When You Need to Make Good Changes for Your Kids. (It’s Never Too Late!)

He was our baby. He just turned 16 18. And somehow – well not somehow – but because of God’s power and plan, he’s now the oldest of six seven.

What and who am I talking about? I’m talking about this guy. Our baby. Or at least the one who used to be our baby.

Remember him?

He’s basically amazing. For 13.5 years he was the youngest of four boys.

Then in the spring of 2018 he suddenly – overnight – became an older brother to this guy:

What else? Well, while the days and the details are quite long and drawn out, it also feels like the rest all happened very suddenly too. In January 2019, a baby boy moved in. Then another baby boy a few months later. Then a baby girl in 2020. And then another girl, turning last year’s Christmas card into this beautiful collage:

Meanwhile, three of the oldest brothers all left home for college and beyond. So in the span of 2.5 years, Malachi went from youngest of four to oldest of six at home.

Just thinking about it makes me shed tears – of joy, of awe, of weariness, of amazement. I could also use a nap.

This kid, this young man, our Malachi? God has been doing amazing work in him to grow him into this role. He’s rocking it as big bro to all the littles who lovingly call him “Bubba.”

I could go on and on about God’s work in and for Malachi. But today I need to share this:

Matt and I want to make some changes for Malachi.

God helped Matt and me realize recently that with all that has happened in our lives during the past two-and-a-half years, and with all we are currently trying to juggle, we’ve neglected a thing or two.

We haven’t shoved Malachi aside by any means. But with nine kids in so many different stages of life, and with five of the kids demanding so much attention, it feels difficult to keep up with meeting so many needs.

Satan wants me to experience deep regret over all the ways I feel that I am lacking instead of recognizing God’s truth in the matter. God hasn’t neglected anything. God doesn’t have a hard time keeping up. And because we are in Him and He is in us, we have everything we need to parent all these kids.

With anything that might be lacking in our human parenting abilities, God has been working all along and always provides a way to restore.

It’s Never Too Late to Make Good Changes for Our Kids

So here we are. Back in the day when we “only had 4 kids” we did a pretty great job of spending time together in the Word. We read the Bible every morning at breakfast and through the years, we really covered a lot of ground. We practiced memorizing scripture together during dinner. We prayed together at night. As the boys got older, our spiritual time with them became deeper.

And now?

We continue to memorize scripture at dinnertime. We have nightly singing and prayer time and it is precious and amazing – and also sometimes loud and high maintenance because of the littlest babes – but always worth it. Then just before tucking in the little ones, they gather around Matt for Bible storytime. (I’ll share more specifics about our routines in another post tomorrow.)

But with all of this, we’ve begun to feel that Malachi has been, in some ways, lost in the shuffle. He doesn’t feel lost, and in fact, he recognizes the sacrifices we’ve all had to make with all the beautiful changes God has brought to our lives. It’s just that everything we’re doing spiritually for our family is pretty watered-down in an effort to teach so many little ones about Jesus.

Malachi needs more than “Bible storytime” from a children’s book and we haven’t been providing it for him. Who cares that our reasons or excuses are somewhat valid and understandable? God’s convicted us to make some changes, and we are grateful. And yes, our teen could be reading his Bible on his own, but we’ve found that he needs some guidance in order to do that effectively.

So now what?

Well, we started praying. Matt has been trying to set aside space in his day to spend intentional one-on-one time with Malachi at night after the littles go to bed. I had to ask God to show me what in the world I could possibly give up in my days so that I had more energy and time to spend with Malachi and for all that truly matters. My days are often beyond full, leaving no wiggle room for even sweeping the kitchen floor, much less having a Bible-filled conversation with my teenager.

Or so Satan wants me to believe.

I started praying for God to send help so that I would have more time and energy to give to Malachi (and other important people-focused needs). He has answered. I’ve hired some young girls to help with some of our daily chores. I bought a dishwasher that actually works. Small as these sound, these two things alone have truly freed up some time and energy in my day so that I can give more to Malachi. Praise God!