Heavenly Homemakers

Encouraging women in homemaking, healthy eating and parenting

How to Love People (My New Year Goal)

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I’m writing this post on how to love people because God keeps having to teach me how to love people.

I guess I might be writing this for myself. I need this. Loving people can be hard.

Like, actually loving them. Not just being nice to them. Not just showing kindness. But actually loving them.

I’m not proud of what I am about to share. I’m weeping over it actually. There are some people in our lives that are very hard to love. I’ve never felt this way before.

THESE are MY people, and they are the easiest to love. I don’t have to try to love them and in fact, my love for them is so great that sometimes I can’t even breathe. As God has grown our family, my ability to love has grown. It’s remarkable to experience.

Meanwhile, our little ones come with some baggage. Their baggage becomes mine and I sometimes find myself dealing with texts or communication with people that make me want to scream, ” I JUST WANT TO LOVE AND RAISE THESE KIDS!!! I DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH THE REST OF IT! I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS!!!”

But in fact, I did sign up for this when I said yes to God’s yes. So now I have to figure out how to live and love like Jesus through it.

Am I just a mama bear?

A friend of mine (after I puked my feelings on her for the many-eth time) recently kindly and wisely defended my feelings. “Your mama bear instincts want to protect your babies. There’s nothing wrong with that.” And she’s right. I will always and forever do everything I can for the good of our children, protecting them and seeking what is best for them under harder-than-normal circumstances.

But the truth is that while many of my feelings are normal and understandable, I also have to choose how to use my time and energy when I encounter a challenge with an outside source. How can I do this?

How to love people?

Yes, how to actually love them.

Matt, who is calm and wise and always my sounding board, offered some insights recently and I’ve been praying over them ever since. When I face a challenge that I have no choice but to deal with, I can either:

  • shrink and become soft
  • bristle and become hard
  • or I can choose to let the Holy Spirit do its work in me to truly hear and respond in love

I’m not actually ever responding to anyone with angry words. The problem is inside my head and heart.

My energy and time cannot be taken up by swirling angry and frustrated thoughts. I cannot allow myself to choose ugliness or to let ridiculous inside-my-head conversations full of everything I shoulda-coulda-woulda said to overrule my thoughts.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

This passage tells me to:

  1. Take my thoughts captive.
  2. Make them obey Christ.

All day long.

A boundary around my heart

Someone else’s words should never set my head on fire. Yet I’ve been surprised at how easily angered I can become.

I have to set boundaries in certain relationships, and I have done this. But the biggest boundary is to be put around my own heart. I’m prayerfully working right now to put a Holy Spirit Filter around my heart and head so that when I read a text or have a conversation that frustrates me or makes me hurt, I can still be at peace.

How? By choosing to hear every word through a filter of love.

By recognizing that my God is already at work in each situation. By accepting that He fully loves me and He fully loves the hard people in my life. Because of this, I can love them too. But only with the help of the Holy Spirit.

So I’ve stopped trying so hard

I can’t do it. I can’t love better or be better or do better. It’s all too hard.

But the Holy Spirit can love wholly and freely, and He lives and works in and through me. I am refusing to take on anything that isn’t mine. This includes conflict and any challenge that someone might want to direct at me. In all circumstances, Matt and I will prayerfully work to do what is best for each of our kids. When we come under attack, we will allow the Spirit to give us a loving response. First in our own hearts, then naturally to others.

This brings incredible peace. It also allows love to flow freely, which beautifully takes the place of anger and hurt.

It’s almost a new year

If you’re hoping to do better or be better in 2023, this is great. But I pray that your focus has to do with that which is Spiritual. Nothing else actually matters and everything else, physical and otherwise, will fall into place if we are seeking to let the Holy Spirit be our complete guide and rescue.

My most necessary goal:

To hear every word through a filter of love.

This is my goal, with the help of the Father who sent a comforter to dwell in my heart. This changes everything about how I use my mental and emotional energy, which changes everything about how I walk through my days and love my people.

Dearest Father, help us when we cannot help ourselves. We need you. We can’t do this without you. Be our God. We praise you and seek you for rescue. In Jesus’ name.

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Why You Need to Say “Yes!” to Offers of Help

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I hear far too often from people who struggle to say “yes” to offers of help. Most definitely they don’t ever want to have to ask for help. I’ve struggled with the same, and today I want to share what God has been teaching me about why we should say “yes” to offers of help.

It’s a beautiful thing when God takes you on a journey that is too difficult to walk alone. Beautiful, you ask? To walk a difficult journey? Yes. Because it is while trudging through that difficult journey that we meet Him more fully. That is where we get to know His power. That’s where we learn how much we need Him and can’t live life without Him. That’s where we learn full surrender of self.

And while we are there, that is where He teaches us that we need His people. While God leads us down the challenging path, He is simultaneously telling others, through the power of the Holy Spirit, exactly what to do for us and say to us.

So reason #1 to say “yes” to offers of help:

You don’t want to miss out on the powerful work of the Holy Spirit on your behalf through others!

I cannot begin to express the joy we have experienced through our unexpected foster care and adoption journey when we have received direct blessings of the Holy Spirit through the hands of others.

As glorious as this journey has been, it has also been filled with many incredible difficulties. When we’ve cried out for God to meet a specific need, and then someone shows up, in obedience to God’s call, and meets that specific need? It is mind-blowingly beautiful. When we’ve had a need that we weren’t even able to put into words, then God works through His Spirit to meet the need He knows we have? It’s awe-inspiring. Truly powerful and humbling.

If God puts it on someone’s heart to reach out and serve us, but we pridefully say, “No. I’m okay. Thanks anyway,” we are ultimately saying, “No thanks, God. I don’t want or need your help. I can do this without you.”

Stop it. No you can’t. I know I certainly can’t. We absolutely need God and we absolutely need the help of His people.

This leads me to reason #2 we need to say “yes” to offers of help:

We are called to live a life of humility.

Pride is the ugly demon that makes us think we don’t need or shouldn’t want help. Pride tells us we can do it ourselves, alone. Pride tells us we need to be strong enough. Pride tells us we are admitting weakness if we say “yes.”

The truth is that we are showing great strength when we say “yes” to offers of help. When we deny ourselves, cast off sinful pride, and receive help with open arms, we are allowing God’s strength to be ours.

What if we chose to die to ourselves and let God be fully at work? What do we have to lose? Self. What do we have to gain? All that God has to offer!

And reason #3 to say “yes” to offers of help:

Because…we need it. We. Need. Help.

Don’t say you don’t, because you do. I do. We all do.

WE CANNOT DO THIS LIFE ALONE.

We need Jesus. We need each other. When others step in to take the baby, entertain the 5-year old, give a ride to the 14-year old, offer guidance and support to the 17-year old, hug me and let the tears fall (again), or do any number of the incredible acts of service God has put on their heart to do – I am overcome with gratitude and filled with relief, because of the lifted and shared burden of all that life on this earth tends to bring. There is no big act of service or small act of service. When someone serves according to the way God calls them to serve – IT IS ALL BIG.

When I joyfully accept every offer of help – I am experiencing God’s perfectly planned provision for my life and for my family. I’m not sure there anything more delightful than this. Why would I ever want to say “no” to this?!

Can I afford diapers? Yes. Can I hold the baby by myself during an entire church service? Sure. Can I load up the Littles and chauffer my teens to all their events? It is possible. Can I take the Littles to all of the Big’s events, all by myself? With a stash of cheese sticks and juice boxes, you bet. Can I put on my big girl pants and pull myself up by my bootstraps and do all the things all of the time? That’s what I’d like to tell myself.

But no. I can’t. Not all of the time, and neither can you.

We want to think that we can because when it really comes down to it, we can all work until we become raw and bloody while never asking for help. As if it’s honorable to be miserable. As if suffering for the sake of pride earns us a sparkly star on a chart.

This is all rubbish.

Start saying “yes” to offers of help.

And while you’re at it, confidently ask for help too.

Do it without apology. Do not be sorry for needing help or for receiving the gift of experiencing God at work in your life and the lives of others.

Say “yes” to offers of help.

You will experience God in ways you never have before. You will get to know your friends and neighbors and church family in ways that will amaze you. You will see God at work in how He has gifted people so that when you cheerfully say, “Hey, thank you so much for your help!!” they will say, “Sure, no problem!” because it will be true! When God is in it, it isn’t a problem.

The time to say “yes” is now.

Don’t cop out with “I’m not sure, this is a hard one for me” or “Oh well, I’ll keep working on it.”

It isn’t about you, and your work has nothing to do with this. Stop right now and ask God to show you how to say “yes” to offers of help.

Then let Him. Let Him be at work in your heart to show you the beauty of saying “yes” to help and of reaching out to ask for help when you need it. He is faithful! He will show you exactly what to do, exactly who to ask, and even when you don’t know what to ask, He will provide it anyway.

When He does, say “yes!”

Then watch and see all the goodness He will show you through your “yes.” Life as a body of believers is about to become more beautiful.

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Always, Always, Always Be Kind

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Almost without a doubt I can say that behind every rude comment, dirty look, or grouchy disposition is a hurting person. Can we, as God’s chosen people, choose to be kind no matter what?

God continues to show me that a kind answer truly does turn away wrath. It’s as if choosing to do what He instructs in the Bible actually works. Weird.

Always Be Kind

There are days I am so tired I can’t see straight. Still, I must be kind. People have spat out biting words, have verbally disapproved of my choices, and have questioned my motives. It hurts. I want to become defensive. But when I respond in kindness, the person softens.

People have been angry with me for saying “no,” for setting healthy boundaries, for doing what God wants instead of what they want. I’m tempted to lash out. But when I take a step back, pray, and respond in kindness, the person softens.

Often I feel justified in letting someone know my side of the story. How dare someone get frustrated or angry with me?

But kindness is the right response. Always, always, always be kind.

Friends, we aren’t entitled. No one owes us anything. People may spew out cutting remarks that “we don’t deserve.” Not everyone is seeking Jesus and therefore, not everyone will act like Him. This shouldn’t shock us. This shouldn’t offend us. This shouldn’t make us step up indignantly with an ungodly retort.

Most definitely we should not spit out our grievances to friends or on social media, getting others to join our side with, “I can’t believe that happened to you! What is wrong with people these days!?” This invites the enemy to set up camp. He sees his chance to be a part of something gross and he eagerly grabs on. “Let’s do this together,” he says. “I’ll give you more hurtful words. I’ll provide you with wonderful responses. I’ll put more indignant people on your side. Oh, it’s on.”

Lord, forgive us.

Consider Jesus’ response to all who opposed Him. Never did He give an eye-roll and spit out, “Did you really just say that to me? Do you even know who I am?”

Because obviously the people didn’t know who He was and Jesus knew that. His response was compassion. “Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they’re doing.”

Can we learn to respond to ugliness like Jesus did? Can we practice surrender of self and a heart full of grace toward the hurting? Can we react to biting remarks with gentleness and compassion?

The world tells us that this makes us weak. Truth tells us that this makes us strong. After all, it’s easy to disregard self-control, to vomit up the first ugly retort that comes to mind, to meditate on a hurtful conversation, and to nurse bitterness. But it takes great strength to do what is right. One who relies on God’s strength to truly show love in adversity displays incredible wisdom and courage.

People will wrong you. Hurt people will react in the only ways they know and have been taught. The broken have forgotten to smile and are unable to look up, unable to recognize hope and goodness. It’s up to God’s people to shine light through the darkness.

Let the Lord be at work in you. Deny yourself, pick up your cross, realize the Truth within you that has set you free.

Be filled with the Holy Spirit and let His fruit pour out as you look beyond the circumstances and into the heart of the hurting.

Always, always, always be kind.

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What Every Parent Needs

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Hands down, at the top of my list of what every parent needs is Jesus.

I’m not just saying this because it sounds nice. Without Him, I don’t know how I would get through each day, find the right words, keep the right attitude, and be able to live freely in peace while doing what I’ve deemed to be…

The most difficult and beautiful job on the planet.

Well, second maybe to nurturing and maintaining a healthy marriage. So no big deal. While we realize all that we are blessed beyond measure, I think we also know that if we want goodness for our families we’ve got our work cut out for us.

I’ve been married for 23 years and have been a mom for 20. These years have served to teach me thousands of humbling lessons, all of which begin and end with:

I need Jesus.

I need my Savior. I can’t do this without God. I’m desperately in need of help. And praise Him, He provides all!

Truly.

God didn’t throw these spouses and kids at us and then give us a little pat and say, “Well, good luck. You’re going to need it.”

Often we’re deceived into believing that He didn’t give us a manual for “how to raise kids” because there’s no written words that specifically spell out “Every time your kid does ________, do ________.” Or the book I’ve wanted more than any other, “In order to absolutely, without a doubt raise Godly children, all you have to do is _______________________.” I wanted it to be a five step program that would ensure that my kids chose God. I wanted a simple, tidy package. Is that too much to ask?


Matt and I have done all we can to see that our kids have received Biblical guidance, conversation, truth talk, and countless hours of prayer from us and from others in their lives who love the Lord and love our sons. We haven’t come close to doing a perfect job of this, and for years I felt like a parenting failure because of all my imperfections.

I believed the lie that God doesn’t provide exactly what we need as we seek to raise godly children. Yes, there is the Bible, and we have most certainly relied on it throughout our parenting years. But even the Bible doesn’t share specific formulas to ensure that our kids wouldn’t throw tantrums in the grocery store and that they would absolutely choose Him.

I concluded that since there was no book or seasoned parent to tell me exactly how to accomplish this, and putting our offspring in a choke-hold and cramming it down their throats didn’t seem like quite the right way to go about it either – all I could do was pray and hope for the best.

I’m here to tell you that this is not true.

This is the most important truth I’ve learned during the past 20 years of parenting:

God absolutely does provide all we need as parents, and I’ve learned that He has given us what is even better than a “How to Do it Right Every Time” manual. He has!!

He gives us the Holy Spirit who is at work in us and through us, is living constantly with us to guide us, to give us words, to provide us with wisdom, and to fill us continually so that we are overflowing with His love, peace, joy, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.

If you don’t believe me, read the book of Galatians. If you still don’t believe me, ask God to make Himself fully known to you through the power of His Spirit. Whatever we ask in His name, He will give it. The Bible tells us this over and over.

We are fully equipped! We have been given everything we need through the power of Jesus. And because of this, we can absolutely parent with confidence.

I praise God constantly for revealing these truths, and for His perfect plan to give all of us the Holy Spirit to live and work and breathe in us. We are perfectly gifted. We are strong. We are healed. We are whole. We are provided for.

We take these truths and we hold onto them tightly. We surrender ourselves to God so that we can then surrender our children to Him. These precious ones we hold so dear? Our Father loves them with a love we’ve never felt or experienced, because it’s His pure, perfect, beautiful love.

Trust God. Let the Holy Spirit be at work in you. Parent through His power.

This is what every parent needs.

I’m cheering for you Mom and Dad. We’re teammates in this parenting thing and because of God, we are equipped with everything we need!

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Gratituesday: REJOICE!!

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gratituesday

I know I just talked about Asa and how proud we are of him LAST Gratituesday…but he becomes the topic again this week. ;)

Asa came home from camp with a lot on his mind. He spent a lot of time talking one-on-one with Matt. He kept finding ways to just hang out with me in the kitchen. He had a lot to talk about. It’s a pretty awesome thing when your teenager wants to spend lots of time with you.

Asa was ready to make a commitment.

And so on Wednesday, with many of our family and friends there with us, Matt baptized Asa…

(It’s very hard to hear anything Matt is saying…but it sure is wonderful to watch!)

I’m not sure I ever wore a smile as big as the one I wore on Wednesday night. We are so proud of Asa and thankful for his commitment to being a part of God’s kingdom. It’s a great time for rejoicing!

What are you thankful for this Gratituesday? Write about it on your blog, then come link up with us here. If you don’t have a blog, be sure to leave a comment letting us know what you’re grateful for!

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