Heavenly Homemakers

Encouraging women in homemaking, healthy eating and parenting

Chatting With Lisa Whelchel about “Friendship for Grown-ups” + a Giveaway!!

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This post wraps up my interview time with Lisa. If you missed them, be sure to catch the rest of the interview posts:

Here is the final question I asked…

Me:

I’ve been reading your newest book, Friendship for Grown-ups. I’ve really enjoyed how you’ve opened up and shared your story and your struggles with being real and honest about your feelings and needs with your friends.

Why do you think women are so afraid to be real and open and vulnerable with other women about their struggles and sins?

Lisa:

We feel like we’re supposed to be perfect like Jesus. We act like everything is fine because we think it’s the right thing to do. We feel like we’re letting God down if we admit failure. But when we do this, we miss out on connection and grace. Are we trying to earn salvation through works, or are we accepting that we are sinners who need grace?

Laura’s follow-up thoughts…and also, let me tell you about Lisa’s new book…and also, maybe you could even win a copy! ;)

whelchel 

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Lisa Whelchel’s latest book, Friendship for Grown-ups! I anticipated that it would be a book to encourage moms to maintain great friendships as we raise our kids. Yeah, I was wrong. It really didn’t have anything to do with maintaining my friendships while I’m raising my kids. This book really is about what true and godly friendship is all about, no matter what season you are in your life.

Friendship for Grown-ups is about breaking down walls. It’s about being real. It’s about setting boundaries. It’s about being a friend and accepting friendship. It’s about being open and honest.

Oh my, is it ever about being honest. Being honest with yourself, and being honest with the people God puts in your life to love on you. Lisa shares some of her biggest struggles through her years as a child star and how that shaped who she became as an adult. Through the years, Lisa built some gignormous walls that were ever so hard to break down. But she…

Wait a second.  I think I’m saying too much. I think I should stop and just really, really recommend that you read Friendship for Grown-ups. 

As Lisa shares her story in her latest book, you’ll find that you get to know her on a much more personal level. While reading this book, I felt like Lisa became my friend, even as she taught me what godly friendship should be about. That happens when someone opens up and shares from the deep, painful places in her heart. That’s exactly what Lisa did. You will be blessed by reading her story and by hearing how God worked in her life and gently led her into whole and healthy friendships.

I just so happen to have five copies of Friendship for Grown-ups to share!! (Well, I actually have six copies but one of them is mine and I’m keeping it to re-read another few times during the next few years!!)

If you are interested in winning one of the five copies of Friendship for Grown-ups, by Lisa Whelchel…please leave a comment at the end of this post! Receive extra chances to win by subscribing to my blog, or tweeting/blogging/facebooking about this giveaway, or by becoming a fan of Heavenly Homemakers on facebook. Leave a separate comment for each entry!

I’ll draw five random winners on Monday!

I’d like to give a big thank you to Thomas Nelson Publishing for this great opportunity to read Friendship for Grown-Ups, visit with Lisa on the phone and share more of her books with my readers!!

This giveaway is now closed…thanks!

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Chatting With Lisa Whelchel (about marriage)

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I’ve read Lisa’s ideas about parenting…I’ve read her thoughts on friendship…but I’ve never read her insights on marriage. And so I asked…

Me:

I’m currently writing a series on my blog encouraging wives in their journey as a help meet to their husbands. What is something practical you’ve done to help your husband be a better father, husband, man of God?

Lisa:

Well, can I share something with you that I wish I would have done better and understood earlier? 

It’s about balance. I’d read all the books about being a great help meet and I implemented all the right things. But somehow as I was offering all that I thought a good wife should be…I stopped offering myself.

If we change ourselves too much to be their help meet, we can make it too easy for our husbands and they can’t grow. We have to be honest – that’s what being a good help meet is.

Laura’s follow-up thoughts:

Eek, my notes as I scrawled frantically during my interview with Lisa were beginning to look rather scary at this point. I was trying so hard to listen well and write at the same time, but your guess is as good as mine about what I meant when I wrote, “use uhs as a good opp”. Huh? If you recall, this entire interview took place in fifteen minutes time. There was not time for neat penmanship.

Anyway, what I THINK Lisa was wisely saying to us is that being a good help meet doesn’t mean that we’re to just completely give up on what we need and desire in our marriage, just to make our husbands happy. We have to be honest and tell our husbands what we need, otherwise they can’t grow into the husband God desires them to be. 

I think that there are wonderful “be a better help meet” books out there, but I do often feel overwhelmed and inadequate after reading them. That’s part of the reason I started writing my own series about becoming a better help meet…to try to be real and practical…hopefully, sort of. 

So yes, being a good wife doesn’t mean that I should give up on who I am so that my  husband’s world will happily and smoothly go around. It does mean that I sometimes give up what I want. It does mean that I put his needs before my own. It does mean that I love him with all my heart and work very hard to meet his needs.

But meeting his needs may mean that I challenge him to improve his life and to work to better meet my needs. I’m only truly being his help meet if I am helping him become a better man of God.

I think this help meet thing calls for a lot of prayers for wisdom.

What do you think?

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Chatting With Lisa Whelchel (about raising teenagers)

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Yesterday I shared what Lisa Whelchel had to say about raising little ones. Her kids are all grown up now (her youngest just graduated), and because I really wanted to know for my own sake (and for yours too of course), I decided to ask her about raising teens.

Me:

Our oldest son just became a teenager. We’re enjoying this “new season of life” as we learn to raise a teen and also feel like we have no idea what we’re doing (much like we didn’t have any idea what we were doing when we started raising babies!). You had three teenagers all at once. What were some of the joys and challenges you faced as you raised your teens, and what advice might you give to parents on this journey?

Lisa:

As your kids become teenagers, you really have to start loosening the grip you have…you can’t control them like you did with they were seven and eight years old. It’s natural for them to try to separate themselves from you and experiment with life as they figure out who they are. 

This is hard because as a parent, you see the bigger picture and you want to protect them from heartache. But over-protecting can stifle what they are learning. You need to be open handed. You need to tell yourself, “I have been the parent, I have taught them well. Now I need to trust God to let them use what I’ve taught them as they grow into adulthood.”

Me: 

Tell me a little bit about your kids now that they are young adults. What are some of the great qualities you see in them – what do you love about your kids? 

Lisa:

I’ll start with my youngest, Clancy. I really just enjoy talking to her. We love to have coffee together in the mornings and just talk. She’s just wonderful and I just enjoy her so much.

Haven is my older daughter. I admire her so much. She is amazing at seeing the big picture. She plans margins in her life, which shows wisdom beyond her years. 

Tucker was the hardest to raise, yet he’s who I’ve learned the most from and I respect him so much. He’s honest about everything and not a pretender. I had a hard time with that as he was growing up because that could sometimes come across in him as “not being a good boy”. I’m glad I didn’t snuff that out of him. He’s creative…not a rule follower.

I love how although I am the parent, I am able to learn so much from my kids.

Laura’s (very few) follow-up thoughts (as I have only been the parent of a teenager for approximately 39 days):

I am really beginning to understand the idea of “loosening the grip” as I’m watching Asa naturally work his way toward more independence. Matt and I feel like our biggest job now is to walk alongside and guide him as he grows into adulthood. 

That, and pray for God to guide us as we walk a path we’ve never walked before. ;)

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Chatting With Lisa Whelchel (about raising little ones)

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I had the blessed opportunity to spend exactly 15 minutes on the phone with Lisa Whelchel on Thursday morning. It was an honor for me and here’s why:  Lisa’s book, Creative Correction, was life changing for me as a mama. 

I first read it when my kids were all little bitty guys. Reading Creative Correction helped me understand that my job was NOT to raise good kids just so that I could feel good about being a good mom. Somehow I hadn’t figured that out yet. I was very focused at that time on making sure my kids obeyed and acted the way they should (not a bad thing to focus on) BUT my motive was simply that I wanted to look good and not be embarrassed as a mother. Good kids meant I was a good mom, right?

creative

Creative Correction opened my eyes to the fact that my goal as I was raising my boys was to teach them about Jesus. To instill Godly behavior in them and a heart for Christ. To teach them scripture and a love for the Lord. It had nothing to do with ME at all. 

I was so grateful for the chance to tell Lisa “thank you” phone to phone. It was truly a delight.

Over the course of the next few days, I’ll be sharing parts of my conversation with Lisa. I appreciate all the great question ideas you sent my way and well…I have to apologize because while they were on my list…fifteen minutes goes very quickly and I barely had a chance to get through many questions at all. Hopefully you’ll all enjoy hearing what she had to say, even if it didn’t answer your specific question! Here’s the first question I asked Lisa…

Me:

“You had three babies in three years…many of my readers are in that season of life right now trying to juggle life with lots of little ones. What encouragement can you offer moms with little ones?”

Lisa:

“I’d say do as little as possible outside of being a mom. Don’t put your kids in a bunch of activities. Don’t be involved yourself in a lot of extra activities. You don’t need to try to lead a Bible study…don’t even go to a bunch of Bible studies if getting there takes too much out of you. There are so many good things to do, but you may need to give up even some of the good things you’re interested in doing so that you can do what you need to do for your family. Raising little ones takes a lot out of us and if we give a lot of our energy to outside things, we don’t have anything left for our family. This is a short season in life…later you can do more of the other things you feel are important, but right now raising your little ones is the most important. Spend time putting a bunch of meals in the freezer once a month so that all you have to do is heat something up for dinner and not spend time putting gourmet food on the table every night. Do everything you can to eliminate what is not necessary so that you can focus your energy on what is necessary.”

Laura’s follow-up thoughts:

I remember struggling to get out of the door by 9:30 for a Ladies’ Bible Study each Thursday morning when my boys were tiny (nursing, in diapers, potty training…). I don’t remember a thing about what we studied during those years. What I do remember is feeling like I wanted to CRY every single Thursday by the time I finally got there (late) and fought my kids to get into the nursery. Don’t even get me started on how much it wrecked their nap schedule and threw the entire day off and created a lot of grouchiness (the kids were usually grouchy too).

Why did I keep doing it week after week? Because it was “a good thing to do”. Because I felt like I should. Because I didn’t want to let the other ladies down. I don’t completely regret going…I formed some wonderful relationships with many of the older women from church. However, could I have cut myself some slack during those years? Could I have instead worked in some quiet Bible study at home by myself during their morning nap? Might I have saved my children from having a worn out, grumpy mom every Thursday afternoon and Friday morning (because I would then be behind on other things.)? Maybe so.

I think it’s good to look at the reasons we do what we’re doing, no matter what season in life we are in. What IS best for my family right now? What do I need to eliminate so that I can be the best wife and mom I can be? I’d love for you all to share your thoughts on this topic!

P.S. You know I agreed with Lisa’s statement about putting a bunch of food in the freezer for easy warm up!! :)

Coming up next:  Lisa talks about raising teenagers and having young adult children

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