Ah, one of my favorite subjects. Through the years, we’ve been asked many times what we feel are the best toys for boys. Do we allow our boys to play with guns? As Christians, do we feel like this is okay? What about transformers? Swords? Is all that violence good for them?
These are the questions I address in this latest podcast.
One thing I forgot to mention (probably because I was all wrapped up in talking about how many light sabers we have): LEGOS! I was addressing other questions, so Legos just didn’t come up. But of all the favorite toys we have in our house…we just LOVE our Legos. They are well worth the investment and make wonderful gifts for our boys.
But back to the guns and swords (which of course Legos can easily be built to resemble)…
Heavenly Homemakers Podcast Nine
Share your thoughts! Do you have boys? What do you let them play with?
I’m fortunate with my little guy – he is only 3.5 but for the most part he is content with matchbox cars, stuffed animals, and the Thomas the Train play sets. He also has a big (5yo) sister to play with. By that I mean, bossed by. :) We do let him have a few toy guns with strict rules of we never shoot at people. Daddy is a hunter, so toy guns were kind of a must for little man to go “deer hunting.”
Legos – should have been called foot impalers. Those things hurt so bad when you step on them at a fast clip.
Well….we have 4 girls and one boy….and even my girls love to shoot thing…lol. Both daddy and mommy have guns and go hunting and have butchered the animals to provide meat for our table. So, our children love to “go hunting” but then they also will play dolls and doll houses…even the brother….he just plays roughly most the time….lol
We too allow toy guns in our home because daddy is a hunter. But we are pretty strict about them. There is absolutely no pointing or shooting at other people. (I didn’t understand this until it was explained to me as we played cops and robbers as a kid.)As they get older they will be allowed to hunt with daddy, which will give them a great chance to learn gun safety.
But, the favorite toys right now are the trampoline, foam swords, and scooters. My middle is a total “gamer”, but at 4.5 we have to monitor what and how long he plays. Then we kick him outside. :)The 2 yr old would love to live outside.
The other day I took down an ornamental wall plaque because I wanted to move it to another wall. My 2 year old son picked it up, and started “shooting” things with it! I couldn’t stop laughing in wonder at this little guy (our two oldest are girls so all this boy stuff is new). We don’t own any toy guns (just two light sabers), either. I once heard James Dobson comment that you don’t have to buy boys guns — they’ll make anything in to a weapon. Guess he was right!
I have a 4 year old son who is constantly shooting things with “made up” guns and slicing things with swords. He got a knight sword, shield, armor set for his birthday and I am always telling him to stop slicing the legs and tail off the dog!! LOL. My husband also does let our son and daughter shoot his bb pistol gun. Its good for little kids to learn gun safety.
One thing I would like to note that you briefly touched on in your podcast is that it is men’s God given tendency to “protect” the people they love. Your husband will jump in front of a bus, a gun, or fight someone twice as big as them to protect you or your children.
I think this “boys and violence” thing is just their God given tendency to protect their family once they are grown. I do think it does more harm in the long run, than good to try to suppress how God has made them.
Great insight! I totally agree!
Years ago I was struck by the question: Why do guys like destroying things so much? I haven’t thought about it recently, but what I came to then was: Guys want to have impact, to change the world, to make a difference. And for as much as we like blowing stuff up, we like to build things too …if only to knock them down again [smile].
~Luke
I only have girls, but a friend of mine with boys says she has a running “good guys” vs. “bad guys” conversation in her house. “Good guys” protect, are fair, etc. “Bad guys” are mean/hurt for no reason, etc. So when they see a behavior that they don’t like they ask “is this something good guys do or bad guys?” as a way of helping them think about the men they want to be. Good guys can still be violent. :)
I like this!
I LOVED this podcast! We started off with the “no violent toys” rule too and it just did not work. My son is 10 now and he has his whole Nerf gun arsenal and while his only siblings are girls, they join in too and it is just hilarious to watch them playing their war games!
Thank you so much Laura. I really appreciate your honesty and insight. We are Davy Crocket fans. Coonskin caps and wooden rifles rule in our house right now. My little daughter’s is pink. They roam the fields and woods hunting and shooting “bars”. We do recieve many raised eyebrows and lectures from other Christians who won’t let their boys have any guns.
I have lately been discovering the freedom that we have in Christ. We are free to pursue our passions when our heart belongs to God and He is first in our lives. It’s refreshing to hear from other Moms who see this violence as a God-given passion that is not reflective of a mean sinful nature. Thanks again.
I have learned with my twin boys-who are now 8-that it’s a “boy” thing. Guys are natural protectors, providers, and young boys are not an exception. When my boys were very young-probably 5 or so-they took a Barbie, bent her body back, and made her legs so she became a gun. I realized then that I was working against their nature. It’s something I’ve learned to deal with-Nerf Guns and light sabers run rampant in our house. It’s great!
I have “banned” guns/ weapons in my house since my youngest son (who is now 10)was born. He LOVES legos which we have always bought him. He would then come to me and show me the sword or gun he made out of the legos . . . When he goes outside to play he finds sticks and uses them as a weapon in his imaginary play. I tried to fight it for years but he finds things to make into guns and weapons any ways. This year he got a nerf gun as a present from someone else and although I was uneasy about him having it, I let him keep it and it really hasn’t been too bad. We do have rules about not pointing them at his little brother or others ect but I feel it’s something you can’t prevent even if you are strict about not allowing toy weapons in your home.
We are also a hunting family. We allow toy guns, but do not allow pointing at people. The dogs and deers on the wall are ok lol.
I completely agree with you! I have two boys…10 and 8. we did not allow guns or weapons until they were 4 or so and then we realized it is how they are made…to be protectors and hunters! We do guide their “violence” into being for good…protecting others, fighting “bad guys” or animals for food. Thank you for shairng your thoughts on this.
Loved this podcast! I would recommend the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.
Amy, I was going to recommend that book too! I’ve always respected the natural “manliness” of men, but that book opened my eyes even more to their God-given nature of NEEDING something to fight and NEEDING someone to protect. I loved it, and it has made me parent my 4 boys in a different way than I think I otherwise might have if I hadn’t read that book.
Thanks for the podcast, Laura! I wholeheartedly agree! Our legos around here get made into guns all the time (my second son–the “builder”–is the one who started doing that, completely on his own, when he was 3). And I’m okay with that, because I know we’re teaching them the right way to USE that fighter instinct. :)
I just finished this book about the differences between boys and girls (and moms and dads.) It also talks about this kind of thing. It is a good read for parents. http://www.amazon.com/Secure-Daughters-Confident-Sons-Masculinity/dp/1601422946
Laura this has nothing to do with your pod cast! I’m new to your blog and have been having a great time looking around! WOW so much wonderful info I can’t wait to come back and learn more! You are on my favorites list! I saw your fun recipe parade and went to add a recipe but I don’t think I knew what I was doing because I think I just added my whole blog site not the individual recipe post. But I promise the site is mostly full of good recipes! Anyway I tried to comment about it on there but I couldn’t see where too. Just love your site thanks for sharing all of this!
I grew up in an all girl household, so the boy thing is foreign to me . . . but what a delight to get to know all about it as we raise our two boys. We started out “no guns” but now have embraced it as well, which seems to be a common theme. I have conversations with our 6 year old about how precious life is, that it is a gift from God. We live right next to a huge army base, so we are around soldiers all the time. Oddly enough, Eli called soldiers “angels” for the longest time :)
So, we have talks about the gift of life. Sadly, a local Christian radio dj and friend of many of our friends was shot and killed during a burglary in his home last year, so we also had opportunity within that tragedy to talk about the dangers of guns when in the wrong hands. That has led to rules about not shooting at people and animals. This doesn’t satisfy the urge to defeat though. One day I had brainstorm while my then 5 year old and his best friend were playing with swords. We played a game we made up called, “Sword of the Spirit”. We made signs of all kinds of things God helps us battle, and posted them on the wall in our long hallway. Then the boys went up and down the hallway, fiercely attacking those evil things with their swords of the Spirit :) We all loved that one!
Very good insight. And awesome idea “Sword of the Spirit” – I love it!
Thank you Laura for this podcast! I am a mom of 3. 2 boys and 1 girl. My oldest boy is six. Since I grew up in an all girl family all this boy violence was quite a surprise to me. My son is now into star wars and transformers and toy guns and all that. He will walk around the house making shooting noises even when he is not playing with them. Just yesterday I told my husband I was concerned about that and he informed me that’s what boys do. I was encouraged by your podcast to know that it’s not just at my house. Very timely message for me.
While I’ve never been opposed to allowing little boys to play with guns, I HAVE struggled with the issue of WHAT or WHO they’re allowed to shoot. A friend of mine suggested the rule they have in their family: They have taught their sons that all good men have rules about the guns they shoot. Soldiers and policemen are not allowed to shoot unarmed women or children – therefore, my friends’ boys are not allowed to “shoot” their Mama or their big sister, but they are free to play with their brothers or their Dad.
I thought this was a good way to encourage what is proper, boyish, natural behavior but still keep it within boundaries.
Thanks for this post. As a mom of two boys (4 and 5 months), I know I will be facing this issue for years to come. I appreciate the thoughts about boys being natural protectors…that makes sense to my momma heart. I need to let him have an outlet for his God-given traits. Even if it’s hard for me.
I totally agree. My 3 year old started picking up sticks and carrying them around as guns. I’m not sure where he learned it (probably Dad since he is in the Army. Maybe pictures from when he was deployed?), but he carries them around all the time. Now, he carried around my old GI Joe’s guns. It’s just what they do and I don’t mind at all. As long as they aren’t too rough.
I have 2 boys and before they were born was going to ban all violent toys from our house. But I lost that battle, at 6 and 3 years old they are all about Star Wars and Knights and all kinds of other things. I too am learning that it isn’t necessarily about what kinds of toys they play with, it is the behavior that they see modeled by my husband and I that will shape their character. Even though they love to play rough, they are also very kind, generous and compassionate when they need to be.
One book that really helped me understand my boys better is “Wild Things” by Stephen James & David Thomas.
Thank you for another great time of sharing Laura!
I am a mom of two little boys, and another on the way, so violent weapons are commonplace in our house. We are a hunting family, and my husband and I both firmly believe in crafting boys to be men, and not trying to suppress their God-given tendencies. Guns and swords have been a great, visible way for me to learn techniques of shaping and guiding those tendencies towards Godly behavior. Our gun rules involve strictly no aiming at people or pets. I bought some window cling targets from a local sportsman store- and those are great for redirecting the gun to! We also line up stuffed animals to shoot, or simply use our imaginations! Our sword rules are: no women, pets, babies, and if you want to fight someone- you need to ask first. Also, and most importantly, he is NEVER allowed to pick up a weapon when he is angry. My friends think it is funny when my 3 yr old comes up and asks “can I hit you with my sword?” (his way of inviting a play fight):-)
My viewpoint is always to look 10 years ahead. What qualities do I want in a teenage boy, and 10 years past that, what qualities do I want in a grown-man son? Since I want to instill courage, confidence, bravery, a protective spirit, and (if he decides to pursue archery or gunmanship) talent in those areas, it would be foolish of me to attempt to “ban” all items that allow him to role-play those very virtues at age 1, 2, and 3. My 3 year old LOVES to make up scenarios in which he saves his little brother or myself from the big grizzly bear, or he brings home meat for mama to cook:-) And I can’t wait to see what this practice at a young age will produce as a grown man:-)
ps- my son has never seen Star wars, nor have we ever discussed it, but he was given 2 light sabers, and instinctively knew how to use them. They are now the favorite toy in our house! Crazy for two parents who don’t like star wars at all:-)
Ah, toy guns. Such a topic of debate at our house! My son is 3.5 and completely obsessed with them! I’m not really even sure how he found out about them (my FIL and MIL, I think!), but he’s got quite the collection now. I’m still not really too keen on them, but we set some ground rules and I’m trying to just let it go. My husband is so excited to have someone to play guns with. :) Can’t wait til I have some peace and quiet to listen to that podcast!
Thank you so much Laura for addressing my question! I appreciate your insight and found it very encouraging! :)
I have no use for guns, but when my husband brought his old guns home from his mom’s house, I became the submissive wife. Our daughter is 15, our son 13, and he has taken them both out to the firing range, along with bows and arrows to teach them to shoot. But we have never had toy guns for shooting and killing. Target practice is fine. But, the Lord has a sense of humor, because a few months ago I came home late to find a RAT on our front porch. After much shrieking, my noble husband brought out his pellet rifle and killed it. I was very grateful then for his “violent” upbringing!
As usual, well said Laura. I only have a one year old so have not encountered this yet. He does like to hammer everything though with his plastic and wood hammer toys! I grew up in a hunting family and though I never had any interest in guns, we grew up respecting guns. We learned when and how to use them and to never ever touch them without dad present.
Thanks so much for talking about this subject, Laura. My husband and I have two daughters but are expecting a son in May. This has been an ongoing topic of discussion between us as we prepare our home for a new variety of toys… and I really appreciated what you had to share. Thanks!
Well, my dh is a cop and a soldier, so…
I also have five sons and recently wrote about this very thing: http://www.raisingknights.com/2011/01/top-5-types-of-toys-you-must-have-if.html
We never allowed guns, but my son would eat his sandwich into a gun shape and find every stick in the yard that was gun shaped to use. We follow the rule, Never Shoot People! his interest in transformers lasted only a few months because someone gave him one that was too difficult to operate! Now we also have light sabers but everything else pales in comparison to the Legos. My son is 6 and is all about Legos with the occasional light saber battle. But when he’s outside, he’s always finding a big stick and hitting things with it, making spears, digging… all “boy stuff” while his 3 sisters play house.
Haven’t had a chance to listen to the podcast yet, but just wanted to comment. I have 4 boys and 1 girl, ages 13 to 6, with another girl on the way. We allow toy guns, swords, etc. Like others have said, boys will turn anything into a weapon. My husband loves to hunt and of course the kids like to with him. It was very important to him that the kids learned proper gun safety. Not just random shooting with toys. They have watched videos and gone over the parts of a gun and how they work. We typically give our kids a BB gun at the age of 5 (or 6 if they are immature like our youngest). The oldest have taken gun and hunter safety courses. And our 11 year old got his first deer this year. We do make sure that they understand that hunting is for food, not just fun.
My husband is always saying that the shooting and things you see on the news are from those who weren’t taught proper gun safety. Not those who were.
We had no toy weapons until the oldest boy was about 8 and the youngest was 5. My mom accidently put a squirt gun in an Easter basket one year and I said, “That’s ok. We’ll use it in the bathtub and call it a squirter.” That worked just fine. Then we got Nerf guns. When my youngest was 6 he won a BB gun! I wasn’t thrilled, but he sure was! Now we have the BB gun and some Airsoft guns, but the boys are now 13 and 9 and we live in the country now instead of the ‘burbs where we were before.
Whe they were younger, I just wanted to protect their innocence as long as possible–the only tv was PBS for a long time too. Now they love all those military documentaries on tv! What are you gonna do?
With a husband who is a police officer and hunter, guns are a reality in by boys (7 & 4) lives. We are very careful to train them about safety and danger starting with their toy guns. I’m more concerned about their attitudes and what they are pretending than I am them having the toys. It’s often in those pretend scenarios that we get a glimpse into their fears, joys, questions, and peer influence. It gives us the opportunity to shape their world through pretend play in a safe environment.
The Lord looks at the heart. Lord help me to overlook the chaos of guns and see the hearts behind the sabers & shotguns.
I enjoyed this podcast a lot. We have two young boys, my husband is in law enforcement and used to be a Marine. We have never pushed his career choices onto the boys but it’s amazing how they want to be so much like their dad. This includes dressing up like police officers and Marines, haveing some “toy” guns in the house, handcuffs, etc. All of our friends are fine with their kids coming to our house and playing police because they are either in the same profession or know that our kids have been taught to use guns to protect and not to hurt.
This being said, we had a run in with an aquantaince in our play group last year. The boys took their guns to a play date (with the homeowners permission) and afterwards I got an email from another mom telling me I was not allowed to bring guns to any more playdates. I tried to explain how we feel about guns and she just wasn’t having it (she also has a young son by the way) It was almost hurtful to be told my children were not allowed to be themselves around her son. They adore their father and want to be like him and it’s was very hurtful that someone thought we were letting our kids be careless.
Thank you for your insight on the issue.
I could never find my garlic press when I needed it because my 4 year old son thought that it was the best toy gun. Needless to say, he and his little brother have a few toy guns to play with and I have my garlic press again;). This post was terrific and I completely agree with you!! Love your blog;).
I have 5 children – 10 boy, 8 girl, 7 boy, 4 girl and 2 girl. ALL of my children play with guns, swords, daggers, knives and the like. They shoot each other and targets and sword fight with each other. I do believe there are differences in people not gender differences as a sweeping sterotype. Not all boys like violent play and not all girls like tea parties. I believe God made us each individuals but squashing one’s natural tendency is not how God wanted it. I do see some differences in how my children play in girls v boys nature but it’s mostly individuals. I grew up in a gun banned household but we played guns. I tried to restrict sword play but mostly because of injuries based on swinging objects at one’s body. We tried to say just swing at each other’s sword but that was very difficult for the kids. Now I have relaxed on it and just let them play how they want and comfort them if one of them gets hurt. It is practically an ongoing game here – swords, Nerf guns, or some type of war/save the princess/protect the village type of thing. Even I get in on the fun!
great podcast (you have a beautiful voice, by the way!). really helpful as i figure out what to do with my 3 year old boy!