Heavenly Homemakers

Yep, it’s just like Grandma used to say:

• Be sure to go outside with wet hair on a cold day.
• If you can’t say something nice, be sure to say it really loudly. While sticking out your tongue.
• Sit very close to the TV. It’s good for your eyes.
• Always go to the store when you’re hungry.

Best advice ever, right? Good ol’ Grandma. How’d she get so smart?

Obviously, I’m a little mixed up on what I remember hearing from Grandma. Cold day…stick out tongue… I think what she actually said was that when I go outside on a cold day, I should always stick out my tongue to lick the fence post. Yes, that was it.

Before I get any more carried away, let’s set the record straight:  Don’t go outside on a cold day with wet hair or stick out your tongue (fence post or not). Never say unkind words or sit close to the TV. There, now you can’t sue me if your kid reads this and says, “That Heavenly Homemaker Lady said I should.”

But going to the store when you’re hungry? Now that’s a different story. Grandma never gave me advice about this, but I’ve heard it from plenty:  “Don’t go to the store when you’re hungry. You’ll come out with a cart full of junk food you don’t need.”

I beg to differ.  Just hear me out.

Last week, I went to the store before dinner. I wasn’t “passing out hungry” because I do know my limits and realize that the grocery store manager would appreciate it if I don’t faint beside the display of plums. I had snacked, and I was just on the verge of “Mmm, food is starting to sound pretty good right about now.” You know that feeling?

That is when you should go to the store – to the produce section. For the love of Doritos and Dolly Madison, do not go to the cookie aisle, the bakery, the bread aisle, or the potato chip aisle when you’re hungry. But I dare you: Go to the produce section of the store when you’re hungry.

The pineapple, the asparagus, the cucumbers, the mixed greens, the apples, the pears, the fruit you’ve never heard of before much less tasted – it will all look fantastic to you! You will begin to crave it right then and there. You will imagine crisp slices of cucumber, dipped in fresh ranch dressing, and you will think that you might die if you don’t have some this very night. You will long for vegetables roasting in the oven. You will have to fight the urge to bite into a Honey Crisp apple right there on the spot, but for goodness sake, don’t do it because we all know Grandma told us we always have to pay for food before we eat it and that is the absolute truth.

Don’t cross your eyes. They might stay that way forever. But do go fill your cart with fruits and vegetables when you’re hungry. Buy them. Don’t complain about the price. They are cheaper than junk and our bodies crave nourishment- so don’t even get me started. Bring fruits and vegetables home by the bag full, then start crunching. Eat your fill. Enjoy the goodness.

Then wait 30 minutes before you go swimming. Grandma knows best.