Heavenly Homemakers

Encouraging women in homemaking, healthy eating and parenting

Lead Me…A Prayer for Your Marriage

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I’ve been giving a lot of thought lately to marriage, in particular we can help our husbands be godly leaders and the kind of men we need and desire them to be. I know many of you have experienced a lot of hurt and disappointment in your marriage. Many of you want your husbands to step up and be a stronger spiritual leader in your home. 

Whether your husband is leading your family the way he should be or not, I thought you might enjoy this song that touched me heart recently.  I told you that listening to music ministers to me!  When I heard the the words of Lead Me, by Sanctus Real, I fell in love with the message.

I realize this song is directed more to men…as encouragement to let God lead them as they strive to lead their families. Maybe you’ll have an opportunity to share this song with your husband. Plus, I thought it would give us all some great words to pray as we ask the Lord to help our husbands be strong and to meet our needs. I’ve been using the words of this song to pray for several of our friends who are struggling in their marriages.

In addition and maybe more importantly, I think this song can be a heart check for each of us as wives. Are we being the kind of wife our husband needs? Are we loving our children the way we should be? Are we letting our husbands lead? Are we fulfilling the roles in the home that we should be? Do our husbands and children feel supported by us, or do they feel alone?

Just a few things to think about and pray over…

And no matter what, always remember that God is in control and that he loves you and is holding you up.

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Becoming a Better Help Meet: GET HELP!!!

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I had another Help Meet post all sweetly written up to encourage you to empower your husband to be better. But that one is going to have to wait.

You know why? Because there are marriages all around me that are hurting and falling apart. If I hear of one more marriage break up from people that I love and care about, I’m just going to scream! Right now I’m mad. I’m mad and I’m sad and my heart is broken. I’m mad at Satan for destroying marriages and I’m mad at couples for letting Satan do what he loves and is so good at doing. Christians and non-Christians alike are letting Satan win. Stop it. Stop it!!! Stop it!!!!!

If your marriage is less than wonderful…you don’t get to cop out. You DON’T! You don’t get to say, “Laura, I know what the Bible says…but you just don’t know what I’ve been through in my marriage.”

You know what I keep hearing from couples who are deciding to split up? “We’ve had trouble for years.” “There have been issues in our marriage for years.” “We’ve always had really difficult things to work through in our marriage.” 

Oh, really? You’ve had trouble for years? How shocking! Name one married couple that hasn’t “had trouble for years”! Everyone always thinks their troubles are harder to work through than anyone else’s troubles. And so…working through them just doesn’t seem like an option.

You want to know why your marriage is difficult?  It’s because marriage is difficult!  It’s because two sinners married each other and have to try to figure out how to live together in harmony with God in the center. Satan hates what you’re trying to do and he’s going to do everything he can to destroy you. It’s a spiritual battle. So yes, THAT is difficult.

If your marriage is in ANY kind of trouble…PLEASE GET HELP! Before it’s too late. Too many couples are ashamed or embarrassed or too full of pride to ask for help. Then they are divorced before anyone who loves them has a chance to help. Please, please don’t do that. I beg you.

Asking for help is hard. Asking for help means you may face the opportunity to be convicted of your own sin. Or be asked to offer forgiveness to your spouse. Or to let go of bitterness. Or to change something difficult about the way you are living. Those things are going to be gut-wrenchingly difficult. Awful. Painful.

But who are you living for?  If you’re living for yourself, then by all means go right ahead and give up on your marriage. If you’re living for yourself, it won’t matter to you how much you hurt your children, your friends, your family, your church and your spouse. As long as you feel like you are going to be “better off”, then go ahead and do whatever you want to do.

But if you are truly striving to live for Jesus, I’m going to beg you to please let go of yourself and all the fears you have about forgiveness and change…and please humbly accept help.

I’ve watched some of my friends walk through extremely difficult marital issues…and they survived! Their marriages have been in the trenches…and with God’s incredible strength…they have dug themselves out and come out on the other side with a new marriage to each other! It’s been beautiful to watch! They wanted to quit. They wanted to leave. But they worked and they fought and they sweated and they cried and they learned how to let go of the bondage that was keeping them from the kind of joy God purposes for a marriage. They did it and so can you!!

Please let God help heal your marriage. Your children deserve your hard work and so do you. 

Disclaimers and some of the “Yeah Buts”:  Please know that I’m not writing to condemn anyone. I know some of you  have been through tremendous trials in your marriage. I know some of you are divorced. Some of you have endured physical abuse. Some of you had spouses who refused to stay married to you no matter how hard you tried or what you did to make it work. Some of you needed to get out of a marriage because your children were being sexually abused. I really am writing this post because while those are legitimate reasons to split, those reasons are VERY FEW, and the issues I’ve heard of recently are SO VERY FIXABLE!!! And that is why my heart cried out in this post.

And now, I’m going to go hug and appreciate my precious husband. If we’ve learned anything by watching friends and loved ones break up and divorce, it has been that we MUST go to great lengths to protect and nurture our marriage together. My husband and I are prayerfully clinging to one another right now…and I’d like to encourage you and your spouse to do the same. Your marriage depends on it.

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Becoming a Better Help Meet: He Can’t Read Your Mind

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I remember the first time we celebrated my birthday as a married couple. It was one of the most disappointing days. Growing up, my mom had always made my birthday all about me. I would wake up to gifts and a special breakfast. We usually went out for a lovely lunch. I got to pick what I wanted for dinner and we all celebrated with a cake.

So naturally, Matt should have known all of that. He should have thought ahead and planned ahead and baked me a big cake and planned the whole day around me because hello…it was my birthday.

I believe the day went something like this:  I did not wake up to presents or a special breakfast. Lunch? Well that would depend on what I chose to make. There was no cake. Matt didn’t even mention my birthday until late afternoon when he said something like, “I have to go out for a little while because I haven’t had a chance to shop for your present yet. What do you want for your birthday?”

What do I want? What do I WANT? I WANT you to know what I want! I want you to spend hours thinking about how to make my day special and about what would be a wonderful and romantic gift for me. And what do you mean you “haven’t had time to shop yet”? You had 364 days to shop!

Mature, wasn’t I?  Expecting a little too much from my new husband? Um, yeah. Especially since I hadn’t expressed one bit of my desires to him in the first place. I didn’t want to have to tell him what I wanted. That wouldn’t have been romantic at all. I wanted him to just KNOW what I wanted. I expected him to create a magical day for me when he had no idea what I had expected. His birthdays growing up had been much more “low key” than mine had been. He didn’t know that the world had to stop and that everything had to revolve around me on my birthday. 

That’s just a silly little example of how not sharing our needs or desires with our husbands can cause unnecessary frustration. But the big point is this:  Our husbands can NOT read our minds.  Your husband probably has no idea what you want until you tell him. 

Hey, you can’t read his mind either. This marriage thing takes communication. 

If you want your husband to help you more around the house, you need to tell him. And you need to be specific. You can’t just say, “I need you to help me more around the house.” He’s likely to look around the house, feel completely overwhelmed and not help at all. Remember, he can’t read your mind. He probably wants to help you, he just doesn’t know what it is that you need help with. While YOU see the pile of laundry that needs to be folded, don’t assume that he KNOWS that you want him to fold it. Instead of, “I need you to help me” say something along the lines of, “Hey, would you be able to get those clothes folded for me sometime this afternoon?” (And then you give him a flirty look, a smile and a wink – but that’s another post for another day.)

Don’t just sit around waiting for him to figure out what you need or desire. He doesn’t know. He’s probably not insensitive and uncaring. He just doesn’t know. Because your husband can not read your mind.

If you expect your husband to read your mind and instinctively know what you want…you are going to be constantly disappointed. Disappointment can lead to resentment. Which can lead to bitterness. Which can lead to a big sinful mess. The kind of sinful mess that rests in your heart, not in his.

Gently and lovingly share your needs with your husband. Be specific. Think about what you are going to say before you say it. Decide if it truly is a need (or just a selfish desire). Express yourself calmly. DON’T NAG. 

Which leads me to this:  Even if you share your needs with your husband in all the right ways…he still may not be able to (or willing to) meet all of them. You may be able to try talking through it with him again another time. You may be able to express yourself differently to help him understand what you need. Or, this may just be a time to shut-up and pray.

And through prayer, you will learn that there’s only One who can truly meet all of your needs sufficiently. And joy of joys…He can indeed read your mind. :)

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Becoming a Better Help Meet: Expectations

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When we got married, we had quite a few expectations about what we thought marriage would be like. 

I personally had quite a blissful view of what it would be like to be a wife and homemaker. My kitchen would always be clean. My chores would always bring me joy. I would always be rested, organized and cheerful. My husband would always say and do exactly the things I needed and wanted him to say and do. We would have beautiful children who were well behaved and quiet and who never argued. Oh, and of course, some of those beautiful children would be of the girl variety.

Fifteen and a half years later, I am a (very happily married) woman with a frequently dirty kitchen and a large list of unfinished chores that occasionally make me feel very grumpy. I could use a nap and I have to pray and put forth quite an effort to continually be cheerful. My husband certainly doesn’t always say and do exactly what I need him or want him to do. None of my children are of the girl variety…and hardly ever are they quiet.

Am I disappointed with all of these expectations that have gone unfulfilled? No way.  I’m still doing everything I always wanted to do…I’m just living within the realm of reality now. The fact that God gave us four boys has been joyful beyond my wildest dreams. I could never keep a perfect house because well…we’re all living in it. My husband can’t possibly say everything and do everything perfectly because as great as he is, he is also human and for goodness sake..sometimes I don’t even know what I want. How is he supposed to know? 

You know the way life always turns out so perfectly in books that you read and movies that you watch? Yeah…those aren’t real!!  Books and movies are stories written by people. I have to be very careful when I’m reading a good Christian fiction book that I don’t suddenly become dissatisfied with my own husband and my own life. Somehow the main male character in those books knows exactly what his woman needs and wants and always says the perfect thing. (Funny isn’t it that these books are usually written by WOMEN!)

I am going to suggest then that while we absolutely should aim high and desire a wonderful life with a wonderful man of God…we also need to recognize that there is no such thing as a perfect life with a perfect man. If there was a perfect man out there…he wouldn’t be choosing the likes of me because well…I’m not perfect.

I have more to say about expectations, specifically with our husbands, but I’ll share that another time.

For now I’ll stop with the simple idea that as a help meet to our husbands we need to learn to be joyful while we live lives that are less than perfect.  Lives that may include spills, mistakes, socks on the floor, stains on the rug, bad breath, hurt, death, sickness, sore backs, misplaced documents, dried out markers, toilet seats left up, squishy bananas under the table and lost library books.

Embrace the life God gave you with the husband you chose. Let go of perfect expectations…and choose JOY!

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Becoming a Better Help Meet: Pray for Your Husband (+ a Giveaway!!)

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Be sure to catch up on the rest of this series here.

Last time, we talked about working hard to make sure our relationship with God is strong and alive so that we can be readily equipped to meet the needs of our husband.

Today, let’s talk about praying for our husbands.

Besides making sure your relationship with God is what it should be, praying for your husband is one of the most important things you can do as his help meet. You may not be able to change anything about your husband. You may not be able to help your husband be successful at his work. You may not be able to make your husband become a stronger spiritual leader.

But God can.

God loves your husband more than you do. God wants your husband to be spiritually minded. God wants your husband to love Him and serve Him. God wants your husband to meet your needs and the needs of your family.

You can talk to your husband about these desires. You can hurt for your husband when he struggles. You can encourage your husband to do more of the things you want him to do. You can beg your husband to become more of the man you want him to be.

But most of the time, you just need to shut-up and pray.

Love your husband. Respect your husband. Take care of your husband’s physical needs. Listen to your husband. Be kind to your husband. 

And pray for your husband.

Pray for his role as a father. Pray for his role as your husband. Pray for his work. Pray for his other relationships. Pray for his struggles. Pray for his weaknesses. Pray for his strengths. Pray for his spiritual growth. 

The prayer of a righteous [wo]man is powerful and effective.  (Read James 5:13-18.)
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Going right along with this idea of praying for our husbands…Taraleigh of FBS Books (take note of her sponsorship button on my sidebar) is offering to give away one of the books from her shop, Prayers of an Excellent Wife. 

prayers_of_an_excellent_wife

Prayers of an Excellent Wife appears to be a fantastic resource to help us learn the art of praying for our husbands consistently, faithfully and according to scripture.

I’d like to encourage you to take a good look around FBS Books as it is filled with wonderful resources!! Thank you so much Taraleigh for offering to share Prayers of an Excellent Wife with one of my readers! This book is sure to be a blessing!
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For a chance to win a copy of Prayers of an Excellent Wife:

  1. Leave a comment here on this post letting us know something you pray for your husband about (or would like to begin praying for him about).
  2. For a second chance at winning a copy of this book, join me in becoming a facebook fan of FBS books! This will be a great way to keep up to date with their sales and new products! Once you become a fan, be sure to leave a second comment here letting me know!

Everyone sign up to win this book…then get on your knees for your husband. Your marriage will be blessed as a result! Thank God for the chance to lift our needs up to Him!

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Becoming a Better Help Meet to Your Husband

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It has been placed on my heart to write a series about how we can each be a better help meet to our husbands.

You can be assured that as I felt God urging me to write it…I tried very hard to argue with Him (which we all know is always so very effective). 

My arguments included:

  • Don’t I need to be some super-wife to write a series like that? 
  • Don’t I need to wait until my  husband and I have been married for like 147 years or so before I write something like that? 
  • Don’t I need to have a special degree in marriage and family and blissful marital bondedness? 
  • Don’t I need to wait until I’ve learned to always be gracious and sweet and loving and patient and I don’t know…nearly perfect…to write a series like that?
  • And what about that one very specific thing that God created only for married people to do? You know what I’m talking about? Mmhmm…that. I’ve never mentioned that on my blog. How am I supposed to talk about that? If I do this series, I’ll have to address that a time or two since that is a pretty important part of marriage and being a help meet. 

After much arguing…the score chalked up to be:

Laura – Zero, start typing.
God – One, but don’t worry I’ll help you.

And so, it is with much prayer and humility that I begin this series. 

I know that not all of you are married yet. I know that some of you are divorced or widowed. I know that some of you are in difficult marriages. I know that some of you might disagree with part of what I share.

Please understand that I’m writing what God has put on my heart. I’m writing only from my experiences. I’m writing without any training or degree in this area. I’m writing based on what I’ve read in God’s Word. I’m writing as one dishpan-handed wife to another.

I’m writing because our marriages are sacred and holy. Our marriages deserve to be preserved, honored, rescued and treasured.

What better way to Make our Homes Heavenly than through our marriages!

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!