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Honor Each Other

August 5, 2011 by Laura 8 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see our disclosure policy.

~Appreciate Your Spouse~~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~
~Empower Your Spouse~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~

Honor Each Other

My Queen – Matt’s Thoughts

On your wedding day, did you (your name here) promise to honor (your spouse’s name here) above all others for as long as you both live? I’ve heard that phrase at several weddings and whether you said it or not…it is implied. What does that look like in a healthy marriage?

My first exposure to the concept of honor was as a child being taught the commandment “Honor your father and mother.” I was taught that it was by my actions and speech that I honored or dishonored my parents…whether I was with them or not. In the presence of one’s parents, a child often has the fear of punishment that keeps him in line. Thus, there is a greater impression made regarding honoring or dishonoring one’s parents when the child’s parents are not present.

Similarly, it seems to me that one displays the greatest honor or dishonor to their spouse when they are not with their spouse by the way they act and ESPECIALLY talk about their spouse. Therefore, any chance we get, we need to speak positively of our beloved. It is easy to get caught up in negative talk. Yes, your spouse has annoying habits, imperfections and character flaws – just like you and every other married person – but let’s steer clear of the gripe sessions others are having even if we know we can relate. It’s like a pig pen where neither you nor your spouse will get away without getting muddy. Instead, be the one who shifts the conversation from pitiful me to praise for my life-long love. Usually, then, either the crowd disperses or another person pipes in with something positive about their spouse.

Let’s shower our darling with presents when they’re not present by speaking highly of him/her.

I have much room for improvement, but in her presence I try to treat Laura as my queen, and when we’re apart I aim to let everyone around me know by the way I talk about her that she is my queen.

 

Do Unto Others – Laura’s Thoughts

Here’s a question:  What do we possibly have to gain by talking negatively about our spouse to others? Besides the fact that it’s sinful, it actually has the potential to make you look bad. After all – you’re the one who married this person of whom you have nothing nice to say.

There are times I may need to share something about our marriage with another person in an effort to obtain advice on how to handle a situation – but I have to be super careful to do this in a way that still honors Matt. And I have to prayerfully choose the person I confide in.

These are the some of the things I try to consider regarding how I talk to my husband or talk to others about my husband which I adapted from a post I wrote a year and a half ago called Make Him or Break Him:

  • Would I want him/her to talk to me like this?
  • Would I want him/her to look at me this way when he’s/she’s talking to me?
  • Would I want him/her to talk to his/her friends about me like this?
  • Would I want him/her to talk to me in front of other people this way?

If the answer is “no” to any of those questions, then with all due respect, I have to suggest that you just hush.

Or on the flip side, as Matt talked about, if instead you are intentional about saying honorable things about your spouse to others, you will be amazed at what a rewarding experience this is!

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips from A to Z – Honor

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Give to One Another

July 28, 2011 by Laura 5 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see our disclosure policy.

~Appreciate Your Spouse~~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~
~Empower Your Spouse~Have Fun With Your Spouse~

Give to One Another

Give and Take – Matt’s Thoughts

Every healthy relationship must consist of both give and take for it to last. We’ve got the “TAKE” part down with our hands tied behind our back and our fingers, toes, eyes and mid-digital hairs crossed. So we need to put our efforts into the “GIVE.”

Give your sweetie a back-rub (if you know he/she would enjoy it). Give your spouse a break today from what is usually their duty or household chore by doing it for them – and then whether that act is noticed or not, give him/her a hug or a kiss. The paradox is that when we give, we are blessed tremendously. For one, usually our spouse will recognize our efforts and appreciate us for it. Sometimes they go after paybacks. When our spouse gives and we catch them, why not have some fun with it and say something like, “I’m gonna get you back,” and look for an opportunity soon for “paybacks.”

Secondly, I’m guessing you’ve experienced this paradox found in Acts 20:35, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” You set out to serve someone else and in doing so you are blessed more than you bless those you serve. Maybe it is therapeutic or cathartic for you to look outside of yourself. More than likely, you benefit relationally because your interaction with those you are serving is insightful, memorable, or even profound. Most importantly, your heart becomes more like God’s. That heart gives and … gives some more.

Did You Even Notice? – Laura’s Thoughts

I’d like to go with what Matt said about “whether that act is noticed or not…”

Wouldn’t we like all of our acts of service and giving to be noticed? Don’t we want to be verbally appreciated and lavished with praise for all we do? When we perform acts of  kindness, break our backs doing the dirty work, unselfishly – day after day – work to meet the needs of our family…we’d all really like to be told thank you and to be given a wonderful appraisal of how great we are. Of course we all love appreciation, and we should obviously be appreciating each other continually.

Oh my, but did I just say, “work unselfishly”? Why did that word burst forth out of my little typing fingers?

Yes. Did you know that we can do all varieties of acts of kindness and service to our spouse, and much of it can be done with a heart of selfishness? With an attitude of martyrdom? With thoughts of “poor me, I work so hard to please my spouse – and for what?” haunting our minds while we labor? I know it’s true because I’ve been guilty of it many times.

When we give to our families by serving and loving them – and especially when we offer love and care to our spouse, we must surrender our selves to God and to our dear one.

We don’t give of ourselves so that we’ll be noticed, patted on the back or lavished with praise. We give of ourselves because this is what God calls us to do. We love and serve our spouse because we made the commitment on our wedding day to love, honor and cherish.

We give of ourselves because it truly is more blessed to give than to receive.

 

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Give

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Have Fun With Your Spouse

July 21, 2011 by Laura 15 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see our disclosure policy.

~Appreciate Your Spouse~~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~

Fun With Your Spouse

Fun and Funner – Matt’s Thoughts

“What fun it is to laugh and sing a sleighing song tonight…Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh.”

Maybe that is some people’s version of fun, but not me. I’m not a grinch. I just don’t enjoy singing sleighing songs or riding in one horse open sleighs getting snow and slush flung on me. It’s not fun for me to sing that song because in general when I sing the words to songs, I agree with the words. My sweetie, on the other hand, enjoys singing that sleighing song, while I’d rather be cleaning the gunk out from under my toenails playing a strategy game in a warm, dry place with a hot drink. If I can be found When it is time to sing sleighing songs, I do it with my best face on and I try to not talk like a martyr to Laura later. She knows it is not fun for me. I also know that most long strategy games are not fun for her. We have discovered many activities that are fun for both of us!

Couples in healthy marriages seek out ways that they can have fun together and they make it happen. If you find yourself going in different directions for fun, then get together and brainstorm for ways the two of you can have fun together.

Try new exploits:  Recently, we went for a bike ride and it turned out not being great fun, but we definitely laughed about the experience. So, even though we don’t plan to ride bikes together for pleasure, that episode was a fun time spent together.

Relive pastimes:  What did you do that was a blast when you were dating?

Hopefully you have some fun activities in the “old faithful” category:   Flirting is fun…and following through is even more fun.

Your tight budget is not an excuse. Be creative considering what you could do for free…and have fun!

Make Time– Laura’s Thoughts

According to His Needs, Her Needs, a book Matt and I read together before we got married and have since read a second time – a man really appreciates it if his wife will be his recreational partner. That’s why, through the years, I’ve tried so hard to enjoy bike rides and those long, horrible, tedious, boring, never-ending, grueling strategy games that Matt likes so well. (I’m sorry – did I just say all that out loud?)

Thankfully, it’s not been too hard to come up with activities we can do together that we both enjoy. But why is it that sometimes it becomes too easy to spend all of our time together talking about bills and schedules and life logistics, and we forget to simply stop and have fun? As a task oriented mother and wife, I personally find it difficult to turn off the never ending “to-do” list in my head and just chill out and have down time with my husband. All work and no play makes a marriage…well, not so fun.

Relax. Be silly. Laugh. Share inside jokes. And oh yes…flirt. ;)

Make time for fun in your marriage.

How do you and your spouse have fun together?

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Fun

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Empower Your Spouse

July 14, 2011 by Laura 14 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see our disclosure policy.

~Appreciate Your Spouse~
~Buoyancy in Marriage~
~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~

Empower Your Spouse

My Darling, Jet Fuel – Matt’s Thoughts

Think back to one of your best teachers, coaches or mentors.

They helped you become better. Without them would you have become better in that area of your life? I doubt it. They empowered you.

I really like the word empower. I used it in the Appreciate Your Spouse and Dream Together (part two) posts. I’ve been empowered by the Holy Spirit and the Spirit working through other people. Because of that empowerment, I am able to help others. I have the heart of a coach/teacher. Training, equipping and inspiring others brings me joy. It thrills me to invest in others and watch them succeed.

I have to “Amen!” an article Laura wrote in her Being Your Husband’s Help Meet series titled, Make Him or Break Him. We can help our spouses become better and in turn they pass on that energy to others. We can suck the life out of our spouse and become upset when our relationship withers. Another choice we can make is to let our spouse fend for him/herself and see what happens. If I was being torn down by Laura, I don’t know that I’d be able to train, equip and inspire others or that I’d be thrilled to see others succeed. I’d be in survival mode relationally.

Instead, she is propelling me toward greater works. She’s not merely a support, but my jet fuel. Usually I call her “Sweetie.” Other times it’s, “Babe.” But she’s really my “Jet Fuel”.

My Biggest Fan – Laura’s Thoughts

Whether I’m standing in the church foyer, watching games at the soccer field or making my rounds at a family reunion – these are the statements I hear from others:  “Matt told us about the great dinner you made tonight.” “Your hubby was bragging on you earlier when we were talking about how our week’s been going.” “Matt shared with us some of the writing you’ve been doing – way to go!” “It was great to catch up with Matt earlier. Sounds like you’re Miss America!”

Well, I guarantee you I’m barely Miss Matched Socks most days, much less Miss America – but in Matt’s eyes…I’m all that and more. It’s humbling, it’s gratifying…it’s empowering.

If Matt thinks I’m “all that” – I consider it a challenge to live up to, as well as an honor to be so highly esteemed in his eyes. He’s not blind to my weaknesses. He knows my struggles better than anyone. But he values me and has confidence in me. His support of my efforts truly empowers me to become a better, more godly woman.

I can not think of a more precious gift I’d rather receive from my beloved.

Are you tearing your spouse down, or are you working to empower them toward a more godly, productive life for the Kingdom?

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Empower

 

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Dream Together (Part Two)

July 8, 2011 by Laura 7 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see our disclosure policy.

~Appreciate Your Spouse~
~Buoyancy in Marriage~
~Consult Your Partner~

Dream Together

When you are already connected as a couple, already working hard together toward common goals, already on the same page in the important areas of life – and then you ask yourselves, “How can God best use us as a couple for His glory and purposes?” – something pretty amazing begins to happen. Read the rest of Dream Together (Part One) here

God’s Marriage Math – Matt’s Thoughts

Dreaming together is part of a healthy marriage for at least three reasons. First, dreaming together implies that you anticipate a hopeful future. That alone infuses your relationship. The power of positive thinking is extraordinary and energizing?. It is exciting to think about what can be accomplished together. It doesn’t end with just a dream though. Act on it. Make goals and have a plan to fulfill the goals. As you make progress, celebrate with each other and keep the momentum rolling.

Second, dreaming together demonstrates how two become one in marriage. The concept of two becoming one, as stated in Genesis 2:24 and quoted by Jesus and the Apostle Paul, incorporates more than a physical union. You are uniting numerous facets including your ambitions. Instead of two people going in different directions only pursuing their own goals, a merging occurs. Your combined abilities, experience, and passions create an incredible God blessed synergy. The two of you, empowered by God, produce more than the sum of your work individually. God’s math equations look like this:

Two become One 1 + 1 = 1
Synergy 1 + 1 > 2

Third, dreaming and praying together about those dreams unleashes God’s promise in Ephesians 3:20-21 which  reads, “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” In our dreaming phase we are imagining great works being accomplished for the Lord. Then the Lord takes it and multiplies it beyond what we can even imagine. We bring a sack lunch to Jesus – like the boy who brought some bread and fish (John 6:1-15) – and He multiplies it into a feast for all…with leftovers. So dream big!

Sack Lunch – Laura’s Thoughts

Because food is “my thing”, I love what Matt said about bringing a sack lunch to Jesus and watching him multiply it. As a couple, we can and should dream big. We can fill our lunch bag with some pretty exciting foods, including juicy fresh fruit and rich desserts – but Jesus is the one that actually makes our offerings become something wonderful. That’s what he does with our dreams.

Or sometimes, He might exchange our sack lunch offering with a different one – one that we’d never thought of and one that is much better for us as a couple and as a family. This can sometimes be painful, but as we see God’s great plans for us unfold and recognize that these plans were born out of our kingdom focused dreams, we see that God’s plans for us are truly more than we could ever ask or imagine.

Start dreaming. God is huge!

How have you dreamed together and then saw how God made it more than you could imagine?

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips Ato Z – Dream Together

 

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Dream Together (Part One)

July 8, 2011 by Laura 4 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see our disclosure policy.

Dream Together

From Good to Great – Matt’s Thoughts

From day one of our marriage Laura and I have had a good marriage. Most importantly, Jesus is our Lord and Savior. Thus, we have similar values which has meant very little conflict in important areas of life. We try to live by the Golden Rule of treating each other as we would want to be treated. Better yet, we are friends, not just roommates. We had a good marriage.

But, in our opinion, a good marriage is not enough. We want to have a great marriage. Not for ourselves, but for God’s Kingdom. We believe great marriages honor the Lord. We see Him using couples to accomplish His purposes and we want in on that. Yes, He can and does use anyone in any kind of relationship, but a great marriage is what we are pursuing.

About a year ago I got into an evaluation phase. I put in writing the priorities that were in my head and heart. Then I took a serious look at how I was spending my time. What was on the paper did not fully match up with my real life. The next day I asked Laura to do the same activity. After we reflected on our lives and considered what changes we needed to make, we were then on the launching pad for a great marriage. We would not be satisfied with cruise control in our marriage. We were ready to lift off.  We began to dream together by asking, “How can God best use us as a couple for His glory and purposes?”

 

Good is Good, but Great is Better – Laura’s Thoughts

Matt and I are both a little bit “visionary” in the way we think – always coming up with ideas and trying to be creative. Who am I kidding when I say “little bit”? Matt is very visionary, a quality I admire and appreciate (most of the time). :)

Because we’ve always been a couple who “looks into the future” and talks together about our goals and dreams, it’s been interesting to recognize how recently we’ve watched our marriage go from good to great. Having a good marriage has been very, very good. Thank you God for a good marriage!

So how did God make it great?

I believe it has a lot to do with the evaluating we’ve done recently. When you are already connected as a couple, already working hard together toward common goals, already on the same page in the important areas of life – and then you ask yourselves, “How can God best use us as a couple for His glory and purposes?” – something pretty amazing begins to happen.

To Be Continued – Come back tonight for Part Two of “Dream Together”!

Assignment: Brainstorm and discuss how God can use you and your spouse’s abilities, passions, and experience to serve together.

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Consult your Partner

June 30, 2011 by Laura 9 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see our disclosure policy.

~Appreciate Your Spouse~
~Buoyancy in Marriage~

Consult Your Partner

Surprise!!! – Matt’s Thoughts

In Matt’s head about 3pm – Phew, I can’t wait for a little me time tonight. Maybe I could get some guys together to play some games, maybe even soccer! If that doesn’t work out I can always play any multitude of computer games and just relax.

Matt begins making plans with other guys.

In Laura’s head about 3pm – Phew, I can’t wait for Matt to be able to help me with these restless boys so that I can get a few things done around here. I may even see if I can steal away for an hour or two by myself tonight while the boys are with Matt. (I don’t claim to know a whole lot of what is going through her mind so I’ll let her go there.)

Laura has her own agenda in mind.

You can see where this is headed, right?

(Of course, all characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.)

I do have occasional game nights, but I consult my partner first.

In a business partnership before making a decision that would affect the company we would consult with our partners. More importantly, in a life-long committed partnership with our spouse we need to communicate before acting in many instances. Decisions regarding the way we spend our time and money are maybe the most frequent. In healthy marriages spouses consult each other and align themselves on the same wavelength regarding these decisions. Fortunately, Laura and I discovered this early in our marriage. We talk often about how we plan to spend money and time so that we are on the same page and surprises have become rarer. We save surprises for special occasions.

Should I Buy this Watermelon? – Laura’s Thoughts

When to consult…when not to consult? I mean, do I need to consult Matt when I’m at the grocery store to be sure it’s okay with him if I buy the watermelon that’s on sale for $2.50? And I’m thinking that I may want to trim my fingernails tonight after dinner. I wonder if that’s okay with Matt?

(Above examples are as fictitious as the characters in Matt’s story. Except for the watermelon. I did buy a watermelon.)

I don’t need to consult Matt about every watermelon purchase I make or about every detail of my schedule. Know why? Because we’ve already consulted about our overall grocery budget and food preferences, as well as the roles we play. In this case, I am the chief watermelon picker-outer and purchaser. It’s important to be clear about the big stuff so that the little stuff isn’t quite so complicated.

“As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  This verse from Romans is one our family works to live by. Respecting our partner enough to consult him/her about purchases or time commitments is one of the best ways to live at peace. Not only that, do I really want the pressure of making major decisions for our family without consulting Matt? I pretty much don’t.

Unless, of course, we’re talking about a watermelon.

P.S. We believe that connecting with your spouse is super high on the list for a healthy marriage, and hopefully that theme will be evident as it is woven throughout the A to Z tips.

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Consult

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Buoyancy in Marriage

June 23, 2011 by Laura 12 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see our disclosure policy.

Are You Buoyant?

Unsinkable…ness – Matt’s Thoughts

Do you remember the little jingle “The unsinkable taste of Cheerios, not a lot of sugar to weigh down those Cheerios”? (The off brands are unsinkable too by the way.)  You push it down with your spoon and it slides to the side and floats to the top in defiance. You cover it with banana slices and BAM it pops up next to the banana slice with arrogance. You struggle to destroy it and all the evil that lies within it by taking it to Mt. Doom in Mordor where the ring was forged and…oh, sorry, wrong ring.

So, Cheerios – and the off brands of it – are buoyant. Seemingly no matter what is done they overcome and rise to the top. Does that describe you? Do you choose to rise to the top, or do you allow circumstances to dictate your mood? This is a mindset in life that has implications in marriage. People in healthy marriages rise to the top instead of fighting each other. We achieve this by recognizing who the enemy is, joining forces with our covenant partner and relying on the faithful Lord – the original rotfl.

The enemy is Satan, the accuser*. We are in the trench side by side with our spouse defending each other by building each other up with appreciative actions and words. Satan wants to tear down our marriage relationship and friendly fire is one of his most effective tactics. In our family a verse we often quote at meal times is, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). The children think we are directing this teaching at them, but I need this drilled into me to help me keep my aim away from Laura.

On my own I don’t have that unsinkable…ness, but the Lord is faithful and buoys me. It’s a matter of me letting go of my selfishness and living by His Spirit. As with living by the words in James 1:19 this is easier said than done. If we allow, God’s grace changes us to be more like him day by day.

Lord of the Rings – Laura’s Thoughts

Admittedly, I know a lot more about Cheerios than I know about Mt. Doom in Mordor in Lord of the Rings. Four boys and thirteen thousand (off brand) Cheerios later, I’ve seen the buoyancy of Cheerios a few times. And yet, Matt got me thinking about the Lord of the Rings.

Our wedding rings symbolically bind us. They represent the covenant we made with each other and to God on our wedding day.

We have two choices:  We can let God be at the center of our marriage, and let Him give us the grace to react and respond to our spouse in a godly way – or we can let Satan creep in and chink away at the beauty of the bond that our wedding rings represent. We can buoy, even when we don’t feel like it, even when it hurts, even when it’s hard – or we can give in to the selfishness that at the time seems the easier choice.

The question we must ask ourselves is this:  In our marriage, who is the Lord of the Rings? Is it God – or is it the Deceiver? Are we allowing God to help us rise to the top, or are we carelessly sinking into a pit of selfish living?

 *Read Rev. 12:9-12 for insight on the accuser and how to overcome him.

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. Please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Print Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Buoyancy.

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Appreciate Your Spouse

June 16, 2011 by Laura 15 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see our disclosure policy.

Welcome to our first post in this 26 week series, written by my husband Matt and me. We’re excited to be working together on this and in case I haven’t mentioned it lately – my husband is awesome.  ;)

Appreciate Each Other

Show and Tell – Matt’s thoughts

In grade school Show and Tell was when the boys brought cool toys from home and told us about them. I could hardly wait for recess to play with them. The girls brought items that I thought were silly and boring. Obviously, there were differing perspectives involving Show and Tell.

In marriage we need to show and tell our spouse of our appreciation. This isn’t necessarily what I would appreciate my spouse to do for me. We need to crawl into the mind of our beloved by asking, “What could I do for my sweetie that would make him/her feel loved?” If I’m unsure then I need to ask my spouse how he/she would like for me to show and tell my appreciation.

If we aren’t doing this, we take for granted the roles that our spouse plays and the holes that our spouse fills in our life.

We all know Laura enjoys cooking. Bonus for me – she is good at it. Amazingly efficient too. I, on the other hand, measure everything out precisely and find it challenging to prepare more than one item at a time. I sure appreciated Laura’s work and proficiency in the kitchen…meal after meal. How did she know I appreciated it? That’s where I needed to show and tell. Eventually, I learned that she enjoys cooking even more when I express my gratitude for her work and help with the clean-up. She really feels loved and appreciated when I say, “Thanks! That was great,” and then I hop up and start rinsing dishes and/or get our boys going on their clean-up chores. In a healthy marriage, the husband and the wife both seek out ways they can show and tell their appreciation often.

When we practice this, we empower our spouse to continue doing the action or having the attitude that we praised them for. In our case, neither of us enjoy doing our taxes, but Laura thanks me profusely for taking care of that. My motivation for doing our taxes comes directly from her words of appreciation. When I’ve finished I can’t wait to tell her and receive some appreciation.

How Could You Not Appreciate Seeing My New Stuffed Pink Bunny During Show and Tell? – Laura’s Thoughts

You know why I feel appreciated by Matt? Because he’s intentional about showing and telling me what he appreciates. Appreciation doesn’t just happen. I’m not sure any element of a healthy marriage just happens without being intentional. Showing and telling our appreciation takes thought and work – which means we often need to do things we don’t necessarily love doing. What, you think Matt really just loves rinsing dishes? C’mon. But he does the job cheerfully, because he loves and appreciates me. And boy do I appreciate the way he appreciates me. After all, we have a lot of dirty dishes at our house. ;)

Now regarding grade school Show and Tell and the adorable toys I would bring to bore the boys – here’s something else I think we need to appreciate:

God made men and women different – on purpose. Instead of scoffing at our differences, I believe we need to appreciate how God created us to complement one another’s strengths and weaknesses. Then, we need to show and tell our spouse how we appreciate that they are different from us.

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that Matt can handle doing the taxes when I’d never make it through the first line of instructions without my eyes glazing over. Yep, God knew what He was doing when He made us with differences. 

And now, I believe I will go show my appreciation to Matt by making one of his favorite meals. Which he will then show me his appreciation by rinsing the dishes I dirtied. Ah, the appreciation never stops around here. :) 

What are some ways you can show and tell your spouse you appreciate him/her?

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. Please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Print Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Appreciate.

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Healthy Marriage Tips from A to Z

June 12, 2011 by Laura 10 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see our disclosure policy.

I am excited to announce a new feature here at Heavenly Homemakers – Healthy Marriage Tips from A to Z. This is a series of posts that we’ll run once a week for the next 26 weeks, until we work all the way through the alphabet.

What I hope you’ll enjoy about Healthy Marriage Tips from A to Z  is that my husband Matt and I are teaming up to write these posts. They’ll be presented from his perspective and from mine, whether we happen to think the same way about each topic or not. Of course we always agree on every topic. Except for when we don’t. ;)

Our marriage isn’t perfect, but we have been blessed with what we feel is a healthy marriage. This is a gift from God, and we work hard together to keep our marriage healthy. Both Matt and I have a heart to encourage healthy marriage relationships in those around us as well. That is how the idea for this series of posts was born.

Later this week, we’ll be back with the first post of this series – a topic beginning with the letter A. What do you think we’ll start talking about first? Anger – Argue – Aggravate – Aggressive? Um, no. We don’t really plan on giving you tips on Aggravating Your Spouse. We’ve got a much more positive topic in mind.

Avoid? Awful? Against?

You can keep guessing, but I’m not gonna tell you our topic. But it sure is fun thinking of A words that don’t describe a healthy marriage. :)

Aftershock, Awkward, Annoying…

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