Heavenly Homemakers

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Fill the New Year with Prayer: For Your Marriage, For Your Kids

January 11, 2018 by Laura Leave a Comment

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

23 years of being a wife and 20 years of being a mother have taught me this: Constant surrendered prayer for my marriage and for my kids is not just the best option; it is the only option.

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I have spent so much time and energy worrying over these people. Physical worry (can I keep them alive?) and spiritual worry (will they choose Jesus forever?). This has resulted in nothing but anxiety and fear, pain and discouragement. That’s why God tells us not to worry, which baffles us all as we say, “Lord! I’m trying! I don’t want to worry, but still, I worry.” And then we worry about worrying. Good times.

Hope for Peace

When my anxiety reached its peak a few years ago, when I was so overcome with worry, regret, and fear over helping my kids through their teen years and launching them out of the nest, when I was so distracted by the lies of the enemy that I couldn’t hear truth, when I turned all my angst onto my husband and started blaming him for all that wasn’t perfect – I found I had no choice but to seek help.

Help from others. And most importantly, help from the Father. Thus began a journey that can be described as both painful (because broken hearts hurt) and beautiful (because God heals broken hearts).

Never before had I truly surrendered myself to God. I’d been spending too much time striving to be right and do right and act right – you know, as if my right-ness would save me and produce a family who would choose right too. When I continued to fail at being right, the worry took over and completely crippled me.

God beautifully broke my heart to teach me that His peace and salvation don’t come from a person’s right-ness. Peace, hope, and salvation come from His righteousness. This righteousness can be ours, because of Jesus, praise God!

I love God so much. He is gentle, faithful, and if we can even begin to understand and accept His perfect and glorious love for us, peace, hope, and JOY will bubble right on out of our beautifully mended hearts!

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When I fall back on my own flesh, the anxiety comes back. When I trust the Spirit’s work and surrender my walk with Him, I am instead filled with the joy, peace, and love our Father promises.

Will you join me in this place of peace and joy? It begins and ends in surrendered prayer.

I wrote A Surrendered Heart Mini-eCourse and The Prayer Mugs Prayer Journal as a result of all I am learning through this journey of learning to truly surrender and trust God.

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A Surrendered Heart is written for wives as they pray God’s will in their marriage and truly give their husbands over to Him. The Prayer Mugs is written for mothers as they learn to fully trust God with their kids. I am so incredibly grateful for what God has been teaching me about surrendering my husband, marriage, kids, and life to Him daily. I know this journey of learning and growing won’t end until my time on earth is over. So while I’m here, I must daily give my heart to the God who promises goodness and hope.

Let’s surrender together. Let’s embrace the hope God gives. He doesn’t just promise it, He truly gives it! Peace is a gift that is absolutely ours, every single moment, every single day. Our only job is to accept the gift. To fill our hearts with Truth from His Word. To pray in confidence, knowing that God faithfully gives His good gifts to His children without holding anything back!

Prayer for your Marriage, Prayer for your Kids

A Surrendered Heart Mini-eCourse and The Prayer Mugs Prayer Journal are resources I’d love for you to have as you spend time in the Word, as you spend time in prayer, and as you grow with me in our journey in learning to trust and accept God’s gifts of peace and joy.

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When purchased separately, these downloadable and printable scripture studies and prayer journals cost a total of $30. For the next five days, we are packaging them together and offering them for a total of only $20!

Get your New Year off to a prayer-filled start. Surrender your spouse and marriage to the Father. Let go of fear and anxiety over your children’s welfare and your parenting struggles. Truly give your marriage and children over to the perfect care of our Heavenly Father! Join me in this place of peace in Jesus.

Our Heavenly Homemaker’s Club Members have access to this amazing resource plus ALL of our eBooks, eCurriculum, printables, and so much more – for one very low price! Join us here!

Or purchase separately below:

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Pray for your Marriage and Picks Package Discount

This discount will be offered through Wednesday, January 17. Grab them now, download and print them, open your Bible, find your favorite pen, and get down on your knees. There is so much joy and peace here. Join me.

Our Heavenly Homemaker’s Club Members have access to this amazing resource plus ALL of our eBooks, eCurriculum, printables, and so much more – for one very low price! Join us here!

Or purchase separately below:

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Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Hope for the {Tired} Married Women

October 22, 2017 by Laura Leave a Comment

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

I have something for you today, and it’s rather time sensitive, so I’ll talk fast.

The best resource I’ve found to bless Christian women in the bedroom is Sheila Gregoire’s Boost Your Libido eCourse. It’s scripture based, and professionally, beautifully and sensitively put together. To be sure, because this blesses the wife, it also blesses the husband, which of course blesses the entire household. Not that my teenagers want to think about this aspect of their parent’s lives {shudder}.

boost your libido

I’m bringing up this topic in the midst of the normal recipes and homemaking encouragement I share because if you’re a married gal this, too, is a part of heavenly homemaking.

I mentioned Sheila’s eCourse a few months ago because it was a part of the 2017 Ultimate Homemaking Bundle, which gave us all a big discount on this resource! I’m mentioning it again now to remind all who bought it then to dust it off and take another look for some great encouragement and guidance.

And if you didn’t buy it then, I wanted to let you know that the 2017 UHB is back for a quick flash sale today and tomorrow! (October 23-24).

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The blessings of this eCourse are many, so take advantage of getting it at a big discount! The course alone costs $39, but you can get it plus 105 other homemaking resources right now for just $29.97. It’s tough to beat!

Truly, buy the bundle just so you can get the Boost Your Libido eCourse for 10 bucks off. The rest is gravy. Frosting. Cream. Apparently I’m hungry.

BONUS

If you buy the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle through my links during this flash sale, I’ll give you my gorgeous Surrendered Heart Mini eCourse for FREE. Yep! It’s worth $12, and I want you to have both of these great resources to bless your marriage! (This is likely the final time I will offer this for free.)

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What great gifts you’ll be giving your marriage!

So let’s review:

Ultimate Homemaking Bundle Flash Sale

Once you purchase the bundle, shoot me an email ([email protected]) and I’ll send you the Surrendered Heart Packet!

The links in this post are my affiliate links.

P.S. This offer ends Tuesday, October 24!

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

The Absolute Worst Time to Make a Grocery List

April 30, 2017 by Laura 1 Comment

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

Ok, Ladies. Today we’re gonna get real. Is it too much information? I don’t think so. I think this is worth discussing candidly. (At least today I’m not mentioning my gas. Be proud.)

So here we go.

The worst time to make a grocery list

One of my claims to fame is that I’m a great multi-tasker. This is especially apparent at my house, I believe, because I live in a household with five men and I am the lone female. So while each of my men-folk are often focusing on, and executing, one task at a time, I’m over in the kitchen knocking out twelve.

I’ve always seen this as a blessing for productivity but lately, not so much.

My brain is tired.

Matt can multi-task too, but he’s also much better at focusing than I am. Sometimes I watch Matt doing his one thing, thinking of only that one thing, not hearing the kids arguing in the background, not noticing the grime under the cabinet, not considering a potential problem with the plans we made for tomorrow, not seeing the stuff on the stairs that needs to be taken up and put away – and I’m like, “Man, I wish I could do that.”

I really do. Sometimes I long for the ability to just be in the moment, instead of thinking of past moments, potential moments, just in case moments, long term moments, and also dinner every night for the rest of our lives.

My brain wears me out sometimes. I want it to sssshhhhh every once in a while. Is this just me? Is your brain as loud as mine?

God wired women and men differently, on purpose, for a purpose. This is a good thing. Figuratively speaking, men’s brains are usually better at “pulling out one drawer at a time, closing it, then pulling out another.” Meanwhile, we women might find ourselves with all of our drawers pulled open at once, with items overflowing and toppling out, sometimes struggling to find where one ends and the other begins.

Both gifts are beneficial. Both have their limitations. Truly God is good in how He makes us different, with strengths and weaknesses that compliment one another.

So, the multitasking…

I’m grateful for the ability to get several things done at once. I’m also grateful to be learning my need for regular rest periods so I can help keep my brain from overloading and exploding all over the living room.

But, still, why can I not shut down my brain every time I want to?! (And here’s where it gets real…)

There are times I’m making a grocery list, or a to-do list, or thinking of a good blog post topic, or perhaps all of the above…

In the bedroom. (What?!) Yes. And let’s just say there are no notebooks or pens around and this is not the time to be making a grocery list. Do you follow what I’m saying?

I thought something was wrong with me. I’d be fine and in the moment, then suddenly my brain would shift to “I need to be sure I don’t forget to pick up cat food.” I decided I belonged in Crazy Town.

I thought I was the only one who did this. After all, this isn’t something I discuss with my friends. Who wants to admit to any other human being that they sometimes choose the worst time in the world to start thinking about laundry detergent (also did I remember to sign my kids’ waver and get it in on time, how should I answer that email, and I wonder if the shoes got put away downstairs).

Crazy. Town.

I have felt bad about this for years.

Then I made my way to Lesson Three in the Boost Your Libido eCourse I told you about recently – and suddenly Sheila was describing my brain as if she had been inside it (love her, be my new BFF, Sheila G.)! I did not know this but apparently, in regard to how a woman’s brain works:

I am normal.

Can you relate to any of this? Have you ever made a grocery list or any other list at the very wrong time?

Women do this naturally. It doesn’t mean something is wrong, and it definitely doesn’t mean that we should give up on special time with our husband (and instead head out to the grocery store).

What I love most about Sheila is that not only did she assure me that the way my brain works is normal, she followed up by giving tips to help my focus stay in the bedroom and off of the cat food. Her tips all make so much sense! I can do this! I am doing them, in fact.

Hallelujah!

So, my fellow multi-tasking friends – if you can relate to anything I just said, know that you are not alone, nor are you crazy.

Best news you’ve heard all day, huh?

I think it’s important to share truths like this with one another, even though it might feel a little bit awkward at first to bring it up. This is even better than talking about my gas, don’t you think?

I highly recommend the Boost Your Libido eCourse, which you can find here.

And while we’re on the topic of marriage, I will point you to a resource I created that has been fantastic for helping me love my husband God’s way: A Surrendered Heart. Get all the details about this Mini eCourse here.

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Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

That Time My Husband Gave Me Gas

April 26, 2017 by Laura 10 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

There are some gifts a husband can give to a wife (and vice-versa) that are a win-win all around. Take the time my husband gave me gas. Best. Gift. Ever.

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You all know I’m talking about the time Matt installed my new oven with a gas hook-up, right? Okay, I figured that was obvious. What else could it be? Just in case you’ve forgotten the details though, let me give you a refresher:

Remember how my very old and over-used stove/oven finally gave out last year? Matt tried to fix it again for the many-eth time, sighed, and finally gave up. Then he looked up at me from his precarious half-in-half-out-of-the-oven floor post while holding the recently removed heating element and said, “Well, Babe. You want to go shopping for a new oven?”

Do I?

Flirting with my hunky repairman for a moment I said, “While we’re at it, you wanna know what my dream oven would be?” Of course he wanted to know, in as much detail as possible, no doubt. So I told him, “I want a white double oven – so I can make twice the amount of food in half the time. Just think of it! And also…

“I really want gas.”

Yep, every girl’s dream.

I knew it was a long shot. In fact, I really assumed it was an impossible shot. I mean, how can a girl get gas when her kitchen only has an electric hook-up?

Ah. Well apparently the girl has to know the right repairman. It also helps if the house already has gas hooked up in other areas of the home. These are only a few of the gas facts I have learned since that day.

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Here she is, the day we brought her home.

My husband went to our basement and found our gas line. And who am I kidding right now? I have no idea what all he did to give me the gift of gas. I just know that he heard my dream and he cared enough to make it happen even though it was not an easy job.

You see now, don’t you, how this is such a win-win?

Every day, multiple times a day, I use my beautiful gas double oven with gas range. And every day, Matt enjoys the tasty bounty that comes out of these ovens and off of the stove-top. I’m happy. He’s happy. He didn’t have to do go to the trouble to give me gas. But he did and we both love it.

From Gas to…This? Well, yeah.

What can I say?

Lately I’ve been considering the many parts of marriage that are a win-win for both of us, gas being toward the top of my list right under companionship, protection, teamwork, being cared for….

And also one of God’s greatest gifts to married couples that sometimes causes us to blush and giggle when the subject comes up. Gas? Well, that too. But I’m actually talking about this: What God provides for married couples in the bedroom truly is a win-win. At least that’s the way He intended it to be.

But what about the times it doesn’t seem like a win? Mmmhmm. I know.

  • Sometimes it may only feel like a win for him.
  • Sometimes it feels like a gift that keeps on keeping us from getting to sleep at a decent hour.
  • Sometimes it feels like something is wrong with me because while I know this really is supposed to be a gift – I don’t understand why it doesn’t always feel like it?!?

That’s the worst part. Not figuring out the bedroom thing perfectly every single time, and assuming something is wrong. Twenty-two years into marriage, while I have mostly loved and enjoyed this great gift, I’ve also gone through many different stages and changes and each new situation has led me to question:

What is wrong with me?

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt that way. 

It’s a horrible feeling, particularly as we strive to enjoy a healthy marriage, love our husbands, and yep, even enjoy ourselves.

Truth —> Nothing is wrong with any of us! We are the way God made us. < —- Truth

Sheila Gregoire is a Christian author and speaker on this subject, and I think she is awesome to do so much research and tackle this necessary, sensitive, and fantastic subject with such care and godliness!

The past few months, I have been listening to and reading her work from her website and from her latest eCourse, Boost Your Libido. I have been so refreshed and encouraged to hear all of her words, including, “You are normal. This is the truth about how a woman thinks. Here’s some godly advice. Here’s what the Bible says about this.”

Not to dismiss the beauty of “the gift of the gas” in any way, but Shiela’s eCourse has been the biggest marriage win-win I have discovered as of late.

God really did intend for married sex to be a win-win. I hope you’ve found this to be true. This is truth.

I’m mentioning all this today because it’s fun to talk about my gas, and because Sheila’s Boost Your Libido eCourse is something I think every married woman should have.

Check it out here. Be blessed!

boost your libido

It is a win-win for you and your husband if you check out the Bible-based Boost Your Libido course. My husband has loved what I’ve learned, and he’s learned a few things too! ;)

Check out the Boost Your Libido eCourse here.

Care to share a special gift your spouse has given you? I’m wondering if your husband has ever topped the gift of gas? That’s a tough one to beat. But speaking of gifts —>

A Surrendered Heart

Remember the Surrendered Heart series I wrote a couple years ago?

I have found it incredibly beneficial to work my way through those lessons every few months to be reminded of my need to constantly be surrendered to the work of the Holy Spirit in my life and in my marriage. So that you, too, can have all of these writings, journal pages, and scripture printables in your hip pocket at all times, we just finished creating this:

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We turned A Surrendered Heart into a Mini eCourse for everyone! This packet includes 42 pages filled with 6 Lessons with Biblical insights and instructions, worksheets, journal pages, and scripture printables. One of my designers made this packet gorgeous; God, of course, made the marriage truths found inside beautiful, powerful, and glorious.

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I’m offering this because healthy marriages don’t just happen. Often, we need guidance, encouragement, and most importantly, we need frequent reminders to surrender ourselves to the Lord and to let go of selfishness. Like everyone else, through the years, I’ve needed help from trustworthy, godly mentors. I want you to have the above mentioned Boost Your Libido eCourse, by Sheila Gregoire, and this Surrendered Heart mini-course too.

Read more about the Surrendered Heart Mini-eCourse here.

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Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

The Time Matt and I Talked About What Dating Should Look Like For Us (Plus, You Could Win a “Date Night!”)

June 1, 2016 by Laura 124 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

A few weeks ago, we discussed dating in marriage. (And by we I mean you and me, not Matt and me.) Remember that?

Let's Talk About Dating

I loved this discussion because it was so good for me to hear what so many of you are doing to keep your marriage strong. That so many are being intentional, recognizing that a marriage relationship doesn’t take care of itself without two people being dedicated to its care – well, it blessed me to hear your thoughts.

And then, without warning, I became discouraged.

What is it about hearing what others are doing that can sometimes make us feel that we aren’t doing enough or doing it right? Why, when we hear what works for others, do we sometimes choose to feel bad if that very thing isn’t working for us?

Good grief. I know better. But shoot. Some of you actually have dates with your spouse every single week. You’re super creative with your time together. You’ve found fantastic ways to fit dating into your schedule. Even better – it is an actual, non-negotiable part of your weekly schedule. And then there’s Matt and me. We rarely find time for dates, struggle to create alone time, often have unfinished conversations.

So does this mean that surely our marriage is doomed and that we, as a couple, must be a complete mess?

Oh, for real.

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There’s no doubt we will always have room for improvement in our relationship. Sometimes we struggle. Sometimes we don’t communicate well. We’ll continue to go through various seasons in and levels of busyness in life. Sometimes there is more time to connect, and sometimes we need to be more creative.

It is so important to recognize that what works for one might not work for another. It’s also so very important to be open to learn and willing to grow. That’s why I loved this dating discussion with you. I learned. I was encouraged (I mean, at first, you know, until I got silly and let myself feel inferior to your awesomeness).

So then I did what I should have done in the first place. I talked to my husband about it.

I’d been praying about this area in our marriage – simply because we are very, very busy and are very involved with several ministries and all of our kids’ stuff and all of our work – and I’d been feeling too much of a disconnect between the two of us lately. Like we’d been spending time together but not really spending time together, you know? So here’s what we did, and brace yourself – maybe even prepare yourself to take notes – because this date suggestion is one for the books:

I hopped in his truck with him while he headed to the gas station to fill his gas cans with fuel for his lawn mowers.

You guys.

He in his grease-stained work clothes. Me in…probably something that didn’t match. Gasoline fumes all around us. It was, quite obviously, the ten minutes of date time I had been longing for.

We discussed and decided that this is where it’s at for us right now: stealing away for a few moments whenever we can even if it doesn’t look pretty. Matt knew the dating topic had been on my mind for a while so in between gas can fill-ups he said, “Define date.” And I was like, “This. Going to the gas station with you. Doing anything with you. I don’t even care. We don’t need to spend any money on dates, ever. I just want us to figure out how we can have more time together focused on each other.”

Ironically – the very week after this discussion, not one but two families randomly blessed us with “thank you gifts” in the form of gift certificates to local restaurants. Um, hi God. 

We definitely decided we would have to be intentional about this each week since no two weeks ever look the same for us. It is best for us to look at our days as each new week begins and figure out together when we can block out time during the week for a “date.” Honestly, sometimes this means something as simple as sitting in the van alone together after we’ve arrived home from a family activity. (Mom? Dad? You guys coming? Nope.) And sometimes it means we actually dress in something cute and go to a restaurant to order something yummy.

What if it doesn’t have to be normal? What even is normal anyway?

After our most recent restaurant gift certificate date, Matt grabbed his flashlight as we got back into the van. “Would you mind heading over to the property where I’ve been working and holding the flashlight for me while I go down into the crawl space to access the damage? I kind of need to get that done so I can turn in an estimate.”

I giggled because, this. This is our normal.

I sure do love my hard working guy. So what if our date time looks different from your date time and your date time looks different from our date time? Either way, I still love hearing what you are doing. I love getting new ideas, and most importantly, I love hearing about couples being intentional about their relationship. I think the point is that we look at our individual marriages with each individual need and we let God lead us in keeping our marriages strong, with His power at work.

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Have Any Dating Advice?

May 4, 2016 by Laura 56 Comments

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I have an almost 19-year old and a 16-year old, a 14-year old and an 11- year old. All boys. Four very, very good looking boys. {Laura pauses to take a deep breath.} Someday I suppose you and I can discuss teenage dating or courtship or whatever we choose to call it. But today, that’s not where I’m asking advice.

Let's Talk About Dating

Today I want to talk about myself. And you, too. About how a married couple can possibly keep dating a priority. Or if dating really matters once you’re married. And if it does matter, what it is supposed to look like. And about when in the world I might possibly find a moment to have more than a five-minute conversation with my favorite man that doesn’t end with me falling asleep in the middle of his sentence at night.

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Let’s talk about married couple dating stuff

Matt and I are very intentional about keeping our marriage healthy. We love everything having to do with the subject of marriage. God has given us the opportunity to offer several classes in our home for young married couples. A few years ago He even opened the door for us to begin couple-to-couple pre-marital mentoring, where we spend many weeks with an engaged couple, tackling all the subjects of marriage from the blissful to the challenging.

We’ve watched and guided as couples dive into some very deep waters together and we all experience God at work. It is amazing to be a part of this. Through it, Matt and I have had to fight our own spiritual battles. The enemy doesn’t want our marriage to win, and he certainly doesn’t want us to influence others toward God’s way. God’s victory has been great over all of this, and just about every time I speak of it, I get teary eyed. (Like right now. Tears. I love how God heals, redeems, restores, and helps us thrive.)

So dating.

Of all the subjects we tackle with engaged and married couples, rarely do we talk about dating each other once you’re married. Then last month while talking to a godly couple who has been married longer than we have, they brought up the subject of dating. The husband stated, “My wife and I go on a date every single week.” Oh yeah, that’s nice, really great. Wait. EVERY SINGLE WEEK???

What? Do they have more time on their hands than we have? More money? Fewer commitments? I don’t even get it. Matt and I can barely find time to go out together more than twice a year.

I know that various ideas work for some and not others, so sometimes we need to listen with an open mind, pray, and then move on if the advice isn’t something we can go with. Yet I can’t let go of it. This advice. Why can’t I drop this subject out of my brain and move on?

Because perhaps this is the Spirit at work?

There’s no doubt Matt and I would love to spend more one-on-one time together. Now that our kids are older, we’re finding it harder – not easier – to make time for dates. Now, we are blessed to work from home together and school our boys at home together, so we are together many hours of the day. Plus we serve together in almost all of the ministries we are involved in. We’re so thankful for this teamwork way of life. But actual dates? They’re pretty rare.

This has become a prayer focus for me. While I’m not convinced that we must go out on a date every single week in order to make our marriage thrive – I do desperately seek more time with my guy. I want it, need it, and there’s no doubt it would be a blessing.

How do you make time to date your spouse

I’d love to hear from you on this.

I’m curious to hear from you whether you are a newlywed, have been married for 70 years, or are somewhere in between. Even if you aren’t married I want to hear from you because I bet you’ve seen great examples in other couples. We can all benefit from hearing what is working (or what isn’t working) from couple to couple.

Do you date your husband? How often? What are your favorite kind of dates? What works for you?

P.S. I’ve listed several of our marriage posts and free resources here if you’d like to check them out.

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Communication in Marriage: The Tale of Two French Fries

March 28, 2016 by Laura 23 Comments

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I originally posted this in 2012. Since that time, Matt and I have spent quite a bit of time mentoring and counseling couples who are soon to be married. This is the story we always tell when we’re introducing the topic of communication. Since it’s so good for all of us to be reminded of this truth, I felt this story was worth posting for you again…

What French Fries Teach Us About Communication

Matt and I have some wonderful friends who once shared with us a fun story of something they learned within the first year of their marriage. This story has everything to do with french fries…but really nothing at all to do with french fries. Hang with me here.

I’ve taken a little bit of literary license here since I don’t know the exact details of how everything went for our friends, plus, I’m really just trying to make a point. Also, while telling this story, I’ll call our friends Gertrude and Hank, because shucks, thinking of fictitious names for our friends is just downright fun.

Gertrude and Hank were delighted to be newlyweds and as with all couples in love, they were eager to please each other in every way. As you can imagine, this desire to please each other was quite apparent when they dined together on french fries. Isn’t it always? I mean, this is the stuff Hallmark cards are made of.

Gertrude absolutely loves the fat, soggy type of french fries. Hank, on the other hand, much prefers the thin, crispy, crunchy french fries. And so, in this couple’s desire to show love and care for one another, each was sure to give the other the best, most tasty french fries.

Gertrude, because of her love of big, soggy fries, always placed the fattest, soggiest french fries on Hank’s plate. He cheerfully accepted them and sacrificially ate the plump potatoes, knowing that he would then be allowing his beloved to eat the choicest of fries – the thin, crispy, crunchy ones. Both Gertrude and Hank were thrilled to be pleasing one another by giving up what they knew to be the best of the fries.

And so it went for months, every time the couple ate french fries together.

Until finally, one day, Gertrude and Hank participated in a little bit of french fry communication. Somehow, the truth came out about each person’s french fry preference and their desire to give up what they each really wanted in order to please the other one. Lo and behold, in their effort to please each other, and in their failure to communicate, they had both been wrong in their assumption of what the other truly wanted. Thus, they had both been choking down french fries that neither of them really liked.

The End.

The moral of the story is that you and your spouse need to always be very up front about your french fry preferences. And also, you should communicate often about other, more important details in life and in your marriage. It is important to be selfless as you work to please your spouse, but for goodness sake, communicate.

Gertrude and Hank were doing what they thought was best for one other. They were both playing the martyr, sacrificing their own desires, in the name of love, for their spouse. But the end result was that no one was happy with their french fries. What a waste of good ketchup. 

Talk to your spouse. Be up front with your desires. And for the love (or not) of crispy french fries, always communicate.

P.S. Gertrude and Hank – you guys rock. Thank you for the way Jesus shines through your godly marriage.

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Have FUN With Your Spouse and The “For Married Couples Only” Gift That Keeps on Giving

July 2, 2015 by Laura 5 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

You know what I gave Matt for Father’s Day this year? New seat covers for his truck. What? His driver’s seat was coming apart so badly that the stuffing was pulling out every time he stepped out of his truck.

Do I know how to give a practical gift or what?

C’mon. I know I’m not the only practical one around here. You all are frugal minded, practical thinkers like me right? But we doooooo like to have fun, yes?

Having fun with our spouse is so important. (I’m not just talking about that kind of fun. I mean I am. But there’s also stuff like board games and inside jokes about peanut butter. As you can see, I’m one big party.)

The longer I’ve been married and the older our kids get – I’ve gotta tell you – I’ve found it to be a little bit harder to cut loose and have fun. (What can I say? Their needs and schedules take up a lot of my time and energy. And also, I often fall asleep before our teenage boys go to bed. ‘Nuff said.)

I’ve recently been really struck with recognizing the importance of having fun with Matt in front of our kids. They need to see that married fun is THE BEST. I want them to look forward to married fun and know that it never ends.

So, fun with my spouse while the kids are around:

  • I flirt with him. It’s all in the eyes…and eye brows. Or something like that.
  • We laugh at inside jokes and the kids have no idea why we are laughing. (Obviously, every time we do this they think we are the coolest adults ever and they are so proud to call us their parents.)
  • We let the kids catch us kissing.
  • I throw my legs over onto Matt’s lap while we’re all sitting in the living room for family prayer time or to watch a movie. It’s all appropriate – and the kids need to know that we dig each other and like to snuggle even though we’re really old and have been married for a really long time.

And now let’s just briefly (and quietly) talk about fun with the spouse while the kids aren’t around.

Aside from the times we find to leave the kids at home while we go for a walk together, alone time pretty much has to be scheduled in these days since I typically stop accurately finishing sentences at 9:30 and then become comatose by 10:00 at night while my kids are saying, “Really, Mom? You’re tired already?” (If we could only tuck them in with a kiss at 8:30 like we used to. Crazy, energetic, awake teenagers.)

So quiet, alone time with Matt is harder to come by but is more important than ever at this stage is our lives. We need it. The kids need to know we need it. And while the kids mean the world to us – our marriage means even more.

Therefore, we schedule alone time together – at home if at all possible. Let me tell you something. We don’t need a restaurant. We don’t want a movie. We don’t need to go anywhere we might have to share our alone time with other people. We’re selfish like that. (Or smart. Take your pick.) Maybe when we’re empty-nesters we’ll choose to go where the people are for special outings. Right now, while the alone time is rare, we jump at a chance to look at and talk to no one but each other.

No matter how old your kids are, I’m guessing maybe you can relate.

So can I tell you one of the neatest blessings we’ve happened upon recently? We received a gift of Melt: Massage Video Series a few months ago. Normally I wouldn’t look twice at something like this. Lessons in massage? Eh. Matt has always done a great job rubbing my tight muscles and treating me to a loving back rub.

But you know what? These videos have been a wonderful gift for our marriage and our alone time together. When I think about how much money we haven’t spent on “going out” on dates – I believe the investment in this series quickly pays for itself and truly becomes the gift that keeps on giving.

melt

No need to question the appropriateness of these videos. While I do only recommend these for married couples – simply because loving massages like this are intimate – these are very tastefully done. They are created by a professional and simply teach great massage techniques. They have offered some very special moments for us in our alone time.

Better yet? We’ve been able to take what we’ve learned from this series and enjoy the treat of a massage without the benefit of scheduling it in. This series has taught a 30 minute, a 15 minute, and even a 5 minute massage! How about that? Perfect for busy (and tired) parents who want to spend time loving on each other whenever they can find a spare moment.

Consider looking into this lovely resource. Our friends at Melt know that you appreciate a deal – because I told them that you did. :) Frugal and practical – that’s who we are here at Heavenly Homemakers, right? So for six days only, they are offering us a 20% discount on their Melt: Massage for Couples Video series.

Click here to learn all the details. You’ll even find some fun freebies there while you’re at it. Then you’ll be well on your way to massage wonderfulness.

I dare say, while Matt is really enjoying his Father’s Day truck seat covers, he appreciates even more when I tear myself away from all my other responsibilities (I’m talking to you – busy teenagers) and take the time to focus all my attention on him. I’d love to hear how you and your spouse find alone time to spend together during this season in your lives.

This post is sponsored by Couples Massage Courses. It is a pleasure to work with them and learn from them.

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A Surrendered Heart: It’s a Choice

May 20, 2015 by Laura 8 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

Welcome to A Surrendered Heart: A Wife’s Journey to Love the Jesus Way. Click on the “Leave a Comment” button on each post to add your thoughts, experiences, and suggestions to the discussion. If you are a newsletter subscriber, please click through to this post on my website to add your comments to the discussion to be read by everyone. I look forward to hearing what you have to say! God be praised for the gift of marriage and for allowing us to grow in Him.

Read Lesson 1:  Why I Married This Guy
Read Lesson 2: So, What Does Your Husband Do?
Read Lesson 3: How Selfish is Your Prayer?
Read Lesson 4: Serve Because I Want To

Surrendered Heart Lesson 5

My husband is not perfect. (Beginning first with the fact that he chose to marry an imperfect woman. That would be me.)

Every day I have to choose how I respond to each imperfection displayed in my husband. When he is forgetful, how will I respond? When he isn’t working within my time frame, how will I respond? When he doesn’t see things from my point of view, how will I respond?

It is way too easy to respond to imperfections with annoyance and frustration. If you’re like me, you’ve found that if you’re annoyed at one thing, it’s very easy to become annoyed with twelve other things too. I certainly don’t need to be a “shrug everything off” wife, offering a giggle and a kiss each time my husband’s human side shows. But nothing justifies my ugly and sinful response. Nothing.

You and I have some choices to make. We can choose to love the Jesus way – in complete surrender – letting the Holy Spirit be at work; or we can take a nice long soak in an ugly puddle of selfishness. Why we would ever choose the latter is beyond me. But because of our human tendency to look inward as we try to problem solve without the help of Jesus, I fear that you and I too often find ourselves plopped right down in that muddy pit.

Too often we can find ourselves in a state of fear, worry, and frustration as we refuse to give up the control that ironically – we don’t even have in the first place. As we make our choices, we need to recognize this truth: When we refuse to let go of control, we are very much out of control. When we let go, surrendering our hearts to Jesus’ control – everything suddenly becomes peaceful. Problems may not vanish, but the peace is there, even if it passes understanding.

So how do we do this? How do we choose the right way? How do we make the choice to love our husband the Jesus way?

Luke 92324

Download Follow Me Printable Here

Two key points come from this verse:

  1. We must deny self.
  2. We must take up our cross daily.

Today. Then again tomorrow. And also the day after that. We have to deny our selfish thoughts and actions daily. Jesus commanded this because He knew that Satan would see to it that our selfish side would constantly fight to win our mind and heart focus. We must make the choice daily to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus.

The result? Peace. Joy. Love. The fruit of the Spirit at work in a surrendered heart.

Take some time now to put your godly choices in writing.

Today I Choose

Download Today I Choose Printable Here

If you and I choose to let the Spirit work in our hearts – loving our husbands (and others) the Jesus way will be a peaceful and joyful effort. It is a choice. Which choice will you make?

Up For Discussion…Share With Us!

  • Share some ways you find that it is easy to love your husband!
  • What does it look like to “deny yourself and take up your cross daily?”
  • What ways can you choose to love your husband in a more Christ-like way?
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A Surrendered Heart: So…What Does Your Husband Do?

April 29, 2015 by Laura 34 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

Welcome to A Surrendered Heart: A Wife’s Journey to Love the Jesus Way. I will be sharing my thoughts here each Thursday during this 6-week class, offering printable journal pages for you to pray through on your own time, and providing discussion questions for us to talk though together. How will this work? Simply click on the “Leave a Comment” button on each post to add your thoughts, experiences, and suggestions to the discussion. If you are a newsletter subscriber, please click through to this post on my website to add your comments to the discussion to be read by everyone. I look forward to hearing what you have to say! God be praised for the gift of marriage and for allowing us to grow in Him.

Read Lesson 1: Why I Married This Guy

Surrendered Heart Lesson 2

It’s too easy to park my brain and heart on all that my husband isn’t doing, forgets to do, doesn’t notice needs to be done, or hasn’t yet gotten around to. The list: it can become long. I’ve told him, I’ve encouraged him, I’ve made suggestions, and I’ve downright nagged. He still doesn’t do everything he needs to do.

I mean everything I need him to do.

I mean everything I want him to do.

I mean everything that would make my ideal world of idealism completely ideal. If he could maybe just work within my time table. Perhaps he could be a little bit more like the perfect guy I envision.

Yes. That’s what I want. A perfect guy. Like the ones in the books and movies (written by women). {bonks self on head}

I know I’m being unreasonable. But sometimes my heart doesn’t care. I want what I want when I want it and if I try even just a little bit, I can turn those wants into absolute needs – and then suddenly all I can think about is all that my husband isn’t doing. All he hasn’t gotten around to. All he forgot was on his my urgent to-do list. These are real things – the work we need our husbands to do for us – just like the work he needs us to do for him. I’m not discounting the list – I’m gently squeezing the heart. What seeps out? Joy or dispair?

I’ve heard it suggested that wives would benefit from thinking about and appreciating everything her husband does do – instead of focusing on all that he doesn’t. I mean really, if we were making lists, how many bullet points could I write about all I need to do but don’t get around to in a day? Goodness – the list would be long. If my husband read my “didn’t get done” list to me night after night – ignoring and not appreciating everything I did do in a day? I’d curl up in a ball and cry.

My husband is tougher than that. But how many times have I read him the “I need you to do” list without even acknowledging and appreciating all of the “thank you so much for doing” list? It’s okay to have requests. It’s okay to need him to get work done around the house. It’s even okay to want some emotional needs to be met by your guy. It’s just not okay to be unappreciative and to focus our hearts on our husband’s imperfections so that we become discontent and disrespectful.

So. What does my husband do?

I’m so glad you asked. But before I tell you, I want you to remember something. My guy is mine. Your guy is yours. Don’t let what my husband does add more to your list of what your husband doesn’t do. Your husband is good at doing some things that never crosses my husband’s mind and vice versa. One of the quickest ways a wife can become discontent with her husband is to compare him to someone else and think, “Why can’t my husband be more like that?” That’s messed up and we both know it.

Now me first, then you. What does my husband do?

  • He reads the Bible to our family at breakfast
  • He does our taxes (I barf just reading that word)
  • He coaches our sons’ soccer teams
  • He leads our family in scripture memory time and discusses the scriptures so they reach both head and heart
  • He does dozens of repairs around our home

The rest of that list I am writing on my own for my own heart (see printable below). That’s the point. My own heart needs to be constantly reminded of all my husband does because when my heart dwells there, the “all he doesn’t do” focus fizzles away just like all other unhealthy thoughts fizzle away when Christ takes over.

Scripture to Consider

I’ve included two verses for us to focus on today, and I encourage you to read them within their contexts as you listen to what God has to teach you. Consider what your eyes are seeing when you look at your husband and think about what he does. Are your eyes fixed on Jesus, filling you with light (which makes you radiant)? Or are you instead focusing on the temporary, which is full of this life’s frustrations?

Luke 1134
Download the Fix our Eyes Printable Here

Print the following “What He Does” page to add to your Surrender Your Heart journal. Ask God to reveal truth to you. What does your husband do? Spend time reflecting, then fill the page. Next time you’re tempted to dwell on what your husband doesn’t do – have a heart check. Surrender your heart to let God win the battle of the mind!

What He Does 450

 Download the What He Does Printable Here

God will reveal to you what is important enough to ask of your husband. Pray. Surrender. Listen. Obey.

My experience has been vividly clear when practicing this. When I’m focused on what my husband doesn’t do I find myself frustrated, discontent, and ugly-hearted. When I instead look with appreciation at all he is doing, well…let the beaming begin. (You have been beaming, right?)

Up For Discussion…Share With Us

  • What does your husband do? (Go on, brag a little.)
  • What do you notice each time you “fix your eyes on Jesus” compared to the times you are focused on earthly desires?
  • How can you stop yourself from heading down a path of discontentment when your husband fails to live up to your expectations?
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