Earlier this school year, I read, chapter by chapter, through the book of Job with our boys.
Admittedly, reading the entire book of Job is not the most fun. It is quite a long book of the Bible, plus, the dude goes through pretty much every horrible life event a person could endure. He loses all of his children, he loses his livelihood, he loses his health. Job becomes absolutely miserable. The book is, in many ways, depressing and discouraging. And yet, the lessons I came away with from reading the book of Job have served me well – when I remember them.
There are three main lessons I learned while reading the book of Job. One – Job refused to curse God and never stopped talking to Him, even in his misery. Two – Job wasn’t afraid to “let God have it” while talking with Him. There weren’t a lot of flowery, cheerful words shared while Job was lying there grieving his family and miserably ready to scrape his skin sores off with broken pottery.
And Lesson Number Three – Job’s friends did best when they kept their mouths shut.
In Job chapter two it says,
When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. Job 2: 11-13
Seven days and nights – no one said a word. They saw their friend’s misery, they wept for him, they hurt for him, they cared for him. And they simply sat with him.
I felt very challenged by that. What great friends! I want to be a friend like this!
Oh but wait – Job’s friends couldn’t keep their mouths shut. Eventually, they could stand it no longer and began giving Job all kinds of unwanted advice, even offering suggestions as to why Job was suffering. And they didn’t just say a few words, they went on and on for chapters! (Not that they knew they were speaking in Biblical chapters, but you get what I mean.) Now, not only was Job grieving and in great physical pain, he had idiot friends to deal with too. Just what he needed.
When a friend is suffering, often there are no words necessary – we just need to shut-up and be. Just sit. Just be there. Pray. That’s it.
When in doubt, when you aren’t sure what to say, when you can’t find the words you wish you could find that might offer comfort to your hurting friend – consider keeping your mouth shut, your ears open, and a prayer always on your heart. That may be just what your friend really needs.
Melissa says
This is a wonderful post. I’m going back to read Job again. It also reminds me to shut up. I’ve had the idiot friends and I’ve been the idiot friend.
Cassandra says
I agree. I suffered a miscarriage last month. It is much better is someone says “I am sorry for your loss” or “I am praying for you” and maybe gives me a hug. Nothing beyond that helps, and often makes me feel worse, especially if the person has never been through it themselves. I have heard many hurtful things I won’t repeat here. I joined a support community online, and all the women said the same thing. They don’t want to hear “it is God’s will” or “you can try again” or anything. Just “sorry for your loss”.
Valerie says
Cassandra – I do know what you’re going through. I’ve been there, twice! And I know that you may not want to hear that it is God’s will, but it really is true! I have a 10 year old and a 16-month old (had the miscarriages inbetween). I know that I don’t want 4 children and I was meant to have my 16 month old. I believe that I lost the other two so I could have him (and realize what a miracle he, and all other children are!) Please know that it will all make sense someday. And I am sorry for your loss.
Cassandra says
I didn’t say that I don’t believe it is part of God’s plan. I just was saying that people don’t want to hear that when they are going through it. It can actually turn people away from God. It is best not to give advice and just say sorry it is happening and “just be”.
Summer says
Even more important than a great recipe (which there are tons on your website) or a new tip for being a little more healthy, is your love for God shining through! And these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 Thank you Laura for reminding us how to be more like Jesus!
Jessica says
In the great loss for our family over two years ago, I’ve had both kinds of friends. I can say from experience that what a suffering person wants is to be remembered, looked in the eyes, hugged and told that they are not forgotten, they are loved wherever they are in the process of grief, and they are prayed for. That’s all you really want.
I can’t say that I would have been able to do that if the tables were turned. But now I know. Hopefully, I will remember and be able to offer that to someone else one day.
Shani says
In this modern society of WORDS filling our seemingly every waking moment in the form of tweeting, facebooking, blogging… it has become a lost art to say NOTHING. As the old saying goes (and which I’ve been reminding myself of more and more lately), “Least said, soonest mended.” Good advice in just about any situation, imho.
Thanks for planting the seed this morning, Laura! Have a lovely and blessed weekend. ~Shani
Rachel says
um, I’ll have to disagree a bit here. I have read through Job several times and been greatly encouraged by it. I have never found it depressing or discouraging. God uses it to give us a glimpse into what happens sometimes when his children are going through trials. Job’s example of submission to the will of God is sterling; he recognized that everything he had came from God, who had the right to take it back again. (Job 1:21) While Job did lament his situation and asked God many questions, at the end of the book God said, “Now I will ask YOU some questions.” He proceeded to ask so many deep, humanly unanswerable questions, displaying His sovereignty and perfection of wisdom and power over the universe, that all Job can say is “I am vile. What can I say? I will put my hand over my mouth.”
I agree with you about Job’s friends though. God said they had not spoken what was right about Him.
Laura says
Yes, you make a great point – Job is very encouraging in many ways. I guess I forgot to mention how the book ends! :)
Jenny says
I understand what Laura is coming from saying that it is depressing. Reading about someones trials, grief and suffering doesn’t exactly put a smile on your face. And at the same time you are right in saying that is is encouraging. I agree that it is a lesson of submission and of God’s power. You just can’t help but feel bad for him when reading this book and that is what is depressing. I don’t think the point of it is to seperate yourself from the human suffering.
Allison says
A terrific post! Thank you.
Casey Duncan says
Laura,
Our church book club read a fictional account of the book of Job – Love Amid the Ashes by Mesu Andrews. We all agreed it was worth reading if you are interested.
Jenny says
I agree that it is hard to just be a listener and pray. I am by nature a listener but at different points in my life I have felt the pressure from society to always have something to say and periodically felt guilt for being quiet. Thanks for this post. It puts things in God perspective
Shirley/EmptyNestHomemakers says
Good advice Laura. I appreciated the time when you and Matt were for our family.
There have been examples in my life in the past and until you wrote this, I’d forgotten them. Thanks for the article and the reminder that being there is better than anything you could say.
Kristie says
Lately, as my husband has been going through some hard times, I’ve felt the Spirit bringing to mind the bad example of Job’s wife. I never want to be the foolish woman who encourages my husband to curse God.
Lisa says
very well written & true..thanks Laura. My husband is suffering tremendously with Multiple System Atrophy & I am finding plenty of moments to just listen (bringing tears to my eyes as I write)..I have tremendous suffering myself with depression and other issues, so I relate to Job, and to my husband when he is discouraged. All we can do is suffer with, sometimes, be there for, and listen to.
A bit of trivia…when I first read the Bible, I thought the book of Job was a true account, but then I found out it is actually fiction.
Another thing I’ve learned in my travels is that the word “patient”‘s Latin root is “to suffer”, or “suffering”…so, for us to be “patient” with someone is also to “suffer” with them!
Sorry for the rambling..
Anonymous says
I’ve NEVER heard this before – that “the book of Job is actually fiction”. Where did you ever get this idea, if I may ask? I cannot for the life of me imagine why God would have this lengthy story included in his word if it were a fictional account! There are so many wonderful lessons to be learned from this that would be totally useless in my opinion. I have heard the supernatural events mentioned in scripture called “fiction” and scoffed at, but I believe that unless there is clear indication that it is a story we’re talking about, (then Jesus told a parable …) the Bible is a TRUE account, and it is ALL TRUE! Believe it all or believe nothing. There is no in-between.
Anonymous says
By the way, Job is mentioned elsewhere in the Bible – Ezekiel 14:20 and James 5:11, and I don’t think he would be held up as an example to us to persevere if he was a fictional character.
Kristie says
There are those who believe that Job is a fictional account, especially due to some difficulties in the text; however, there are plenty of people that believe the entire Bible is fictional. I personally, wholeheartedly believe (as do many conservative biblical scholars) that the book of Job is a true, non fiction account. No matter, I am glad that you have found comfort in the midst of your suffering by reading the book of Job and pray that God would continue to give you comfort and hope in the midst of these very trying circumstances. The biggest thing to take away from Job is that God is beyond our comprehension. He knows us intimately because he made us and everything around us. And he is GOOD!
stephanie says
Excellent post. It goes hand in hand with James 1:19. We should be quick to listen, slow to speak and anger. Some days, I think I need to tattoo (or write in Sharpie) this on my forearm as a constant reminder.
Kika@embracingimperfection says
I wrote a post along these lines a few days ago:
http://embracingimperfection.typepad.com/embracing-imperfection/2012/02/the-importance-of-being-heard-anxiety-panic-attacks.html
(if it is not ok to share a link let me know and I won’t do so again)
When considering my own past experiences with grief/friends and in reading books like Job, I am challenged to learn to shut-up and listen.
Espie says
I am a magpie. I overheard my husband tell my 9 year old son the other day “If your mother is quiet and using only a few words, listen! That means it is very serious.”
Janet says
I love the book of Job since it has such great friend advise and relational advise when it comes to talking with God also.
Carol says
I NEVER know what to say to a grieving friend so always just go give a hug and hold the hand and listen. Alwasy figure they don’t need nor want my babbling.
Nancy Snyder says
Thank you! This is one lesson I sorely need to learn. I want to ‘fix it’ instead of praying and letting God do His will thru a trial.
I will put this in my heart, my hand over my mouth, and remember this lesson.
Thank you again.
God Bless
Shannon says
My son and I are reading Job also. Just wanted to share a joke with you since it comes from Job. Your boys will probably appreciate it.
Who is the shortest man in the bible?
Bildad the Shuhite. :)
Lois says
Oh, you beat me to one of the best jokes! Our family is studying this book, and renamed the other friends Eliphaz the Termite, and Zophar he-hasn’t-said-anything-good. My son drew a cartoon of Job in his man cave, scraping his sores with potshard. From the other room, the voice of Mrs. Job comes: “Job, have you seen my good pot?” We cracked up.
Emmy Jay says
Excellent point. Job is a favorite book of mine. I couldnt help but notice the irony of how many words are on this page (mine now included) all in agreement that we need to stop using so many words. Hee hee
ahjirasa says
And they were doing so well too, I was totally inspired by the seven days of patience!
Also you are so right, I want to be a friend like that, one that can keep her trap shut, her ears open, and a prayer in her heart for the burden to be relieved for her friend.
I’m often full of advice which I think is useful but most likely I’m just adding salt to an open wound. Certainly you have given me something to contemplate about my friend. I thank you sincerely. May Allah/God continue to guide His creation ameen.
justpitchingmytent says
Great post!
Dawn(One Faithful Mom) says
Our favorite part is when Job tells his friends that when they aren’t talking they are being so wise. We always crack up at those verses!!
ahjirasa says
I dont know about the bible but Job is mentioned in the Quran, he is called Ayyub (may Allah’s peace be upon him). His account is that he suffered greatly, saying “Verily Shaitan (Satan) has touched me with distress (by ruining my health) and torment (by ruining my wealth)!38:41, and Allah responded with a cure for him and gave back to him “his family, and along with them the like thereof, as a Mercy from Us, and a Reminder for those who understand.38:43, saying of him, “Truly! We found him patient. How excellent a slave! Verily he was ever oft-returning in repentance (to Us)!”
So the entirety of Job’s story in the bible cant be fiction, no matter how you see it since it is independently confirmed in other scriptures (at least in the Quran and certainly in the stories related by the last Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him), however, i dont know the details of the story as none of us, nor the writers of the bible for that matter, were actually there to record word for word what was exchanged with his friends or the exact account of each sore/wound/suffering/difficulty.
Best not to delve to deeply in the detailed convo is my opiinon. the important thing is that he was a patient man in what of the Lord, and that when he invoked God’s help, he was answered immediately, and that he never lost faith in the Lord and that we can learn much from his actions, his patience, his reliance upon the Lord, etc.
It benefits us nothing nor does it add to our faith if we know exactly what was said or done etc. Focus on the lesson imparted, not the details that really do not add nor detract from our own lives, suffering is suffering and when the Lord says, he suffered greatly, well u can take it as solid gold that the man suffered greatly right… at least thats what we do:)
hope i made some sense in what i shared.
excellent post again i want to say, really:)
lol ps. i hope in this case it was ok to open my trap:)
Pam says
Laura, I pulled up your site today for totally another reason and read this entry. I have six children. A year ago just before Christmas my two youngest were involved in an accident on the way to school in which my youngest daughter, only 11, did not survive. We are a family of faith and have raised our children in a small Christ filled church family. We were surrounded by a supportive family, church family, friends, and community who also grieved. Our daughter was involved in everything and had such a love for the Lord. While we know where she is spending eternity all our hearts are still aching. In this process we’ve learned many things. To say too much is not helpful. People in their attempts to comfort, not knowing what to say, say things that are many times not helpful and at times more hurtful. To say and do NOTHING is worse. It leaves a grieving family cut off and completly alone. Send a card, pick up the phone, give them a hug, let them know you are still praying for them, grab their hand. Do something! No one will have the right answer. Our answers to our life questions will come when we are united with our Lord. Our grieving doesn’t end with a time frame so don’t stop remembering them and letting them know you are still praying for them. Personally, I have been encouraged throught the year by Job. We have had many trials and several other family members in car accidents through the year on top of our grieving. In the times we are feeling like Job we still praise our Lord just as he did and know we are and will continue to be blessed by serving our Lord.
Janelle says
Reading this post brought back memories of when my mom died. I was nineteen, and just finishing up my freshman year of college. When my mom passed away it seemed like all my “friends” disappeared, which I later found out was because they didn’t know how to act around me. Oh, how nice it would have been if they just came over and sat with me! When you don’t know what to say, just don’t say anything. Sometimes just being there is more than enough.