raw Archives | Page 2 of 2 | Heavenly Homemakers

While many of you have shared with me since I wrote my Raw and Guilt posts that you can relate, that you have been or are in the same boat, or that you appreciate that I am being open – I believe I may have caused some of you to worry.

First let me say this: You all are rockin’ for caring so much. Thank you. God is powerful and I can tell you are praying. Second, let me assure you: I am okay. In fact, I’m more okay now than I ever have been. Why? How can I be more than okay when I’m going through something challenging?

That, my friends, is what we call peace that passes understanding (Phil. 4:7). This is what James meant when he said to consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds (James 1:2-4). I had to become broken in order to see the beauty God was waiting to reveal.

God is working to help me break down and clear away yuck that has been inside my head and heart for a very long time. I’m learning how to be more fruitful for Him. I’m struggling, laboring, fighting hard, and am occasionally discouraged and weary. But I am not defeated. In fact, the victory has already been won. I just happen to be on a journey right now to help me discover how to completely embrace that victory.

I love this difficult path that I’m on right now. Why? Because I don’t want to be the girl I was for 39 years. That girl was self-seeking, anxious, and almost constantly overwhelmed with life. Sure, I was a blessing to many and productive for Christ in many ways. God has used me, without a doubt. But learning to let go of self while seeking to become more whole for God? Yes! I want this!

Am I or should I be under a doctor’s care? As a matter of fact, I am. That’s actually what started all of this.

I was on a mission in September, 2012 to get on top of my migraine headaches and asthma. My migraines had been getting worse through the years, until I was having them at least twice a month. They lasted three days each time. Six days of migraines every month? No, thank you.

I found a natural doctor in a city nearby who has been giving my physical self a big time over-haul. I see her once every 3-4 weeks, and I have seen much improvement in my health during the past year. Nothing is a fast fix, as she is getting to the root of my issues, instead of just slapping on a band-aid. Through this process of physical healing, I am learning more and more about how our physical and emotional selves are intertwined. As my physical body has de-toxed, my emotional self has gone through major over-haul too. Layer after layer of emotional crud has been brought to light, and I’ve found that God wants to heal all of me.

Well now. It seems that God really intends for me to share more of this story. Put on your seat-belt. I’ll continue to share more of the lessons God is teaching me through all of this. I believe after I share more, you’ll understand why I really do find joy in this trial. Truly, there is a way to live life without freaking out, worrying, fretting, stressing out, being overwhelmed…

Continue reading: Anxiety

I’ve tried several times to write about this, only to find my fingers paralyzed at the keyboard. I’ve experienced God at work enough during this past year to understand that the lack of words meant that God was saying, “No. Not yet.” And so I stepped away, waiting for God’s timing.

I’ve gone through rough times before. I’ve been through the refining fire and been taught tough lessons that have brought me closer to God. Those times were always accompanied by an obvious difficult situation – like the illness and death of my mom, or a major job transition for Matt that gave way to confusion and discouragement.

But this. This came at a time when all was well. Better than well, in my opinion. A thriving marriage, healthy children, growing businesses, a time of living our dreams. Life was good – and I asked God to show me His power and how He could use me best. After all, we should never get to a point that we feel we’ve arrived. To whom much is given, much is expected (Luke 12:48). I believe God expected more of me. I asked Him to show me what that meant. And He said, “I can’t until you give up your self.”

I didn’t really know that was what He was asking at first. All I knew was that life as I knew it began to change. I began to have more anxiety. I was having frequent migraine headaches. I began struggling with what has always come naturally for me, like inviting people into my home, giving of myself to others – wanting to be with people at all.

Which heaped guilt onto my anxiety. Didn’t God call us to love others? To serve? To sacrifice? To give of ourselves? What was the matter with me? What kind of Christian was I anyway?

I had found myself in the midst of spiritual battle, wrestling constantly with who I was, what God required of me, how I was supposed to love people, and in the midst of it all, how I was supposed to put dinner on the table.

(And here you thought that the Getting Ahead in the Kitchen eCourse and eBook were written as a normal part of my site. Truly, they were born out of my own need, solidifying everything I’ve always shared about preparing healthy food for days you don’t have time or energy to cook. In the midst of struggling emotionally and spiritually, keeping myself physically healthy became more important than ever.)

I’m getting a little bit ahead of myself. For now, here are some of the truths He is teaching me:

When we ask God to show us what He wants us to do, He will show us. When we listen, He will speak.
Spiritual battle is exhausting. Allowing ourselves to rest in the midst of it is wise and necessary. Taking care of our physical health is very important to our emotional health.
God is faithful to always provide what we need.
Sometimes we are called to serve; sometimes we are called to be served.
The Holy Spirit convicts us of our guilt when we are sinning, which leads us to repentance. But the nagging, worrisome, hopeless, unhealthy guilt that torments our thoughts does not come from the Father. It comes from listening to lies from the enemy.

Are you hanging on to unhealthy guilt that you need to let go of? Join me in drop-kicking it in the name of Jesus. Trust me when I say that hanging on to guilt keeps us focused on self instead of our Savior.

Continue reading: Beginning