If you haven’t already, you may want to go back and read Raw, Guilt , Beginning, Anxiety, Seek, Stop, and Pride before reading this post.
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Pride. Fear. Anxiety. Panic. Worry.
I knew I had to let these go. So I kept trying and trying and working so hard to let them go. I prayed and I pounded my fists. I fasted and I cried. I shouted, “I don’t want these sins anymore! I’m tired of being ruled by all of this ugliness!”
Ironically, all the work I’ve put into letting go of pride, fear, and anxiety through the years has left me a bit more prideful (look at what I’ve conquered!), more fearful (but what if it comes back?), and more anxious (I’m still not sure I’m doing this right.). Why? Because I was trying to do the work myself. I wanted to be better for Christ. So I worked and I fought and I struggled and I worked harder to be a better Christian. I would think: I’ve got this! I’m going to follow that advice I just heard. I’m going to go by the suggestions in that book. I’m going to just buckle down and work harder. I can do this!
The more I fought, the more difficult my battles became. The more steeped in sin I sunk. The more exhausted and defeated I felt. So frequently I would think, “Why can’t I just stop being so freaked out all the time? Why can’t I just relax? Why? Why? What am I doing wrong?”
The answer came when I finally shut-up. When I finally waved the white flag to the One who has already won the battle for me and was begging for me to be still and sit calmly in his pool of peace.
Surrender. Oh, sweet surrender. Such a simple, easy answer. Such a basic and quiet act. The very work I had been laboring over had already been done for me. All that was left was for me to stop, breathe, and recognize that I needed to surrender my self to my Savior.
Surrender.
All of this, Lord. I give it to you. All of my yuck. All of my fear. All that threatens to control me and pull me into my self-seeking ways. The only work required, the only action I must take, is the simple task of surrender.
Let go. I had to recognize that my own strength and desire, hard work and determination would not achieve the peace I was looking for.
Peace can only come through surrender.
Lay it down. Give it up.
It is so hard to let go of control. And yet I have found that by trying to hold on to control – I become crazily out of control. While working so hard to be and to do, I accomplish very little.
Surrender.
It has become a theme for me, a newly found word, a beautiful recognition of what God asks of me. Surrender.
God promises, “Let me heal you. Let me make you into what I am calling you to be. Let me. Let me. I’ve got you.”
Peace. Comfort. Joy. The beautiful blessings that follow surrender.
Upon recognizing this and experiencing the peace that came once I surrendered my sins and my self to Jesus, was the battle now over for me? In some ways, yes. But in other ways, my real fight was just beginning.
So many people need to hear these words!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY
Thank you for speaking about your struggles and what the Lord has been teaching you through it! It’s refreshing when other women can be real with one another and through those honest moments the Lord is honored and others are encouraged. I know it’s not easy to be so open when it comes to sins in our lives, but I have found how freeing it truly is to confess to others what the Lord is pruning away. Thanks for sharing with us :)
I think you’ve just spoken what my inner struggles have been lately…
I’m right there with ya. Thanks
Oh, this is so hard to do, to surrender. My biggest sin is anxiety (for about 20 years), and just in the last month, I’ve really been concentrating on taking my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. We are really good at thinking on the right thing for 1 second, but then the next second we let the anxiety creep in again. So this has been the hardest thing that I’ve ever done in my life. It is emotionally exhausting. It shows me that I need Him and His strength because I can’t do it on my own. Thank you for your post! God bless!-Sonja
When will part 2 be coming? Just what have been struggling with lately.
Planning to continue with the next post in this series tonight.
Thank you for your transparency. I’m enjoying reading this series! I found your blog through your book that a group of us girls started going through on Monday!
Spot on!
When life gets overwhelming (I have 10 children & it certainly does!), I will lay myself down, literally (like stop drop and roll ~ just kidding) and tell the Father that I am giving it all to Him.
Often times my migraine brought on by stress will honestly just lift away.
It is not by might by by My Spirit says the YHWH.
Uh O, my goof! Should read….
Spot on!
When life gets overwhelming (I have 10 children & it certainly does!), I will lay myself down, literally (like stop drop and roll ~ just kidding) and tell the Father that I am giving it all to Him.
Often times my migraine brought on by stress will honestly just lift away.
*It is not by might by by my strength but by My Spirit says the YHWH.*
**Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the YHWH of hosts.**
SHEESH! I don’t know what was going on there.
(If you care to edit any of this out, by all means…sorry)
Thanks for your thoughts. Surrender and peace are such great things that can be so elusive when we focus on how WE have to do it OURSELVES!