“They grow up so fast! Enjoy them while they’re young!” Yeah, we know. We all know. It’s so true! And yet, I believe it’s time to stop saying this to moms of little ones…
I get it. Oh, how I get it. Once our kids grow up, have a mind of their own, start doing big things, can no longer crawl into our laps, and have problems much bigger than those which can be solved with a kiss on the forehead – we older moms find it easy to look back at the little years with longing. We look at pictures of our kids with their pudgy fingers, wearing the matching outfits we selected for them to wear – and we wonder where the years have gone.
We see that our grown-up kids are taking hard classes, going to prom, and graduating from college and we can’t believe how fast time went. So we look at the mom with babies in her arms and toddlers in her lap and we try to encourage her with, “Enjoy them while they’re young. They grow up so fast!”
Oh, it is true. They do grow up fast!
But today, as I find myself in a season that involves a double portion – that of marveling at my adult and teen children while taking on the task of raising a 5-year old Bonus Boy and fostering a precious 5-month old Boy Babe – I find myself realizing the full truth:
This is hard.
It’s good and it’s marvelous and it’s incredible, but it’s hard.
You can look at my precious new littles, then look up at me and say, “Oh Laura! They are so sweet! Enjoy them while they’re young!” and I will emphatically nod and tell you, “Oh yes! I am!!” I am enjoying our little ones an incredible deal – because of all of the sweetness and cuteness and fun! I am enjoying them so much!
But do you know what else I would enjoy right now?
Sleeping.
Taking a shower.
Eating when I’m hungry.
Drinking my coffee while it is still hot.
Having a full conversation with my husband (that isn’t about the last time the baby pooped).
Not having to stop what I’m doing every three minutes to discipline and train our 5-year old to learn obedience.
Moms of Bigs, do you remember all that was involved in taking care of your little ones? Do you really remember? Oh, there is so much joy in the little years!! But there’s also a lot of poop and puke, tantrums and tattling – along with a never-ending list of work to do that you know you’ll never get around to because little ones require so much attention and care.
These are hard (and good) years, just as raising big kids is hard (and good).
What if older moms stop telling young moms to “enjoy them while they’re young,” and start saying this instead:
“How can I help you enjoy your little ones?”
Think about this.
Moms of Bigs – you no longer have to wipe bottoms, buckle seatbelts, have irrational conversations about broken cookies, or help all the shoes get onto all the right feet. You are, no doubt, in a season of challenge that involves running around like crazy with busy activity schedules, guiding your kids while they make weighty decisions, and then helping them with Geometry after 10:00 pm (Jesus, be near). This is all full of hardship and exhaustion – no doubt about it! But the truth is that even through these challenging days: YOU CAN ACTUALLY GO PEE WHENEVER YOU WANT.
I know this because just a year ago, I was there. With kids who were then 20, 18, 16, and 13 – I thought I was busy, because I absolutely was. Then God put babies on my doorstep and in my arms. Now I’ve got all those big kids plus a pre-schooler and an infant. It’s both fabulous and difficult, beautiful and challenging. I love what God is teaching me through this new gift and calling!
But – some of the days are hard to enjoy. “Enjoy them while they’re young!” I’m trying! But I am also tired.
Here’s what helps me get through these challenging days:
- When my friends bring over a batch of muffins or waffles for my family to grab and eat quickly for breakfast.
- When they come to hold the baby while I take a nap.
- When they grab the 5-year old for some special play time.
- When they give my big kids rides so I don’t have to load up little ones into car seats.
- When they grab the baby at my big kids’ soccer game so I can cheer with my arms free.
- When they drop off a lasagna for me to slide into the oven on a busy day.
- When they hug me and tell me that I’m doing a good job.
Stop simply telling moms of little ones to “enjoy them while they’re young.” That encouragement falls flat in the ears of a tired mama. AND, it makes them feel guilty for not enjoying the puke-filled, sleepless nights that are apparently – fleeting? Yeah, we’re sorry. Nothing feels fleeting at 3:00 am.
Instead, consider doing what you can do to help young moms enjoy these challenging years. Let your big kids help you with this. It’s a win-win!
What you should say to moms of little ones:
Don’t tell them to “enjoy them while they’re young!” Instead, do what you can to help them enjoy these years! Here are some better options every mom of littles actually wants to hear!
- Can I come take your kids to the park for an hour?
- I see what you’re doing, and you are rocking it! Good job, Mama!
- What night can I bring your family dinner this week?
- Your kids are so sweet – great work!
- I’d like to come watch your kids so you can have a date night. What night works for you?
- Can I stop by today and bring you a coffee?
- What size diapers is your baby in? I’ll grab you a package!
This is just a small list, and no doubt, God will fill in the gaps and put on your heart what YOU can do for your friends with little ones. But do consider how you can be a blessing to the weary mamas who are in the snot-filled, wet wipe, dirty-dish-piled trenches. Those days are hard, and those mamas need our real encouragement.
Then, guess what? Those moms really can enjoy them while they’re young! Because it takes a village, and moms with their big kids can be a part of that village!
Moms of big kids? You hang in there too. I know these days are fabulous and exhausting too – because I’m right there with you.
Whether your kids are big or little – or a beautiful mixture of both – we can stand together in encouragement. We can tell each other the truth – that God is carrying us through each day – that He is our provider – that He is with us constantly as we raise our kids.
Be encouraged, Mama! God is with you, and He is good! Because of this, we CAN enjoy every day with our kids.
This is awesome, thank you! As a mom of 5 kids 14 years old to 3 years old and another baby on the way, many things you said are resonating with me. I am thankful for those who have told me to enjoy them while they’re young…it’s such a good reminder. But it does lead to guilt sometimes too. The ideas for helping or encouragement are a great way to fill that gap. Keep sharing all of your hard-earned wisdom and humor! :)
I’m replying to the writer,
I’m a mom of bigs: 19, 21, 23. I get it, I did it. I’m working 50 hours a week to pay for college/s on my own and rents and a mortgage. I barely sleep and barely get up. I clench so hard I have daily migraines and cannot afford a mouth guard. I cannot offer that help because I do not stay home all day. When I get home I crawl into bed and pay the bills online. If I remember to eat, that’s a plus. It’s great you are giving back the way you are. You chose it and I applaud you. I am in a helping profession and would love to retire and volunteer yet I cannot see the end of my tunnel for the foreseeable future if ever. In my profession, retirement is a fantasy given the percentages. A joke really. I give back when I can. I guess we all have our chance to give advise and mine is “Do your best with your kids, but you will always feel guilty no matter what. And don’t worry they will inflict guilt upon you anyway. Try to realize that they only do that with the ones with whom they feel comfortable and love.” The next generation can worry about their feelings. They have their own moms and dads. You have your kids and grandkids. Have fun.
I love this! Thank you!
One of my good friends advised me many years ago to relish each stage of childhood the best I could while I was in it so I would have no regrets when each stage passed. I believe she meant not missing what was beautiful about each phase (without trivializing what was hard) so that we wouldn’t miss the good things about where we were at by yearning to be done and into the next phase. It’s easy to think everything will be better/easier when they can “just….(fill in the blank)” and miss the beauty of now. As a mom of 24, 22, 19, and 16, I see how right she was. I have been fully engaged and fully present in each stage and have no regrets.
So very perfectly said!
At first it sounds harsh. But you are so right, these moms need encouragement, not more guilt! Thanks for sharing ways to be proactive in helping them “enjoy” their precious ones.
Yes! Young moms, those were very hard years for me. You may feel the same. Days were simply about survival for me, not enjoyment, for the most part.
It does get better! Pray your way through your baby/toddler/preschool days and do NOT feel guilty if you too are merely surviving right now.
You are doing a good thing.
Yes, that statement is so guilt inducing to a momma having a very hard time, especially with kids that aren’t neurotypical. The person speaking may not be aware of special needs that made parenting exponentially more difficult. Should we still take joy in the stage we’re in? Of course! But some days we just can’t. And that makes us feel defective.
This is so, so true!! I also like the saying “the days are long but the years are short”!! When my children were little I felt like the days would never end!!! Now they are 11 and 9 and I still feel that way sometimes!! And as much as I hate to say it sometimes I get so tired of hearing “Mommy”!! But I know this is just a season and all too soon they will move away and have their own lives. I’m so blessed that I am able to stay home and homeschool and raise my children(even if I have to remind myself of that several times a day). They are only young once and I only get this one chance!!
Truth. Thank you!
When I started reading, I was hoping you’d say that people should offer to help instead! Because that’s what is needed. And you did! Right on. It’s wonderful to have a little one, but it is hard, too. Help is needed.
Oh Laura! I know the dear, experienced mamas who say it mean it in a good way, and so I (with God’s help!) graciously take it that way, but sometimes I seriously want to scream “It’s good it goes fast because I won’t survive this stage otherwise!!!” A really well-written post; thank you! As an aside, it is truly an incredible challenge to school older kids while juggling a toddler and baby. Nearly every day, I pray “Lord, help me to learn from this hard stage, and remember what did help (and would have helped), and someday use my hard-earned lessons to truly help other young moms.”
Yes! I have 4 children with a little less than 5 years between the first and the last (no twins!). Those younger years were so very good, but so very hard! I loved their sweet little antics, but am doubly enjoying their pre-teen/teen years! Even now the help and focus from Moms who have been there is such a blessing! Working together to serve one another in love makes the journey more joyful for all of us!
Hi,
Not that you asked my opinion, and I try to only offer it when asked, I just wanted to say that all of the times people said that to me I felt that God was using them to nudge me back into His plan for me. I have 6 kids ages 7-16, and there have been many challenging days, but many more great ones! I tell people I’ve been tired for 17 years! Ha!! (including pregnancy) ;)
I pray that amidst all of the sleep deprived, hard days, that you can smile knowing that you are honoring Him by taking care of “the least of these”.
May God continue to bless you as you to seek to serve and follow Him!
Thank you for your faithfulness to Him and to writing all of the recipes and encouragement so often.
Beautifully said and a great reminder!!
Yes, a million times! We’re straddling the two stages right now. We’re pretty much done with diapers and sleepless nights with my youngest, and just beginning the difficulties of the pre-teen years with my oldest.
It’s wonderful to watch my kids playing together nicely (finally) and I try to encourage my friends who only have toddlers and babies that it really does get easier – but at the cost of fewer snuggles and naps, and a lot more money (they keep needing to eat – larger and larger portions; and they wear out their shoes and pants in seemingly no time at all; not to mention the cost of sports, music, or whatever other activities they’re interested in).
From the other end of the spectrum, yes the days are long and hard, but when the kids grow up and leave to start new lives, you will truly yearn for the busy, poopy, pukey days again. So don’t feel guilt, feel blessed that you are still being used to teach your little ones.
Another suggestion: volunteer for nursery and preschool children’s church and Sunday school. I think more than two thirds of the teachers of those ages in my church (and churches I’ve visited) are parents of littles. Why would I want to come to church after spending all week with my three littles to just spend another three hours taking care of ten littles? My husband teaches kindergarten children’s church. I refuse to get involved with the younger kids. Well, sort of. I do watch the preschoolers between Sunday school and church. Once the baby is a little older I’d love to work with the teens or older kids or college kids. Just please give me a break from littles!
This is so true. I feel the same way. There’s just one grandparent who helps out during children’s church. I would love it if some older people would step in so us Mamas with littles could have a break.
This is so true! I made a note in my journal recently along these lines. I know it is so easy to forget when we move into the next stage. Thank you for stating this so eloquently.
Love this article!!! My youngest of our seven children is now almost 4 so I can identify with you and I love the suggestions. My husband and I have been able to bless some young families with babysitting and meals over the last year. Encouragement and meeting physical needs mean so much to parents of little ones.
AMEN!