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A Schedule for a Quarantined Day

April 19, 2020 by Tasha Hackett 2 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

Let me check my schedule: Create a workout parody video. CHECK

Who’s having fun?! We are!? (Hint: I schedule fun into my week.)

Exercise

I schedule Saturdays for playing and Whew! Just finished creating a silly work-out video with my family. We dressed up and I donned some bright pink lipstick. Blue tights, overlaid with my swimsuit. Nothing like a little family fun to get the day going.

“Wow,” you say, “Tasha’s family is so cool. I wish I could be as cool as her.” Well, don’t let me fool you. We completely trashed the house and had cheerios for breakfast all week, pre-packaged chicken nuggets three days in a row because my mind has been so overwhelmed with I-don’t-even-know that I couldn’t think past the next five minutes and then it was time for another meal… and another meal. What is it with these people!? Didn’t I just feed them? I don’t know what day it is anymore. My mom’s birthday was on the 17th and I almost missed it because I was a week behind (thought it was only April 11th) **Face Palm**

I have bad days and good days, BUT I have a daily routine that keeps me mostly sane during this quarantine.

The only way I have survived is maintaining my schedule. Do you have one? Years ago I scoured the internet looking for a Stay-At-Home-Mom routine and didn’t find one I liked. So I made up my own. It morphs through the years, each new kid and season changes it.

Morning Routine and Homeschool Life

The ideal perfect morning would look like this, but more often than not I crawl out of bed at 7 because the baby’s still not sleeping through the night:

5:30 AM Wake // Pray // Meditate on scripture  // Stretch

6:00 AM Make bed // Shower // Dress

6:15 AM Drink water //  Put (frozen or premade) breakfast in oven // Read // Study

6:45 AM Empty dishwasher // Start laundry // Set out breakfast

baby at dishwasher

Lots of help around here!

7:00 AM Wake kids // Help the littles with Morning List

Too often I let my day start here.

Kids’ Morning List: Make Bed, Get Dressed, PJs Away, Diaper in Trash, Drink Water, Go Potty, Fix Hair, Read Daily Verse, Take Care of Pets. (This list is an anchor and must be done before breakfast.)

pet rat on Tashas head

Meet Tippy! Our friendly pet rat.

7:15 AM Breakfast and Tidy Kitchen (Kids Help: Clear the Table, Wipe the Table, Sweep the Floor.)

8:00 AM House Blessings (Each kid has a separate daily chore. Gather laundry from all over the house, empty trash, sweep bathroom), Extra Daily Chore, (This will be anything that needs done to maintain the home such as wiping the mirror in the playroom, dusting the piano, vacuuming around the furniture, watering plants, sweeping the entry, lining up shoes, etc. We skip this when breakfast runs late.)

8:30 AM Walk Outside, Online Workout, or movement of some kind. (If nothing else we pretend to be a variety of animals. I have a 7, 5, and 3 year old, so they like that, and we have to keep moving throughout the day because, you know, kids and energy.)

walking outside

Quack! Quack! Off we go.

9:00 AM Morning Time // School

Morning Time with the Kids, My Favorite!

I learned this term from A Humble Place, but it is a Charlotte Mason homeschooling idea. This is the heart of what is most valuable in our home education. Not worksheets and tests and homework, but singing, and poetry, and beautiful ideas.

Our Morning Time can take anywhere from 10 minutes to a full hour depending on the moods of the kids and what we have going on for the day and if we started on time. I won’t go into much detail, but this is bullet points of what we cover; if short on time, we don’t do everything listed:

Pray for God to speak to us and bless our day

Bible story or scripture to think about

Song from our Hymnal: We sing all the verses to the same hymn for an entire month

Review one or three other hymns from previous months

More Singing: American Folk songs, silly songs, National Anthem

(I excuse myself to put the baby down for a nap right around here, I don’t know what they do while I’m gone for 10 minutes, but they’re all still alive in the living room or on the couch when I get back.)

Pledge of Allegiance

Poetry: We love poetry! This is a lovely book: Favorite Poems Old and New, Selected for boys and girls by Helen Farris. We read 1-5 a day depending on how we feel. I ask, “Shall I stop or read another?” The answer is usually, “More!” I pick one that I like and read it every day for the month along with the dailies. By the end of the month the kids are reciting it with me. We have found many poets we love, Carl Sandburg and Robert Louis Stevenson, to name a couple.

Art Appreciation. We look at prints of famous paintings. We don’t worry about educating ourselves on the style or anything. I just show them the picture and talk about what we see and what we like. “If you were in this picture, what would you be doing?” “What are they doing here?” “What do you suppose he is thinking about?” “Do you think she is sad?” (You can buy many of the prints here. So far Peter Bruegel the Elder is our favorite. Who knew!?)

Nursery Rhymes. Great for little guys and surprisingly still applicable through elementary. I love watching my three-year-old learning along with the 2nd grader. I often find them reciting these while they play through-out the days.

We close with the Lord’s Prayer, sing the Doxology, and a simple Benediction, “May the Lord be with you.” And we answer each other, “And also with you!” (My boy used to say, “May the Yord be wif me.” It was lovely.)

School Time!

kids writing in notebooks

Working mostly quietly

After our official Morning Time is over, the youngest wanders off the to play with cars and little animals while I read a chapter book. I find narrative stories that are engaging, yet not dumbed down in the least. A.A. Milne’s “Winne the Pooh” we have read multiple times. Currently we’re reading Richard of Jamestown by James Otis. We’ve read all the Laura Ingalls Wilder books and Chronicles of Narnia. If we are short on time I’ll skip this because Dad will read to them in the evenings, too.

boy reading books

We have many nooks for individual play and quiet time.

I do 10-ish minutes of a reading lesson with the Kindergartener out of Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons by Engelmann. This will take us much longer than 100 days because we do the same lesson two or even three days in a row because she was getting frustrated. Slowing it down has been amazing for her confidence. She is now excited to see progress instead of discouraged when it was difficult. With the 2nd grader we’re using McGuffy’s Eclectic Reader Series a lesson a day, then I assign copy work to both of them. Copy work is often short. We desire a few perfectly written words rather than a whole page of sloppy handwriting. My kids have surprisingly neat handwriting.

example of hand writing

The Kindergartener is done with school for the day. The 2nd grader has math practice, or learning new math skills; he’s going through the Math-It packet (Elmer Brooks), and The Complete Book of Math Grades 1-2 (School Specialty Publishing), he looks up a word in the dictionary and we read the definition together, finds a country on the globe and then finds the same country on our large wall map. We then talk about how we could get there from Nebraska. Those things are listed on his schedule; he can complete many of them on his own.

If you’re looking for some simple curriculum that invites family participation, memorizing scripture AND serving your community, I highly recommend Laura’s ebook Learn Your Letters Learn to Serve. This is INCLUDED with your club membership! (Everyone cheers!!)

kids looking at a large map

This map makes us legit homeschoolers, right?

We are often done by 10:30 AM. The kids have free time until lunch. They find all sorts of things to do on their own. (See, and here you thought my kids stuck to a boring schedule all day long.) They have access to craft supplies where they make paper puppets on popsicle sticks and put on shows, draw comic book-style scenes, draw pictures, my girl will often copy her reading lesson to show it off to Dad, they have train sets and blocks and tents, they build towers and dress up and generally make messes everywhere. If it’s nice they run around outside.

kids playing in toy tents

Can you find all four!?

I do a variety of things. I may play on my phone, (I know, I know…Instagram is sucking my brain out.), meal prep, do a special project with one of the kids, sew something, read books, call my sisters, clean the bathrooms or other chores, go outside and check on my plum trees (THEY HAVE BUDS THIS YEAR!!), and put lunch in the oven.

kids outside

11:30 AM Wake up the baby from his nap. Read to him, snuggle, and play.

12:00 Dad comes up from his basement cave where he’s working from home and we eat lunch.

Afternoon

All help tidy the kitchen, switch laundry (2nd grader’s chore), get ready to go outside. 

Family walk or outside time (if the weather allows)

Free time

boy with block tower

One of many daily creations.

2:00 PM Nap time for baby, quiet time in separate rooms for everyone else. They are not allowed to talk to me or each other until 3:00. The 3 year old usually falls asleep in my bed. I don’t know what the 5 year old does, but she stays in her room with dolls and books and things. The 7 year old plays Legos and looks at picture books and draws in his room.

Finally, I check-out from mom-life in whichever room is the cleanest and causes the least amount of stress, and get incredibly snippy if anyone tries to talk to me during this time. With my laptop I sit and write and write and write. I blog (like now), but mostly I am attempting to write a novel. It’s been three years in the making but I am determined to finish it this year… #goals. I’ll keep you up to date if I ever finish. Because it’s on the schedule, I’m much more likely to do it.

desk with laptop

My office!

If I absolutely don’t feel like writing, I read something I want to read and eat a yummy snack that I don’t share with anybody.

3:00 PM The bigger kids are allowed to come out of their rooms and play quietly in the house or go outside. The younger two generally sleep longer.

toddler sleeping

He naps in my bed because he shares a room.

4:00 PM I close the laptop and come out of hiding. Wake the baby if he’s still sleeping. Dad joins us and we play outside, fold laundry, work on a home project together, grocery shop, meal prep, etc.

big brother reading to baby

5:00  PM Dinner and kitchen clean up.

Evening

6:00 PM Family time. House clean-up, outside time, reading books, listen to music and play, dream and draw plans of the house we’re going to build someday, discuss important things like the most deadly animal in the world: Tiger or Mosquito, I might sew something, paint pictures, kids take baths, go on walks, etc. If I don’t schedule this time in, we miss it! This is my favorite part of the quarantine: Daddy is home every evening.

kids peeling wallpaper

Group project: Removing wallpaper!

6:30 Baby is ready for bedtime routine and he’s asleep by 7:00

7:00 Dad puts the older three to bed. I finish cleaning the kitchen, fold laundry, bring the laptop back out to work some more, sew something, paint something, waste more time on my phone.

Tasha sitting at sewing machine because playing is on the schedule

One of my many hobbies.

8:00 Lights out for the bigger kids

9-10: Lights out for me. And up again at midnight and 3 AM with the baby.

OKAY!!! That’s the basic outline of our day. Not every day goes by this schedule exactly. But the framework has SAVED my kids and me. They know what to expect, and Dad knows what to expect. They don’t have to ask me “Can I go outside?” “When is lunch?” “Am I done with school?” The answer is on the schedule.

What keeps you grounded?

kids pretending to be in a bus

Beep Beep! The bus is leaving.

Do you have a schedule or routine? Does your family know what to expect each day? Do they know what’s expected of them? This schedule has been a life-saver, but it’s been through many transformations. It will look differently this summer and next fall when Dad goes back to work.

Tell me, how is your day planned out?


tasha

Tasha, friend of Laura is a stay-at-homeschool-mom to four kids. When she’s not writing about money and birthdays and how to survive anything, she can be found Instagramming for Laura @heavenlyhomemaker, producing something from a variety of creative hobbies, sneaking treats she doesn’t want to share with her family, and repurposing old shirts into toddler dresses. She and her family recently bought two-acres of prairie and are dreaming of a little house to build on it.

 

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Dear Husband Who Isn’t Sure What to Get His Wife for Her Real Food Kitchen

December 16, 2015 by Laura 9 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

Hey Ladies. Today, I wrote a post to your husbands. I thought they might appreciate some sly gifting suggestions. You can thank me later. Feel free to read this and put brightly colored stars on your computer screen to mark which of these you really want your husbands to take note of. 

Dear Husbands,

I’m Laura. Nice to meet you. I spend quite a bit of time with your wife each day. We have fun together. Perhaps she’s mentioned me? You’ve likely eaten a thing or two that I’ve shared here. It was probably that one recipe that you said, “Mmm, this is good” and she said, “I got the recipe from that one heavenly homemaker lady who has four sons and loves butter and hates cleaning. She can’t talk and cook at the same time, but her recipes are good.”

Today I wanted to offer you all a little bit of help. Christmas shopping for your wife can be a bit overwhelming. I get it. Once my husband asked for a dremel for Christmas and I started to cry. (Not really. Maybe.)

Not only can I give you some pretty good ideas about what your wife might love for Christmas, I can even tell you where to get them. I’ve already done the price comparison. Not that she’s not worth a billion dollars, right? But she’ll love the gift more if you don’t knock out the food and toilet paper budget for the month when you buy her gift(s).

Now keep in mind, you know your wife best. If she’s not into practical gifts, by all means ignore me and go buy her something from a jewelry store. But if opening an appliance or a box of casserole dishes says, “My husband loves me so much!” then this is what you’re going to want to look into:

Pyrex

Pyrex dishes are more romantic than you think. I probably have over 30 pieces of Pyrex in my kitchen and they are more beautiful to me than diamonds. Important: If it doesn’t have a lid, it’s not worth having! Get your wife Pyrex dishes with lids because she can do so much more with them!!!! (Do I sound bossy? I’m really not bossy. I just feel strongly about my Pyrex lids.)

My favorite and most useful sets of Pyrex with lids:

Pyrex Smart Essentials 8-Piece Mixing Bowl Set

 

pyrex bowls 2

Pyrex Simply Store 10-Piece Glass Food Storage Set

pyrex2

Pyrex Easy Grab 4-Piece Value Pack, includes 1-ea 3-qt Oblong, 2-qtOblong, Red Plastic Covers

pyrex_4

Pyrex Easy Grab 8-Piece Glass Bakeware and Food Storage Set

pyrex2

6 Piece Bakeware/Cookware Set with Red Plastic Covers

pyrex

Cast Iron

Cast Iron is very healthy to cook on and turns out delicious food – in particular pancakes, grilled cheese, and scrambled eggs with bacon. Get cast iron for your wife and you will reap the rewards, I promise.

Cast Iron Griddle

cast iron griddle

 

 

Cast Iron 3-Piece Skillet Set

cast iron 6

Stainless Steel

It’s so shiny! (This is the practical gift version of a gold necklace.) If your wife wants to ditch her teflon (I recommend it!) this stainless steel pots and pans set is a wonderful replacement.

Cook N Home 12-Piece Stainless Steel Set

stainless steel cookware

Silicone

For a lower budget, or for a little add-on item to hide in your wife’s stocking – I have two fun little silicone items I love and use all the time. These will make your wife’s baking efforts easier. You want to make her baking efforts easier.

Silicone Baking Cups-24 Piece- Food Grade Silicone Baking Cups, Star and Round Shape-comes in Six Assorted Colors

silicone4

Artisan Non-Stick Silicone Baking Mat – 2 Pack

silicone mats

Nutrimill

I’ll follow the least expensive items with the two most expensive items. A Nutrimill has the potential to change your life (and save you money in the long run). Your wife can grind flour in it, making the most delicious breads and waffles you’ve ever eaten. As an added bonus, this makes your baked goods healthier. You won’t know about that though because you’ll be too busy enjoying your homemade bread with butter.

Nutrimill at Paula’s Bread

nutrimill 2

Blendtec

This is the priciest of all, yet perhaps the most useful. I use my Blendtec several times every day. It has saved me so much time! You’ll never need to buy another blender again.

Blendtec Designer Series Blender, WildSide Jar – Black

blendtec

 

As for the wrapping, you’re on your own. I’ve done all I can do here.

Order quickly, Men. Time is running out. May you have a wonderful Christmas morning in which your wife opens her gift(s) from you, then throws her arms around you and says, “Now I can make you the best pancakes ever!!!” Trust me when I say that these gifts offer a win-win situation for both you and your wife. You might want to also order a jug of Maple Syrup for the pancakes she’s going to make you. Just saying.

Sincerely,

That Heavenly Homemaker Lady

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A Surrendered Heart: It’s a Choice

May 20, 2015 by Laura 8 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

Welcome to A Surrendered Heart: A Wife’s Journey to Love the Jesus Way. Click on the “Leave a Comment” button on each post to add your thoughts, experiences, and suggestions to the discussion. If you are a newsletter subscriber, please click through to this post on my website to add your comments to the discussion to be read by everyone. I look forward to hearing what you have to say! God be praised for the gift of marriage and for allowing us to grow in Him.

Read Lesson 1:  Why I Married This Guy
Read Lesson 2: So, What Does Your Husband Do?
Read Lesson 3: How Selfish is Your Prayer?
Read Lesson 4: Serve Because I Want To

Surrendered Heart Lesson 5

My husband is not perfect. (Beginning first with the fact that he chose to marry an imperfect woman. That would be me.)

Every day I have to choose how I respond to each imperfection displayed in my husband. When he is forgetful, how will I respond? When he isn’t working within my time frame, how will I respond? When he doesn’t see things from my point of view, how will I respond?

It is way too easy to respond to imperfections with annoyance and frustration. If you’re like me, you’ve found that if you’re annoyed at one thing, it’s very easy to become annoyed with twelve other things too. I certainly don’t need to be a “shrug everything off” wife, offering a giggle and a kiss each time my husband’s human side shows. But nothing justifies my ugly and sinful response. Nothing.

You and I have some choices to make. We can choose to love the Jesus way – in complete surrender – letting the Holy Spirit be at work; or we can take a nice long soak in an ugly puddle of selfishness. Why we would ever choose the latter is beyond me. But because of our human tendency to look inward as we try to problem solve without the help of Jesus, I fear that you and I too often find ourselves plopped right down in that muddy pit.

Too often we can find ourselves in a state of fear, worry, and frustration as we refuse to give up the control that ironically – we don’t even have in the first place. As we make our choices, we need to recognize this truth: When we refuse to let go of control, we are very much out of control. When we let go, surrendering our hearts to Jesus’ control – everything suddenly becomes peaceful. Problems may not vanish, but the peace is there, even if it passes understanding.

So how do we do this? How do we choose the right way? How do we make the choice to love our husband the Jesus way?

Luke 92324

Download Follow Me Printable Here

Two key points come from this verse:

  1. We must deny self.
  2. We must take up our cross daily.

Today. Then again tomorrow. And also the day after that. We have to deny our selfish thoughts and actions daily. Jesus commanded this because He knew that Satan would see to it that our selfish side would constantly fight to win our mind and heart focus. We must make the choice daily to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus.

The result? Peace. Joy. Love. The fruit of the Spirit at work in a surrendered heart.

Take some time now to put your godly choices in writing.

Today I Choose

Download Today I Choose Printable Here

If you and I choose to let the Spirit work in our hearts – loving our husbands (and others) the Jesus way will be a peaceful and joyful effort. It is a choice. Which choice will you make?

Up For Discussion…Share With Us!

  • Share some ways you find that it is easy to love your husband!
  • What does it look like to “deny yourself and take up your cross daily?”
  • What ways can you choose to love your husband in a more Christ-like way?
Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Healthy Marriage Tips from A to Z eBook – FREE for everyone!

January 3, 2012 by Laura 32 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

Matt and I have thoroughly enjoyed writing the Healthy Marriage Tips from A to Z series together, and appreciate the ways you have all sharpened us through your emails and comments regarding the subject of healthy marriages. Now that we’ve worked our way through the alphabet, we have compiled all of the posts in this series and put them into a free, downloadable resource for you. We are excited to offer this to everyone, with no strings attached.

We would be honored if you would be willing to share this eBook with anyone you feel might benefit from reading it. There is no limit to the number of copies you can make of this eBook or the number of times you are allowed to download it. All we ask is that you don’t sell it, but we probably didn’t need to say that, right? :)

We would appreciate any suggestions you might have as to where Matt and I should head at this point as we write more marriage content for the site. Share your ideas in the comments or send us an email to offer your thoughts about what you feel would benefit you and your spouse the most. Thanks!

And now, we are thrilled to offer, free to everyone, Healthy Marriage Tips from A to Z eBook:

Healthy Marriage Tips from A to X ~ Free Download

Click the link below to download the book:
Healthy Marriage A to Z eBook

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Zeal

December 29, 2011 by Laura 3 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~
~Be Intentional~Jubilee~Kingdom Focused~Listen~~Mentor Relationships~Nourish~Own It~
~Pray With Each Other~Quick to Listen~Read Together~Selfless~Teamwork~
~Uplift~Vulnerable~Worship~X in a Healthy Marriage~Yield~

More Than Anyone Else – Matt’s Thoughts

If you were anything like me when you were getting to know your future spouse, you did whatever it took to spend time with him/her. You arranged and rearranged your schedule to be together. You had difficulty going separate ways when life demanded that of you. You talked on the phone (or emailed/texted depending on what era we’re talking about) when you couldn’t be face to face. Your “sweetie” (or insert nickname here) was constantly in your thoughts and you couldn’t wait to be together again. The world revolved around that one person that made you whole. You were zealous.

Do you have zeal for your spouse today?

Who do you want to be with more than anyone else? A famous person? A person of great influence? A genius? A genie?

No! You want to be with your spouse more than anyone in the world.

After the “I Do” – Laura’s Thoughts

Clearly, the way you showed zeal toward your beloved when you were dating is going to look different than the way you show your zeal now that you’re married. I’ve heard my share of advice about how you should be sure and date your spouse once a week, or how you need to be sure and remember all the things you used to do when you were wooing each other during courtship. Don’t hear me saying that these aren’t ideas that hold some merit. Continued dating once you’re married is a valuable thing. Wooing each other after marriage is sweet and necessary.

But married zeal runs deeper than dating and sweet words.

It means that you seek to know how to best meet his/her needs, and that you lovingly and eagerly pursue ways to meet those needs. It means that you work hard to build your spouse up so that he/she can be a better servant for God’s kingdom.

Married zeal comes in the form of a selfless love and an urgent desire to lift your loved one to a seat of joy. It may mean that you need to do something you don’t want to do – but you zealously do it anyway because your love for your spouse comes before your own desires to run away from a difficult situation. (I’m talking about everything from a dirty diaper to a painful decision and beyond.)

We all have zeal toward something or someone. Where are you focusing your zeal? Is it in the work place? Is it in your desire to become successful or wealthy? Is it in having the perfect home and the most sharply dressed children?

Or are you zealous in your love for your spouse? Are you daily showing your beloved, with your eyes and your attitude, that you have chosen him/her above all else?

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. A to Z – Zeal

 

 

 

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Teamwork

November 4, 2011 by Laura 5 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

 

~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~
~Be Intentional~Jubilee~Kingdom Focused~Listen~~Mentor Relationships~
~Nourish~Own It~Pray With Each Other~Quick to Listen~Read Together~Selfless~

Teamwork

1+1 is … – Matt’s Thoughts

I absolutely love teamwork. I loathed my chores when I was young: folding laundry, doing the dishes, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning the sinks and toilets. I couldn’t do these activities while playing Atari or eating a Scooby snack with “Raggy.” Then my sister and I figured out synergy. Well, we didn’t know the word synergy or its definition – a mutually advantageous conjunction – at  ages 11 and 12 but we found out that we could get our chores finished quicker if we worked together. The teamwork routine was that we put off our chores until 30 minutes before mom would be getting home and first we’d frantically do the chores that had to be completed going solo. Then we’d holler from another room, “Ready to do teamwork?” Then, it was almost fun as we accomplished more in a few minutes than we could have by ourselves in twice the amount of time. The flurry of joint activity would complete just as mom drove up and after a high five we could act like our chores had been finished hours ago.

What if in marriage we could “do teamwork”? The Teacher says in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:  If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Man’s math is 1+1=2; God’s math is 1+1 > 2

In a healthy marriage because of God’s grace two individuals united accomplish more than the sum of its parts. To sum up and confuse more, God makes the two become one (1+1=1) and yet the two are greater than two (1+1 > 2).

The Negative Equation – Laura’s Thoughts

God’s math works every time. When a couple is on the same page and selflessly working together, they can accomplish so much more for God’s kingdom than they can accomplish as individuals.

But I’d also like to throw in another math equation. In a marriage, if both spouses aren’t working together in a selfless way and are instead tearing each other down, 1+1 can actually be less than one.

Since that equation doesn’t match up with God’s math, I guess we’d need to say that 1+1 < 1 would be the math of the Enemy. Satan would love to see you and your spouse destroy each other so that not only are you no longer effectively pursuing God’s kingdom as a strong Christian couple, you aren’t even productive as an individual.

Which equation are you going to choose? Are you going to pursue teamwork, which in effect produces much for the Kingdom; or are you going to live for yourself and treat your spouse in a way that chips away at their productivity?

If your spouse isn’t building you up, don’t let that give you an excuse for being less productive. And if you are the spouse that needs to step it up and become more of a team player, consider yourself kicked in the pants.

Be what God calls you to be. Anything less just simply doesn’t add up.

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Teamwork

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Read Together

October 20, 2011 by Laura 9 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~
~Be Intentional~Jubilee~Kingdom Focused~Listen~~Mentor Relationships~
~Nourish~Own It~Pray With Each Other~Quick to Listen~

Read Together

Being on the Same Page – Matt’s Thoughts

Variety in marriage is fun. So, when it comes to reading together, mix it up, taking into consideration what would be good for the two of you. Laura and I have never gone wrong by reading books, articles, posts or other material that is written to help marriages. Even if it is not insightful for our context, at the very least we are side by side trying to align ourselves with each other. We have read from the Bible and discussed it and we have read material that is just plain fun…like a joke book. We don’t read together every night, but we talk about what each of us is reading separately. I urge you to read at least one book together every year that is specifically for marriage relationships written by an author(s) who has a Christian worldview. Whether you borrow it from your local library, church library, or a friend, or whether you purchase it so that you can own it and reference it, the key word here is TOGETHER. If only one of you reads the book, then you’re not on the same page…pun intended. Make it happen TOGETHER.

If you are like us, we have good ideas like reading a book together and then we blink and 2011 is almost history. This “good idea” of reading together probably won’t take place unless you agree on the book and schedule it TOGETHER. Of course life happens and schedules need to be rearranged on occasion, but our experience has been that the time together and discussion that follows connects the two of us.

Yes, it needs to be intentional, but beware of the checklist mentality and the critiquing spirit – as in critiquing the author. Speaking from experience, I have needed to choose to have the right attitude when it is reading time. I remember one particular couple’s devotional book that I was counting down the pages ’til it was complete. It just wasn’t doing anything for me. The reason it wasn’t doing anything for me was because of my attitude. Once I stopped the countdown and ceased being critical of the writer’s style, then the discussion about its relativity to my marriage improved.

A suggestion if you are having trouble deciding: Visit with other couples who have healthy marriages and see what they would recommend reading and ask them why they would recommend it.

Yeah, What Matt Said – Laura’s Thoughts

I think Matt said all of this wonderfully. The only thing I’d like to add is this:  For those of you who don’t enjoy reading, try books on CD. (I almost said “books on tape”, which like totally tells you that we grew up in the 80’s and that I used to have big hair.)  You may not love every book or concept you read together, but be sure to ask yourself if you don’t love it because it’s difficult to hear. Sometimes the truth hurts. Allow God to stretch you and challenge you with books that enrich your marriage.

Books That Have Benefitted Us or Other Couples (alphabetical order):

Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
His Needs Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr.
Intended for Pleasure by Ed Wheat MD and Gaye Wheat
Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It by Jerry B. Jenkins
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray
Night Light by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before (and After) You Marry by Les & Leslie Parrot  (This is what we are currently reading and it’s good for us even after 17 years of marriage)
The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

What have you and your spouse read together that you would recommend?

 

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Read Together

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Own It

September 29, 2011 by Laura 2 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~
~Be Intentional~Jubilee~Kingdom Focused~Listen~Mentor Relationships~Nourish~

Own It

Man in the Mirror – Matt’s Thoughts

The invisible wall between the two of you looms larger than China’s Great Wall…and yet you are in the same room. Though audibly silent, the decibel level inside the two heads match a jackhammer. You blew it. Your spouse has been wronged by you and he/she is upset. Excuses and people or circumstances to blame fill your head. There are plenty of them. And wow, he/she needs to calm down. They have wronged you before. Remember the time when…HOLD UP!!!

How ’bout a little 80’s flashback to the only Michael Jackson song I reference in a serious way. Remember these lyrics? “I’m starting with the man in the mirror, I’m asking him to change his ways…”

No more justifying, rationalizing or faulting others. And don’t you dare dig up the past.

Take ownership of your action (or inaction) in your mind and heart. Take ownership verbally by speaking the truth without any caveats: “I was wrong.” “I acted selfishly.” “I blew it.”

Genuinely apologize and seek forgiveness from your spouse. If your spouse is still livid, forgiveness may not be extended to you right then. I’m going to advise you not to ask for confirmation on the spot. You may want to suggest a cool down period and then revisit this later.

Whether grace is offered immediately or not you must ask yourself, “What do I need to change so that I don’t do this again?” Don’t ignore this step or you’ll find yourself in the same room with your spouse with the Great Wall between you…again. Make a plan to fix it and share this plan with someone. It may be best to share the plan with your spouse. It may also be beneficial to call in help from a friend who will hold you accountable.

Oaf used to be how I felt after I blew it with Laura. In my head I was telling myself, “You big oaf!”

Now OAF is the acronym for the action steps after I’ve been a big oaf: Own it, Ask for forgiveness, Fix it.

Once more from Man in the Mirror: “If you want to make [your marriage] a better place take a look at yourself and then make a … change. Yeah! Make that change!”

But I Have Baggage – Laura’s Thoughts

Wow, I have to say that I never thought we’d reference any of Michael Jackson’s songs here at Heavenly Homemakers. I’m a little bit speechless. (Okay, not really.)

I think Matt makes a great point – why do we always tend to blame others when we have done something wrong? Sure, we all come into the marriage relationship with baggage. Some of us more than others. This can be incredibly challenging and makes life and decision making quite a bit more difficult. But it doesn’t excuse you from making bad choices and hurting others, particularly your beloved.

Did you do or say something you shouldn’t have? No blame-shifting. No excuses. Own it.

Easier said than done, but who said doing what’s right is always easy?

Hey, at least it’s easier than trying to do the Moonwalk. (That was totally irrelevant, but if Matt can reference Michael Jackson, so can I, right?) (Oh wait – did I just blame-shift?)

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Own It

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Jubilee

August 25, 2011 by Laura 11 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~Be Intentional~

Jubilee

Restart Button – Matt’s Thoughts

In the Old Testament (Leviticus 25) we read about the year of Jubilee. Land that had been sold to pay debts was returned to its owner and people who sold themselves as servants were set free so that people in desperate situations would not be taken advantage of. Using a modern day analogy, the restart button was pushed. This was to be practiced every fifty years. In a healthy marriage Jubilee takes place more often than every fifty years. Usually we call it forgiveness and it must occur often. Forgiveness is a MASSIVE component in marriage. We need to push the restart button, offering Jubilee to our spouse, and we need it pushed for us, receiving Jubilee from our spouse.

Several years ago, I really needed Laura’s Jubilee. I was playing computer games late into the night for many nights. I wasn’t getting the sleep I needed which led to all kinds of consequences that Laura took the brunt of, and more importantly we were not spending the end of the day together connecting with each other. She expressed to me her desire for us to be together more and I agreed, but I was lacking in self-control and did not follow through with my agreement…for waaaaaaaaaaaaay too many nights. This hurt Laura as she felt like I was choosing games over her. She was right, I was choosing games over her, not willfully, but due to immaturity, selfishness and – I’ll be blunt – stupidity.

I hurt my wife and I needed the restart button. Thank you Laura for pushing the restart button. (As a side note, we jointly made a plan that has moved us past those issues.)

The Chosen One – Laura’s Thoughts

Issues with computer games in a marriage may seem petty to some of you who have experienced painful betrayal in areas such as pornography or infidelity. We realized that at the time of our struggle and we realize it now. But the issue remains the same:  I want to be Matt’s chosen one. He wants to be mine.

Anytime you choose something or someone instead of choosing your spouse – you’re making the wrong choice. That’s not what this post is ultimately about, but please hear it loud and clear. Beyond your relationship with the Father, your spouse needs to be your first priority, so let go of yourself and choose your beloved.

That’s exactly what Matt did. He made the decision to grow through his selfish desires – and he chose to put our relationship first. I became his number one again.

But even so, Jubilee didn’t occur until I had truly forgiven the hurt he had caused me by what I had felt as neglect. If Matt had made the changes I asked him to make, and then I had simply shrugged and said, “Well, it’s about time,” our marriage may not be in a much healthier state than it had been.

We had to push the restart button. I had to truly forgive, and together we came up with a plan that worked to grow our healthy marriage. There is no room for bitterness in a marriage that is moving forward toward greatness.

Don’t wait 50 years for Jubilee. Forgiveness starts today.

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips A to Z – Jubilee

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Be Intentional

August 11, 2011 by Laura 23 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

~Appreciate Your Spouse~Buoyancy in Marriage~Consult Your Partner~
~Dream Together Part One ~Dream Together Part Two~Empower Your Spouse~
~Have Fun With Your Spouse~Give to One Another~Honor Each Other~

Be Intentional

A Conscious Choice – Matt’s Thoughts

Jim Collins wrote a business book called Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap … And Others Don’t (HarperBusiness, 2001). Good to Great shows that greatness is not primarily a function of circumstance; but largely a matter of conscious choice and discipline.

In a healthy marriage, both the husband and the wife are intentional about improving the health of their marriage.

If you wanted to get healthier physically by toning your muscles and improving your digestion, but continued to sit on the couch and eat junk, then your health will not improve. The same goes for your marriage relationship.

A plan must be made, action must be taken, accountability should be in place and a regular check-up/evaluation brings it full circle.

Following through with positive choices can help your marriage shift from good to great.

Meet George Jetson; Jane his wife. – Laura’s Thoughts

Our kids have a couple of Jetsons cartoon DVDs (remember this?!), which are always good for a chuckle. The head of the household, George Jetson, complains that while during a particularly “busy” day at work, he actually has to reach up to push his button an entire three times, if you can possibly imagine this exhausting type of assignment. His wife, Jane, is a homemaker. She punches the family’s dinner menu order into her dinner machine thingy, and tada – and out comes dinner. Clean up after dinner happens with the push of another button and when she needs to vacuum? Well there’s a button she can push for that too. Their lives are about as simple and easy as a life can be, with robots and machines doing all of their work. (And yet, good grief, they still complain about having to push so many buttons. Are people – or um, cartoon characters – never content? Yes, I suppose that’s another post for another day.)

I think most of us would prefer life to be as simple and easy as possible. We plan to grow up and meet the man/woman of our dreams. We get married with plans to live happily ever after – the end.

My question would be:  What part of your “plan to live happily ever after” actually contains a plan?

Like the Jetsons, we’d like to push the “happily ever after” button in life and sit back and let the happiness happen. But a healthy marriage – a marriage full of the joy God intended – doesn’t just happen. You must each be intentional about working to create and maintain a healthy marriage.

Stop sitting on the couch eating the junk food of an unhealthy marriage (selfishness, pride, bitterness, laziness). Stop trying to push the easy button in life, waiting for that happily ever after picture you have of a healthy marriage to just fall into your lap. Stop waiting for your spouse to step up to the plate while you continue to grow more and more discontent.

Your happily ever after begins when you become intentional about being what God calls you to be as a husband or a wife.

Ladies, we know you’re reading here more often than the guys. ;)  We’d love husbands to read this article as well. If you feel so inclined please send the link to your husbands, or if it’s easier, we’ve created a downloadable article for you to quickly print off and share. Healthy Marriage Tips  from A to Z – Be Intentional

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!
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