Heavenly Homemakers

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How God Broke My Chains and Set Me Free: Piercing with Purpose

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The past five years, God’s been working a major overhaul in my heart. Today I am delighted to share the latest – a beautiful new way God broke my chains and set me free.

How God broke my chains and set me free

If you’ve ever lived in fear of pleasing all the people – all the time, you know that this is impossible and therefore excruciatingly painful. I lived much of my life in knots of anxiety – my head, my heart, my gut – all in knots, as I worked so hard to be what people wanted me to be and of course, in an effort to “do all the right things.”

It all sounded so good at the time. I wanted to serve people, to do right, to make everyone happy. I thought I was on the right track, that the anxiety was simply a part of who I was.

Until God broke me. He painfully, gently, beautifully, and faithfully broke me. He took me to a place so desperate I had no choice but to look up, to kneel down, and to surrender.

Nothing about being broken is easy. It’s simple, but it isn’t easy. It’s simple because God and His promises are faithful and perfect. It’s hard because dying to self, walking away from who you once were, learning new Truths about who God actually is, and bravely turning your back on where the enemy has held you in bondage means he’ll start attacking in other ways in an effort to keep you as his slave.

Not today, Satan.

chains2

Praise God, His power is bigger!

In the name of Jesus, and because of the love of Jesus, Satan is powerless over us. We are a new creation. We are in Jesus. We are free!

As I’ve been learning to trust God fully, walking my way through the fire of refinement and eagerly seeking healing for my brokenness, He began revealing more and more pieces of His plans for me.

Last summer He said, “It’s time to speak up. Share what you are learning. Do not settle for mediocrity. Tell my people to break free from what has become comfortable. Staying in comfort is not what I ask of my people. I ask people to die to self so they can fully experience my love and selflessly love their neighbor. Share what you’ve been learning so others can learn to truly live life through the promise of the Holy Spirit.”

As a faithful follower, of course I answered with, “Thanks for the offer, God. I don’t want to do that. Ask someone else.”

And He replied, “I am not healing you for silence.”

Fearfully, I cowered.

God continued to refine and renew me. He led me through Scripture to reveal Truth I’d been blinded to before. He guided me through trial to reveal His faithfulness and provision. He walked me through pain to teach me how to trust Him. He taught me to truly seek the Holy Spirit for constant guidance and peace. Then again He said, “Share what you’re learning.”

But I said, “It’s all too weird for me. I’m not comfortable with this. I don’t know what to say.” (Sound familiar? Hey, Moses. Be my BFF. Let’s come up with a secret Exodus 4:13 handshake.)

God said, “Laura, trust me. Trust and obey. I will give you all the words.”

In the weeks that followed, I continued to seek Him, continued to walk forward, but continued to stay quiet. I watched God move and work and I relished in His goodness and power. But I remained silent. Perhaps I can just lead by quiet example, I thought. And again He said, “It’s time.”

“It’s time for you and every one of my people to move past what is comfortable. I call people to love and live through the power of the Holy Spirit. Stand up, stand firm, stand strong. Learn to truly seek me, to love me, and to love others.”

And then He told me to do something outward, something entirely out of my comfort zone. It’s almost too funny to say, because really, would God ask a person to do this? I had no problem with others doing it. But me? Ha! I’m 44 years old. Really, God? Did I just hear you right? Did you really just tell me to go out and get my nose pierced? In the name of Truth and Freedom?

I laughed until I realized that God really meant it.

For two weeks I wrestled. I cried, I barely slept, and I hardly ate. I sought guidance and counsel from wise people God selected, secretly hoping someone would talk me out of it. True and faithful friends that they were, they stood by my side and encouraged me to obey.

I asked over and over, “God, please make this clear. Did you really tell me to pierce my nose as a message to the church that we are to break free of what is comfortable and seek actual, true freedom in you? This is a beautiful message, and how desperately I want to share, but please, Dear Jesus. This is too weird, too hard for me.”

He reminded me that He told Hosea to marry a prostitute to convict people of their unfaithfulness. He asked Ezekiel to eat a scroll, then lie down on his left side for 390 days and eat defiled foods to send a message to His people. Ok, fine. Put a tiny sparkle in my nose? I can do that. I think. Maybe?

What will people think, Lord? I’m Laura Coppinger, the one who serves in the background, writes behind a computer screen, feeds all the people all the food. I don’t even wear make-up or care about jewelry, for goodness sake.

I was willing to obey God but I became terrified. What would I tell people? Was this really from God? People would disapprove.

Bingo.

While I had thought God asked me to do this as a message for His people (and He did), I learned that He really asked me to do this to cleanse my own broken heart. The pride. The selfishness. Wanting approval from people – this sin I’ve struggled with since I was a tiny girl. I thought God had healed this part of me. But suddenly I became well aware of the ugly monster still within.

God and I had more work to do.

Free me, Lord! I don’t want to be in bondage. Break my chains! Cleanse me of this pride and selfishness, and the anxiety that grips me over the fear of disappointing people.

Oh our God is faithful. He is good and holy and righteous. He is healer. He is victorious! He binds our wounds and sets the captive free!

I obeyed. I did it.

pierced with purpose

And just like that, I was free! FREE!!!!! Jesus set me free. Chains broke, snapped in two, and dissolved. The yoke of slavery is defeated. We live in freedom!

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

God bless my husband, my sons, and the precious friends God chose to walk these weeks with me. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so outwardly messy, so painfully aware of my weaknesses, so humbly in awe of my need for surrender.

There is glorious freedom in surrender. There is tremendous joy in obedience! And as an added perk, I crazy LOVE my tiny little nose piercing! Who knew? (God.) It is a constant, sparkling reminder to me of the healing God offers and the freedom He provides.

Friends, we serve a God who has called us to holy living. We are chosen by a Father who wants to refine, cleanse, and heal our brokenness. We are saved by the blood of Jesus. And we have been provided with His Spirit to live inside us constantly and fully so that we can be in His Kingdom now and forever.

Learn to listen. Be open and free and willing to be taught and cleansed. Welcome His truth. Deny the schemes of the enemy to hold you back. Ask for fresh eyes and an open heart to reveal truth from Scripture about how the Holy Spirit works and lives among us.

Trust. Obey. Be free!

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Just Today

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A female chaffinch sitting on a branch of a hawthorn tree.

Always the most profound truths are those that are the most simple. I am amazed at what God keeps teaching me based on scripture I’ve read and known my entire life.

Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Matthew 6:34). Ain’t that the truth? I know this, and you know this – but I believe that worrying about tomorrow (and today and yesterday and next week and 2016 and…) is one of our biggest battles as humans.

I’ve been wrestling tremendously with this the past few weeks. Mistakes of yesterday, fears about tomorrow, questions about the future, anger over what I can’t control – they threaten to take over my thoughts. Why, when I know better, do I let worry cripple me? Why, when I believe Jesus’ promises to take care of me, to provide for my every need, and to take care of all of my tomorrows do I still choose to let worried thoughts claim my heart?

Lord, I believe. Please help my unbelief.

I was led to return to the truth of the passage above and read it within its context. Matthew 6:19-21 say, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Yep, I know. I’ve read that one my whole life too. Treasure in heaven, got it. I’m not much into material possessions. I don’t care at all about having lots of stuff. Thieves would roll their eyes and be bored in our house (unless, of course, they are interested in a loaf of homemade bread). Riches. Jewels. Nice vehicles and a bunch of flat screen TVs. That’s what the scripture is talking about, right?

Sure, if that’s what your struggle is. But who says treasure means stuff? The question I should be asking is, “What or who has hold of my heart?” because as the scripture says, “where my treasure is, that is where my heart is also.” If my heart is so caught up in the worries of this world that I fail to recognize that God is in control, that God is taking care of me, and that Jesus has already claimed the victory – then the treasure I’m claiming is my self. The thieves are the lies I am choosing to believe which hold me in bondage and steal my most prized possession:  The joy given to me by Jesus.

We can not serve two masters. Self cannot be our master, unless we desire to live a life of worry and fear. Our job is to lay ourselves down and eagerly seek first (not second or third) His kingdom and His righteousness. That’s it. God takes care of the rest. That is His promise to us.

So today? We choose to accept God’s gift of peace. He’ll give it to us tomorrow too, and the next day, and the next. Worrying about tomorrow (or 2016) offers us no answers – only misery.

Focus on today. Today only. Jesus is here, rescuing us from fear and frustration and replacing them with the greatest treasure to fill our hearts: His peace. Rest in this promise. Today. Tomorrow. Always.

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The Pot of Stew

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pot of stew

I was making a pot of stew. In the pot was just the right amount to sufficiently fill my family of six. I was cooking on a stove that was unfamiliar to me, and for some reason, I couldn’t get it hot enough so it was taking forever to get the vegetables tender.

In the meantime, extra people showed up unexpectedly. No problem, I thought. I’ll just get out a few more bowls and make the stew stretch. My family can handle eating a little less.

But then more people showed up. And then more. I decided that Matt and I would forgo eating this meal so there would be more stew to go around.

Some of the guests began complaining that the stew wasn’t ready and that they were hungry. They asked me to hurry, and I tried, even though there was nothing I could do with that silly stove to get it hot enough to cook my vegetables.

And then there was the growing problem of the amount of stew in the pot. More and more people kept filing into the living room. Where were they all coming from?! At this point, there was no way that little amount of stew was going to feed this many people. As I frantically scrounged for more bowls and spoons, in my head I was also calculating how I could make the stew stretch. Pretending that all was well, I smiled at everyone and begged their forgiveness that the meal was not ready yet. Inside I panicked and tried frantically to plan how I could make this work.

I decided that my entire family would have to go without. I certainly couldn’t let my guests go hungry, but my family – well the six of us would just have to tough it out. This would be a lesson in giving to others and this would be good for us. After all, we wouldn’t starve. I could figure out something else to throw together for us later, and we could discuss how good it was of us to give selflessly in a time of need.

I stirred the pot of stew. Finally – almost ready. But it looked watery and unappetizing. After all this waiting, now the people would surely be disappointed with the quality of this meal. It didn’t look good at all. As the people began to overflow the living room and crowd into the kitchen, looking over my shoulder at the pitiful pot of stew, I was at the point of tears.

And then I woke up.

It was all a dream. It wasn’t real.

Or was it?

Much of the insecurity and fear – my unspoken worries during the daytime – manifest themselves while I am most vulnerable. When I let my guard down. When I am quiet. This dream was a love lesson from God, no doubt.

There are so many needs to be met! People, people, people – all needing something from me! But no matter how hard I try, I just can’t do it all. My stew won’t stretch far enough and it’s watery and unappetizing. My family suffers, gets pushed aside – again.

And Jesus says, “No. It is not your job to meet the needs of every person around you. That job is mine. I’m already doing it. Don’t rescue them. If you do, they will not recognize their need for Me. Let them come to me. I am to be everything for them – not you.”

I’m learning to let go of my self-inspired ideas and to be Spirit led in the way I serve others. Grasping that it is God who saves, not me – well that’s just downright wonderful. I’m free! We’re all free! Free to be exactly what God calls us each to be. Humility begets power. Only when we admit our imperfections and surrender our selves in humility can God’s power truly work through us. Only when we stop and allow the Spirit to lead our hearts will we find ourselves serving to our full potential.

When we try to serve outside of God’s purposes for us, we will always fall short. There is never enough of us to go around. We will constantly feel as though we are failing. We will be exhausted, frustrated, and discouraged. This is not the abundant life God promises.

The truth is this:  God gives us everything we need, puts just the right people in our path, and tells us exactly what we need to do to further His kingdom. Our job is to stop, get on our knees, listen, and obey.

Then, and only then, will there be just the right amount of stew to go around.

Do you find yourself being stretched too thin? Are you trying to rescue people instead of pointing them to the Savior? Are you putting your family first, or are you shoving them aside so that you can serve others? Are you taking care of yourself spiritually and physically so that you can serve God? Are you listening to the one who tells lies, or the One who speaks and breathes Truth?

If you’d like to read more about what God has been teaching me about laying my life down for him, read through my Raw series, which begins here.

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Journey

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If you haven’t already, you may want to go back and read Raw, Guilt , Beginning, Anxiety, Seek, Stop, Pride, Surrender,  Peace, and Empty before reading this post.

I’ve been learning so much the past 14 months about letting go of self and surrendering my worries and needs to the Father. The scriptures have been speaking Truth into my life and for the first time, I’ve really been listening. Learning to die to self has been both painful and beautiful, and I dare say I’ve even grieved this death of self. But after death comes new life – and I am now able to truly enjoy the fullness of life that God promises us on this earth.

Am I worry free? Not yet, but I have learned the beauty of giving my anxious thoughts over to the Father. Old habits die hard. I have thorns in my flesh that would like to take over my life and force me back into my former way of thinking. I’m on a journey to continue growing in my new walk as I learn more and more about dying to self.

Is my life without hardship? No, that’s not what God promises. But He does promise to carry our burdens and to give us His peace. He can and He will and He does. Living in Jesus is glorious. Allowing Him to be for me what He promises and desires to be in my life is rich and powerful. When I am weak, then I am strong (2 Cor. 12). Yes.  In the name of Jesus, yes!

Truth:  We can ask for anything in the name of Jesus and He will do it.

Jesus tells us this over and over. I counted this promise three times in John 14-16 alone. Jesus means it when He says this. Worried about something that you have no control over? Ask Jesus to overrule the worry and fill the hole with His peace. He WILL do it.

Truth:  His yoke is easy. His burden is light.

We can continue to carry our burdens on our own, lugging the heavy weight of worry, anxt, fear, or guilt around everywhere we go. It will wear us out, disrupt our sleep, make us depressed, and get us absolutely nowhere. Or we can gratefully surrender our burden to the One who is already carrying it for us. Why do we try to do what we know we can not do? Jesus asks us to let Him give us rest. Give Him your burden. Then breathe deeply and enjoy the comfort that comes from letting Him carry your load.

Truth:  The only One we need to aim to please is the Father.

Learning this truth has been life changing for me. As I recognize my need to let go of pride, and to focus on doing what God asks me to do – instead of constantly trying to gain the approval, recognition, or appreciation of those around me – I am experiencing His blessed gift of peace like never before. The blessing of seeking to please God alone is that by doing so, others are pleased too. Except for when they’re not.  But that is not my burden to bear. I can love people and point them to Jesus, but I cannot rescue, fix, or change anyone’s heart. I’ll do my job and let God do His.

This post ends this Raw series I’ve been honored to share with you about my journey to emotional healing. The series ends, but the journey continues. I am constantly growing, continually learning, and clearly recognizing my need for a Savior. I long to be whole, and I now realize that the only way to find true peace is to become broken at the feet of Jesus. His goodness overflows. His mercies are new every morning. He is what I can never be. And I am safely in His care.

While this specific series is ending, I will continue to listen to God’s leading and share truths and lessons He is teaching me.
Thank you for your kindness and love as I opened my heart in this series.

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Empty

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If you haven’t already, you may want to go back and read Raw, Guilt , Beginning, Anxiety, Seek, Stop, Pride, Surrender, and Peace before reading this post.

Because of God’s power and healing, He was working in my heart and in my life to show me the beauty of calm. I was finally able to experience the joy of working on my chores throughout the day without the constant internal freak-out. Yes, I was able to enjoy more of His blessed peace. It was rockin’. I noticed His healing in so many areas and I rejoiced as my heart responded to life in ways it never had.

And yet, in so many ways, I was thoroughly confused. For all my years, I’ve enjoyed serving others, being a part of people’s lives, and participating in ministries. As I searched, surrendered, and allowed God to teach me more about who He wanted me to become – I found myself continuing to fight against my old self.

I kept feeling like I needed to give and to serve and to be this for her and to be that for him. Along with all the exhaustion that had come from fighting this long, hard spiritual battle – trying to keep up with all that I believed I needed to do and to be for others was creeping in on me and threatening to suffocate me.

One night, I reached a breaking point. What was I supposed to do now? There are needs everywhere that I can’t meet. I’m tired. I’m weak. I’m confused. I’m frustrated. I’m…I’m…

Empty.

In desperation I cried out to God, “My cup is empty, Lord. How am I supposed to serve others when I have nothing left to give? I’m worn out. I’m completely dry. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know what service to you is supposed to look like. If you tipped me upside down, there would be not one little drop left to spill out. How am I supposed to give when I have nothing in me to give?”

I took a deep breath. I surrendered my weakness and confusion to God. And I waited.

Soon after that night, I shared this specific battle with a trusted friend. I shared with her the image of my empty cup – how I was dry, with nothing left to give. She spoke these simple truths to me:

“Laura, you have the Holy Spirit living in you. Because of that, you are never empty. Your cup overflows! If you feel empty, it’s because you’re giving from the wrong cup.”

The wrong cup. The empty cup. The cup of self. The cup that demanded praise from others. The cup that delighted in affirmation and appreciation for my works. The cup that was self-seeking and fruitless. I was trying to learn how to be the new me, all while hanging on to the painful parts of the old me. No wonder I felt so tired and confused.

My further studying led me to drink in (literally) John 7:37-39:  “Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, ‘If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.’  By this, He meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in Him were later to receive…”

I’ve read these verses over and over since that time. The words share two very important truths:

1. If anyone has a need, it is not up to me to fix, change, heal, or rescue. I am to point people to Jesus. He is the one who can quench their thirst.

2. We who believe in Jesus have a continual stream of living water flowing from within us. We are never empty – always full and overflowing. This life source is not from ourselves. It could never be from our selves. This life source is from the Father, filling us because of the Holy Spirit that is a part of us.

Accepting these truths gave me great new hope – hope that spilled out of me and had nothing to do with what I did, how good I was, how much I did, or what others thought. It was Jesus – living in me and working through me.

Did this mean that I could now sit back and not serve or love on people? Of course not. God calls us to serve!! But I must take the self out of my service. I must surrender and allow the Spirit to guide my actions, listening to His leading instead of my self.

Continue reading: Journey

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Gratituesday: Sunrise

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This week, our church has brought in Jerry and Lynn Jones to present their Relationships Matter seminar. Sunday through Wednesday of this week, we are blessed to go to hear them speak. I love that what they have to say is relevant in so many areas of life.

I loved this statement shared last night regarding walking through trying times in life:

The best way to find the sun is to head east into the darkness so that you can catch the sun coming up.

What I hear in that is exactly what I feel God doing with me on my journey to let go of self. I can avoid doing battle, shrug off my struggles, put up my guard, and carry on as I have been. In many ways, it seems so much easier. Taking the hard path? Doing what is difficult? Seeking a whole heart that is fully God’s, while letting go of the control I so desperately want to hold onto? Why would I willingly go down a road so dark and difficult when I could just take the short-cut and avoid digging into the root of my sin?

If I really want to see the glory of the sunrise, if I want true healing and wholeness that can only come by way of full surrender to our creator – I will walk the harder road. I’ll journey down the path that seems dark because of all the unknowns through new territory. I’ll even walk it confidently because I am guided by the One who sees the way clearly.

The blessed irony of walking the difficult road is that letting go of control and grabbing the hand of the One who holds me while I stumble along is actually much easier than trying to navigate the road on my own cleverly constructed map. My own map has become a series of unsolvable mazes and dead-ends. It may seem well lit, but the roads lead to nowhere. Been there, done that. Now which way should I turn?

I’m choosing to head east. You’re walking me through this, Lord? You know where the potholes and branches are that I need to avoid? You see the dangers ahead and protect me from them? You know exactly where I’m supposed to turn and what I am supposed to do along the way? I give you the control then. Lead me, Lord.

I’ll joyfully keep taking steps toward the east, knowing that what awaits me on the other side is a beauty so radiant it can only been seen after looking through the black.

A glorious sunrise!

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Peace

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If you haven’t already, you may want to go back and read Raw, Guilt , Beginning, Anxiety, Seek, Stop, Pride, and Surrender before reading this post.

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I longed to hold onto and remain in control of my life. But the truth was, the control that I longed to hold onto was actually controlling me. It had its grip around my chest and would not let me breathe with all of the fear and panic it created inside of me. Once I learned to surrender my self to Jesus – that is when I was able to enjoy His gift of peace.

Realizing this was glorious, and then I lived happily ever after.

Oh how I wish that happily ever after was the end of the story. I wish that recognizing the need to surrender fully to the Savior, letting go of self, and embracing His peace would keep me always and forever where I needed to be in my relationship with our Creator. But here’s what I am learning:

  • We are to take up our cross daily.
  • We live in a world that fights for our flesh and against all that is good and right.
  • Our journey will never be over – until we meet Jesus face to face.

Learning to surrender myself and my sin to Jesus was a huge breaking point. It was one Satan didn’t like. It was one I was quite inexperienced with. After all, I’d had a solid three dozen years of practice holding on very tightly to control and selfishness. Surrender? I just learned this. Peace? I like it. Now, how do I hold on to this feeling?

Ah, the feeling of peace. It’s great, isn’t it? But what if I told you that my time studying the Word has taught me that peace isn’t a feeling? I always thought it was. “I just don’t feel peace about this,” we say. “Ah, I love how peaceful it feels here.”

God has taught me that peace is not a feeling. Peace is a fruit of the Spirit. Peace is a gift (Psalm 29:11).

When we surrender our sin, our selfishness, our fear, our anxiety to Jesus – He replaces them with His peace. But only if we choose to accept this gift.

See, once we let go of something we’ve been holding onto for a very long time, there is a sin-sized hole in that place in our hearts. This is what I found in myself – a huge hole that had been overflowing with anxiety and fear. God was helping me to recognize this and to rid it from my life, but then what? God said, “Here, now accept this gift of peace that I’ve been longing to give you. Let my peace fill that hole.”

I then had to reach out and accept it. The Spirit fills that hole, and the fruit that bubbles forth out of that space is all that He has been longing to become in our lives.

I loved this. I found myself experiencing the beauty of the Father and the work of the Spirit in my life in ways I had never experienced. It was glorious. But only if I continued to recognize that I could never take my self back. That the hole Jesus had filled left no room for anxiety. That peace and fear can not co-exist. If I chose to grab hold of fear again, my clumsy arms could not also hold onto peace.

I began to struggle with how to juggle. How to hold onto this blessed gift of peace I was beginning to experience. How to continue to surrender myself and not take my self back.

The difficulty then turned to this:  Thanks to God, I was learning, growing, and healing. But now I didn’t know who I was anymore. All my life I’ve been the Go!Go!Go! girl and the anxious person, and the drop-everything-for-friends friend. I understood that I was becoming a new person. But what exactly was that supposed to look like? And how was I supposed to act? And who was I supposed to serve? I found myself crying,  “Who am I, Lord?!”

Continue reading: Empty

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Surrender

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If you haven’t already, you may want to go back and read Raw, Guilt , Beginning, Anxiety, Seek, Stop, and Pride before reading this post.

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Pride. Fear. Anxiety. Panic. Worry.

I knew I had to let these go. So I kept trying and trying and working so hard to let them go. I prayed and I pounded my fists. I fasted and I cried. I shouted, “I don’t want these sins anymore! I’m tired of being ruled by all of this ugliness!”

Ironically, all the work I’ve put into letting go of pride, fear, and anxiety through the years has left me a bit more prideful (look at what I’ve conquered!), more fearful (but what if it comes back?), and more anxious (I’m still not sure I’m doing this right.). Why? Because I was trying to do the work myself.  I wanted to be better for Christ. So I worked and I fought and I struggled and I worked harder to be a better Christian. I would think:  I’ve got this! I’m going to follow that advice I just heard. I’m going to go by the suggestions in that book. I’m going to just buckle down and work harder. I can do this!

The more I fought, the more difficult my battles became. The more steeped in sin I sunk. The more exhausted and defeated I felt. So frequently I would think, “Why can’t I just stop being so freaked out all the time? Why can’t I just relax? Why? Why? What am I doing wrong?”

The answer came when I finally shut-up. When I finally waved the white flag to the One who has already won the battle for me and was begging for me to be still and sit calmly in his pool of peace.

Surrender.  Oh, sweet surrender. Such a simple, easy answer. Such a basic and quiet act. The very work I had been laboring over had already been done for me. All that was left was for me to stop, breathe, and recognize that I needed to surrender my self to my Savior.

Surrender.

All of this, Lord. I give it to you. All of my yuck. All of my fear. All that threatens to control me and pull me into my self-seeking ways. The only work required, the only action I must take, is the simple task of surrender.

Let go. I had to recognize that my own strength and desire, hard work and determination would not achieve the peace I was looking for.

Peace can only come through surrender.

Lay it down. Give it up.

It is so hard to let go of control. And yet I have found that by trying to hold on to control – I become crazily out of control. While working so hard to be and to do, I accomplish very little.

Surrender.

It has become a theme for me, a newly found word, a beautiful recognition of what God asks of me. Surrender.

God promises, “Let me heal you. Let me make you into what I am calling you to be. Let me. Let me. I’ve got you.”

Peace. Comfort. Joy. The beautiful blessings that follow surrender.

Upon recognizing this and experiencing the peace that came once I surrendered my sins and my self to Jesus, was the battle now over for me? In some ways, yes. But in other ways, my real fight was just beginning.

Continue reading: Peace

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Pride

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If you haven’t already, you may want to go back and read Raw, Guilt , Beginning, Anxiety, Seek, and Stop before reading this post.

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Pride

Let’s call a spade a spade. I am long overdue to own my sin of pride. That is, after all, what my “need to please” is. It’s pride. I care too much about what people think. I want people to be happy with me. My focus has been on self.

Much of this hasn’t been intentional, so if I wanted, I could (proudly) give myself the out on this one and say that I didn’t mean to do it. I have been trying to lead a Godly life and to glorify Him. I’ve been working my tail off to do this, if you want to know the truth. I’ve sacrificed much to please God – so that He and others will be happy with me.

Pride.

I would also like to blame this issue on my parents, the church, my personality, and the pressure of expectations I found myself under. But in short, that’s just stupid. And it is the opposite of humility.

Pride.

I need to admit to you right at this moment as I am typing this, I am being attacked by the sin of pride. Might some of you think I am great because I’ve shared this? Yes! You’ll be thinking, wow this is so well written. Laura, you’re so great! (Pride.)  Or on the other hand, some of you might be completely unimpressed with what I’ve written so suddenly I begin to worry that you won’t think this article is good enough. This is also pride, cleverly disguised as humility. It is me thinking of self. Caring what you think in the midst of my raw confession.

Pride has been a part of me since before I can remember. Yes, I know, it’s a sin that grabs many of us. I’ve been aware of this fight for quite some time. But I was too proud to share, and much too afraid to let it go.

Laura: Stop worrying about what people think. If God puts something on your heart, share it. Do it. In the name of Jesus. If it blesses others, God be praised. The end.

I am finding that much of what I do is with a heart of pride lurking in the background. Here’s what God is teaching me:  I don’t have to necessarily change what I do (except for the parts I do need to change.)  I just need to change how I do them. The reasons I do them. The heart behind them.

Let go of pride.

To let go of a sin is painful. Somehow, it has become a part of us, so tearing it away is like ripping off a scar that has been a part of our skin for a few decades. It hurts and it’s not fun. In fact, often it seems easier and less painful to just let the sin continue to be a part of us so that we don’t have to go through the work of letting it go.

Letting it go.

The irony of letting go of my pride is that I’ve been a little too proud to do that.

But the longer I’ve held on to it, the more tightly I squeeze the fingers of wanting to please people so that they will be happy with me, the more anxious I have become.

It is time to surrender.

Give it up. The only One I need to please is God.  And the way to please God is through humility, kindness, and wholehearted love. Relying on His power, experiencing His goodness, experiencing the riches that come into our lives by being a part of His Kingdom purposes.

Only when I am on my knees in true humility can I be lifted up to experience the power of God at work in my life.

Continue reading: Surrender

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Stop

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And by stop, I mean literally – stop. Right where you are. Breathe deeply. Sit still. Listen.

Don’t tell me that you can’t. That you don’t have time. That you don’t know how. I am was the queen of can’t, don’t have time, and don’t know how to stop. I am have been the GO!GO!GO! girl. I’m not saying that I don’t empathize with your busy life and your long to-do list. Oh how I understand. I’m just saying that we don’t get to use those excuses anymore. Those excuses keep us stuck on the path of pain and frustration. It’s the path led by self, and its road takes us on a journey to emptiness.

The opposite of GO! is stop. This is what I have to do several times each day as I retrain my thought patterns and turn my heart away from self and toward God’s leading. The truth is that I must make time to stop because I don’t have time in my day to waste thinking anxious thoughts. I don’t have time in my day to worry. I don’t have time in my day to be frustrated over issues I have no control over.

But there are people to care for, jobs to do, meals to cook, bills to pay, and the never-ending to-do list to accomplish! Go! Get it done! We must plow through and work and keep saying yes to people and worrying about how to make it all happen!

NO.  Stop.

We cannot do this without Jesus. Stop. Breathe. Pray. Every time you feel anxious. Every time you are afraid. Every time you feel inferior. Every time you feel like you’re not doing enough. Every time you have to make a decision. Every time. Stop.  Breathe Jesus in. Ask the Spirit to guide you. Relax in His presence. Walk with Him. Accept His gift of peace.

Do you remember my post several months ago called Pull Up a Chair? Can I encourage you to go read it again? God has so much to teach us. His words are so rich. His voice is so powerful. His works sustain us. Nothing we do apart from Him accomplishes anything (John 15:5). We need Jesus for our daily survival and so that we can thrive while we serve.

While God continues to teach me and while I am recognizing that I still have so much to learn – I can not tell you how grateful I am that I am learning to stop frequently during the day to re-focus. I still work hard. I still accomplish everything God needs me to each day. In fact, I do believe I am more productive now than I have ever been before.

I stop so that I can seek Him. I stop so that I can learn. I stop so that I can hear truth. I stop so that I can go.  Only now I am going in the direction God points – the road that leads to peace.

Continue reading: Pride

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