Heavenly Homemakers

Encouraging women in homemaking, healthy eating and parenting

How to Love People (My New Year Goal)

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I’m writing this post on how to love people because God keeps having to teach me how to love people.

I guess I might be writing this for myself. I need this. Loving people can be hard.

Like, actually loving them. Not just being nice to them. Not just showing kindness. But actually loving them.

I’m not proud of what I am about to share. I’m weeping over it actually. There are some people in our lives that are very hard to love. I’ve never felt this way before.

THESE are MY people, and they are the easiest to love. I don’t have to try to love them and in fact, my love for them is so great that sometimes I can’t even breathe. As God has grown our family, my ability to love has grown. It’s remarkable to experience.

Meanwhile, our little ones come with some baggage. Their baggage becomes mine and I sometimes find myself dealing with texts or communication with people that make me want to scream, ” I JUST WANT TO LOVE AND RAISE THESE KIDS!!! I DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH THE REST OF IT! I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS!!!”

But in fact, I did sign up for this when I said yes to God’s yes. So now I have to figure out how to live and love like Jesus through it.

Am I just a mama bear?

A friend of mine (after I puked my feelings on her for the many-eth time) recently kindly and wisely defended my feelings. “Your mama bear instincts want to protect your babies. There’s nothing wrong with that.” And she’s right. I will always and forever do everything I can for the good of our children, protecting them and seeking what is best for them under harder-than-normal circumstances.

But the truth is that while many of my feelings are normal and understandable, I also have to choose how to use my time and energy when I encounter a challenge with an outside source. How can I do this?

How to love people?

Yes, how to actually love them.

Matt, who is calm and wise and always my sounding board, offered some insights recently and I’ve been praying over them ever since. When I face a challenge that I have no choice but to deal with, I can either:

  • shrink and become soft
  • bristle and become hard
  • or I can choose to let the Holy Spirit do its work in me to truly hear and respond in love

I’m not actually ever responding to anyone with angry words. The problem is inside my head and heart.

My energy and time cannot be taken up by swirling angry and frustrated thoughts. I cannot allow myself to choose ugliness or to let ridiculous inside-my-head conversations full of everything I shoulda-coulda-woulda said to overrule my thoughts.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

This passage tells me to:

  1. Take my thoughts captive.
  2. Make them obey Christ.

All day long.

A boundary around my heart

Someone else’s words should never set my head on fire. Yet I’ve been surprised at how easily angered I can become.

I have to set boundaries in certain relationships, and I have done this. But the biggest boundary is to be put around my own heart. I’m prayerfully working right now to put a Holy Spirit Filter around my heart and head so that when I read a text or have a conversation that frustrates me or makes me hurt, I can still be at peace.

How? By choosing to hear every word through a filter of love.

By recognizing that my God is already at work in each situation. By accepting that He fully loves me and He fully loves the hard people in my life. Because of this, I can love them too. But only with the help of the Holy Spirit.

So I’ve stopped trying so hard

I can’t do it. I can’t love better or be better or do better. It’s all too hard.

But the Holy Spirit can love wholly and freely, and He lives and works in and through me. I am refusing to take on anything that isn’t mine. This includes conflict and any challenge that someone might want to direct at me. In all circumstances, Matt and I will prayerfully work to do what is best for each of our kids. When we come under attack, we will allow the Spirit to give us a loving response. First in our own hearts, then naturally to others.

This brings incredible peace. It also allows love to flow freely, which beautifully takes the place of anger and hurt.

It’s almost a new year

If you’re hoping to do better or be better in 2023, this is great. But I pray that your focus has to do with that which is Spiritual. Nothing else actually matters and everything else, physical and otherwise, will fall into place if we are seeking to let the Holy Spirit be our complete guide and rescue.

My most necessary goal:

To hear every word through a filter of love.

This is my goal, with the help of the Father who sent a comforter to dwell in my heart. This changes everything about how I use my mental and emotional energy, which changes everything about how I walk through my days and love my people.

Dearest Father, help us when we cannot help ourselves. We need you. We can’t do this without you. Be our God. We praise you and seek you for rescue. In Jesus’ name.

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So What Do You Mean “Surrendered Heart?” I Want To, But How?

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Thank you all so much for joining me in our six week class, A Surrendered Heart: A Wife’s Journey to Love the Jesus Way. You’ll find the links to each class listed here:

Read Lesson 1:  Why I Married This Guy
Read Lesson 2: So, What Does Your Husband Do?
Read Lesson 3: How Selfish is Your Prayer?
Read Lesson 4: Serve Because I Want To
Read Lesson 5: It’s a Choice
Read Lesson 6: Don’t Forget

“What does it really mean or look like to surrender? I want to surrender. But how? How do I surrender my heart so that I can stop worrying, nagging, or (fill in the blank) and love my husband and family the Jesus way?”

Surrendered Heart ~ What does it look like

First, what surrender isn’t, learned by Laura, the hard way…

I used to think that surrendering self meant that I needed to try harder and harder and harder to be a better Christian. You know, like I should deny self by not ever considering what was healthy for my self. Self is selfish, right?

I thought surrendering meant that I needed to serve everyone (and I mean everyone) whether I felt like it or not and that if I didn’t feel like it, I must not be surrendering my self. (I’d never heard of setting boundaries, or if I had, I didn’t think it applied to acts of Christian service.)

I thought that being more Christlike was completely up to me. The Bible told me what to do, and it was up to me to get it all figured out, to get my ducks in a row, and to be all things to all people. I was ever so frustrated with this because try as I might I continued to fall short, let people down, be hurt, and dwell on all I wasn’t doing right. This, of course, landed me in a great state of worry and anxiety.

Painful though it was, God brought me to a place where I had no choice: It was either live in frustration and anxiety all the time, or choose to let God be God in my life.

I can’t tell you how to surrender. I can only tell you what God continues to teach me on this journey. I can also tell you that with surrender comes peace. God’s perfect, precious, indescribable gift of peace. I never had peace when I was trying to do all and be all. Only God can be all things to all people. We need not take on that job. Our job is to simply surrender our hearts and let His Spirit work though us!

What is Surrender

What is Surrender? I’ve written the following as if the Father was speaking these words to me. This is how God has been gently leading me to surrender my heart fully to Him.

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Surrender

Laura, you know what is right. You want to do right. You love Me. You want to please Me and serve Me. Your heart seeks righteousness! But Laura, you are weak. For all your striving to do and to be – you fall short. This is discouraging, because in your heart, you strive for good! But alas, the weakness, the worry, the struggle – it remains.

This is good news! Yes, it really is. Your weakness, Laura, is in place so that you will turn to Me. Where you are weak, then I AM strong. I AM here to be your strength. Let Me be your strength. Let go, and let Me do my work in you. It really is that simple.

I have already won your battle. I know what you’re up against. I know what you need. I’ve already provided for each need. I love you fully. I love you gently. I love you unconditionally. I love you.

Laura, do you trust me? Do you believe all that I have promised in the Word? Do you recognize my constant work in your life?

Then…breathe. Let the tension in your shoulders release. Open your hands to release each thought and to receive my peace. I have already conquered all of your struggles. Rest. Breathe in my peace. Take joy in all I have to offer when you let go and let Me be your God.

Surrender.

In place of your anxt, I fill you with joy and peace.

Each time your thoughts threaten to take you back to that place of fear or doubt or hurt or worry – remember that I am here, ready to gently fill you with My peace as you let go and surrender. Every time.

You are human. You will forget. I love you unconditionally. Take every thought captive (every single thought) and make them obey Me. Release them all to Me. Each time you do this, I will change the pattern of your thoughts toward godliness and trust.

I promise that I will never, ever let you down. When you let go of the control you think you have – which is harming you and instead, putting you in a place that is very much out of control – the peace that passes understanding will fill you.

Every time.

Surrender.

I love you, child. I love you.

Above all, remember my promise to fill you with my Holy Spirit. I was on the earth for only a short time as a man. When I left, I gave you even more – my Spirit which dwells in you to be your guide, your strength, and your comfort. My Spirit is a deposit guaranteeing your inheritance in heaven. Release your self and your thoughts to the work of the Spirit. He will answer every question about what you should do and how you should do it. I promise you this.

I am with you, always. You can trust me. I will never leave you or forsake you. Believe. Let go of self and simply trust Me to do My work in you and through you.

I love you.

Surrender.

Surrender

Surrender

Peace

Peace

With surrender comes peace. God is faithful. He rules. He is our God. Praise Him!

Read Lesson 1:  Why I Married This Guy
Read Lesson 2: So, What Does Your Husband Do?
Read Lesson 3: How Selfish is Your Prayer?
Read Lesson 4: Serve Because I Want To
Read Lesson 5: It’s a Choice
Read Lesson 6: Don’t Forget

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

You Will Never Please Everyone (And That’s Perfectly Perfect)

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Some readers request that I share more recipes. Some suggest that I share too many recipes. Some don’t like that I post spiritual content. Some wish I would post more spiritual content. Some roll their eyes at the deals I share. Some cheer and do flips for the deals I share. I always listen to what my readers have to say because I love offering content that will bless you in your homemaking efforts. I also know that what one person really needs or desires isn’t necessarily what the next person needs or wants. So it is with pretty much all of life, right?

You Will Never Please Everyone
It happens around my dinner table every single live long day. Someone is bound to not like what I served while others are gladly taking thirds. It happens during a every Sunday worship service. Some love the song selection and others find them to be too slow or too fast for their liking. Some find the sermon to be super meaningful and others find it to be irrelevant. I could think of other examples but some might prefer that I get on with my point.

Here’s the truth that we need to learn down to our very core:

1. You can’t please ’em all

2. You can’t be pleased by all

I’m not sure which is more important to know and which is the hardest to remember. Both involve the need to surrender self. It’s hard and it hurts but this is what I’m beginning to understand:  Trying to please all and expecting others to always rise to my occasion is harder and hurts worse than choosing to surrender self. Selfish living is completely empty – not to mention absolutely exhausting. Trying to constantly please others leaves me feeling defeated and discouraged. Thinking others must always please me leaves me frustrated and let down. No thank you, no thank you, no thank you.  I surrender, Jesus. What do you have for me that is better? What about this? What if we understood these two simple truths:

1. God is the only One we should seek to please.

2. God is the only One who will sufficiently meet all of our needs.

I think that pretty much covers it.

When I seek to please God, letting go of others’ (real or imagined) expectations of me, I will likely still be pleasing others. I won’t please them all, but God never asked me to and for real – if I was pleasing everyone why in the world would people ever recognize their need to seek Jesus? Okay then.

When I recognize that God is the One who meets my needs, suddenly that which is petty becomes irrelevant and that which matters turns into a Christ-centered passion. That’s how it works when one is listening to and letting the Holy Spirit work. So, my friend, remember this:  You will never please everyone. Also, people will sometimes frustrate you, especially when they do things differently than you would do them. This is life.

Instead of wallowing, I suggest we use our energy to seek Jesus and live as He calls each of us. Doesn’t that just sound refreshing? If this is something you struggle with like I do, might I suggest that you read (your whole Bible and also) read Hebrews 12? Being disciplined hurts, but it makes us more holy. Yes, holiness! Bring it.

 

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Peace

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If you haven’t already, you may want to go back and read Raw, Guilt , Beginning, Anxiety, Seek, Stop, Pride, and Surrender before reading this post.

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I longed to hold onto and remain in control of my life. But the truth was, the control that I longed to hold onto was actually controlling me. It had its grip around my chest and would not let me breathe with all of the fear and panic it created inside of me. Once I learned to surrender my self to Jesus – that is when I was able to enjoy His gift of peace.

Realizing this was glorious, and then I lived happily ever after.

Oh how I wish that happily ever after was the end of the story. I wish that recognizing the need to surrender fully to the Savior, letting go of self, and embracing His peace would keep me always and forever where I needed to be in my relationship with our Creator. But here’s what I am learning:

  • We are to take up our cross daily.
  • We live in a world that fights for our flesh and against all that is good and right.
  • Our journey will never be over – until we meet Jesus face to face.

Learning to surrender myself and my sin to Jesus was a huge breaking point. It was one Satan didn’t like. It was one I was quite inexperienced with. After all, I’d had a solid three dozen years of practice holding on very tightly to control and selfishness. Surrender? I just learned this. Peace? I like it. Now, how do I hold on to this feeling?

Ah, the feeling of peace. It’s great, isn’t it? But what if I told you that my time studying the Word has taught me that peace isn’t a feeling? I always thought it was. “I just don’t feel peace about this,” we say. “Ah, I love how peaceful it feels here.”

God has taught me that peace is not a feeling. Peace is a fruit of the Spirit. Peace is a gift (Psalm 29:11).

When we surrender our sin, our selfishness, our fear, our anxiety to Jesus – He replaces them with His peace. But only if we choose to accept this gift.

See, once we let go of something we’ve been holding onto for a very long time, there is a sin-sized hole in that place in our hearts. This is what I found in myself – a huge hole that had been overflowing with anxiety and fear. God was helping me to recognize this and to rid it from my life, but then what? God said, “Here, now accept this gift of peace that I’ve been longing to give you. Let my peace fill that hole.”

I then had to reach out and accept it. The Spirit fills that hole, and the fruit that bubbles forth out of that space is all that He has been longing to become in our lives.

I loved this. I found myself experiencing the beauty of the Father and the work of the Spirit in my life in ways I had never experienced. It was glorious. But only if I continued to recognize that I could never take my self back. That the hole Jesus had filled left no room for anxiety. That peace and fear can not co-exist. If I chose to grab hold of fear again, my clumsy arms could not also hold onto peace.

I began to struggle with how to juggle. How to hold onto this blessed gift of peace I was beginning to experience. How to continue to surrender myself and not take my self back.

The difficulty then turned to this:  Thanks to God, I was learning, growing, and healing. But now I didn’t know who I was anymore. All my life I’ve been the Go!Go!Go! girl and the anxious person, and the drop-everything-for-friends friend. I understood that I was becoming a new person. But what exactly was that supposed to look like? And how was I supposed to act? And who was I supposed to serve? I found myself crying,  “Who am I, Lord?!”

Continue reading: Empty

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Surrender

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This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see our disclosure policy.

If you haven’t already, you may want to go back and read Raw, Guilt , Beginning, Anxiety, Seek, Stop, and Pride before reading this post.

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Pride. Fear. Anxiety. Panic. Worry.

I knew I had to let these go. So I kept trying and trying and working so hard to let them go. I prayed and I pounded my fists. I fasted and I cried. I shouted, “I don’t want these sins anymore! I’m tired of being ruled by all of this ugliness!”

Ironically, all the work I’ve put into letting go of pride, fear, and anxiety through the years has left me a bit more prideful (look at what I’ve conquered!), more fearful (but what if it comes back?), and more anxious (I’m still not sure I’m doing this right.). Why? Because I was trying to do the work myself.  I wanted to be better for Christ. So I worked and I fought and I struggled and I worked harder to be a better Christian. I would think:  I’ve got this! I’m going to follow that advice I just heard. I’m going to go by the suggestions in that book. I’m going to just buckle down and work harder. I can do this!

The more I fought, the more difficult my battles became. The more steeped in sin I sunk. The more exhausted and defeated I felt. So frequently I would think, “Why can’t I just stop being so freaked out all the time? Why can’t I just relax? Why? Why? What am I doing wrong?”

The answer came when I finally shut-up. When I finally waved the white flag to the One who has already won the battle for me and was begging for me to be still and sit calmly in his pool of peace.

Surrender.  Oh, sweet surrender. Such a simple, easy answer. Such a basic and quiet act. The very work I had been laboring over had already been done for me. All that was left was for me to stop, breathe, and recognize that I needed to surrender my self to my Savior.

Surrender.

All of this, Lord. I give it to you. All of my yuck. All of my fear. All that threatens to control me and pull me into my self-seeking ways. The only work required, the only action I must take, is the simple task of surrender.

Let go. I had to recognize that my own strength and desire, hard work and determination would not achieve the peace I was looking for.

Peace can only come through surrender.

Lay it down. Give it up.

It is so hard to let go of control. And yet I have found that by trying to hold on to control – I become crazily out of control. While working so hard to be and to do, I accomplish very little.

Surrender.

It has become a theme for me, a newly found word, a beautiful recognition of what God asks of me. Surrender.

God promises, “Let me heal you. Let me make you into what I am calling you to be. Let me. Let me. I’ve got you.”

Peace. Comfort. Joy. The beautiful blessings that follow surrender.

Upon recognizing this and experiencing the peace that came once I surrendered my sins and my self to Jesus, was the battle now over for me? In some ways, yes. But in other ways, my real fight was just beginning.

Continue reading: Peace

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!

Pride

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This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, please see our disclosure policy.

If you haven’t already, you may want to go back and read Raw, Guilt , Beginning, Anxiety, Seek, and Stop before reading this post.

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Pride

Let’s call a spade a spade. I am long overdue to own my sin of pride. That is, after all, what my “need to please” is. It’s pride. I care too much about what people think. I want people to be happy with me. My focus has been on self.

Much of this hasn’t been intentional, so if I wanted, I could (proudly) give myself the out on this one and say that I didn’t mean to do it. I have been trying to lead a Godly life and to glorify Him. I’ve been working my tail off to do this, if you want to know the truth. I’ve sacrificed much to please God – so that He and others will be happy with me.

Pride.

I would also like to blame this issue on my parents, the church, my personality, and the pressure of expectations I found myself under. But in short, that’s just stupid. And it is the opposite of humility.

Pride.

I need to admit to you right at this moment as I am typing this, I am being attacked by the sin of pride. Might some of you think I am great because I’ve shared this? Yes! You’ll be thinking, wow this is so well written. Laura, you’re so great! (Pride.)  Or on the other hand, some of you might be completely unimpressed with what I’ve written so suddenly I begin to worry that you won’t think this article is good enough. This is also pride, cleverly disguised as humility. It is me thinking of self. Caring what you think in the midst of my raw confession.

Pride has been a part of me since before I can remember. Yes, I know, it’s a sin that grabs many of us. I’ve been aware of this fight for quite some time. But I was too proud to share, and much too afraid to let it go.

Laura: Stop worrying about what people think. If God puts something on your heart, share it. Do it. In the name of Jesus. If it blesses others, God be praised. The end.

I am finding that much of what I do is with a heart of pride lurking in the background. Here’s what God is teaching me:  I don’t have to necessarily change what I do (except for the parts I do need to change.)  I just need to change how I do them. The reasons I do them. The heart behind them.

Let go of pride.

To let go of a sin is painful. Somehow, it has become a part of us, so tearing it away is like ripping off a scar that has been a part of our skin for a few decades. It hurts and it’s not fun. In fact, often it seems easier and less painful to just let the sin continue to be a part of us so that we don’t have to go through the work of letting it go.

Letting it go.

The irony of letting go of my pride is that I’ve been a little too proud to do that.

But the longer I’ve held on to it, the more tightly I squeeze the fingers of wanting to please people so that they will be happy with me, the more anxious I have become.

It is time to surrender.

Give it up. The only One I need to please is God.  And the way to please God is through humility, kindness, and wholehearted love. Relying on His power, experiencing His goodness, experiencing the riches that come into our lives by being a part of His Kingdom purposes.

Only when I am on my knees in true humility can I be lifted up to experience the power of God at work in my life.

Continue reading: Surrender

Heavenly Homemaker's Club Members: Access your homepage and all your fantastic resources here! Not a member yet? Please join us!