) So we’re in full blown morning routine by 6:30 every day, yes even Saturday unfortunately. I look forward to the day my oldest decides that her bed is just so comfy that she’ll stay in it for at least another hour. :O) (She’s 9, so I’m givin her about 4 years yet…) Great post and good point. Though now I probably WILL be thinking about you sleeping in until 7:45, and wishing I were able to join you! (In my OWN bed of course, ha!)
<
Cassandra
Very nicely said. I try not to worry about what others think of the way we do things, and am concerned when it seems someone else is trying to “copy” what I do. I happen to get up early, but it’s only because I’m one of those annoying people who bounds out of bed singing at 6 A.M. :) But I’m usually in bed by 10 P.M., so I assume we get a similar amount of sleep. I don’t find skimping on sleep to be very productive. On that note, why would anyone care what time you go to bed or get up? Is there some spiritual club I’ve missed that thinks early rising is godly in some way?
Such a POWERFUL post. I’ve been thinking similar thoughts, but just haven’t been able to put it into words. I’m also DONE with worrying about other people’s judgments (which are mostly likely in my own head as you pointed out!). Though I sleep until 7:45 as well and hate coffee…..it doesn’t matter what the “things” are…..it’s a waste of God given time and energy! Time to get and KEEP my focus where it belongs and living my life the way God is ASKING me. His opinion is the ONLY one that matters. Thank you for your beautifully written, heart-felt reminder.
Beautiful. I really appreciate this post because I know people have judged me for having a degree and yet not having a job while my husband goes to school and works. What they don’t know is that a lot of things happened that were out of my control that made employment very hard to get for me. Even family members have judged me, and it’s really hard to not let it get to me sometimes. Thank you for this wonderful post!
Wow, I read your post and I thought–hey that’s me! I have a degree and no job and until very recently have been getting up after nine most days while my husband goes to school and works. But I’ve had health issues. You do what you can do.
I actually had some health issues not long after getting married, mainly as a result of the pressure to find a job put upon me by myself and various family members. I actually had to get therapy at one point. I hope that you are able to be healed from you health issues.
My main issue in finding work has been the fact that I live in an area where jobs for someone of my education and training are very scarce. And the fact I have an education makes me less employable…if that’s even possible. And you are right: we do what we can do. I’ve learned that helping my husband get through school is more than just getting a job–much more!
Thank you for your kind response :)
Just so you know, I told my hubby about this post and when you wake up and he said, “7:45 is late?” We regularly don’t get up until our kids do, which is between 8:30 and 9 :o)
Additionally, it is nice to hear this sometimes and to remember to focus on what is good for our family no matter what others think.
This has been so encouraging! We have changed how we live drastically in the last year and even started homeschooling but I struggle with whether I’m doing it “right”. I know in my heart that if I’m doing it the way God has asked me to I’m okay but sometimes I see others and think wow…I’m so behind. I really need to get it in me that we are okay and it only matters what God thinks! Thank you for being a role model!
:0)
Thanks. I needed this. I am totally guilty of falling into the ”what do others think” mode.
You are not alone! The only reason I get up around 7:30am is just so that I can have a little quiet time before the hustle and bustle of the day begins! Otherwise, I would sleep in a little longer. On the days that I do, it is so fun to snuggle with my girls as they crawl in bed with me in the morning… around 8am. So glad to be able to homeschool and have a flexible schedule! Who says I have to be starting school early just like the public school does!
Good post! I think most people (well at least I do) have these sorts of thoughts sometimes. But you do what you can do and we’re not measured by what other people can do.
My husband and I get up early so we can drink coffee together, but as I’m posting this at 11:14pm, I’m up quite a bit past my normal bed time. I, on the other hand, don’t wake up my sons until about 8:45am, unless they have rowing practice before schooling.
One of my favorite parts of homeschooling is that my guys can learn at the time of day that their brains work best. For one of them, 9am is good to start. For the other? he’s more of a 10am kind of thinker. It works for us.
But, you’re right. It’s wrong to worry what others think, or to think others are worried about what I’m doing. Only what God thinks matters.
VERY GOOD!!! I am one who needs to sleep a little longer than most. And found out that is probably because my adrenals are all out of whack. For years I felt SO guilty for not being up EARLY. I am finally feeling the relief of doing what is right for MY family. We stay up a little later and get up a little later.. and I don’t think about what others are doing either. :) Thanks for a great post.
Thanks for the insight. You are so right!! This is such a difficult thinking habit to overcome but it’s good to get perspective reminders.
Thanks for sharing Laura!
It’s hard for me as a wife, mom and sister to remember that I need to live for God and not according to what other people think.
So, I have spent a great deal of my life taking comfort in the fact that my life isn’t so important that others watch my every move. I accomplished everything that I wanted and everything that wasn’t important I didn’t worry about. Then I married the most competitive person ever! I love him to death… But the way he motivates himself still seems crazy to me. Honestly, it’s been good for me I think. I still don’t mind inviting my super type A friends over to admire my dust bunnies though. We are happy, healthy, children of God living under the umbrella of GRACE. I love posts like this!
AMEN!!
I love this both from the standpoint of a mother and keeper of the home and from the stand point of a growing real foodist. Oh….and from the standpoint of a homeschooler who thinks it’s best at this season of littles taking naps to start school at 11:00 instead of 7:30 or 8. (Um…those are A.M. times. :-)
THANK YOU, THANK YOU for this post.
Thank you for this beautiful message. I think we are cut from the same cloth. So many times I read your posts and find comfort knowing there is someone out there doing similar things. I struggle at times with what people think of me and my choices, but I know that the only one I need to worry about is what God thinks. I strive to do my best with the time and talents I have been blessed with. I find comfort knowing that if I follow Christ, I will be blessed and guided in my actions.
BTW-I made pepperoni this weekend. FABULOUS! I am so excited to make 100% homemade pizzas tomorrow for dinner! Homemade crust, sauce, cheese and pepperoni! :)
Laura, thank you for writing this post.
I used to come down on myself for sleeping in when I just had my first who would sleep in, and I try to sleep in on Saturdays if my hub doesn’t have to be somewhere. But I still feel guilty for waking up, usually after my kids do. Luckily my hubby is a morning person and can wake up fairly easily and CHIPPER! Me on the other hand… not so much. Sometimes he’s rushing out the door to work earlier and just pulling me out of bed at the same time. It makes me feel guilty. I feel guilty that my body requires lots of sleep… 8 hours minimum (which is why I should be in bed right now and not up typing at 10pm). Anyways, thank you for putting it into a perspective of how God should be proud of our standard and we don’t need to try to impress anyone else, or see who can wake up the earliest to start their day.
I just love it when people want to do something,
they simply say that they are called by God to
do it. Lots too many people throwing that
phrase out to justify what they want to do.
Yes! I agree that many people throw that phrase around to justify doing what they want to do, whether it’s godly, scriptural or not. That is very wrong, and not what this post is talking about at all. “What matters in my life is that I am following God’s calling for me according to scripture.”
I also agree that people seem to sometimes use that phrase; However, I don’t think any of us can possibly know what it is God is laying on someone’s heart. Only God and that person can know. I think that when we are doing what God has called us to do, people can see the fruits! :) I felt God’s calling to homeschool long before our older son was ready for school. I knew it was God’s calling because I tried to fight it for a time, yet the calling became stronger and stronger. It was the best decision we ever made for our family. We get picked at about it, just as we get snickered at for growing an organic garden, raising a milk cow, raising laying hens and meat chickens, and all the other crazy things we do, but I love your post, Laura, as it addresses the fact that we need to stop worrying what others think and not only ask God for his will for our lives, but to also follow when He leads. Not everyone has the same calling, and not everyone will agree with us, but that is certainly between each person and God. Thanks, Laura, for sharing this insightful post. This is a subject that I have struggled with as well. God is always so good to send random people into my day to encourage me!
Haha ! What a great post :) I wouldn’t consider it sleeping in unless it cuts your day short. You have a different time schedule – not a big deal :). We are on a 10 – 2 schedule. we’re working on improving it, but we still get the same amount of work done in a day :D
I am a natural night owl and I fight hard to fit society’s schedule.
How about we live by the adage
Just not lest ye be judged. Matt 7:1
Thank you so much for this post!!! Ever since I started homeschooling I quit caring about what people thought. I also stopped judging others so much. I usually get up in the morning around 5 with my husband and make him breakfast and help him get off to work around 6. Then I go back to bed and sleep to about nine when my little guys are getting up. I do not feel bad about this at all b/c it is so true that if mom is not happy, no one is. Homeschooling takes a lot of work and mainly leadership, so I need to be on my A-game.
My husband and I have adapted that idea for this household as well. Some nights we don’t go to bed until 1 or 2 am because I am getting bread made, or finishing laundry, or getting other things ready, so I don’t get out of bed until 9am. But others I am up at 5am. It depends on the day. My toddler is in our room right now (she just started sleeping in a toddler bed and was scared at first) so she has a basket under her bed of quiet toys and she is content with that until mommy wakes up. I have just learned, live for your family and lifestyle, don’t judge others for theirs.
I would love to sleep until I’m rested, but my 17 month old won’t let me :D
Considering how many children you have, you deserve to sleep until rested.
I needed to be reminded of this! Thank you:)
Great post!! I remember reading your article in HOmeLife (how I found your Blog), and thinking how wonderful it is to have a fellow homeschooler who lets their boys sleep “in” just like I do! It is also part of my lets-all-not-get-whatever-is-going-around strategy! Thanks for sharing your heart and thoughts with us…I was thinking the same things, but you put it so beautifully into words!
Such an amazing post! I needed to hear this today! Thank you! My husband and I recently decided that we will not be sending our children to children’s church and instead having them sit with us in service. Wow, I didn’t think it would be such a big deal to everyone else!
It’s not because we have a bad children’s pastor with lack of knowledge and desire for kids, in fact she’s quite the opposite. We just feel that there is something very special and sacred about worshiping together as a family.
I’m not judging all of the other parent’s in the chruch because I know they are doing what they feel led to do.
My husband and I just had a conversation about this. I don’t struggle with feeling judged, I struggle with others assuming that I’m judging them, which I’m not.
Thanks again!!
I just read your comment, and I can so relate. I posted about a church decision we are making below. We are facing some of the same things. Last night was the 2nd night of a children’s program at church. The kids all attended last week and we decided that we cannot do both Sunday night and Wednesday night kids programs, but there were several people who asked about their not being in the program. They are committed to Wednesday night now thorugh the Christmas program and then they are going to pick one, but I know we are going to get some strange looks (and maybe comments, too).
*through*
Timely. Every morning I go to my “favorite blogs” folder and decide whether or not I feel up to coming to your website. Why? I am a mother who uses canned cream of whatever soups (GASP!). Guess what? I still love my kids as much as all of those people who never feed their children canned soup. We are all just doing the best we can for our families. Why do we need to be so hard on everyone?
:)
You’re right, we all love our children and are doing the best we can for them. My intent is never to make anyone feel bad for the choices they are making to feed their families, but to offer suggestions of ways they can improve their health IF they want to!
I appreciate your comment!
I should also mention that I’ve got a homemade cream of mushroom soup recipe ready to post in the next few days for those who want to make their own. But for those who don’t, you can ignore it and know that I think you’re great anyway!! :)
I would love to be able to do that! I don’t think I would be up before 9 most days. But, I have a question for all of you out there–I get up at 5:45 every morning because my husband appreciates me getting up with him and getting him off to work SO much. He often thanks me for doing so and it would just kill me to stay in bed and have him get up alone. So how do all of you balance that? I am not judging any of you whose husbands get themselves off to work but I have always gotten up and after 33 1/2 years I really can’t just stop doing so.
I get up early with my hubby, too. We both really enjoy the few minutes of actual quiet together in the morning. I try hard not to feel bad about taking a nap in the afternoon if I need it!
Hey there! Read Proverbs 31 for encouragement! vs. 12 says ” she will do him good and not evil all the days of her life” and vs. 27 says” she looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” If you are making your husband happy and doing what is best for your household then that is what God wants! and don’t feel badly about it! But if you feel God is convicting you about something then listen to the Holy Spirit… only you can know! Hope that helps!Just Pray to God and He will lead you :)
I do that too! My hubby really enjoys having me up with him before he goes to school in the mornings, and I enjoy fixing breakfast for him as well. And I agree with Chelsea’s comment above, especially since I have a 3-1/2 year old and a 4-month-old…we all take naps in the afternoon if I can manage! You are a blessing to your husband, Lana, I’m sure!
This seems to be the theme that God has selected for my life recently! What works soooo beautifully for someone else, is not necessarily what will work beautifully for me! There is often wisdom that can be gleaned from others, but if this “wisdom” becomes a burden, making me feel inferior and irritable (can’t be irritable without the family being dragged along), it just isn’t worth whatever brownie points, or whatever, I’m hoping to gain! God made us who we are, and perfectly equips us to do life with Him!! That includes all that he has called us to!!!
As soon as this through my heart, I’ll be content!!
Amen, sister!!
Love this post this morning! Thank you so much for giving me much to think about.
Thanks for such great encouragement! I hope your flattered when I tell you that I linked up this post on my blog…giving you the credit….in hopes to encourage even more mom’s!
I’m right there with you, Laura. Not an early riser here at all. I am a night owl and so are my 11 and 12 year olds.
It’s a good thing we homeschool!
Just what I needed to hear. Dealing with those mentioned issues and it seems God is giving me the messages I really need to hear. Thanks!
Wonderful post, Laura! So very true, and one we all need to hear!
My dear Laura—–I certainly thought you got up at 4:30 at the very latest!! {sarcasim drips!} It’s great to see that you are ok with the schedule that works for all of your family. God bless you and the sweet family that you have. You are really a woman of God.
Thanks. I often feel guilty, because I am still in bed when my kids are up. I guess if I need the sleep and the kids are fine then there is nothing wrong with that. I do get up before my husband leaves for work on a regular day (he leaves between 7:45 and 8 most mornings).
I needed to hear this message, but not about sleep. (I’m making it my goal to get up earlier because I wake up earlier than I get up.I think God is doing that for a reason, and I’ve just too lazy and selfish to get up and start the day.) However, He spoke to me through this because of a decision we need to make regarding church. We are attending a church and probably need to join, but I have been hanging back because it is a very large church and has lots of programs. The very existence of these programs makes me feel compelled to participate in all of them that are geared toward my family, even though I once was burned out and worn out with being at church “every time the doors are open”. I used to think that was required to be a good servant to God, but God changed my attitude. My DH and I were discussing this yesterday and his take is to look at programs like a menu. Of course, we don’t just pick the fun options from the menu, but neither can we order everything just because it is there and sounds good. God used this post to make me realize that the main reason I’m nervous about joining is that there are people who will judge us because of our choices and those who will automatically assume that we are judging them because we don’t make the same choices. I dread that, but I know I need to be obedient. Thanks for this. I obviously needed it.
And this is why HH has become my favorite blog! I’ve been a “people pleaser” my whole life, and, while God has definitely worked on me over the years, it is still hard for me to just NOT CARE what others think. Just last night I had a friend look at me like I was crazy for shopping where I do instead of at Wal-Mart, and even though I know I’ve compared prices at other grocery stores and that it’s our family’s choice to try to NOT shop a lot at Wal-Mart, all of a sudden I felt like a huge failure as a homemaker. Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who assured me that I’m doing a great job planning meals and shopping for our family. :)
You’ve been a super awesome encouragement to me today, Laura! Thanks so much!!
Excellent post! Just what I needed. Thanks! :)
Great reminder this morning! Thanks :)
Great post! You know, I think you’re so right about everyone thinking that everyone else is judging them when, in fact, everyone else is not judging but wondering the same thing. Instead, we should all just do our best to the glory of God and not bat an eye about what others may think, even if they are one of the few who happen to judge us. God is our only judge, therefore is the only One we have to answer to. God has convicted me about getting up before my son so that I can have alone time with Him. But that’s just me. It has nothing to do with when you wake up or have your quiet time. You’re so right that worrying about everyone else is a complete waste of time. However, I do find it difficult to brush off comments made or looks given by close family/friends versus strangers and acquaintances. Those seem to hurt worse.
As I get older, I realize everyone is a critic. It is impossible to please everyone regarding ANY choice we make.I’ve even been told Christian kids should go to school to be “salt and light” in a dark world, so there is even judgement amongst fellow Christians (honestly sometimes the judgement from Christians is worse than non-believers). Homeschooling tends to be more of a polarizing issue, and I learned early on how to have thick skin when it comes to my childrens’ education. Its also taught me how I shouldn’t judge others and their choices if they are made in the best interest of their family and according to their conscience.
Great Post. I try not to judge others that are less busy than me. Often, I remind myself I choose to do what I do. Sometimes, we must remind ourselves that God has led us down the path we are going, we can be a living example from our lives by not complaining and whining. Often they then want to follow.
This was such a great post! I too homeschool my kids, grind my own flour and bake as much from scratch as possible. I’ve struggled off & on with feeling judged / feeling guilty about how I structure my day at home with the kids. I often don’t get up until 7:00am, often give spelling tests while kneading dough, will run on the treadmill while my kids work on math independently, teach history & science lessons in my sweaty work-out clothes and often don’t shower until right before lunch. It’s what works well for us, but seems so different than what “others” do. It’s good to be reminded that our goal is honoring the Lord, not pleasing others. (or fitting into the mold of what “should be”) I strive towards nurturing our kids, teaching them God’s truths and using the Word of God as our authority. I love that I can do that in our home on a daily basis!
I love this post! Thank you for reminding me that homeschooling and doing what I can to cook healthy food from scratch isn’t just me being “picky” or a “control-freak.” In fact, it just might be what GOD is leading me to do. I’m feeling very encouraged right now… =) I love your blog! Thanks for all you write.
what?!? you DON’T LIKE coffee?!? I may just have to stop reading your blog.
Ok, I’m only kidding. This is a great post, and while it is difficult for most of us, a great reminder NOT to compare ourselves to all the “perfect” moms out there in blog-land.
Amen! I have a hubby who often lets me “sleep in”, and with a 4 month old (who is the youngest of 4 kiddos) I NEED that to function. We all need to show mercy and grace just a bit more and focus on our own stuff more than worry about what everyone else is doing, I say!
Amen! Well said and always timely advice.
This was for me!! Thanks for the wise words. I have been struggling with this a lot lately. It’s hard to not let the pressure of what others think rule my life. God wants us to live a life pleasing to him and that is what matters. Not getting up before sunrise or whatever the case may be.
By the way, I slept in until 8 and didn’t start school until 9! : )
Nevermind the busybodies who may or may not judge. Sleep is necessary to health and efficient functioning while awake. A well-rested person will accomplish much more in less time, (and more accurately) than a bumbling half-asleep one; not to mention poor sleep habits have been associated w/several unsavory health conditions, up to and including cancer; people fall asleep at the wheels of their cars, to everybody’s peril.
A reasonable work ethic is fine and noble and necessary. But lots of people have that ethic skewed beyond all human capacity, and some of them drop dead at work. Don’t let them judge you in the meantime.
I think we as women all struggle with being judged and judging others, not even intentionally. We have such high expectations of ourselves and when we fail to accomplish what we think we should accomplish then we judge ourselves and others. This is something that God is teaching me. I have to constantly remind myself that God has called me to do what I am doing right now and that He wants me to do the best that I can, it wont be the same for me as it is for someone else, but thats OK. Another good reminder is that we all have different size plates and when our plate is full, its full.
feeling a little envious of your wake up time, I would not be up until then if my little boys would let me sleep! One day I am sure this will change!
What a great, thought-provoking post. I’m going to remember this the next time I feel like “less than a supermom” when my child’s take home school project doesn’t look like it was created by Martha Stewart.
Thanks so much for such practical encouragement! Wouldn’t it be something if we could share the unique life God has called each of us to and just praise Him for the variety, instead of using it as a measuring stick? Something to work on…
I had to laugh, because I got up around 8:30 this morning. I normally am up before 8 though. Sometimes early when the mood strikes me. We had a late night at church though and I was pooped from the weekend.
We all do what we do because we are different. I enjoy things that others don’t. Some can get by on less sleep and not be grumpy, I am not one of those! I think society as a whole has got to get over everyone being the same. God created us all in a unique way. We need to embrace that and also enjoy it in others.
I only care about blessing god and my husband. He has ask I start cooking healthy. I guess what my mom made was not. A box of scalloped potatoes with spam (my kids never ate that) with canned veggie and fruit. I have been doing lots of reading and research on it. I did change from vegetable oil to coconut and love it. Now I started to bake more. Which is always relaxing to me.
I REALLY needed this today. I made a tough decision today. I’m very worried about how it will appear to those I work with in the business arena of life. But, it was the WRONG decision for ME and MY family, at least for now. I know I’ve made the right decision, but I’ve sure spent too many of the last 24 hours worried about how it appears to my colleagues. Thank you for your encouraging words.
AND, it is good to know that you aren’t always up at the crack of dawn! (-:
This is excellent Laura, and a much needed reminder for many. Some of us do live within the easy touch of harsh judgment. When my husband and I had our children three decades ago, it was decided by mutual decision that I would stay home and raise the children, and do what I could to make extra money from home-base. My in-laws would stop by almost daily and with not-so-subtle comments tell me how I was failing at any number of things. If I chose to plant flowers that day, then I was wasting time and should be cleaning house. If one of my children were reading a book, then he/she should be doing some chore. Sleeping in was, in their view, something we should not do. Their list was endless and continuously on-going. Each time my in-laws left our home, my father-in-law would stand at the door and say how we were not living as we should and that God could strip us of everything at any moment. So many nights I went to sleep and dreamed of great harm coming to our children. Fast-forward to today and my in-laws are in their 80’s and have had a great softening of the heart and we are able to have wonderful family times. Great damage was done, but our marriage and our children survived and thrived by keeping the message of Love alive inside our home. Your message of today, Laura, of living life with integrity and autonomy is so important. A rested mom is a better mom, that is just pure common sense. And your message of being non-judgmental is so important. A message delivered with harshness and judgment is doomed to harm instead of help anyway. I found you through my sis-in-law and I’m glad I did. I think this may be my first comment, but I’ve been reading you and your husband for a while. I wish there had been this wonderful outlet of blogs when my babies were little. The support offered by this wonderful new-found, world-wide community cannot be dismissed. So many times I washed dishes with tears running down my face, it was the safest way to hide my hurt from my precious little children. They knew though, I know they did. Their precious little hearts were hurt so often and so often my tears were from seeing them hurt. Today, I love my in-laws without reservation and would do anything for them. I have forgiven them long ago. But the changes that the hurt made in our lives lives on even without a heavy heart to carry it. When we judge harshly we change the make-up of others’ lives and we leave less room for clarity of thought, less room for freedom of feeling to find what GOD intends. Your message is an important one. And you are a gift and a blessing to so many.
Like :-)
Well said Laura.
Wow, I needed this!
“The question is then, are we all walking around judging each other, or are we all just walking around thinking that everyone else is judging?”
Great question. And yes, I’ve wasted precious time thinking that people are walking around judging me, when chances are, they aren’t.
I should live by God’s standard and live to please Him. Thanks for this post!
I loved this post! First because finally another person who wakes up just when their body is ready! No alarm clock here – waking up to the stress of a loud noise went by the wayside long ago. And feeling well rested, and the kids too, makes our days much better, for all. Now I do have a 2 year old who wakes me around 6:30 but I let others sleep and frankly I am ready to get up then and it’s a slooow waking up to the sweet moans of his voice, and his giggles. :) I also loved this post b/c I did used to think about what others did, long ago, and that just created very critical feelings. You are so right, that they are answerable to God for their own families. We all need to focus on our own. Nice post and thanks for sharing your heart, as you always do so well!
Nickole
7:45 is sleeping in???? While I do get up around 4:45 four days a week, it’s because I work and I have flexible hours. I try to be at work by 6am so I can get out and 3pm and spend a few hours with my boys before they go to bed. But on the days I don’t, I sleep in until sometime between 8 and 9 am. Rarely are my kids up before 8. I know it’s going to be a hard transition when they start school someday, but since they don’t have to be up early now and neither my husband and I are morning people, we all like to sleep in. And my boys are in bed by 8pm too, we’ve been blessed with great sleepers. I, like you, need my sleep or else I get sick or have a hard time functioning throughout the day. Who cares what other people think! They’re not perfect either.
Such a good reminder post. I would say it’s a little bit of both, only because I know a few of those people that all they do is walk around judging everybody. I will say that I would hate to live my life that way and they are not happy, because they are too busy judging others by what they do or don’t do (things that really don’t matter anyway) instead of living life for themselves. Occasionally I have struggled with what others think of me and how I tend to my family, but my husband has been a great help to point out that we are doing what is best for our family and that is what God would have us to do. So more and more I have become an “I don’t care what you think!” type of person. Just so you know I got up at 8:30 this morning, because like you I believe in getting the rest I need, so if I am up late or had a rough night you can bet I will sleep in. When I slip into the “what others are thinking of me” mindset I try to always remind myself its not what others think, but what pleases God, as long as what I am doing is pleasing to God I have nothing to worry about.
I think it’s sad that you get up late,justifying your actions according to Scripture. Proverbs 31:15 explains the attributes of a woman who rises early. Shouldn’t we be living by that standard? I may not be perfect, and I do fail at this oftentimes, but I do try my hardest to wake up before the sun comes out in order to have my quiet time and then be able to have lots of time to clean before the day gets busy.
I appreciate your concern on this topic. If I were being lazy, watching TV late into the night, puttering around on facebook, etc, I think that my “sleeping in” would be wrong and ungodly. However, our days are very full with our children and household duties, plus the work we put into our businesses. Our evenings are almost always spent with others outside our home (or having them into our home) for mentoring, Bible studies and encouragement. While I love everything we are doing and all the God has put in our path right now in service to him, by the time we finish our day, I am exhausted. And, because of what we do with people in the evenings, our days don’t end often until 11pm or after, which is why I need to sleep a little later than what some people might feel is the “right hour” to get up. (whatever that is!) :)
who are you to judge laura? none of us have a right to judge each other, God gives us all different hats to
wear and jobs to do, let God be the judge of us. Let us wrestle with God to see what He has planned for us.
We are no accountable to any other women for how we spend our time, what time we go to bed or get up
in the am.
Judging as taught in scripture is one of the most misunderstood topics by Christians. Scripture does not teach we cannot judge others (Paul judged the Corinthian church in 1 Cor 5), it teaches we cannot judge self righteously. So, if you study scripture you will see that we are to judge others.
I think what is sad is attacking one another on their personal decisions. Proverbs 31 also talks about other attributes of a woman of noble character which include setting about her work vigorously, and opening her arms to the poor and her hands to the needy, watches over the affairs of her household, but above all, she fears the Lord and her husband and children love and respect her. For some, getting up at 5 a.m. is early. For others, getting up at 9 a.m. is early. I have done both, depending on what our lifetyle demands. My husband worked swing shift when we were first married (2 to 10 p.m.) while I worked from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m., therefre to be able to see each other, we stayed up late, ate dinner late (obviously) and woke up later to accomidate our schedules. Last year I worked a very early shift outside the home for a time and I was getting up at 4:30 a.m. and my husband did the same. What matters is not what time you get up as much as what you are doing with your time. My parents always taught us that we need to glorify God in all we do, which means not worrying about impressing or offending others. We TAKE offense, it is not shoved on us. A hard lesson, but so true. I don’t believe Laura’s post was meant to offend anyone, but to rather share that she has learned not to assume that others are worried about her sleeping habits. :) I don’t believe that asty replys are EVER Godly.
Sorry, the last sentence was supposed to read: I don’t believe that Nasty replies are ever Godly.
well said Kelly
Very nice Kelly. I was refraining from commenting before as I wasn’t sure I would put things the right way. We need to focus on how God thinks of us, not others. I often struggle with whether I’m interpreting the Bible to fit my life or if I’m fitting my life to what the Bible says. I think you did a great job in showing how we need to stand together, even when our personal beliefs aren’t always the same.
Exactly. So many times people qoute scripture to condemn others, instead of edify or guide others. I believe the important thing to remember is not to pick out parts of it to beat others with. We should be focused on what God wants from each of us. It seems to me that Laura is giving much of her time to not only d what is best for her family, but is giving a lot of herself to serve others, so if she needs rest, she should get it so that she can keep on keepin’ on! :) Sorry for the 2nd long post! :)
“The question is then, are we all walking around judging each other, or are we all just walking around thinking that everyone else is judging?”
Great post. And a good question to ponder. Honestly, I don’t spend time wondering what others think about how I live my life…until someone makes a hurtful judgmental comment. This happened to me just this past weekend, and I find myself dwelling on it more than I should.
The “right hour” to get up? Well, that’s seems pretty simple… whatever works and feels right for your life. :) The world’s a complicated place nowadays, and we’ve all got to find our own groove.
Thank you Laura for this post. I started crying while I was reading it…
Trying to make a very long story short… My family is going through what I consider tough times, and I’ve been so hard on myself because I feel that I don’t get enough done in the day… because of this I get frustrated with and fail to spend time with my child(2yrs), I’ve pushed myself too hard (15wks pregnant) and argue with my husband for no good reason at all. I find myself crying daily over situations that are out of my control all because I keep thinking that someone else can handle my situation better than me. I feel pressure from others to hurry up, and feel their critical eyes watching over me. It wasn’t until a couple days ago I’ve finally given myself a break. I’m enjoying my family and am taking each day at a time.
I feel that this post puts a lot of my feelings into perspective. I do not need to worry about what others think what I do each day to get by. They aren’t sitting at dinner discussing why so little has been done. They most likely don’t even care, so why do I put it as a priority. It’s not, and it took me a good couple of months to finally let it go.
I had to go back and reread the post…I completely missed the part where you don’t like coffee – the idea is completely unfathomable to me! Oh well, I guess everyone doesn’t have to love coffee as much as I do. :) Thank you for this post. I have struggled with getting up early (ie, before my kids), but they are such light sleepers that I end up waking them. Early morning for the kids equals cranky kids by lunchtime! So, I don’t get up at the crack of dawn. I get up with hubby, make his breakfast, school the kids…basically do things our way and I try not to let what others think (or what I think they think) bother me.
Well said! It’s too easy for me to try to live by other people’s standards or what I think they’re thinking anyway! Or I fall into trying to live by my standards instead of asking God what He wants! I’m so thankful He is forgiving and always ready to show me the way He has for me.
Awesome post! I needed it.
This is why I am so encouraged by your post! I happen to have a teaching job that requires me to get out of bed early in the morning, but when I stayed at home, there were mornings when I slept until the children got up because as my parents always said, “sometimes the Godliest thing you can do is to eat a good meal and get a good night’s rest!” While discipline is important, discipline may look different from one life to another (at least to some extent) and as women, it may definitely differ from one season in our life to another. I get very discourgaed reading other blogs sometimes, and it is way too easy to see each different woman’s area of strength and feel like a failure…but God calls us to answer Him where we are. Feeling like a failure or feeling overwhelmed are signs of condemnation, not conviction, and God does not work that way, Praise His Name! Again, many thanks for being willing to share this.
I am encouraged by this post, Laura. I tend to do a lot of things in the evenings that put me to bed late and so sleeping in in the mornings is a must for my sanity. I have had some people give me a lecture on how I should lead my life and that getting up early to do devotions is the godly thing to do.
Recently, my pastor spoke on being the person God designed and wired you to be. Some of us are morning people, some are night people and some are in between. God doesn’t require everyone to get up at 4am to do their quiet time and boy am I thankful for that!! It in the late hours of the night or early morning (it is almost 3am EST) that I get a lot of research done one line, Bible studies, letters to friends, etc..yes, I can concentrate and think quite well on a Bible study after 9pm!
I say all of that because you’re on the right track. We aren’t all designed and wired the same so we shouldn’t look at each other to be the same…What is good for one person may cause them big issues…
May we work unto the Lord!
Thank you for this post! It made me feel so much better. I often feel judged by others for our schedule, or the way we do things. I often do not get up until 9 am. I find myself constantly feeling like I have to “defend” myself and explain. We rarely make it to bed before 12:30, and the baby gets up at 3, 5, and 7 to nurse, then gets up for the day at about 9:30. I am always exhausted, even though I don’t get up until 9. We have tried so hard to adjust her schedule so she will go to bed earlier, but no such luck. Some nights we go to bed anyways, but she lies awake until 12 or 12:30 EVERY night. So I feel so guilty for getting up so late, but I am SOOO tired from the constant wakings. Thank you for reminding me that others shouldn’t judge me, just as I shouldn’t judge them. We all have different paths to walk and are all in different seasons of life. I know that this schedule won’t last forever. Thankfully!!
Preach it, sister!