~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~
~Be Intentional~Jubilee~Kingdom Focused~Listen~~Mentor Relationships~
~Nourish~Own It~Pray With Each Other~Quick to Listen~Read Together~Selfless~

Teamwork

1+1 is … – Matt’s Thoughts

I absolutely love teamwork. I loathed my chores when I was young: folding laundry, doing the dishes, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning the sinks and toilets. I couldn’t do these activities while playing Atari or eating a Scooby snack with “Raggy.” Then my sister and I figured out synergy. Well, we didn’t know the word synergy or its definition – a mutually advantageous conjunction – at  ages 11 and 12 but we found out that we could get our chores finished quicker if we worked together. The teamwork routine was that we put off our chores until 30 minutes before mom would be getting home and first we’d frantically do the chores that had to be completed going solo. Then we’d holler from another room, “Ready to do teamwork?” Then, it was almost fun as we accomplished more in a few minutes than we could have by ourselves in twice the amount of time. The flurry of joint activity would complete just as mom drove up and after a high five we could act like our chores had been finished hours ago.

What if in marriage we could “do teamwork”? The Teacher says in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:  If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Man’s math is 1+1=2; God’s math is 1+1 > 2

In a healthy marriage because of God’s grace two individuals united accomplish more than the sum of its parts. To sum up and confuse more, God makes the two become one (1+1=1) and yet the two are greater than two (1+1 > 2).

The Negative Equation – Laura’s Thoughts

God’s math works every time. When a couple is on the same page and selflessly working together, they can accomplish so much more for God’s kingdom than they can accomplish as individuals.

But I’d also like to throw in another math equation. In a marriage, if both spouses aren’t working together in a selfless way and are instead tearing each other down, 1+1 can actually be less than one.

Since that equation doesn’t match up with God’s math, I guess we’d need to say that 1+1 < 1 would be the math of the Enemy. Satan would love to see you and your spouse destroy each other so that not only are you no longer effectively pursuing God’s kingdom as a strong Christian couple, you aren’t even productive as an individual.

Which equation are you going to choose? Are you going to pursue teamwork, which in effect produces much for the Kingdom; or are you going to live for yourself and treat your spouse in a way that chips away at their productivity?

If your spouse isn’t building you up, don’t let that give you an excuse for being less productive. And if you are the spouse that needs to step it up and become more of a team player, consider yourself kicked in the pants.

Be what God calls you to be. Anything less just simply doesn’t add up.

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Teamwork

~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~
~Be Intentional~Jubilee~Kingdom Focused~Listen~Mentor Relationships~Nourish~

Own It

Man in the Mirror – Matt’s Thoughts

The invisible wall between the two of you looms larger than China’s Great Wall…and yet you are in the same room. Though audibly silent, the decibel level inside the two heads match a jackhammer. You blew it. Your spouse has been wronged by you and he/she is upset. Excuses and people or circumstances to blame fill your head. There are plenty of them. And wow, he/she needs to calm down. They have wronged you before. Remember the time when…HOLD UP!!!

How ’bout a little 80’s flashback to the only Michael Jackson song I reference in a serious way. Remember these lyrics? “I’m starting with the man in the mirror, I’m asking him to change his ways…”

No more justifying, rationalizing or faulting others. And don’t you dare dig up the past.

Take ownership of your action (or inaction) in your mind and heart. Take ownership verbally by speaking the truth without any caveats: “I was wrong.” “I acted selfishly.” “I blew it.”

Genuinely apologize and seek forgiveness from your spouse. If your spouse is still livid, forgiveness may not be extended to you right then. I’m going to advise you not to ask for confirmation on the spot. You may want to suggest a cool down period and then revisit this later.

Whether grace is offered immediately or not you must ask yourself, “What do I need to change so that I don’t do this again?” Don’t ignore this step or you’ll find yourself in the same room with your spouse with the Great Wall between you…again. Make a plan to fix it and share this plan with someone. It may be best to share the plan with your spouse. It may also be beneficial to call in help from a friend who will hold you accountable.

Oaf used to be how I felt after I blew it with Laura. In my head I was telling myself, “You big oaf!”

Now OAF is the acronym for the action steps after I’ve been a big oaf: Own it, Ask for forgiveness, Fix it.

Once more from Man in the Mirror: “If you want to make [your marriage] a better place take a look at yourself and then make a … change. Yeah! Make that change!”

But I Have Baggage – Laura’s Thoughts

Wow, I have to say that I never thought we’d reference any of Michael Jackson’s songs here at Heavenly Homemakers. I’m a little bit speechless. (Okay, not really.)

I think Matt makes a great point – why do we always tend to blame others when we have done something wrong? Sure, we all come into the marriage relationship with baggage. Some of us more than others. This can be incredibly challenging and makes life and decision making quite a bit more difficult. But it doesn’t excuse you from making bad choices and hurting others, particularly your beloved.

Did you do or say something you shouldn’t have? No blame-shifting. No excuses. Own it.

Easier said than done, but who said doing what’s right is always easy?

Hey, at least it’s easier than trying to do the Moonwalk. (That was totally irrelevant, but if Matt can reference Michael Jackson, so can I, right?) (Oh wait – did I just blame-shift?)

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Own It